Riker, Picard, Deanna, Data, Wesley, and Worf are at their usual stations on the bridge. Everyone is simply staring at the panoramic onscreen view of a spectacular nebula. Though the crew of the Enterprise have seen formations nearly identical to this one before, they still seem to be unbelievably impressed and intrigued.
Jean-Luc Picard: Mr. Data, are the sensors detecting any abnormal fluctuations emanating from the nebula?
Data: The nebula is producing mild but potentially dangerous subspace radiation waves, the average length of which is 493.8 meters.
JP: Lt. Worf, open hailing frequencies. We must attempt to communicate with the nebula.
Worf: Hailing frequencies open. Sir.
JP: Standing, for dramatic effect. This is Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Federation starship Enterprise. If you can hear the sound of my voice, please respond. Silence. A simple yes or no will suffice. More silence.
Data: Captain, our sensors are not detecting any signs of life whatsoever within the nebula.
JP: Sits back down, slightly embarrassed. Oh.
Deanna Troi: Emotionally. Captain, I sense pain! Terrible, terrible pain!
JP: Hopefully. Aha! I knew there was life out there! What is it, Deanna? A luminous, nonmaterial entity? Or, perhaps, sentient particles too miniscule for even our advanced technology to detect?
DT: Ow! No, it's Commander Riker! He's pinching me!
Sure enough, Riker is reaching behind the Captain's chair, and is pinching Deanna.
Will Riker: Quickly retracting his arm. No I'm not!
DT: Rubbing her arm. Not anymore….
JP: Taps commbadge. Captain Picard to Dr. Crusher.
Bev's voice: Crusher here.
JP: You're needed on the bridge immediately.
Bev's voice: Is the situation important enough for me to wear my lab coat?
JP: Naturally.
Bev's voice: I'm on my way. Crusher out.
Thirty seconds elapse during which the bridge crew twiddle their thumbs and engage in idle chatter.
Will: Very casually to Deanna, as if he had not just a moment ago pinched her. So, I was thinking, maybe when we go to Risa for shore leave, I would, you know, hit the beach or something.
DT: Feigning disinterest. Hm.
Will: I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to join me.
JP: Casually and calmly. Now, Will, I never said for certain that we would be going to Risa. You know how I detest vacationing.
Bev steps onto the bridge from the turbolift. Her eyes dart about the room as she searches for the victim.
Bev: Urgently. Where's the medical emergency?
Everyone looks around. Finally, Deanna half-raises her hand, almost as if afraid of getting in trouble, or perhaps of getting a hypospray.
Bev: Deanna, is it you?
DT: Y-yes.
JP: Scolding. Come now, Dr. Crusher. Don't tell me that you couldn't even detect the victim of a horrible tragedy!
DT: But Captain, I only got pinched!
JP: Yes, but by an extraordinarily powerful beast!
Riker beams at the compliment. Bev moves to scan Deanna with her tricorder. Finding nothing, she asks Deanna to show her the "wound", and she pulls up her sleeve and points at a faint red mark.
JP: You see? Pointing at Bev and raising his voice. That's what I'm talking about! That incompetence! Shame on you, having to ask your patients where they are wounded. And that incompetence, my dear Beverly, is the reason why our relationship is over!
Bev: Dramatically. You're—you're breaking up with me?!
JP: I'm doing it for your own good: I don't believe you can handle me! Why, I doubt that you, Chief Medical Officer of the Enterprise, are even aware of the purposes of all the parts of the male body!
Bev: Oh, I'm very familiar with them. And, on top of that, I can tell when some of those parts are missing!
JP: I do not have to sit here and take this harassment. Number One, you have the bridge. He storms off the bridge and into the turbolift.
Bev is steaming with rage. Deanna is trying to probe Bev's emotions so she can alert everyone within earshot, including Bev, that she senses hostility. Will has quickly jumped into the Captain's chair, relishing his temporary power. Wes is pretending he heard and saw nothing.
Will: Pompously. Let us boldly go where no one has gone before! Pointing finger at viewscreen. Engage!
Wes: But Sir, you haven't specified any coordinates.
Will: With a devil-may-care attitude. Mr. Data, what do you think about flying smack dab into the center of that nebula?
Data: The odds of the Enterprise emerging without incurring damage are very slight.
Will: That sounds reasonable. Ensign Crusher, plot a course that will take us to the center of the nebula!
Wes: With a cheesy grin. Aye, Sir!
Will: Pointing finger with even more gusto than before. Engage!
Bev exits via the turbolift, unbeknownst to everyone else, since all are gripping their armrests or consoles until their knuckles are white out of fear of the unknown interior of the nebula.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In the turbolift.
Bev: Well that went well.
JP: I agree. You are quite the actress, Beverly.
Bev: Why thank you. You weren't so bad yourself, you know.
JP: If history repeats itself, word of our little performance should have circulated the Enterprise before breakfast tomorrow.
The ship is suddenly jolted by the harsh atmospheric conditions of the nebula's interior, causing the two occupants of the turbolift to fall onto the ground. Jean-Luc, taking advantage of the situation, flops closer to Bev, pinning her in a corner.
JP: Shouting. Turbulence! Flailing his arms around Bev. Oh! More turbulence!
Bev: Playfully. You naughty, naughty boy!
JP: Aren't you going to tell me to stop, that you want to love me but can't?
Bev: I know that's what I always say, but, Jean-Luc, this time we're inside a nebula.
JP: Well, we certainly can't let this opportunity pass us by.
Bev: Flinging off her lab coat. We certainly can't.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* The End ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A/N: I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. I would greatly appreciate any reviews, and they don't have to be praise. Thanks!