Title: A Sweet Blossoming
Author: Yih
Written: December 2001
Disclaimer: All rights of characters are exclusively Clamp.
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May it be an evening star
Shines down upon you
May it be when darkness falls
Your heart will be true
You walk a lonely road
Oh! How are you are from home
Mornie utulie (darkness has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantie (darkness has fallen)
A promise lives within you now
-"May it Be" (Enya from LotR soundtrack)
There's hope in this route.
"But there's not."
Yue heard the contradiction just as he felt his body being caught by the gentlest breeze of the magical wind. His eyes flew open as he searched for his savior, having the distinct feeling that it was not who he hoped it would be. Shifting his face right to left, he looked for the one that have kept him from his tragic end. Of all people, he had never expected this person to be the one to rescue him. Why now? Of all times… why now?
"I can't read your thoughts, Yue. But I can see that you are thinking of something quite important. Why don't you tell me?" murmured the encouraging voice, though the owner of the beautiful voice was no where to be found. "Maybe it will help me to understand why you have decided to rid the world of your magnificent presence. I would have thought you'd have a reason to live now."
"That reason is gone," answered Yue bitterly.
"Are you so sure?"
"Yes."
"I would have thought otherwise," replied the warm voice. "But I'm deeply surprised that you'd try to kill yourself over such a thing as no reason, no purpose to live. You've lived with such a burden long enough now after the test. But you've just given up now… why is that? Why don't you fight for what you want? Why have you taken this cowardly route?"
"Because I can't take the pain anymore. I can't stand this… watching… waiting… wondering… when will it be my turn to be loved? So just let me be. Let me die, you owe me that much. You can see how miserable I am wherever you are," Yue remarked, his head hanging down with incredible weariness. Even his shoulders looked like they were being pressed with a weight that the beautiful soul could hardly bear.
This time the voice didn't bother to answer him back, instead Yue felt the lightest caress against his cheek. The sensual tingle raced down his spine as he wistfully remembered that ill-timed kiss. How he wished that surprise, that stunned look might have been erased from Sakura's face. But it was too late to change anything. He had done; he had taken the risk, and he had lost.
"Such a sad expression, Yue. Why?"
"Because I lost."
"Are you so sure? I've lost before."
"How have you ever lost?" he questioned acrimoniously with slight disbelief.
"I have lost many things. Most of them I spent some time reflecting regretfully, and the others I still haven't forgotten. I was a fool; I was an idiot. But there's not anything I can do about it, can I? You can't change the past; you can only plan for the future in the present. Whose to say, Yue, that you can't eventually get what you want?" asked the voice with well thought out logical reasoning.
"Because," Yue began, "I have waited these years and still I must be more patient. But I can't stand it anymore. I can't wait any longer. My desires have become burdens. My fantasy has turned into a nightmare. Every time I look at my dream, I see what I cannot have. Everything I ever wanted was hopelessly entwined with that reverie. I thought I might get it if I waited. But here I am, waiting all these years and still I must wait more. There's not even the slightest hope that my want, my need will come to fruition. Because I've been here and I've seen there is no chance. I took a risk and tried to gain what I wanted most and I lost."
"The bet?"
"The chance…"
"There is always more than one chance."
"Not for me," Yue retorted. "There was only the one that is no longer there."
"Yue… Yue…, my beautiful, my precious Yue… I never meant for you to be unhappy."
"Did you see this future?" he asked.
"Yes and no."
"What does that mean?"
"I saw you with her, it is Sakura who you are pining for is it not?"
"Who else could it be?"
"For a time, I thought you might have chosen Touya. Yukito was especially close to him. There was an affection between you two, perhaps it even went deeper than affection. Of that I'm not quite sure."
"No, Touya and Yukito were merely very close friends, the best of friends. But it would have never worked. Touya has this undeniable sense of honor and responsibility not only for his imouto Sakura, but also for his otousan. I would say they loved each other, but not quite in the way that you are suggesting."
"Do you regret that?"
"No."
"So it has always been her?"
Yue ignored the question, instead moving on to the ambiguous answer that troubled his mind. "What did you mean by 'yes and no'?"
"I saw you with Sakura," the voice answered reluctantly. "That was what I saw and that was what has happened. But I didn't envision the rejection nor this long wait for her."
"Yes, this long, long wait…" murmured Yue with a harsh voice. Tears glistened in his eyes as he pushed back his long silvery hair and wrapped his arms around his legs in a fetal position like he was trying to protect his already crushed heart. "Did the future you saw end happily?"
"It did."
"Then why am I so miserable?"
"I don't know, my dear Yue. I don't know."
For a long moment, Yue said nothing. He just sat there on the damp pavement, his soul wallowing in self pity letting all the walls he had built crumble inside from the tormenting pressure. There was nothing he could do to change what already was. He wish he could, but he couldn't. How he wished; how he dreamt; how he hoped. It was all gone… gone away. But there was one thing he wanted to know.
"Why did you come back, Eriol?"
"Don't you know?" whispered the reincarnation of Clow Reed. "I saw it in your expression before I left. You were glad when I left. Before, I would have been greatly surprised at the relief I saw in your eyes. But now, I've accepted the fact Sakura has replaced my place in your heart."
"No, she didn't replace you in my heart," Yue denied.
"Oh, but I think she did."
"She didn't. I just never knew that the love I felt for you was more paternal than anything, more like a child to his mother or creator. The love I feel for her is different, it's a soul-mate kind of love. It's deep and it's rooted into my heart. And while there was pain in the first parting, there is always pain in each subsequent parting. There was no relief in me when I last saw you go, Eriol. But as you have told me, you are not Clow Reed."
"No, I'm not Clow Reed. And you know why I'm here."
"Yes, I suppose I do." Yue smiled sadly. "But if you were going to come back, then why did you leave in the first place?"
"I thought I'd do the right thing by leaving. It wasn't that I didn't feel strong in my emotions, but that I was trying to be the hero, the one that sacrificed. And I had everything, didn't I? I was the most powerful sorcerer, somehow cursed with this unique vision to see the future—forced to. But I didn't have everything, did I? My only friends were those I created. You, Yue and Kero, then later Ruby and Suppy."
"Yes, I suppose you didn't have everything."
"And I should be satisfied with my lot."
"You should be," Yue agreed.
"But I'm not."
"No one ever is."
"I never meant to return, Yue. I didn't mean to come back," Eriol said, nearly chanting his denial.
"But you returned nonetheless."
"Do you hate me?"
"No, I love you."
"But could it ever turn to hate?"
Yue shook his head. "It was my fault—losing her was my fault."
"It was never your fault," remarked Eriol. "It was my fault and fate's. I never saw that this future was possible when I started planning out for the future back then."
"The future can change. I never foresaw that I would accept a new master and feel this burning desire for her."
Eriol smiled sweetly.
"It still doesn't change that you're here for her."
"No, I don't suppose it does."
"But—Eriol?"
"Yes, Yue?"
"Have you changed?"
"What do you mean by 'changed'?" asked Eriol, still hidden by his still vast magical power.
"You know what I mean," Yue retorted, his hand running through his silvery hair.
"I don't. I no longer have that vision anymore."
"I mean—appearance-wise… have you changed?" inquired Yue, feeling other fingers entwining through his mane. "Eriol?"
Solid fingers, not the wisp of the wind anymore, any longer. Life-like. Real. The stunning presence of Eriol was slowly coming together like lost pieces of a puzzle found and finally finished. And his beauty had only grown over time. Not only had his sheer splendor increase, but he had actually grown to about the height of Clow Reed. It was uncanny the resemblance between this reincarnation and his long lost Master. Eerie and strange, unsettling.
"Clow?"
"It's Eriol," reaffirmed the sweetly smiling Eriol.
"Yes. Yes, I can see it now."
Though his hair length had lengthened with his body, it was more of a longer European type haircut that was growing in popularity than Clow Reed's own traditional long hair, much as Yue still wore his. He had to admit that this new Eriol was more beautiful than he even could have imagined. Perhaps even more than Clow Reed? And he knew how captivated Sakura still was by the old magician.
"You can?"
"Where is Ruby and Spinel?" asked Yue, ignoring Eriol's question.
"They are with Kaho."
"I thought you and she were together…"
"We were."
"What happened?" Yue queried, the words of curiosity slipping from his elegant lips.
"I couldn't get past the fact she was a descendant of mine."
"You could say Sakura is the same," Yue remarked ironically.
Eriol sighed. "But it is not the same. Her family was my father's line, much as Syaoran was my mother's line. Sakura is the daughter of one of Clow's reincarnations, but she is not the daughter of the stronger presence of Clow."
"So you do admit it."
"Yes, I suppose I do."
"You are more of Clow Reed than could have existed in any other, but you continuously deny it."
"I am my own person, my precious Yue. I hope you understand that."
"I do, now at least. But then, I didn't. I don't suppose I am the same Yue from before. I was too naïve and unworldly. But I've gathered a bit of experience now and I can understand. I think even Kero has changed, much as it is hard to believe," Yue mused.
Eriol smiled. "Kero is Kero, but yes even he has changed. He has grown to love Sakura in way that is as touching as any love that I've seen. But it is not the same as yours?"
"I love her," Yue declared fiercely.
"I know."
"You love her as well?"
"I believe so."
"You are not quit to declare it so… why?"
"That question is for another day. Don't give Yue. Sakura may choose you yet. You never know until you try."
With that Eriol vanished into the air. Yue didn't doubt he would soon be seeing the transformed Eriol soon. He wondered how Sakura would think of this new Eriol, would she be enraptured with his changed appearance? How would Eriol react to her own magnificent blooming? Oh how times change, and people grow… Oh, oh, how this love blossomed inside.
"I won't give up."
Theme Song Note: "May It Be" is the theme song for A Sweet Blossoming. If you want to hear this lovely song, please visit www.amazon.com and search for the LotR soundtrack and Enya's song can be downloaded off the site. ^_^
Author's Note: Hey this update only took 3 weeks wow think of that! The next update probably will happen pretty soon as well, and after that only depends upon the great encouragement I've seen thus far. It's been an exhilarating ride! Anyhow… if you have time read below you'll find a likely excerpt of my new series featuring by request Eriol x Sakura. Of course, I'm doing this little excerpt section to gather a bit of interest so I know if I should actually think of pursuing this series. Any feedback would be great. Reviews really do help me. Thanks to all that reviewed. Leave an email address if you want an email for the next update and if you wish to hear when Eriol x Sakura might be released ^_^;;.
From Part 1 (of an Eriol x Sakura series in the making)
Disclaimer: All rights are Clamp.
The black and white contrast of her milky skin to the dark mystery of her eyes sent a spark of pure desire down his spine. There was only one perfect soul and he was staring into her loveliness right now. The beauty of her physical glory made him yearn, but the sheer sweetness of her sensitive spirit made him ache. There wasn't anything that he wouldn't do for her given the chance.
Now there just had to be a way to express the raging emotions trapped within his outer façade of cheerful contentedness. Yes, there had to be a way to tell her just how he felt about her. But the question was how? Did he tell her directly how he felt, or should he try for a more subtler approach? How did should he go about telling the objection of his affection his undying adoration of her? Especially when she was the ever optimistic and totally clueless Sakura.
"Sakura…" he whispered her name romantically, the deep intonation vibrating a particular kind of warmth. "I… I…" his voice trailed off as his words were sucked away by the captivation he had with the purity of her aura. "I like you.
"No—no," he rushed, "I really like you. No that's not right either. I—I love you, Sakura."