Bush still owns himself, like you didn't know that. I own Tim (recurring
fanfiction character), Mary Sue(not the story type), Mary Jane(not the
drug) and other such characters. Since I got a few reviews saying to
continue with this story, I present to you the next chapter of horrid
humor!
Bush Goes to Kindergarten, Chapter 2: October and November/ Tim for President
It was a crisp autumn day as Bush went to a street corner, but not to cross. His limo driver went to jail after running little Billy over that first day of Kindergarten, even though Bush had told him to. But the court ruled it was the driver's fault for taking orders from a Kindergartener. Even if he was the president and the driver's boss. Well, you can see who those judges were appointed by. So now Bush had to take the bus to school. He had to get up before the sun rose now, but how bad could it be? Pretty damn rough as he was about to find out!
"You look like my grandpa!" blurted out a little blonde from George's class whose name was Mary Jane. She was also part of a group of five girls including the redheaded ringleader, Mary Sue. It seemed to be their purpose in life to take advantage of every opportunity to point out George's stupidity, which was in no shortage.
"Shut up Mary Jane!", George whined back before sticking his tongue out at her. The bus pulled up to the curb and they both climbed inside. George had no friends so he just listened in on other kids' conversations.
"Hey Tim! Are you going to run for class president?" Now, George wasn't the only unusually old Kindergartener in this school. There was also Tim, who should be a Sophomore in high school, but just couldn't pass up the opportunity to stalk another celebrity, which is his favorite hobby. Yes, this is the same Tim from Squeegee Casil and the Sorcerer's Kidney Stone, Crazy and the Seagull. He has "issues".
"Yeah! I'm running for the Hyperactive Party!" Tim stands on his seat and turns around to face all the other little kids on the bus. "And I promise that if you elect me as your class president, I will personally find a pair of the loser's underwear and run it up the flag pole with their name on it! This will take time out of the day for another assembly on why running people's underwear up the flagpole is wrong so you'll all miss a spelling test!"
A cheer went up from the bus full of Kindergarteners as a jealous and red faced Bush hit Tim in the head with a crumpled up wad of paper. "Nuh uh! I'm gonna be class president! And when I win I'm going to run YOUR underwear up the flagpole! So NYEAH!"
During the next week, the campaign posters went up. Mary Sue was obviously helping with Tim from the fact that all of Bush's posters had devil's horns and mustaches drawn on them. Bush tried to bribe voters with positions as White House interns when they grew up, but that was only about five of them. And those were the special ed ones.
Then finally came the day of the elections. Only Tim and Bush ran this year. But they would still have to deliver their speeches before the elections. Bush was used to someone else writing his speeches for him. You see, he never really meant all those things he said. He just said them because those were the things that got him elected. So he just came up with some gibberish the night before that he hoped the Kindergarteners would fall for.
"I stalk walk in the dark. Where am I? Where is my pimpster? Phantoms make fire hoses in the night. I am alone. I float like Weird Al. Slippery girls will cry out my name and all the people who shat on me when I was little will stink their eyes out. But no one will come to my funeral so never mind. I must destroy Eminem! Hard like refrigerator. I throb down on the world below. All will choke at my elbow. Behold my squeaky dud. I am Leonardo DiCaprio."
Bush left the podium in the cafetorium full of Kindergarteners, most of which were either laughing so hard they peed in their pants or very very confused. "Okay, maybe you need to retake first grade English too. And next we have Tim the Stalker!", the teacher said as Tim came up to the stage.
"Elect me and see Bush's underwear run up the flagpole!" And that was all he needed. Two hours later the votes were counted. Tim won by a landslide! But of course Bush wouldn't accept this.
"But there were hanging chads on the ballots!"
"We weren't even using butterfly ballots. Now shut up before I give you another detention.", the teacher replied annoyingly.
"Come on! I'm president of the United States! What's it going to look like if I can't even win a Kindergarten election?!"
"It's going to look like the truth. And you can come up with a decent political speech for the next national election in detention today."
Tuesday, November 20 Deer Diure,
Az I right in herre, Tim and Mary Sue are replasing the flag with my underware. Butt dat dusn't luk lik mi underware! It's a bra and a thong! O waat. Doz r min. Eye think.
Ah, poor little Bush. He lost the election and his privacy of underwear all in one day. Too bad he couldn't remember what being in Kindergarten for the first time was like. Then he wouldn't have been in this mess to begin with. But he's not all that intelligent, is he? All you anti-war readers will like the next few chapters.
Bush Goes to Kindergarten, Chapter 2: October and November/ Tim for President
It was a crisp autumn day as Bush went to a street corner, but not to cross. His limo driver went to jail after running little Billy over that first day of Kindergarten, even though Bush had told him to. But the court ruled it was the driver's fault for taking orders from a Kindergartener. Even if he was the president and the driver's boss. Well, you can see who those judges were appointed by. So now Bush had to take the bus to school. He had to get up before the sun rose now, but how bad could it be? Pretty damn rough as he was about to find out!
"You look like my grandpa!" blurted out a little blonde from George's class whose name was Mary Jane. She was also part of a group of five girls including the redheaded ringleader, Mary Sue. It seemed to be their purpose in life to take advantage of every opportunity to point out George's stupidity, which was in no shortage.
"Shut up Mary Jane!", George whined back before sticking his tongue out at her. The bus pulled up to the curb and they both climbed inside. George had no friends so he just listened in on other kids' conversations.
"Hey Tim! Are you going to run for class president?" Now, George wasn't the only unusually old Kindergartener in this school. There was also Tim, who should be a Sophomore in high school, but just couldn't pass up the opportunity to stalk another celebrity, which is his favorite hobby. Yes, this is the same Tim from Squeegee Casil and the Sorcerer's Kidney Stone, Crazy and the Seagull. He has "issues".
"Yeah! I'm running for the Hyperactive Party!" Tim stands on his seat and turns around to face all the other little kids on the bus. "And I promise that if you elect me as your class president, I will personally find a pair of the loser's underwear and run it up the flag pole with their name on it! This will take time out of the day for another assembly on why running people's underwear up the flagpole is wrong so you'll all miss a spelling test!"
A cheer went up from the bus full of Kindergarteners as a jealous and red faced Bush hit Tim in the head with a crumpled up wad of paper. "Nuh uh! I'm gonna be class president! And when I win I'm going to run YOUR underwear up the flagpole! So NYEAH!"
During the next week, the campaign posters went up. Mary Sue was obviously helping with Tim from the fact that all of Bush's posters had devil's horns and mustaches drawn on them. Bush tried to bribe voters with positions as White House interns when they grew up, but that was only about five of them. And those were the special ed ones.
Then finally came the day of the elections. Only Tim and Bush ran this year. But they would still have to deliver their speeches before the elections. Bush was used to someone else writing his speeches for him. You see, he never really meant all those things he said. He just said them because those were the things that got him elected. So he just came up with some gibberish the night before that he hoped the Kindergarteners would fall for.
"I stalk walk in the dark. Where am I? Where is my pimpster? Phantoms make fire hoses in the night. I am alone. I float like Weird Al. Slippery girls will cry out my name and all the people who shat on me when I was little will stink their eyes out. But no one will come to my funeral so never mind. I must destroy Eminem! Hard like refrigerator. I throb down on the world below. All will choke at my elbow. Behold my squeaky dud. I am Leonardo DiCaprio."
Bush left the podium in the cafetorium full of Kindergarteners, most of which were either laughing so hard they peed in their pants or very very confused. "Okay, maybe you need to retake first grade English too. And next we have Tim the Stalker!", the teacher said as Tim came up to the stage.
"Elect me and see Bush's underwear run up the flagpole!" And that was all he needed. Two hours later the votes were counted. Tim won by a landslide! But of course Bush wouldn't accept this.
"But there were hanging chads on the ballots!"
"We weren't even using butterfly ballots. Now shut up before I give you another detention.", the teacher replied annoyingly.
"Come on! I'm president of the United States! What's it going to look like if I can't even win a Kindergarten election?!"
"It's going to look like the truth. And you can come up with a decent political speech for the next national election in detention today."
Tuesday, November 20 Deer Diure,
Az I right in herre, Tim and Mary Sue are replasing the flag with my underware. Butt dat dusn't luk lik mi underware! It's a bra and a thong! O waat. Doz r min. Eye think.
Ah, poor little Bush. He lost the election and his privacy of underwear all in one day. Too bad he couldn't remember what being in Kindergarten for the first time was like. Then he wouldn't have been in this mess to begin with. But he's not all that intelligent, is he? All you anti-war readers will like the next few chapters.