Civil Conversations - March 2009
Chapter Five
"What happened to us Anne, Buffy, Slayer - whatever you go by now? We were in love once. Well, I was anyway. What made you hate me so much? How did we get here?"
"Things are complicated William. I mean you just assumed I wanted you to be human. Perhaps at the time I did. I dunno, it seems so long ago. I know that you crowded me. I couldn't breath. And then Julia was born, it was too much. Maybe I didn't want you take your little soul journey. Maybe I was beginning to accept what you were.well until that night. You came back different Spike. I tried to get used to you and your shiny new soul. Do you really want to get into this now? Can we please just talk about something else, more pleasant than the madness that is Buffy and Spike?"
"I thought me attempting to tell you I still love you was pleasant." Spike responded with a sly grin.
"You know what I mean.you jerk." Buffy responded, smiling.
Spike still loved to see her smile. He pulled his hands away from hers once more, deciding that he was willing to talk about anything if it meant her not leaving.
"So how's the hellmouth?"
"Willow's been released into my custody. She's in Mom's old room again. She wears this little bracelet thingy, I guess it binds her powers. She was too powerful to strip her magic. I think she's happy though. She's even going to finish college next year. I know you talk to her sometimes."
"How's Red doing about Tara? I know it's been over six years, but those two birds were meant to fly together. She doesn't really talk to me about it." Spike asked sincerely. He missed the blond witch too, after all this time.
"Well, we try not to talk about Tara around her. She gets kind of twitchy still. It's not so much Tara's death that wigs her out, it's like a constant reminder about what happened. Oh - Xander and Anya reconciled. Sorta. Xander's still pulling the holier than thou crap about what happened between you and Anya."
Spike let a brief flicker of hurt pass over his eyes. He didn't regret what he had done with Anya, not a bit. He did regret how things turned out after.
"Buffy, you have to know by now that I didn't want to hurt you, right? It was because I was hurt and Anya was hurt, so we hurt together for a bit. We were drunk and alone. You and Xander were never even supposed to know. You had pretty much convinced me that you didn't care what I did."
"I understand Spike. I mean, it's taken me years, but I get it. I keep trying to make Xander understand, but he's being stubborn and pig headed. Actually I think he was more upset about you and I than you and Anya. It's kind of funny. I mean he hated you all those years you were a vampire and then you show up human and you two are best buds. I had lied, to him, about it. It's get better though. The Scoobies are getting back together. And you know all about Dawn, more than I do I'm sure."
Buffy reached over and held Spike's hand once again. She still hadn't gotten used to the warmth that emancipated from him. A look of sincerity came across her face. She didn't want to talk about Spike and Dawn's past relationship, but she also knew that was one of the biggest reasons that they weren't together now. They had to talk about it, as much as Buffy didn't really want to.
"I'm sorry about the way things worked out between you two. I know how much she loved, well loves you."
"Buffy, you know it wasn't fair to her. She knew, and I knew that she was the runner up. I should have never given in to her. I was tired of running from her. I tried to love her, like I loved you - but I couldn't. I do love Dawn, she means the world to me, she just wasn't you. Dawn was sweet and chaste, where you were fire and passion. I know she's better off now. I hear she has a new boyfriend."
"Yeah, he's a doctor over at the hospital. Dawn met him on one of my bi- weekly visits. It only took him about three weeks to figure out that Sunnydale was not a nice normal town and that I didn't keep hurting myself in skateboarding accidents. He's super, Xander loves him. You know, like man loves him.tolerates him.you know what I mean. It kind of makes me miss having someone. I'm sure Dawn told you all about Buffy Anne Summer's less than thrilling love life." Buffy said with a sad smile.
"What can I say luv? Once you've had the best, there is simply no going back." Spike responded with a mischievous grin.
"Glad to see that you are still a pig Spike." Buffy said, rolling her eyes.
"You know, it's kind of nice sitting here with you. It's been sometime since you and I have had a civil conversation that didn't involve fists or head trauma." Spike remarked, ignoring Buffy's pig remark.
Buffy laughed a little, thinking of all the fights the two have shared. Especially the last one. Then Buffy's mind began to wander to all the things she and Spike had done after they were done fighting. It had been a very long time since a man touched her like that. She missed it. She missed Spike. What am I doing here. I'm here to talk about custody options.not to fall in love with him all over again. At least that's what she told herself, she was in super defensive mode and she didn't want to get her hopes up once again.
"What happened to us Anne, Buffy, Slayer - whatever you go by now? We were in love once. Well, I was anyway. What made you hate me so much? How did we get here?"
"Things are complicated William. I mean you just assumed I wanted you to be human. Perhaps at the time I did. I dunno, it seems so long ago. I know that you crowded me. I couldn't breath. And then Julia was born, it was too much. Maybe I didn't want you take your little soul journey. Maybe I was beginning to accept what you were.well until that night. You came back different Spike. I tried to get used to you and your shiny new soul. Do you really want to get into this now? Can we please just talk about something else, more pleasant than the madness that is Buffy and Spike?"
"I thought me attempting to tell you I still love you was pleasant." Spike responded with a sly grin.
"You know what I mean.you jerk." Buffy responded, smiling.
Spike still loved to see her smile. He pulled his hands away from hers once more, deciding that he was willing to talk about anything if it meant her not leaving.
"So how's the hellmouth?"
"Willow's been released into my custody. She's in Mom's old room again. She wears this little bracelet thingy, I guess it binds her powers. She was too powerful to strip her magic. I think she's happy though. She's even going to finish college next year. I know you talk to her sometimes."
"How's Red doing about Tara? I know it's been over six years, but those two birds were meant to fly together. She doesn't really talk to me about it." Spike asked sincerely. He missed the blond witch too, after all this time.
"Well, we try not to talk about Tara around her. She gets kind of twitchy still. It's not so much Tara's death that wigs her out, it's like a constant reminder about what happened. Oh - Xander and Anya reconciled. Sorta. Xander's still pulling the holier than thou crap about what happened between you and Anya."
Spike let a brief flicker of hurt pass over his eyes. He didn't regret what he had done with Anya, not a bit. He did regret how things turned out after.
"Buffy, you have to know by now that I didn't want to hurt you, right? It was because I was hurt and Anya was hurt, so we hurt together for a bit. We were drunk and alone. You and Xander were never even supposed to know. You had pretty much convinced me that you didn't care what I did."
"I understand Spike. I mean, it's taken me years, but I get it. I keep trying to make Xander understand, but he's being stubborn and pig headed. Actually I think he was more upset about you and I than you and Anya. It's kind of funny. I mean he hated you all those years you were a vampire and then you show up human and you two are best buds. I had lied, to him, about it. It's get better though. The Scoobies are getting back together. And you know all about Dawn, more than I do I'm sure."
Buffy reached over and held Spike's hand once again. She still hadn't gotten used to the warmth that emancipated from him. A look of sincerity came across her face. She didn't want to talk about Spike and Dawn's past relationship, but she also knew that was one of the biggest reasons that they weren't together now. They had to talk about it, as much as Buffy didn't really want to.
"I'm sorry about the way things worked out between you two. I know how much she loved, well loves you."
"Buffy, you know it wasn't fair to her. She knew, and I knew that she was the runner up. I should have never given in to her. I was tired of running from her. I tried to love her, like I loved you - but I couldn't. I do love Dawn, she means the world to me, she just wasn't you. Dawn was sweet and chaste, where you were fire and passion. I know she's better off now. I hear she has a new boyfriend."
"Yeah, he's a doctor over at the hospital. Dawn met him on one of my bi- weekly visits. It only took him about three weeks to figure out that Sunnydale was not a nice normal town and that I didn't keep hurting myself in skateboarding accidents. He's super, Xander loves him. You know, like man loves him.tolerates him.you know what I mean. It kind of makes me miss having someone. I'm sure Dawn told you all about Buffy Anne Summer's less than thrilling love life." Buffy said with a sad smile.
"What can I say luv? Once you've had the best, there is simply no going back." Spike responded with a mischievous grin.
"Glad to see that you are still a pig Spike." Buffy said, rolling her eyes.
"You know, it's kind of nice sitting here with you. It's been sometime since you and I have had a civil conversation that didn't involve fists or head trauma." Spike remarked, ignoring Buffy's pig remark.
Buffy laughed a little, thinking of all the fights the two have shared. Especially the last one. Then Buffy's mind began to wander to all the things she and Spike had done after they were done fighting. It had been a very long time since a man touched her like that. She missed it. She missed Spike. What am I doing here. I'm here to talk about custody options.not to fall in love with him all over again. At least that's what she told herself, she was in super defensive mode and she didn't want to get her hopes up once again.