A/N: Ok- chappy 4- enjoy, and if you don't like it, would you mind giving
constructive criticism. Not that anyone has flamed lol- well, no one has
given a review at the moment (which is 6-23-03)
Roger's Pov:
"I guess after Mimi died- it, it was so hard to go on with my life. I just wanted to lie down and die. I thought a lot about killing myself, I don't know what held me back- I guess I was just to scared to- I don't know. I mean, I did try to- but I just couldn't go through with it. But now it doesn't make a difference- I'm going to die anyway."
"Yes- I started drugs again. I think it was after Mimi's funeral- God it had been a horrible day. Her parents- they- they didn't even know she had AIDS...how could she not tell them? She told me that she would- that she would soon. And then I just thought she did, I guess because she always did get things done. But she didn't- and when Mark told them why she died, you could just see the pain in their faces. I never want to see that again, oh God- I loved her so much! She was everything I needed. I knew this day was coming- I swear I knew, but when it happened it was like I was in shock- I'm still in shock. I want to wake up to her smiling in her sleep every morning. I wanted to watch her get changed into her clothing, watch her put her make-up on; oh I loved her so much. I hope she knew that- that I loved her. I only remember telling it to her once- when, when she almost died. Is that the only time I could tell her that I loved her- when she is about to die? God I am such a bastard! But when I came home from the funeral- I just wanted to kill myself- but before I could reach for the knife, I saw this brown paper bag. I knew what it was- Mimi's stash! I don't know what I was thinking- I just took it- it felt so good to be doing this again- and yet, it was the worst feeling. I don't know why Mimi had it- she had given up on drugs- and I- I know she would never have let me get back into that stuff- so she wouldn't have left it there for me to find it."
"I was so good at hiding my sickness from Mark. But that's when I got really sick- Mark found me on the steps of our apartment. I was shivering and sweating at the same time. I was delirious- I know I scared the hell out of Mark. I feel so bad- he always came to save me when I was in trouble- I never did anything for him, never! I don't know how he could deal with me- I was so much trouble...got him into trouble. But he would always get me out of trouble- he would save me from myself. And I never thanked him- I never told him I love him."
"After that he found all my drugs that I had hid from him- for about, about a two months. He made sure I stayed clean- I went through half of a withdrawal- but then, then I just couldn't take it anymore...I had to do it again- just for old times sake- I am such an idiot. Plus my AIDS sickness got worse- I was so sick. Mark just came home that night, all he had to do was take one look at me and know I was going to die. He just ran out of the loft- I guess to get help, but at the time I thought he was just finally running away from all his problems- but that's not like Mark- not at all. He came back, about two minutes later with Vicky, our neighbor from upstairs- from Mimi's apartment. I had met her at a party...she seemed so comfortable with the fact that I had AIDS. Then I was still messed up from Mimi- from everything that I just didn't care about the fact that I had AIDS- I didn't care that everyone knew. But she was so normal about it- it was odd, really strange."
"They wrapped me up in like 10 blankets- oh I was so cold- so cold, but I had a fever of about 104. I could just see the pain in their faces- especially Mark. He wasn't prepared for this, for me to die- I just wanted to assure him that everything would be all right, but I couldn't move- I just had to stay there and die.
"Oh God, I was so scared when the doctors took me away- I just wanted to stay there with Mark holding me tightly- I needed him, that's it- all I needed was my Mark- but they took me away- first Mimi, now me away from him."
"I actually lived through the night. I really thought I was going to die, I really did- but it doesn't matter- even though I am in a better condition, I'm still dying. Ha- well at one point my fever actually went down to 99. It felt good not to have a fever- but then it just shot right back up- to 105. I am so sick- I don't want to do this any more...can someone just pull the plug already? Just let me die!"
Roger's Pov:
"I guess after Mimi died- it, it was so hard to go on with my life. I just wanted to lie down and die. I thought a lot about killing myself, I don't know what held me back- I guess I was just to scared to- I don't know. I mean, I did try to- but I just couldn't go through with it. But now it doesn't make a difference- I'm going to die anyway."
"Yes- I started drugs again. I think it was after Mimi's funeral- God it had been a horrible day. Her parents- they- they didn't even know she had AIDS...how could she not tell them? She told me that she would- that she would soon. And then I just thought she did, I guess because she always did get things done. But she didn't- and when Mark told them why she died, you could just see the pain in their faces. I never want to see that again, oh God- I loved her so much! She was everything I needed. I knew this day was coming- I swear I knew, but when it happened it was like I was in shock- I'm still in shock. I want to wake up to her smiling in her sleep every morning. I wanted to watch her get changed into her clothing, watch her put her make-up on; oh I loved her so much. I hope she knew that- that I loved her. I only remember telling it to her once- when, when she almost died. Is that the only time I could tell her that I loved her- when she is about to die? God I am such a bastard! But when I came home from the funeral- I just wanted to kill myself- but before I could reach for the knife, I saw this brown paper bag. I knew what it was- Mimi's stash! I don't know what I was thinking- I just took it- it felt so good to be doing this again- and yet, it was the worst feeling. I don't know why Mimi had it- she had given up on drugs- and I- I know she would never have let me get back into that stuff- so she wouldn't have left it there for me to find it."
"I was so good at hiding my sickness from Mark. But that's when I got really sick- Mark found me on the steps of our apartment. I was shivering and sweating at the same time. I was delirious- I know I scared the hell out of Mark. I feel so bad- he always came to save me when I was in trouble- I never did anything for him, never! I don't know how he could deal with me- I was so much trouble...got him into trouble. But he would always get me out of trouble- he would save me from myself. And I never thanked him- I never told him I love him."
"After that he found all my drugs that I had hid from him- for about, about a two months. He made sure I stayed clean- I went through half of a withdrawal- but then, then I just couldn't take it anymore...I had to do it again- just for old times sake- I am such an idiot. Plus my AIDS sickness got worse- I was so sick. Mark just came home that night, all he had to do was take one look at me and know I was going to die. He just ran out of the loft- I guess to get help, but at the time I thought he was just finally running away from all his problems- but that's not like Mark- not at all. He came back, about two minutes later with Vicky, our neighbor from upstairs- from Mimi's apartment. I had met her at a party...she seemed so comfortable with the fact that I had AIDS. Then I was still messed up from Mimi- from everything that I just didn't care about the fact that I had AIDS- I didn't care that everyone knew. But she was so normal about it- it was odd, really strange."
"They wrapped me up in like 10 blankets- oh I was so cold- so cold, but I had a fever of about 104. I could just see the pain in their faces- especially Mark. He wasn't prepared for this, for me to die- I just wanted to assure him that everything would be all right, but I couldn't move- I just had to stay there and die.
"Oh God, I was so scared when the doctors took me away- I just wanted to stay there with Mark holding me tightly- I needed him, that's it- all I needed was my Mark- but they took me away- first Mimi, now me away from him."
"I actually lived through the night. I really thought I was going to die, I really did- but it doesn't matter- even though I am in a better condition, I'm still dying. Ha- well at one point my fever actually went down to 99. It felt good not to have a fever- but then it just shot right back up- to 105. I am so sick- I don't want to do this any more...can someone just pull the plug already? Just let me die!"