This is my first X-Men story.....I can use some tips.Please review.
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Title:And It Ends
Chapter1:screams
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They had found me in a deep cold cave crying.They had told me I was only a baby when I was found.They couldn't understand how I came to be there.A family had adopted me the day after.They didn't think I was one of them.They would never guess that I was.I never really knew up until now that I was adopted.I never really knew who I was until that one horrible day.I remember it exactly,how could I ever forget.
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"Silent lullaby murmurs in the wind...Light in the dark hm........."
"Auralye!Stop daydreaming and get your butt down here.Your gonna be late for school!Hurry up!"My mom yelled.
I stopped singing and hummed silently to myself.I placed the brush back on the drawer and looked into the mirror. I saw a fifteen year old girl looking back at me through large violet, silver flecked eyes.Her curly black hair framed her small pale face.At first glance you would only be able to see those huge erie eyes.
It was a freak that I saw.A freak, what I am.Everyday at school I'd get teased and such just because of the way my eyes look.Even my best friends Carol thought they were creepy.
"They just look really wierd."She had said."It's almost like your a mutant."
Mutant
Mutant
Those words echoed in my head.
"I'm not!"I had screamed at her face."I don't have powers or anything!"She had looked up at me with fright in her eyes.
"I never said you were one!I just said you looked it."She had replied.
"Auralye!!!!"My mom bellowed downstairs.I snapped out of my memories.
"Coming!"I yelled back while storming down the stairs.
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I walked through the hall keeping to myself as usual.People walked quickly pass me.Some whispered freak and some were too afraid to look at me.I wanted to scream at them.Scream out that I'm not a mutant.That I'm not a freak.I had no powers,none.
I passed by a group of cheerleaders.They whispered among themselves and turned to stare at me.
"Hey freak!"One of them cried out.I continued walking,trying my best to ignore her.
"Hey freak!What? are you afraid?"the leader yelled out.Her name was Krisy and she was the most snobbiest conceited girl you could ever meet.
I stopped and I clenched my fists tightly together.I had to go through with things like this everyday,I should be used to it by now.But somehow I couldn't help feeling the anger.
"Hey look the freak is angry."She yelled out.Some of the kids stopped to watch.
"I'm not a freak!"I said and turned around to face her.She smirked at me.
"Your a freak!You'll always be a freak."All of the kids in the hall had stopped to watch by now.
"Freak!Freak!"Krisy started to chant.The cheerleaders began to catch up with thier leader and started to chant along.Then the rest of the kids there started up too.
"Freak freak freak....-"They called out in unison.
"I'm not a freak!!!"I yelled out.Tears blurred my vision as I look around at their faces.Anger.That was all I saw.No sympathy,no regret.Just anger and hate.
"Freak freak!"They continued on.
"Stop it!"I cried out.Tears streaming down my face.
"Freak freak freak!"They continued.Some of them started to laugh.
"Die freak!You deserve to die!"Krisy laughed.
"I'm not a freak!!!!!"I screamed out loudly.Anger surged through me.Suddenly the lights went off.Louds screams were heard everywhere.I stood crying and shaking with anger.I was lost in darkness and rage.There where screams everywhere.Loud painful screeches rang out around me.Suddenly the lights flickered on.
Blood everywhere.
I screamed.
That was how they found me.Crouching on the ground.Pools of blood everywhere.My eyes tightly shut and my ears covered.I didn't stop screaming when they spoke kindly.I didn't stop screaming when they yelled.I didn't stop screaming when they took me away.I don't think I've ever stopped screaming since.
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So.....what does everyone think?Creepy?R&R
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Title:And It Ends
Chapter1:screams
======================================================
They had found me in a deep cold cave crying.They had told me I was only a baby when I was found.They couldn't understand how I came to be there.A family had adopted me the day after.They didn't think I was one of them.They would never guess that I was.I never really knew up until now that I was adopted.I never really knew who I was until that one horrible day.I remember it exactly,how could I ever forget.
_____________________________________________________________
"Silent lullaby murmurs in the wind...Light in the dark hm........."
"Auralye!Stop daydreaming and get your butt down here.Your gonna be late for school!Hurry up!"My mom yelled.
I stopped singing and hummed silently to myself.I placed the brush back on the drawer and looked into the mirror. I saw a fifteen year old girl looking back at me through large violet, silver flecked eyes.Her curly black hair framed her small pale face.At first glance you would only be able to see those huge erie eyes.
It was a freak that I saw.A freak, what I am.Everyday at school I'd get teased and such just because of the way my eyes look.Even my best friends Carol thought they were creepy.
"They just look really wierd."She had said."It's almost like your a mutant."
Mutant
Mutant
Those words echoed in my head.
"I'm not!"I had screamed at her face."I don't have powers or anything!"She had looked up at me with fright in her eyes.
"I never said you were one!I just said you looked it."She had replied.
"Auralye!!!!"My mom bellowed downstairs.I snapped out of my memories.
"Coming!"I yelled back while storming down the stairs.
_____________________________________________________________
I walked through the hall keeping to myself as usual.People walked quickly pass me.Some whispered freak and some were too afraid to look at me.I wanted to scream at them.Scream out that I'm not a mutant.That I'm not a freak.I had no powers,none.
I passed by a group of cheerleaders.They whispered among themselves and turned to stare at me.
"Hey freak!"One of them cried out.I continued walking,trying my best to ignore her.
"Hey freak!What? are you afraid?"the leader yelled out.Her name was Krisy and she was the most snobbiest conceited girl you could ever meet.
I stopped and I clenched my fists tightly together.I had to go through with things like this everyday,I should be used to it by now.But somehow I couldn't help feeling the anger.
"Hey look the freak is angry."She yelled out.Some of the kids stopped to watch.
"I'm not a freak!"I said and turned around to face her.She smirked at me.
"Your a freak!You'll always be a freak."All of the kids in the hall had stopped to watch by now.
"Freak!Freak!"Krisy started to chant.The cheerleaders began to catch up with thier leader and started to chant along.Then the rest of the kids there started up too.
"Freak freak freak....-"They called out in unison.
"I'm not a freak!!!"I yelled out.Tears blurred my vision as I look around at their faces.Anger.That was all I saw.No sympathy,no regret.Just anger and hate.
"Freak freak!"They continued on.
"Stop it!"I cried out.Tears streaming down my face.
"Freak freak freak!"They continued.Some of them started to laugh.
"Die freak!You deserve to die!"Krisy laughed.
"I'm not a freak!!!!!"I screamed out loudly.Anger surged through me.Suddenly the lights went off.Louds screams were heard everywhere.I stood crying and shaking with anger.I was lost in darkness and rage.There where screams everywhere.Loud painful screeches rang out around me.Suddenly the lights flickered on.
Blood everywhere.
I screamed.
That was how they found me.Crouching on the ground.Pools of blood everywhere.My eyes tightly shut and my ears covered.I didn't stop screaming when they spoke kindly.I didn't stop screaming when they yelled.I didn't stop screaming when they took me away.I don't think I've ever stopped screaming since.
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So.....what does everyone think?Creepy?R&R