It's Always Been You - March 2009
Chapter Twenty-Three
When Spike entered the bathroom he opened the door under the sink. Toward the back of the compartment was a bottle of hair bleach and a small bottle of black nail polish. He grinned evilly when he found it. He didn't know why he kept buying the two items. Just to have he guessed. Every six months or so, he would pick the items up from the store during his weekly shopping trips. The checkout girl would always give him an odd look when they saw the odd items, but he always shrugged it off. For some reason having them comforted him. Probably the same reason he never got rid of his duster. He put the bleach in his hair, and placed a shower cap over his hair. He then turned on the shower.
When he got into the shower, he stared at his stomach. He by no means had a beer gut, but it wasn't as defined as it used to be. It disgusted him. Bloody wanker let me go all to hell, he thought to himself as he scrubbed. While he was bathing he realized he wouldn't have to do this so often, being room temperature and all. Sweating had always repulsed him. But only when he was the one sweating. He enjoyed feeling Buffy's sweaty body against him, but it disgusted him to no end when he would come home from a hard day in the archives with pit stains. He carefully examined the rest of his body. William had sure let the body go, the boy hadn't been into a fight in over half a decade. There really was no reason for him to work out. Going to have start my training regiment again, Spike made a mental note.
Spike stepped out of the shower and rinsed his hair in the sink. He knew it was white, and the thought made him smile. He wrapped the towel around his waist, not wanting to give Dawn an eyeful, yet. He then meticulously painted his finger nails black, carefully smudging the tips. He put his nails in front of the bathroom fan, and his mind wandered. It wandered mostly toward the innocent girl huddled in his living room. Time for some fun, he thought as he stepped out of the bathroom.
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Dawn wandered what was taking Spike so long in the shower. She just figured he must have been really dirty. Being kidnapped and held against your will, will do that to a person she supposed. Her jaw dropped damn near to the ground when Spike walked out of the steamy bathroom, with white hair and nothing but a towel draped loosely around his waist.
"What the hell did you do that for?" Dawn asked curiously.
"Felt I needed a change." Spike answered nonchalantly
"I always thought it suited you. Makes you look all sexy." Dawn said half kiddingly. "Won't the pricks at the museum have a problem with it though?"
"They can sod off, not going to that tomb ever again." Spike said.
"Huh, don't you need like money for rent and clothes and food and stuff?" Dawn asked unbelievingly.
Dawn thought that Spike must have been through hell. Or maybe he was just having a third of the way through your life crisis or something.
"Not too concerned about it actually. Gonna put some clothes on." Spike answered before heading to his room, leaving the bedroom door opened.
Dawn was dumb struck. She didn't know what to do. Spike was being too cold and non committal in his answers. She wasn't sure how to take it. She knew she wasn't going to let him leave it at that though. She followed Spike into his bedroom. She *had* seen him naked before, so if she "accidentally" saw something, it wouldn't be the end of the world or anything.
The scene was even stranger when she walked into his bedroom and he was rummaging through his closets like it was spring cleaning time or something.
"Huh, you lose something?" Dawn asked.
"Doesn't that poofter, I mean don't I own any normal clothes? I mean khakis and Gap sweaters? I should be shot. I know I have some jeans somewhere. Just plain jeans - not the faded kinds or the boot cut or any of that nonsense. Just plain, black jeans."
Dawn looked at him strangly.
"Yeah, Spike - you kept some of you old vamp clothes. They're in a box in your cedar chest."
Spike opened up the trunk to find his Docs, his old clothes, and his duster. He was deliriously happy, forgetting about Dawn for the moment. He sat on the bed, holding the duster to his face, just smelling it. It smelled like him, and that comforted him. He looked up and saw Dawn looking at him strangely. He stood up and sauntered over to her. He gently swept a lock of her hair away from her face and lightly traced his fingers over the contours of her face.
"Will, your being really weird. Wanna tell me what this is about?"
"You luv. It's always been you." Spike replied.
He leaned in for a searing kiss. His tongue invaded Dawn's mouth, savoring the feel of her against him. His demon had been waiting for this moment for so long, he wasn't sure how long he could stand it. He had to be patient. He wanted nothing more than for Dawn to give herself willingly to him. He pulled away from the kiss and stared at Dawn.
Dawn didn't know what to think. They had broken up a little over a year ago. She had missed him so much. They had never actually slept together in the two years they had been together, but they had done other things. Things that part of her body was singing for her to do again. Before she knew what was happening, she swung her arms around his neck and kissed him hungrily. His hands moved underneath her sweater, where he lightly caressed her skin. She wanted him so much, but she didn't want to get her heart broken once more. She broke from the kiss and took a step back.
"Runner up here. Remember Will - I am no Buffy. I will never be Buffy and I refuse to be your conciliation prize. I have a boyfriend now, Dave loves me. I can't go through this again. I can't do this, unless you love me, really love me." Dawn cried to him.
Spike easily avoided having to confess his undying love for her by leaning in and kissing her neck, softly, circling it with his tongue. He reached over and grabbed her breast and began kneading it.
"Doctor boy ever do this to you?" Spike asked mischievously as he continued his ministrations over the girl's body.
"Oh God Spike, why? Why now?" Was all Dawn could say.
"I guess death, huh, near death will make a bloke see what's important." Spike answered clumsily. He didn't want her to know. Not until it was too late, not until she had given him permission.
Spike knew he was misleading Dawn. Well, actually the demon knew and didn't care. A small part of William cried out that this was wrong, but the demon ignored him. The Demon never liked rape, not in any sense of the word. He always liked to trick or charm his way into a girl's pants. It made the kill more thrilling, especially when he looked into his victims eyes, and they knew. They knew it was their own fault that they were in the position to be dinner. Rape had always been Angelus' specialty. Not Spike, he was an evil bastard, and in some ways what he was doing to Dawn at that moment was worse than rape.
"Oh Spike, I love you. I was so worried. I'm ready. Will you please make love to me? I don't want to lose you ever again." Dawn said huskily.
Spike scooped up the aroused young woman and threw her on the bed. He let the towel slip from his waist and seductively climbed toward the girl. *Too easy* the demon thought to himself as he positioned himself over the girl. William struggled with the demon, hating it, wanting all of this to end. His instinct told him otherwise. His demon consumed him, for so long it had wanted the sweet girl, and finally it would have her. Spike began to unbutton Dawn's sweater while she kissed and sucked on his ear. The smell of her was driving him mad. He wasn't sure how much longer he could control himself. He pulled at the girl's hair, yanking her back. She stared at him with big innocent eyes.
"Was I doing something wrong?" Dawn asked worriedly
"Nothing at all pet, it's just you, touching me, it's driving me insane. You have to be patient. Kay pet?"
Dawn just stared at him with bright eyes and laid back on the bed, leaving Spike to finish unbuttoning her sweater. She tried to relax, but it was difficult with him spreading light kisses all over her breasts and stomach. Her stomach felt like it was tied in knots. The guilt she felt at that moment was overwhelming. *What will Buffy say* she thought miserably. At that moment she didn't care. For the first time in her life she was going to be greedy, selfish. Spike had said he wanted her, and not Buffy - she was going to take that at face value. She moaned softly as he ravished her flesh, bringing goose bumps to her arms.
Spike lifted the girl up with his arms and slid the sweater off her. Both parts of him wanted to feel the touch of her warm flesh forever. But the demon was growing impatient. It wanted her. It wanted to hear her scream in misery. Scream in betrayal. She was to be his calling card. She was going to be the one to tell the others that he was back, and he wasn't fucking around this time. What humanity that was left of Spike was torn. Part of him loved touching this soft, sweet girl, and the rest of him kept trying to get reign over the demon. He knew he was defeated when he took a long whiff of her blood pouring through her veins, the arousal coming from her pants, the sweat pouring from her. It was too much.
He leaned in and began to nip around her jugular with blunt teeth. Dawn responded immediately by wrapping her arms around his back, her legs around his waist. She was so close to him. She could feel his erection, she could feel his desire for her. She was caught in the moment. She barely noticed when Spike morphed and slid his fangs into her neck. She let out a muffled scream.
"Shhhh. It's Okay Dawny. Just relax, it will all be over soon." Spike temporarily released his hold, to calmly whisper in her ear.
In reality, it wouldn't be over anytime soon. He wanted to savor this moment, for as long as he could. He was still debating on whether or not to turn her. It was a small victory, but the humanity in Spike convinced the demon to just kill the girl. It would be easier that way. He held on more tightly to the girl and began to drink more steadily. He didn't even notice the small girl walk into the room.
"Daddy, what are you doing with Aunt Dawny? It's past your bed time?" Julia said crossly.
Spike released Dawn from his grip and flung her to the corner of the bed. He let his human face slide forward and he turned toward the girl. He wrapped the sheet around his waist and went to greet the girl.
"Julia sweetie pie. Why are you still up?" Spike asked in his best Grinch voice.
"I thought I heard screams. I got scared. I'm glad you're home Daddy, I got worried. Mommy cried a lot, she was scared too."
"I'm sure she was. Now why don't you get back to bed sweetie. I'll come in and tuck you in, in a moment."
Dawn just stared horrified. Not even Spike would do what she was thinking he was going to do. She swallowed her fear and came up behind Spike. Blood was running down her neck and chest, but she had to save Julia. She wrapped her arms around Spike and began to kiss his back.
"Let her go Spike. You have me. You have all of me. I won't fight you. Please just send her back to bed and leave her there. Please. I know that some part of you in there still cares. I promise, I'll do *whatever* you want me to do."
Spike let Dawn's words sink while he stared at his daughter. His demon was thinking of all kinds of wonderfully torturous things to do to both of them. William felt as if he was going to vomit by the suggestions his demon was making. Spike pressed both his palms to his forehead and began rubbing his temples. *Worse than having the bloody chip* he thought to himself. He pushed Dawn back on the bed. He leaned toward Julia, smiling.
"Do wanna see a trick that Daddy can do?" Spike asked.
"You mean like magic?" Julia asked hopefully.
"Sort of." Spike replied coolly.
Spike was ready to vamp out again, more to scare the girl than anything. He didn't even think *his* demon was prepared to eat the small child. Then Spike Jr., came toddling into the room. It took one look at Spike and began to growl uncontrollably. Spike went toward the small pug to pet it and calm it down, but the moment his hand was within reach of the dog, the dog nipped, forcefully. The demon was outraged and kicked the dog into the corner. Julia ran after the dog and started to pet it and comfort it.
"Daddy, you kicked Spikey. That was mean." Julia said crossly.
"Suppose it was."
"Daddy, why are you being mean? Don't you love me anymore? I don't think Mommy loves me, says I remind her of you. And you and Mommy don't get along. You love me, don't you? You love Spikey too - he's your puppy Daddy."
Spike stared at the small girl. He dropped to his knees. Both sides of him struggling. He wanted to save them both. He wanted to tell Dawn to just stake him where he lay. His demon wanted to rip both girl's throats out. He looked back and forth toward Dawn, who was huddled in the corner, and his lovely little girl that was consoling her doggie. All the hate a rage came fueling to the surface. He let out a growl that sent both girl's cowering. He began to scratch at his skin. It felt hot. The skin began to peel and bleed, Spike just continued to scratch at it, wanting to rip it off. He was now crying, the pain of the struggle was overwhelming. He finally got it together enough to reach Dawn.
"Dawn, get Julia and get the fuck out now. Tell the rest to stake me if they find me. I will not be so kind next time."
Dawn just stared at him, completely bewildered.
"I said, get the fuck out, right now!" Spike growled once more.
Dawn dashed off the bed and grabbed Julia, she was out the door with Spike Jr. in tow within a matter of minutes. She had run six blocks before she realized she was just wearing a sports bra that was stained with blood from her puncture wounds. She didn't stop running for the eighteen blocks from Spike's apartment to Angel Investigations. She was very thankful for the adrenaline rush.
When Spike entered the bathroom he opened the door under the sink. Toward the back of the compartment was a bottle of hair bleach and a small bottle of black nail polish. He grinned evilly when he found it. He didn't know why he kept buying the two items. Just to have he guessed. Every six months or so, he would pick the items up from the store during his weekly shopping trips. The checkout girl would always give him an odd look when they saw the odd items, but he always shrugged it off. For some reason having them comforted him. Probably the same reason he never got rid of his duster. He put the bleach in his hair, and placed a shower cap over his hair. He then turned on the shower.
When he got into the shower, he stared at his stomach. He by no means had a beer gut, but it wasn't as defined as it used to be. It disgusted him. Bloody wanker let me go all to hell, he thought to himself as he scrubbed. While he was bathing he realized he wouldn't have to do this so often, being room temperature and all. Sweating had always repulsed him. But only when he was the one sweating. He enjoyed feeling Buffy's sweaty body against him, but it disgusted him to no end when he would come home from a hard day in the archives with pit stains. He carefully examined the rest of his body. William had sure let the body go, the boy hadn't been into a fight in over half a decade. There really was no reason for him to work out. Going to have start my training regiment again, Spike made a mental note.
Spike stepped out of the shower and rinsed his hair in the sink. He knew it was white, and the thought made him smile. He wrapped the towel around his waist, not wanting to give Dawn an eyeful, yet. He then meticulously painted his finger nails black, carefully smudging the tips. He put his nails in front of the bathroom fan, and his mind wandered. It wandered mostly toward the innocent girl huddled in his living room. Time for some fun, he thought as he stepped out of the bathroom.
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Dawn wandered what was taking Spike so long in the shower. She just figured he must have been really dirty. Being kidnapped and held against your will, will do that to a person she supposed. Her jaw dropped damn near to the ground when Spike walked out of the steamy bathroom, with white hair and nothing but a towel draped loosely around his waist.
"What the hell did you do that for?" Dawn asked curiously.
"Felt I needed a change." Spike answered nonchalantly
"I always thought it suited you. Makes you look all sexy." Dawn said half kiddingly. "Won't the pricks at the museum have a problem with it though?"
"They can sod off, not going to that tomb ever again." Spike said.
"Huh, don't you need like money for rent and clothes and food and stuff?" Dawn asked unbelievingly.
Dawn thought that Spike must have been through hell. Or maybe he was just having a third of the way through your life crisis or something.
"Not too concerned about it actually. Gonna put some clothes on." Spike answered before heading to his room, leaving the bedroom door opened.
Dawn was dumb struck. She didn't know what to do. Spike was being too cold and non committal in his answers. She wasn't sure how to take it. She knew she wasn't going to let him leave it at that though. She followed Spike into his bedroom. She *had* seen him naked before, so if she "accidentally" saw something, it wouldn't be the end of the world or anything.
The scene was even stranger when she walked into his bedroom and he was rummaging through his closets like it was spring cleaning time or something.
"Huh, you lose something?" Dawn asked.
"Doesn't that poofter, I mean don't I own any normal clothes? I mean khakis and Gap sweaters? I should be shot. I know I have some jeans somewhere. Just plain jeans - not the faded kinds or the boot cut or any of that nonsense. Just plain, black jeans."
Dawn looked at him strangly.
"Yeah, Spike - you kept some of you old vamp clothes. They're in a box in your cedar chest."
Spike opened up the trunk to find his Docs, his old clothes, and his duster. He was deliriously happy, forgetting about Dawn for the moment. He sat on the bed, holding the duster to his face, just smelling it. It smelled like him, and that comforted him. He looked up and saw Dawn looking at him strangely. He stood up and sauntered over to her. He gently swept a lock of her hair away from her face and lightly traced his fingers over the contours of her face.
"Will, your being really weird. Wanna tell me what this is about?"
"You luv. It's always been you." Spike replied.
He leaned in for a searing kiss. His tongue invaded Dawn's mouth, savoring the feel of her against him. His demon had been waiting for this moment for so long, he wasn't sure how long he could stand it. He had to be patient. He wanted nothing more than for Dawn to give herself willingly to him. He pulled away from the kiss and stared at Dawn.
Dawn didn't know what to think. They had broken up a little over a year ago. She had missed him so much. They had never actually slept together in the two years they had been together, but they had done other things. Things that part of her body was singing for her to do again. Before she knew what was happening, she swung her arms around his neck and kissed him hungrily. His hands moved underneath her sweater, where he lightly caressed her skin. She wanted him so much, but she didn't want to get her heart broken once more. She broke from the kiss and took a step back.
"Runner up here. Remember Will - I am no Buffy. I will never be Buffy and I refuse to be your conciliation prize. I have a boyfriend now, Dave loves me. I can't go through this again. I can't do this, unless you love me, really love me." Dawn cried to him.
Spike easily avoided having to confess his undying love for her by leaning in and kissing her neck, softly, circling it with his tongue. He reached over and grabbed her breast and began kneading it.
"Doctor boy ever do this to you?" Spike asked mischievously as he continued his ministrations over the girl's body.
"Oh God Spike, why? Why now?" Was all Dawn could say.
"I guess death, huh, near death will make a bloke see what's important." Spike answered clumsily. He didn't want her to know. Not until it was too late, not until she had given him permission.
Spike knew he was misleading Dawn. Well, actually the demon knew and didn't care. A small part of William cried out that this was wrong, but the demon ignored him. The Demon never liked rape, not in any sense of the word. He always liked to trick or charm his way into a girl's pants. It made the kill more thrilling, especially when he looked into his victims eyes, and they knew. They knew it was their own fault that they were in the position to be dinner. Rape had always been Angelus' specialty. Not Spike, he was an evil bastard, and in some ways what he was doing to Dawn at that moment was worse than rape.
"Oh Spike, I love you. I was so worried. I'm ready. Will you please make love to me? I don't want to lose you ever again." Dawn said huskily.
Spike scooped up the aroused young woman and threw her on the bed. He let the towel slip from his waist and seductively climbed toward the girl. *Too easy* the demon thought to himself as he positioned himself over the girl. William struggled with the demon, hating it, wanting all of this to end. His instinct told him otherwise. His demon consumed him, for so long it had wanted the sweet girl, and finally it would have her. Spike began to unbutton Dawn's sweater while she kissed and sucked on his ear. The smell of her was driving him mad. He wasn't sure how much longer he could control himself. He pulled at the girl's hair, yanking her back. She stared at him with big innocent eyes.
"Was I doing something wrong?" Dawn asked worriedly
"Nothing at all pet, it's just you, touching me, it's driving me insane. You have to be patient. Kay pet?"
Dawn just stared at him with bright eyes and laid back on the bed, leaving Spike to finish unbuttoning her sweater. She tried to relax, but it was difficult with him spreading light kisses all over her breasts and stomach. Her stomach felt like it was tied in knots. The guilt she felt at that moment was overwhelming. *What will Buffy say* she thought miserably. At that moment she didn't care. For the first time in her life she was going to be greedy, selfish. Spike had said he wanted her, and not Buffy - she was going to take that at face value. She moaned softly as he ravished her flesh, bringing goose bumps to her arms.
Spike lifted the girl up with his arms and slid the sweater off her. Both parts of him wanted to feel the touch of her warm flesh forever. But the demon was growing impatient. It wanted her. It wanted to hear her scream in misery. Scream in betrayal. She was to be his calling card. She was going to be the one to tell the others that he was back, and he wasn't fucking around this time. What humanity that was left of Spike was torn. Part of him loved touching this soft, sweet girl, and the rest of him kept trying to get reign over the demon. He knew he was defeated when he took a long whiff of her blood pouring through her veins, the arousal coming from her pants, the sweat pouring from her. It was too much.
He leaned in and began to nip around her jugular with blunt teeth. Dawn responded immediately by wrapping her arms around his back, her legs around his waist. She was so close to him. She could feel his erection, she could feel his desire for her. She was caught in the moment. She barely noticed when Spike morphed and slid his fangs into her neck. She let out a muffled scream.
"Shhhh. It's Okay Dawny. Just relax, it will all be over soon." Spike temporarily released his hold, to calmly whisper in her ear.
In reality, it wouldn't be over anytime soon. He wanted to savor this moment, for as long as he could. He was still debating on whether or not to turn her. It was a small victory, but the humanity in Spike convinced the demon to just kill the girl. It would be easier that way. He held on more tightly to the girl and began to drink more steadily. He didn't even notice the small girl walk into the room.
"Daddy, what are you doing with Aunt Dawny? It's past your bed time?" Julia said crossly.
Spike released Dawn from his grip and flung her to the corner of the bed. He let his human face slide forward and he turned toward the girl. He wrapped the sheet around his waist and went to greet the girl.
"Julia sweetie pie. Why are you still up?" Spike asked in his best Grinch voice.
"I thought I heard screams. I got scared. I'm glad you're home Daddy, I got worried. Mommy cried a lot, she was scared too."
"I'm sure she was. Now why don't you get back to bed sweetie. I'll come in and tuck you in, in a moment."
Dawn just stared horrified. Not even Spike would do what she was thinking he was going to do. She swallowed her fear and came up behind Spike. Blood was running down her neck and chest, but she had to save Julia. She wrapped her arms around Spike and began to kiss his back.
"Let her go Spike. You have me. You have all of me. I won't fight you. Please just send her back to bed and leave her there. Please. I know that some part of you in there still cares. I promise, I'll do *whatever* you want me to do."
Spike let Dawn's words sink while he stared at his daughter. His demon was thinking of all kinds of wonderfully torturous things to do to both of them. William felt as if he was going to vomit by the suggestions his demon was making. Spike pressed both his palms to his forehead and began rubbing his temples. *Worse than having the bloody chip* he thought to himself. He pushed Dawn back on the bed. He leaned toward Julia, smiling.
"Do wanna see a trick that Daddy can do?" Spike asked.
"You mean like magic?" Julia asked hopefully.
"Sort of." Spike replied coolly.
Spike was ready to vamp out again, more to scare the girl than anything. He didn't even think *his* demon was prepared to eat the small child. Then Spike Jr., came toddling into the room. It took one look at Spike and began to growl uncontrollably. Spike went toward the small pug to pet it and calm it down, but the moment his hand was within reach of the dog, the dog nipped, forcefully. The demon was outraged and kicked the dog into the corner. Julia ran after the dog and started to pet it and comfort it.
"Daddy, you kicked Spikey. That was mean." Julia said crossly.
"Suppose it was."
"Daddy, why are you being mean? Don't you love me anymore? I don't think Mommy loves me, says I remind her of you. And you and Mommy don't get along. You love me, don't you? You love Spikey too - he's your puppy Daddy."
Spike stared at the small girl. He dropped to his knees. Both sides of him struggling. He wanted to save them both. He wanted to tell Dawn to just stake him where he lay. His demon wanted to rip both girl's throats out. He looked back and forth toward Dawn, who was huddled in the corner, and his lovely little girl that was consoling her doggie. All the hate a rage came fueling to the surface. He let out a growl that sent both girl's cowering. He began to scratch at his skin. It felt hot. The skin began to peel and bleed, Spike just continued to scratch at it, wanting to rip it off. He was now crying, the pain of the struggle was overwhelming. He finally got it together enough to reach Dawn.
"Dawn, get Julia and get the fuck out now. Tell the rest to stake me if they find me. I will not be so kind next time."
Dawn just stared at him, completely bewildered.
"I said, get the fuck out, right now!" Spike growled once more.
Dawn dashed off the bed and grabbed Julia, she was out the door with Spike Jr. in tow within a matter of minutes. She had run six blocks before she realized she was just wearing a sports bra that was stained with blood from her puncture wounds. She didn't stop running for the eighteen blocks from Spike's apartment to Angel Investigations. She was very thankful for the adrenaline rush.