The Letter - July 2005
Chapter Thirty-Two
After Cordelia and Angel had gone back to LA the months before hand Buffy spent a lot of time meditating and honing her slayer skills. She was in the best shape of her life. She could even think about Spike without bawling. She had become content. By no means bursting with joy, but didn't cry herself to sleep every night. She was beginning to feel more and more confident about her feelings for Spike. She decided that she was ready to at least have a conversation with the former vampire. Well, maybe not a conversation, but she wanted to let Spike know that she was finally willing to talk. She felt enough time had passed for them to begin to heal. They had done so many horrible things to one another that she had never thought they could be in the same room together without the hostility, but now she mostly just thought about how much she missed he bleach blond wonder. Buffy thought her best course of action would be to simply write Spike a letter. That way she could get out what she needed to without him contradicting her or looking at her with those haunted blue eyes.
Buffy sat at her desk two hours later, surrounded by dozens of crumpled up balls of paper. The Slayer sighed to herself. Writing had never been her strong point, along with math, science, reading, and history. She decided to stop trying to put what she wanted to say in some fancy form and to just be honest. She knew that Spike always appreciated honesty, and she doubted that he would look down on her if she couldn't find the right words for 'my life is miserable without you.' She labored on the letter for most of the night, rereading and rewriting where she found fit. She knew that these few pieces of paper wouldn't make everything great, but she did feel like they would at least bring some closure to some past wounds.
*************************
Dawn's stuff was scattered throughout the living room. She was getting ready to leave for LA. Due to an 'error' with some of her financial aid forms Dawn didn't have enough money to stay in the dorms. Buffy wondered if it was actually an accident, but she didn't broach the subject because the sister's had actually been getting along for the last couple of weeks. And nothing stirred up a fight faster than discussions about Spike. Spike had agreed to let Dawn stay in his extra bedroom for the year. He didn't see any harm in it, if nothing else he would have a maid to tidy up the place from time to time.
The Summer's women were in the kitchen, eating their last breakfast together before Dawn headed back to school. Both women were sad, but Buffy was actually relieved that Dawn was going to get out of Sunny Hell and have a chance to do something with her life.
"So, you all packed Dawny?" Buffy asked.
"Yeah, considering I've only actually been around for like five years, I've accumulated quite a bit of crap." Dawn said lightly.
"You could probably leave Pooh Bear's tree house fun set here, along with your Piglet sleeping bag and assorted Winnie the Pooh stuffed animals."
"I'll get rid of my stuff as soon as you get rid of Mr. Gordo." Dawn challenged.
"OK, fine, nothing will happen to your precious childhood memorabilia. I'm just saying that Spike probably doesn't have room for *everything* you own." Buffy replied.
"It's all right. Angel said I can store whatever doesn't fit in Spike's place at the hotel. It's no biggie. Besides, my moving situation is the least of my problems." Dawn said glumly.
"Why's that?"
"I have to almost take a double course load this semester. I missed quite a few classes last semester helping Connor with his make-up exams. So I have to kick-ass this time around or else it's bye-bye scholarship." Dawn pouted while she picked at her food.
"So, what's going on with you and Connor?" Buffy asked hopefully.
"Gross Buffy. I am not going to start dating my older sister's ex- boyfriend's son. That's just too much. Anyway, Connor totally thinks of me in that 'your such a great friend, like one of the guys' kinda way. We're just good friends Buffy, so stop mentally planning the wedding already." Dawn replied.
"Check no weddings, yet. Hey, I was wondering if you could do something for me?"
"Sure, as long as it doesn't have anything to do with spying on Cordelia and Angel, cause I totally thought you were over that."
"Nothing to do with Cordy or Angel. Actually, it has to do with Spike." Buffy mumbled the last few words.
"Please don't tell me you want to have another fight about child support or custody, cause it's getting pretty old."
"No, nothing like that. I was wondering if you could give him this letter for me?" Buffy asked.
And with that Buffy pulled a thick envelope, with Spike's name neatly written on it, out of her back jeans pocket and handed it to Dawn.
"This isn't going to make him cry, is it?" Dawn asked skeptically.
"It shouldn't. I mean it's an apology. A really long winded, but well deserved on his part kind of apology. I didn't want to mail it and then worry that he never got it. So I thought that maybe you could just give it to him. I wrote him because I felt way too weird just calling him out of the blue. You know?" Buffy nervously prattled on.
"Sure. No problem. I think it's great that you want to mend some bridges. Good for you Buffy." Dawn said with the best fake smile she could manage.
Dawn checked her watch and noticed that she had better get going if she wanted to miss LA's rush hour traffic. She put her plate in the sink and walked over to hug Buffy. They wished each other well and then they went and piled all of Dawn's belongs in Dawn's beat up 94' Dodge Ram. Dawn shoved the letter into her glove compartment and made a mental note to herself to give it to Spike when she reached his apartment.
****************************
Dawn pulled up to the apartment complex and practically ran up the five flights of stairs to Spike's apartment. She burst the door to find him and Wesley arguing over some old musty book. Spike looked at Dawn and mouthed a 'thank you' to her before standing up. He crossed the distance between them and gave her a big bear hug.
"Wesley, you remember Dawn, don't you?" Spike asked.
"Yes, she used to be the key. Actually I was wondering if I could maybe interview her later." Wesley asked.
"She who used to be the key is still standing here, in the same room with the geeky former watcher. And I guess, you'll find nothing of use from me though. I mean unless you want a synopsis on the last decade of Dawson's Creek or something." Dawn replied ruefully.
Spike chuckled at the spunk of the girl and the three carried Dawn's belongings up to Spike apartment. Wesley then excused himself and let the former key and the former vampire catch up. Ten unpacked boxes and a pizza box later they had pretty much caught up on the three months they had spent apart.
"So, what are the rules, roomy?" Dawn asked.
"You don't live with your sister anymore, so don't expect me to go rummaging under your bed once a week for empty ice cream bowls." Spike said mischievously.
"Oh my God, I was like five then. I'm not five anymore." Dawn replied.
"No, suppose you're not. OK - I don't want any boys up here unless I'm here to supervise. And that's not up for discussion." Spike said in his best fatherly voice.
"Yeah, like anyone even notices me. What about Connor, he count?"
"No Connor doesn't count. I don't know how he managed to turn out so decent considering who the parents are, but I trust him. And aside from the no boys rule, this is a no fishing for compliments zone. If you expect me to be following you around all day telling you how beautiful and amazing you are, forget it. Cause you already know that your beautiful, and smart, and creative, and amazing." Spike replied.
Dawn smiled at that and gave Spike a hug before she went to get ready for bed in her new home. Dawn had honestly forgotten all about Buffy's letter in her truck.
After Cordelia and Angel had gone back to LA the months before hand Buffy spent a lot of time meditating and honing her slayer skills. She was in the best shape of her life. She could even think about Spike without bawling. She had become content. By no means bursting with joy, but didn't cry herself to sleep every night. She was beginning to feel more and more confident about her feelings for Spike. She decided that she was ready to at least have a conversation with the former vampire. Well, maybe not a conversation, but she wanted to let Spike know that she was finally willing to talk. She felt enough time had passed for them to begin to heal. They had done so many horrible things to one another that she had never thought they could be in the same room together without the hostility, but now she mostly just thought about how much she missed he bleach blond wonder. Buffy thought her best course of action would be to simply write Spike a letter. That way she could get out what she needed to without him contradicting her or looking at her with those haunted blue eyes.
Buffy sat at her desk two hours later, surrounded by dozens of crumpled up balls of paper. The Slayer sighed to herself. Writing had never been her strong point, along with math, science, reading, and history. She decided to stop trying to put what she wanted to say in some fancy form and to just be honest. She knew that Spike always appreciated honesty, and she doubted that he would look down on her if she couldn't find the right words for 'my life is miserable without you.' She labored on the letter for most of the night, rereading and rewriting where she found fit. She knew that these few pieces of paper wouldn't make everything great, but she did feel like they would at least bring some closure to some past wounds.
*************************
Dawn's stuff was scattered throughout the living room. She was getting ready to leave for LA. Due to an 'error' with some of her financial aid forms Dawn didn't have enough money to stay in the dorms. Buffy wondered if it was actually an accident, but she didn't broach the subject because the sister's had actually been getting along for the last couple of weeks. And nothing stirred up a fight faster than discussions about Spike. Spike had agreed to let Dawn stay in his extra bedroom for the year. He didn't see any harm in it, if nothing else he would have a maid to tidy up the place from time to time.
The Summer's women were in the kitchen, eating their last breakfast together before Dawn headed back to school. Both women were sad, but Buffy was actually relieved that Dawn was going to get out of Sunny Hell and have a chance to do something with her life.
"So, you all packed Dawny?" Buffy asked.
"Yeah, considering I've only actually been around for like five years, I've accumulated quite a bit of crap." Dawn said lightly.
"You could probably leave Pooh Bear's tree house fun set here, along with your Piglet sleeping bag and assorted Winnie the Pooh stuffed animals."
"I'll get rid of my stuff as soon as you get rid of Mr. Gordo." Dawn challenged.
"OK, fine, nothing will happen to your precious childhood memorabilia. I'm just saying that Spike probably doesn't have room for *everything* you own." Buffy replied.
"It's all right. Angel said I can store whatever doesn't fit in Spike's place at the hotel. It's no biggie. Besides, my moving situation is the least of my problems." Dawn said glumly.
"Why's that?"
"I have to almost take a double course load this semester. I missed quite a few classes last semester helping Connor with his make-up exams. So I have to kick-ass this time around or else it's bye-bye scholarship." Dawn pouted while she picked at her food.
"So, what's going on with you and Connor?" Buffy asked hopefully.
"Gross Buffy. I am not going to start dating my older sister's ex- boyfriend's son. That's just too much. Anyway, Connor totally thinks of me in that 'your such a great friend, like one of the guys' kinda way. We're just good friends Buffy, so stop mentally planning the wedding already." Dawn replied.
"Check no weddings, yet. Hey, I was wondering if you could do something for me?"
"Sure, as long as it doesn't have anything to do with spying on Cordelia and Angel, cause I totally thought you were over that."
"Nothing to do with Cordy or Angel. Actually, it has to do with Spike." Buffy mumbled the last few words.
"Please don't tell me you want to have another fight about child support or custody, cause it's getting pretty old."
"No, nothing like that. I was wondering if you could give him this letter for me?" Buffy asked.
And with that Buffy pulled a thick envelope, with Spike's name neatly written on it, out of her back jeans pocket and handed it to Dawn.
"This isn't going to make him cry, is it?" Dawn asked skeptically.
"It shouldn't. I mean it's an apology. A really long winded, but well deserved on his part kind of apology. I didn't want to mail it and then worry that he never got it. So I thought that maybe you could just give it to him. I wrote him because I felt way too weird just calling him out of the blue. You know?" Buffy nervously prattled on.
"Sure. No problem. I think it's great that you want to mend some bridges. Good for you Buffy." Dawn said with the best fake smile she could manage.
Dawn checked her watch and noticed that she had better get going if she wanted to miss LA's rush hour traffic. She put her plate in the sink and walked over to hug Buffy. They wished each other well and then they went and piled all of Dawn's belongs in Dawn's beat up 94' Dodge Ram. Dawn shoved the letter into her glove compartment and made a mental note to herself to give it to Spike when she reached his apartment.
****************************
Dawn pulled up to the apartment complex and practically ran up the five flights of stairs to Spike's apartment. She burst the door to find him and Wesley arguing over some old musty book. Spike looked at Dawn and mouthed a 'thank you' to her before standing up. He crossed the distance between them and gave her a big bear hug.
"Wesley, you remember Dawn, don't you?" Spike asked.
"Yes, she used to be the key. Actually I was wondering if I could maybe interview her later." Wesley asked.
"She who used to be the key is still standing here, in the same room with the geeky former watcher. And I guess, you'll find nothing of use from me though. I mean unless you want a synopsis on the last decade of Dawson's Creek or something." Dawn replied ruefully.
Spike chuckled at the spunk of the girl and the three carried Dawn's belongings up to Spike apartment. Wesley then excused himself and let the former key and the former vampire catch up. Ten unpacked boxes and a pizza box later they had pretty much caught up on the three months they had spent apart.
"So, what are the rules, roomy?" Dawn asked.
"You don't live with your sister anymore, so don't expect me to go rummaging under your bed once a week for empty ice cream bowls." Spike said mischievously.
"Oh my God, I was like five then. I'm not five anymore." Dawn replied.
"No, suppose you're not. OK - I don't want any boys up here unless I'm here to supervise. And that's not up for discussion." Spike said in his best fatherly voice.
"Yeah, like anyone even notices me. What about Connor, he count?"
"No Connor doesn't count. I don't know how he managed to turn out so decent considering who the parents are, but I trust him. And aside from the no boys rule, this is a no fishing for compliments zone. If you expect me to be following you around all day telling you how beautiful and amazing you are, forget it. Cause you already know that your beautiful, and smart, and creative, and amazing." Spike replied.
Dawn smiled at that and gave Spike a hug before she went to get ready for bed in her new home. Dawn had honestly forgotten all about Buffy's letter in her truck.