Title: A Sweet Blossoming
Author: Yih
Written: July 2002 / September 2002
Disclaimer: All rights of characters are exclusively Clamp.
Author's Note: OMG! Thanks everyone for reviewing, even though it seemed like I was never going to update. I finally did it and it's all thanks to you guys! If you hadn't been there with the occasional review (i do check on it randomly) this Chapter wouldn't be possible. CCS fanfics aren't my priority anymore--- but if you like my writing style--- I'd check out my original novel "Like You (Xi Wan Ni)" also on FF.net under this same alias ^-~.
9: The One She Loves Is...?
"She's dreaming of him again."
"I know," Yue responded softly, gazing at Sakura with a love eternal in his eyes. "She's always dreaming about him. It's the only time I really see a true smile on her face."
"You could make her smile," Kero murmured. "You could make her really smile again, if you wanted to. You could do it."
"That's what I want more than anything," he replied vehemently. "I'd like anything to make her as happy as she was when he was here."
"Then tell her you love her," Kero commanded. "What she wants now, what she desperately needs right now is to believe and to know that someone loves her besides me. I can't provide her the love that she needs. She wants that kind of love, that kind of love that you feel for her, Yue. Tell her you love her before it's too late. She's drifting now. She's drifting away into her heaven and her torture. She can't have him. He's gone. But you, she could love. She could love you more. She always saw more in you than anyone else."
"Clow Reed loves her," Yue said dully.
"Eriol? He feels for Sakura?" he exclaimed in surprise.
"Yes," Yue answered harshly, "he told me that she has carved a place in his heart for an infinity. How can I deny him? He was my master."
"He isn't," Kero denied. "He's not Clow Reed as Clow Reed was. He is only part of Clow Reed that is, not was. He was not Clow Reed. He is only Eriol. He is only a rival for Sakura's affection, nothing more. What you really need to worry about is the shadow of her long gone love. A shadow that you share. Will you tell her that you love her?"
"I can't," Yue said huskily. "I can't face denial."
"She won't deny you if she thinks about it. I've watched the way she watches you."
"She doesn't watch me for me. She watches me to see him."
"No, she watches just for you."
"I can't compete with him, Kero. No one can, not even Clow Reed. There was something about him that was magical. That was horribly gentle love. He was like an angel from above," Yue muttered with an awe in the edge of his voice.
Kero shrugged. "I think you can."
"Why did you leave me?" Sakura cried out. "Why did you have to leave me? Why wasn't I enough for you? Why couldn't I be the one that you wanted? That you loved? I could have been there for you. I could have helped you through the bad times. But you didn't want me to. You didn't even give me the chance? Why? Why? Why not?!"
"Because," he answered as he always answered in her dreams, "I cannot be there for you. There is someone else that loves you, just look to the one that stands closest to you. He has been waiting for you. He loves you very much."
"You were the one that stood close to me through all the hard times! I thought--- I thought that you'd always be there for me!" Sakura exclaimed in a heartbroken voice. "But you had to leave, you had to leave! Why? Why? Why did you have to leave?! Couldn't you have stayed for me?"
"No," he answered. "No, I couldn't have stayed for you. I have said before and I will say again. I only loved you as a sister, Sakura. There was another that I loved more deeply than I have ever loved anyone, but the one he loved was not me."
"Then what about me? Isn't it the same for me?" she questioned through her sobbing voice. "Isn't it unfair to me to leave me to this misery alone? Couldn't we comfort each other in each others misery?"
He smiled serenely. "No, it's not the same for you. I'm only your first infatuation, your first crush. You will have someone that, you do have someone else that you love dearly. But you can't see that yet. You can't see that yet, can you?"
"Why? Why?" she cried out again. "Why?"
"Because I loved him so much and he didn't love me. I couldn't take it, Sakura. I couldn't stand it. I'm not as strong as you are Sakura. You're very strong, though fragile as well. I'm sorry I've hurt you. But it's only for the best. There's one who loves you very deeply. I only hope you will one day see that, my sweet Sakura."
He started fading away. Fading away into the misty glow of a pure white light. She called out to him to stay. But he kept getting further and further away from her. No matter how hard she cried out to him, the distance kept increasing--- even accelerating. And somehow no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't move her legs--- she couldn't move her legs to chase after her. She wanted to follow him, she wanted to follow him wherever he went.
But she couldn't. The vision closed and she was left in the darkness where she still was. The white light had faded, that beautiful serene glow she always associated with him. She was back in the darkness. But for a moment, she saw another light, not quite as bright--- but still beautiful. It was a hazy silver gleam. It seemed so familiar. She reached for it. She reached for it to try to hold on to something.
Sakura had been fitfully tossing in her sleep as she had cried, the tears falling down her cheeks in a silent stream of sadness. And somewhere along the way, her movements had become even more frantic--- and she had reached out to him and grabbed him. He had felt a surge of joy course through his vein at her simple, unconscious touch. He didn't care, it made him feel better to have her actually touching him.
A serene look had come over her face from the desperate look from before. It mesmerized him. His face fell over her, his long locks framing around her face--- where he was leaning over. Her lips tantalized him. He wanted to kiss her. If he kissed her now, she'd never know. She'd never know if he did. And it'd make him feel so much better. And besides, Kero had actually left now--- Kero wasn't here. It was the perfect time.
Yes, she thought, it's silver--- it's beautiful. There was silver all around her now. She was surrounded by a silver waterfall and a dark figure that was coming toward her. As he drew closer to him, she was surprised to see that it was only the dark shadows that had made h him seem like the shadows that had consumed her. Instead, he was a radiant silver. She strained to look at his face. But the atmosphere was still shadowy enough to hide his features.
But his walk, his silhouette reminded her so much of the one she had lost. She grew hopeful. Maybe he had returned. Maybe it was him that was walking towards her. But no, no could it possibly be? Could it be? Could it be him? She held her hand out to him and framed his face, still covered by those silver strands. She was so sure, she was so positive it was him.
"Yukito?"
He had been just about to kiss her, especially when she had framed his face with her comforting hands. He had just been about to kiss her when she had said that dreaded name. Yukito. Yukito. Yukito. Yukito was always on her mind. He didn't understand it. Why couldn't she get over Yukito? Why? Why couldn't she see him for Yue? He wasn't Yukito, but he loved her anyways. He loved her so deeply that it hurt that she couldn't see it.
She brushed the hair away. It was not Yukito. She shook her head sadly and withdrew her hands away from him. And when she withdrew her hands, the silver--- the beautiful silver that had comforted her when Yukito had left disappeared away from her. It too ran away from her. She fell to her knees, collapsing because nothing beautiful would ever stay with her. Why did she always have to be alone? Why couldn't she find someone to love her? "Why did you have to die, Yukito?" she asked softly. "It wouldn't have been so bad if you hadn't died. I could have at least moved on... but your death, it made me linger and to think of only you. I can't seem to move on. I can't seem to move on beyond your death.""Syaoran," called Meilin, "Eriol has something to say to you."
Eriol was the last person on the face of this Earth that Syaoran wanted to see. It wasn't that he disliked his ancestor, but he'd prefer to have nothing to do with Eriol after all that had happened. It'd be better if he'd forgotten the card-capturing days that still haunted him in his nightmares. He was happy now with Meilin, and he'd finally forgotten about Sakura. He was even married to Meilin, and they were expecting their first child. But still a part of him would never forget Sakura... he missed her, but he was certain he didn't love her anymore.
"What does he want?" he asked.
"He wants you to come to Japan," Meilin responded calmly. "He says it's important. It has to do with Sakura." Syaoran noted the concern in Meilin's voice and he drew her close to his side.
"I don't love her anymore," he told her firmly. "The one I love is you now. Besides, how couldn't I love the mother of my child?"
Meilin blushed and subconsciously rubbed her now protruding stomach. They had only been married a year, and now they were expecting their first child. It had come earlier than either of them had expected, but--- they were happy. And she could already tell that Syaoran was going to make a wonderful father. He was so attentive and caring.
"You should go to see him, Syaoran," Meilin told him. "From the sound of his voice, he has something urgent to tell you. You should just go to Japan. I trust you."
He didn't quite trust himself with seeing Sakura for the first time since he too had left her, desolated. He had felt despicable then, but he had to leave. He couldn't stand to see her so utterly lovesick over Yukito. He couldn't stand it. And he couldn't stand to be parted from Meilin either. She was always his best friend and closest confidant. He trusted her so entirely. "I'll go, if you go with me."
She looked up into his fiercely burning eyes. "Okay," she answered. "I'll tell Eriol that we're coming."
He nodded and kissed her cheek before she went away to tell Eriol the good news, that Syaoran had agreed to come. He turned away to face the window and wondered what Eriol was up to. If he was asking them to come to Japan--- it had something to do with Sakura. He knew it--- it was an instinctive, gut feeling. It had to do with Sakura.
What was wrong? He hoped nothing was wrong. But then Eriol wouldn't have turned to him. He knew he was the last person Eriol would turn to... definitely the last one. "Sakura," he said her name softly enough that Meilin couldn't hear him, "what's happened now?"