Moving On - December 2005
Chapter Thirty-Four
The Christmas party at the Hyperion was getting along splendidly. There was a huge Christmas tree lit up in the middle of the lobby and there was plenty of drinky to go around. Angel, who usually is an unbelievable scrooge this time a year, had the event catered while his friends and a few of his better clients mingled. He had taken Cordelia's suggestion that you had to spend money to make money and he was hoping to make buckets full of money for all the party was going to cost. He looked at his friends and smiled. He wished that the old Sunnydale gang could have made it, but Buffy politely had declined, using the excuse that she had to work Christmas Eve and she didn't want to have to drag Julia around on the holidays. Angel had even invited Xander and Anya, but they too declined, citing that they wanted to spend the holiday with Buffy, who had seemed pretty withdrawn and lonely lately.
Angel spied Spike, Dawn, and Wesley standing in the corner, laughing about something Dawn had just said. He smiled at the pretty young woman. He often wondered what was going on between Spike and Dawn lately, but he kept his reservations to himself. It was obvious to him that Dawn was head over heels in love with the former vampire and Angel wondered if Spike ever noticed. Part of him wanted things to work out with Spike and Buffy, but it had been years since the two had even spoken. It was clear that Buffy never made good on her promise to make amends with Spike. Maybe if he helped push a little, Dawn and Spike could eventually come together. They did look awfully cute together. Angel walked over to the trio.
"Hey, guys. What's so funny?" Angel asked.
"Dawn was just making fun of your hair." Spike answered teasingly.
Angel patted Spike on the shoulder, perhaps a little too hard, to remind the smaller man who was stronger. Angel then produced a piece of mistletoe from behind his back a eyed Dawn, a little flirtatiously.
"God Angel, you'd think that after hundred some odd years a bloke would take a hint. I mean no means no, you poofter." Spike jokingly said.
"You wish little man. Actually I was hoping to sneak a kiss from you lovely date." Angel replied, ignoring Spike's horrible joke.
With that Dawn walked up to Angel and gave him a simple kiss. Granted, it was a little more than how someone would kiss their grandmother, but there wasn't any gratuitous tongue action. Just as the kiss broke, Cordelia snuck up on Angel.
"Angel, just because I'm pushing thirty doesn't mean you have to trade me in for a younger model already." Cordelia said laughingly.
"You know that you're the only woman that I want." Angel replied seriously.
Angel tilted Cordelia's face up and gave her one helluva kiss. He then took her arm, so they could consult some clients. Wesley then excused himself, saying something about having to talk to Gunn about something.
"It must be nice." Dawn finally said.
"What's that pet?" Spike responded.
"To have what Angel and Cordelia have. You know? Their love is so simple and pure. I know that at times they seem like a couple of old marrieds, but I envy them."
"I understand, luv. Life would be a lot less difficult if we could all have the same kind of relationship as those two have. Afraid you don't always get what you want though." Spike replied, meaning the last remark on multiple levels.
The two stared at one another uncomfortably for a few moments before either of them spoke again. Dawn stared at Spike with adoration, she would do anything for him. She loved him. Spike stared at Dawn with confusion and curiosity. He often wondered when his nibblit had grown up. She certainly wasn't the awkward little school girl that had attempted to kiss him a few years ago. Unless you knew her, you wouldn't even know that she was only in her early twenties. She seemed years older, especially her eyes. A hundreds years worth of sadness filled those eyes. He knew that she still loved him, she had never stopped. Buffy hadn't attempted to contact him, she hadn't written or called. Dawn never talked about her around him, perhaps she met someone else. Maybe she moved on with her life. Maybe Dawn was what he needed. How did that song go - you can't always get what you want, but you just might find that sometimes you get what you need. Something like that anyway. And it's not that he didn't want Dawn, but he had never thought about her like that before. Maybe it was time for him to get over his ridiculous notions that he and Buffy were meant for one another. Maybe it was time for him to make someone he cared about deeply, happy.
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The Summer's Christmas party was far less exciting. Due to baby alert and OT, Buffy had gone out the day before Christmas Eve and bought a plastic tree. Decorations were thrown up haphazardly. It almost looked like a Christmas Tree, just not as pretty. Due to the fact that Xander, Anya, and Buffy really did have to work Christmas Eve, none of them had time to cook. There were a couple cartons of cheap eggnog and a couple empty pizza boxes scattering the living room.
"I wonder what the guys are up to in LA?" Xander asked.
"I'm sure their having a splendid time. Big Christmas party, flashing lights, good music, good friends, dancing, I'm almost a hundred percent sure that they're having a better time than we are. Why didn't we go Xander? I mean we could have gotten the day off work." Anya said pointedly.
"An, what did I tell you before we came over?" Xander asked, clearly embarrassed.
"Oh right, Buffy is being stubborn and is scared of seeing Spike, so instead of having actual fun, we get to spend our holiday with a miserable Slayer."
Buffy looked at the pair. She let a sad smile come across her lips. She knew that was why they didn't go, she just didn't want it thrown back in her face. She saw Xander making apologetically filled eyes at her and she simply laughed. She knew that they didn't really want to be at her house, hell she didn't want to be at her house, but she was glad they were there just the same.
"It's OK Xander. I don't really want to be hanging out here either. We're going to go up for New Years though. Dawn's coming up to pick Julia up the day before New Year's Eve and we'll go up there and have a blast."
"As long as Spike isn't there." Anya said.
"I'm sorry Anya, I'm just not ready to see him yet. I mean I poured my heart out to him and he didn't even have the decency to tell me to fuck off. I know it'll just be weird. Dawn doesn't bring Spike up at all, which means he undoubtedly has less than kind things to say about me." Buffy retorted.
"It'll be all right Buffy. Who knows, maybe we've all been wrong and you and Spike, well, maybe it wasn't meant to be. I don't want to get into a Spike bashing party, because I'm friends with the guy. But it doesn't mean that I think it's OK that he just ignored you like that. I mean that's kind of low." Xander replied.
"Well, Buffy. If you are ready to move on, I know this really great guy that's in real estate. He's always coming into the magic shop to by wards for his home buyers. I mean he's successful and he knows we're on a hellmouth, what more could you want? And he has these amazing shoulders, and a to die for smile. I could get his phone number if you want me to?" Anya added helpfully.
"Anya, if Buffy is ready to move on, I doubt she wants us throwing her into some freaky Love Connection from hell." Xander pointed out.
"I was just trying to help. I'm sorry, but I'm sick of whiny, mopey Buffy. She either hates Spike or loves Spike and I'm sick of hearing about it. Their time has passed. It seems that Spike has accepted this, why can't Buffy?" Anya quipped.
"What do you mean Spike has accepted this?" Buffy asked nervously.
"Well, he goes out on dates silly. He leaves the house, even when he doesn't absolutely have to. Get a clue Buffy. Move on already. This broken record thing is not appealing." Anya said, not meaning to be bitchy, but this is after all Anya.
"Anya." Xander began.
"No Xander, Anya's right. She could have chosen her wording a little better, but she's right. From now on there is no more Spike. He was a mistake. I shouldn't have wasted so much time on what ifs. I blew it, simple as that, it doesn't mean that I have to punish myself for eternity for it. I'm still cute. I mean, mother of a small child here, but there has to be guys out there that would want to go out with me, right?"
"Of course. A little makeup, touch up your roots, maybe some new clothes and we'll make you completely presentable." Anya beamed brightly.
"Thanks for you help honey." Xander winced.
"Not trying to change the subject here, never mind, I'm totally trying to change the subject. When's Willow coming home?" Buffy asked, knowing that Xander emailed her on a daily basis.
"Looks like she has the go ahead this summer. The council has given her rave reviews about her progress. And they dealt with the authorities here, meaning no one is going to bother her about Warren's death." Xander said.
"That's great. How is she dealing with Warren's death?" Buffy asked, honestly curious.
"Funny you should ask. Funny because you wanted to change the subject and all. But Giles and Willow told me that Spike has really pulled her through this. She told me she felt like kind of a cry baby after she realized everything that Spike had been through."
Buffy nodded numbly. Xander went on about Willow some more, but Buffy was only half listening. She wanted to cry, she wanted to scream, but she also knew that she had to move on with her life. She couldn't let anyone else see that she felt like she was being ripped apart on the inside.
The Christmas party at the Hyperion was getting along splendidly. There was a huge Christmas tree lit up in the middle of the lobby and there was plenty of drinky to go around. Angel, who usually is an unbelievable scrooge this time a year, had the event catered while his friends and a few of his better clients mingled. He had taken Cordelia's suggestion that you had to spend money to make money and he was hoping to make buckets full of money for all the party was going to cost. He looked at his friends and smiled. He wished that the old Sunnydale gang could have made it, but Buffy politely had declined, using the excuse that she had to work Christmas Eve and she didn't want to have to drag Julia around on the holidays. Angel had even invited Xander and Anya, but they too declined, citing that they wanted to spend the holiday with Buffy, who had seemed pretty withdrawn and lonely lately.
Angel spied Spike, Dawn, and Wesley standing in the corner, laughing about something Dawn had just said. He smiled at the pretty young woman. He often wondered what was going on between Spike and Dawn lately, but he kept his reservations to himself. It was obvious to him that Dawn was head over heels in love with the former vampire and Angel wondered if Spike ever noticed. Part of him wanted things to work out with Spike and Buffy, but it had been years since the two had even spoken. It was clear that Buffy never made good on her promise to make amends with Spike. Maybe if he helped push a little, Dawn and Spike could eventually come together. They did look awfully cute together. Angel walked over to the trio.
"Hey, guys. What's so funny?" Angel asked.
"Dawn was just making fun of your hair." Spike answered teasingly.
Angel patted Spike on the shoulder, perhaps a little too hard, to remind the smaller man who was stronger. Angel then produced a piece of mistletoe from behind his back a eyed Dawn, a little flirtatiously.
"God Angel, you'd think that after hundred some odd years a bloke would take a hint. I mean no means no, you poofter." Spike jokingly said.
"You wish little man. Actually I was hoping to sneak a kiss from you lovely date." Angel replied, ignoring Spike's horrible joke.
With that Dawn walked up to Angel and gave him a simple kiss. Granted, it was a little more than how someone would kiss their grandmother, but there wasn't any gratuitous tongue action. Just as the kiss broke, Cordelia snuck up on Angel.
"Angel, just because I'm pushing thirty doesn't mean you have to trade me in for a younger model already." Cordelia said laughingly.
"You know that you're the only woman that I want." Angel replied seriously.
Angel tilted Cordelia's face up and gave her one helluva kiss. He then took her arm, so they could consult some clients. Wesley then excused himself, saying something about having to talk to Gunn about something.
"It must be nice." Dawn finally said.
"What's that pet?" Spike responded.
"To have what Angel and Cordelia have. You know? Their love is so simple and pure. I know that at times they seem like a couple of old marrieds, but I envy them."
"I understand, luv. Life would be a lot less difficult if we could all have the same kind of relationship as those two have. Afraid you don't always get what you want though." Spike replied, meaning the last remark on multiple levels.
The two stared at one another uncomfortably for a few moments before either of them spoke again. Dawn stared at Spike with adoration, she would do anything for him. She loved him. Spike stared at Dawn with confusion and curiosity. He often wondered when his nibblit had grown up. She certainly wasn't the awkward little school girl that had attempted to kiss him a few years ago. Unless you knew her, you wouldn't even know that she was only in her early twenties. She seemed years older, especially her eyes. A hundreds years worth of sadness filled those eyes. He knew that she still loved him, she had never stopped. Buffy hadn't attempted to contact him, she hadn't written or called. Dawn never talked about her around him, perhaps she met someone else. Maybe she moved on with her life. Maybe Dawn was what he needed. How did that song go - you can't always get what you want, but you just might find that sometimes you get what you need. Something like that anyway. And it's not that he didn't want Dawn, but he had never thought about her like that before. Maybe it was time for him to get over his ridiculous notions that he and Buffy were meant for one another. Maybe it was time for him to make someone he cared about deeply, happy.
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The Summer's Christmas party was far less exciting. Due to baby alert and OT, Buffy had gone out the day before Christmas Eve and bought a plastic tree. Decorations were thrown up haphazardly. It almost looked like a Christmas Tree, just not as pretty. Due to the fact that Xander, Anya, and Buffy really did have to work Christmas Eve, none of them had time to cook. There were a couple cartons of cheap eggnog and a couple empty pizza boxes scattering the living room.
"I wonder what the guys are up to in LA?" Xander asked.
"I'm sure their having a splendid time. Big Christmas party, flashing lights, good music, good friends, dancing, I'm almost a hundred percent sure that they're having a better time than we are. Why didn't we go Xander? I mean we could have gotten the day off work." Anya said pointedly.
"An, what did I tell you before we came over?" Xander asked, clearly embarrassed.
"Oh right, Buffy is being stubborn and is scared of seeing Spike, so instead of having actual fun, we get to spend our holiday with a miserable Slayer."
Buffy looked at the pair. She let a sad smile come across her lips. She knew that was why they didn't go, she just didn't want it thrown back in her face. She saw Xander making apologetically filled eyes at her and she simply laughed. She knew that they didn't really want to be at her house, hell she didn't want to be at her house, but she was glad they were there just the same.
"It's OK Xander. I don't really want to be hanging out here either. We're going to go up for New Years though. Dawn's coming up to pick Julia up the day before New Year's Eve and we'll go up there and have a blast."
"As long as Spike isn't there." Anya said.
"I'm sorry Anya, I'm just not ready to see him yet. I mean I poured my heart out to him and he didn't even have the decency to tell me to fuck off. I know it'll just be weird. Dawn doesn't bring Spike up at all, which means he undoubtedly has less than kind things to say about me." Buffy retorted.
"It'll be all right Buffy. Who knows, maybe we've all been wrong and you and Spike, well, maybe it wasn't meant to be. I don't want to get into a Spike bashing party, because I'm friends with the guy. But it doesn't mean that I think it's OK that he just ignored you like that. I mean that's kind of low." Xander replied.
"Well, Buffy. If you are ready to move on, I know this really great guy that's in real estate. He's always coming into the magic shop to by wards for his home buyers. I mean he's successful and he knows we're on a hellmouth, what more could you want? And he has these amazing shoulders, and a to die for smile. I could get his phone number if you want me to?" Anya added helpfully.
"Anya, if Buffy is ready to move on, I doubt she wants us throwing her into some freaky Love Connection from hell." Xander pointed out.
"I was just trying to help. I'm sorry, but I'm sick of whiny, mopey Buffy. She either hates Spike or loves Spike and I'm sick of hearing about it. Their time has passed. It seems that Spike has accepted this, why can't Buffy?" Anya quipped.
"What do you mean Spike has accepted this?" Buffy asked nervously.
"Well, he goes out on dates silly. He leaves the house, even when he doesn't absolutely have to. Get a clue Buffy. Move on already. This broken record thing is not appealing." Anya said, not meaning to be bitchy, but this is after all Anya.
"Anya." Xander began.
"No Xander, Anya's right. She could have chosen her wording a little better, but she's right. From now on there is no more Spike. He was a mistake. I shouldn't have wasted so much time on what ifs. I blew it, simple as that, it doesn't mean that I have to punish myself for eternity for it. I'm still cute. I mean, mother of a small child here, but there has to be guys out there that would want to go out with me, right?"
"Of course. A little makeup, touch up your roots, maybe some new clothes and we'll make you completely presentable." Anya beamed brightly.
"Thanks for you help honey." Xander winced.
"Not trying to change the subject here, never mind, I'm totally trying to change the subject. When's Willow coming home?" Buffy asked, knowing that Xander emailed her on a daily basis.
"Looks like she has the go ahead this summer. The council has given her rave reviews about her progress. And they dealt with the authorities here, meaning no one is going to bother her about Warren's death." Xander said.
"That's great. How is she dealing with Warren's death?" Buffy asked, honestly curious.
"Funny you should ask. Funny because you wanted to change the subject and all. But Giles and Willow told me that Spike has really pulled her through this. She told me she felt like kind of a cry baby after she realized everything that Spike had been through."
Buffy nodded numbly. Xander went on about Willow some more, but Buffy was only half listening. She wanted to cry, she wanted to scream, but she also knew that she had to move on with her life. She couldn't let anyone else see that she felt like she was being ripped apart on the inside.