The Insanities Meet...The Tortall Gang by The Insanities

Disclaimer: You know the drill, we're too poor to own these characters ourselves except for, of course, those we made up.

Note: It might be a good idea if before you read this you read the prologue titled "We don't need a title" (go figure) so it all makes sense……… well it probably still won't make sense but at least you'll know why it doesn't make sense. Also to avoid further confusion, Finarfëwen has split personality, so occasionally her alter ego, Darth Sus will make an appearance. Check our bio if you want more information. Lastly, each of these stories is written by a different member of The Insanities, the prologue was written by me, Mithborien but all the following is written by the one and only Jynethe. Oh and Phil is the sound effects guy we kidnapped. His story will come up later.

Down we go………

An unearthly voice echoes through the room………

"The last time we saw our intrepid heroines, they were hurtling through space in the Tardis with  the unknown frontier of space before them. Now we join them as they attempt to navigate their way out of the death trap they landed themselves in. Will they survive? Will they escape mortal injury? Will they-"

"SHUT UP, PHIL!"

"All right, all right. Sorry. Here we go………"

***Back in the Tardis………

"Aaahhh!"

"Aaaaahhhhh!"

"Aaaaarrrrrgggghhhh!"

"Aaaa –"

"Shut up the two of you!" Mithborien roared. Her hands flew over the panel of keys and buttons and dials and weird chemacallits, pressing and turning and sliding each one desperately. "I'm sure one of these will do it. Don't panic!"

"Excuse me Jynethe…"

"Darth Sus, she couldn't have possibly said…no. Quite unlikely…"

"We must have had something in our ears…"

"I really thought she said don't panic…" Jynethe contemplated satirically.

"…which is really quite ridiculous since…"

"WE'RE BOTH HANGING ON FOR DEAR LIFE, TRYING NOT TO GET SUCKED OUT INTO NOTHINGESS! Define PANIC, Mithborien!"

The frustrated girl turned to glower at them. "Yeah, well, who decided to press the wrong button, thereby opening the exterior door and therefore causing you guys to be nearly sucked out of it and me to have a stress attack? Huh? You tell me, Jynethe?"

"Darth Sus told me that was for the bathroom light!" Jynethe bellowed in defence.

"I didn't plan on getting sucked out as well!" Darth Sus cried piteously. She was, after all Finarfëwen's evil twin, which for some reason, she carried around in her own mind.

"And since when did you believe what this liar said anyway?" Turning back to the panel, Mithborien spied a large orange button. "Hmm, maybe this one," she murmured, placing her thumb jubilantly upon it. There was an odd, gratingly familiar sound of metal against metal, and a large four by four appeared beneath Jynethe.

"Maybe not," Darth Sus replied, watching the last of her companion slip through the hole and into the blue abyss outside. She glanced up at the, understatedly, frantic Mithborien and remarked suggestively, "Maybe that big, round one on your left that says 'Close Exterior Openings'. It's just a guess though."

The other pounced on the button (immediately, all the doorways, windows and what not slid shut) and then proceeded to dance about. Letting go of the pole she had been holding on to (which now bore numerous nail, or rather claw, imprints upon it), Darth Sus observed sadly that it was far from a dance of joy.

"Omigod! Darth Sus, what have I done? I've killed Jynethe!" she exclaimed in the worst of calamities.

"I really don't see why you're so upset," Darth Sus replied, brushing herself down calmly. She was onset by a furious Mithborien.

"You heartless fiend! She's our friend!" Mithborien yelled, shaking the smaller girl till she could feel her teeth (or rather, fangs) rattle.

An odd expression passed by Darth Sus' face. One who knew her sparsely would almost believe she had been overcome by an attack of conscience and guilt. Us who know otherwise, think not.

"In memory of our dearly beloved, I would have to say, define friend," she tried thoughtfully.

Mithborien released her in exasperation. She leapt for the panel and reached for the now familiar 'red, flashing button'.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Darth Sus protested as the Tardis skidded to a sudden stop.

"We have to find her. Hold on tight," she warned grimly.

As suddenly as it had stopped the ship spun into motion again, only this time in a different direction. Downwards.

"Aaaarrrrggghhh!" Darth Sus yelled. "We're going to crash!"

Feeling the pressure tugging at her eyeballs, Mithboried shut them and retorted, "No…o…no, we're no…o…ot!"

"Wake up and smell the fumes, Mithborien! We're going to crash. You know, I don't think Jynethe is worth…"

Darth Sus was deprived of finishing her sentence. Sharp impact knocked her off her feet as well as a considerable amount of wind out of her. On the opposite side of the room, Mithborien was thrown onto the floor, and purely out of an act of courage, she crawled under the panel boards.

Then the world turned dark for our present two heroes…

"Hey, who turned off the lights?"

"I bet you it was Phil."

"Ten bucks says it wasn't."

"You're on."

***Meanwhile…

She opened her eyes to see a stretch of dirt before her, meeting a wooden fence no more than a metre away from her.

Where was she? What had happened? Questions ran through her mind like fishes through a river.

From behind her, she could hear rapidly approaching footsteps. No, they were actually heavier and far more scarier sounding than footsteps.

Turning around, she gave a shrill scream as the horse reared before her. Its hooves kicked high in the air, reading to fall and crush her skull. She scampered backwards, out of the horse's shadow and into safety, large brown eyes watching as the horses hooves pounded onto the ground where she had been.

***And in the meantime…

"We're not going to crash. That's what you said, Mithborien, that's what you said. We're not going to crash," Darth Sus taunted as she pulled herself from the massive wreck that was once the Tardis "Well, guess what? We crashed!"

"I do realize, Darth Sus," Mithborien shouted. "Now help me! I have my leg stuck in what I hope is NOT the toilet bowl!"

Reluctantly, Darth Sus made for where Mithborien laid, half buried in a mountain of metal. Muttering under her breath softly, she deliberately took her time.

"The Devil ain't listening, Darth Sus, so hurry up," Mithborien snapped.

"May I remind you who's the rescuer and who's the rescuee?" Darth Sus sneered. "You are hardly in a position to dictate –" Pulled short in her sentence, Darth Sus' eyes grew large as she recognized a passing figure.

"Darth Sus, wassup?" Mithborien had noticed her friend's sudden silence.

"Mith…Mith…Mithborien," the other stuttered, still staring after the personage. "J…J…Ja…"

"Jynethe? Where? Is she alive then?" Mithborien asked joyfully, straining her body to catch a glimpse. "Darth Sus! Come help me!"

Darth Sus paid no attention. "J…Joren!" she yelled, suddenly capable of finishing her sentence. Picking up the hems of her…well, whatever it was she wore, she began to dance, a gleeful grin spread across her face. "Mithborien! Guess where we are…"

"I am in PAIN! And you'll be in the underworld if you don't hurry up and help me out of this stinkhole!"

"As I am suddenly in this abyss you people like to call happiness, I'll ignore your rude tone," Darth Sus replied with a sigh, making her way over. "What's wrong with the Underworld anyway?"

"Just because you crawled out of the Abyss..."

"Oh, is that what you call it?" Darth Sus commented mildly. "It's juz home to me. There we go."

Mithborien glanced down in dismay.

"Juz what I thought. The toilet bowl," she moaned, looking down at her leg, partially enclosed in a white encasing. Closing her eyes, she moaned louder, "Darth Sus, take it off!"

"Why? I think it's rather attractive. Bit of a trend setter."

Mithborien glared. "Really? Why don't you try it on then?"

"You think I should?"

"I think you should get it off me NOW!"

***And all the while…

"What in the world is going on?" Jynethe shrieked. "AAARRRRGGGGHHH! Where am I?" She advanced towards the tall man before her. "And who in the world are YOU?"

He backed away hurriedly, hands held up in defence. "I'm…I'm Nealan of Queenscove. N…N…Neal."

Jynethe paused and cocked her head, eyes glinting at N…N…Neal. "Did you say Neal?" He nodded. "Well, in that case…" She snapped shut the flip lipgloss she carried with her frequently. Neal relaxed visibly.

"Sup Neal. I'm Jynethe and you're going to marry me one day." She smiled at him widely.

***And whilst that occurred…

"Darth Sus, no! Toilet-legged is NOT a good look!"  Mithborien yelled in frustration.

"Why not?"

"Because normal people don't walk around with toilets on their legs everyday!"

"All the more reason," Darth Sus contemplated satisfying, looking admiringly down at the white adornment on her leg.

"AH! I give up!" Mithborien swore, throwing her arms up into the air. Catching them mindfully again, she attached them to her body once more and turned on Darth Sus again. "Whatever. Makes. You. Happy. Now tell me, where are we!"

"Didn't you catch my clue? Joren!"

"Where the hell is Joren?!"

"Joren is here."

"Here? What?! I'm confuzzled!"

"We're in Tortall."

"I thought you said we were in Joren!"

"No! Joren is here!"

"Darth Sus!" Mithborien roared. "Are we in Joren or Tortall."

"Don't be silly," Darth Sus replied sensibly. "How can we be in Joren. It's not like he can eat us or anything…though…" she drifted off thoughtfully. "…I wouldn't mind trying to eat him. Absorb him! Absorb his evilness into me! Lalalalalala!"

"Okay, so we're in Tortall?"

"Yes we are!"

"And Jynethe is here?"

"I hope not. I was kinda looking forward to her dragon collection," Darth Sus said, glancing around anxiously.

"Whatever! Let's start looking for her." Mithborien marched away, into the general direction of nothingness.

Darth Sus' face took on an expression of extreme pain. One might assume she had a sudden attack of conscience. One is right. After a minute of facial convulsion, she slapped herself on the forehead thrice before calling out to Mithborien.

"The castle's this way, not there," she called before whacking herself twice more. Mithborien appeared again, face decidedly red.

"Well, what are you waiting for then? Hurry up!" she snapped before marching off with her nose in the air, promptly tripping over a mass of rubble. She straightened herself, and Darth Sus shielded her vision from the scarletness of her ears.

Darth Sus sighed and followed, toilet bowl clunking noisily on the destroyed metal. She began to sing softly, "We're going on a Jynethe hunt, we're going to find the smelly one…I'm not happy, I'm not happy…what a rotten day…"

***At the same time…

"…And  then, and then he said," Jynethe gasped, clutching her stomach in pain. "And then he said, 'I couldn't help it when I saw the third guy come along with a bunch of watermelons!"

She and Neal both broke into fits of laughter, both howling with tears flowing down their face.

"That was a good one wasn't it?" Jynethe said, still gasping for breath.