Understanding - February-June 2006
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Spike and Dawn had come to an understanding of sorts. If there ever was a relationship based on convenience, this was it. It was almost as if they skipped passed the blinding passion and cute nicknames right to being in a comfortable married like partnership. No one could understand it. Well, Angel and the gang couldn't figure it out and neither could the small remainder of the Scoobies. They were all at the point where they were all for Buffy and Spike moving their separate ways, it's just no one thought that Spike would move on with Dawn. It actually was kind of creepy to Fred, Gunn, and Wesley.
"So when did they hook up?" Gunn asked.
"I guess around New Years." Wes replied.
"Am I the only one that thinks badness is going to come from this?" Fred asked meekly.
"No sweetie, the Slayer is going to blow her motor when she finds out." Gunn said.
"I'm certainly not going to tell her. Why are we even talking about what Dawn and William do in the privacy of their own home?" Wes added.
"Shop gossip I suspect. It's no fun unless you know every innate detail of your co-worker's lives." Angel said.
The three guilty looked up at Angel, knowing they had been busted. What were they supposed to do though? Just accept the fact that Dawn and Spike were now lovers? It just seemed so sudden to all of them, and weird. They could all see it. There wasn't enough flame between those two to light a match, much less carry on a romantic relationship.
"Oh come on dead guy. You think it's just as creepy as the rest of us do." Gunn finally spoke up.
"I admit it is a little odd, but we have to give them their space to discover their feelings for one another." Angel said.
"I think I could tell them right now." Fred began. "They're using one another, plain and simple."
"How do you mean?" Wes asked.
"This is just a theory, but we all know that Dawn has had this unhealthy thing for Spike for what a decade now? And we all know that Spike is in love with Buffy. I don't care what any of you say, a love like that doesn't die within a matter of a few years. Dawn is using Spike as a security blanket and visa versa. If they are with one another, they don't have to face the possibility of being alone, or worse yet - having their heart broken."
"Yeah, but Spike hooking up with Dawn isn't helping his chances with Buffy. And Dawn getting together with Spike, isn't that going to make things kind of tense between her and her sister?" Gunn contradicted.
"But Spike thinks that Buffy doesn't even think about him anymore. We all know that Dawn doesn't say two words about her when she's around Spike. And none of the rest of do either. Face it guys, we all got sick of listening to Will whine about Buffy a long time ago. None of us wanted to hear about it anymore. It's easier to just not bring her up in front of him. If you think about it, for all Will knows Buffy has a boyfriend or something."
"Why Dawn though?" Angel inquired.
"No fear of rejection. He knows that she loves him unconditionally. He can be himself around her. And we all know that Dawn and Buffy don't really get along, so I'm doubting that Dawn has even taken into consideration Buffy's feelings. She's in some happy land of denial, thinking that if she shares a bed with Will, then she's really with him."
"Should we do something?" Gunn asked.
"Like what? Tell them they're making a huge mistake? That will just drive them closer together." Angel added seriously.
"I guess we just hope that they eventually come to their senses." Fred ended.
***************************
Buffy heard about Dawn and Spike through the grapevine. Actually, Dawn told Fred, who told Angel, who told Wesley, who told Giles, who told Xander, who told her. It was a little strange to be the last one to know. She was crushed at first, angry. There wasn't a vampire alive in Sunnydale after the first week of finding out. She felt crushed and betrayed. She had spent the last few months dealing with that fact that he was gone, but she was not ready to deal with the fact that her own sister was with him now. After the first couple of weeks it died down to a deep seeded sadness, she knew that this all could have been avoided if she would have been honest with Spike in the first place.
"How could she do this to me?" Buffy whined at Willow over the phone.
The two were having their bi-weekly phone conversation. Willow insisted that she should be able to communicate with her friends in some way. She didn't want to be completely out of the loop when she returned home.
"Buffy, I don't think it's that simple." Willow gently replied.
"OK fine. How could he do this to me? I mean anyone but Dawn. I think I could have dealt OK if he would have ended up with Anya, or even you, Willow."
"Thanks for the blessing Buffy, but I'm still gay. I don't think they are plotting revenge against you or anything." Willow added.
"It feels like it though, Will. I mean I said I was sorry. I really wanted to work things out with him." Buffy said miserably.
"Maybe he never got your message. Maybe this is all a big misunderstanding. Maybe you should just try to talk to him about this."
"Yeah, I'm going to call him up and let him know that his scheme worked, that I'm miserable without him and jealous as hell." Buffy fumed.
"Do you want me to talk to him?" Willow asked helpfully.
"No. I don't want you, Xander, or Anya to bring this up to him. I don't want him to win. The next time I see him, I'm going to have a smug smile plastered to my face, a great looking guy on my arm, and he'll be the one that's jealous." Buffy replied.
"Buffy, maybe it would be best for everyone if you were just honest with him." Willow pleaded.
"No. I do not want any of you talking to him about me." Buffy said firmly.
"Fine. So you think that he and Dawn are, you know, happy?" Willow asked.
"Who knows. Dawn hardly ever talks to me and when she does it's filled with disdain and hostility. The only thing I know for sure is that everyone else is just as weirded out by this as I am."
"It is a little weird, I have to admit. I just can't picture Dawn and Spike together, like that. I know they're really good friends, but there never seemed to be any chemistry there." Willow said, hoping that she was being helpful.
"Yeah, I know. I'm not going to deal with it right now. I'm just going to think about Dawn and Spike doing naked things together. It's just way too creepy."
"Not disagreeing with you. So, how's everything else?" Willow asked, relieved to change the subject.
"Anya and Xander are on another break. It's getting almost as irritating as the me and Spike thing." Buffy huffed.
"Now, don't say that. Nothing will ever be as irritating as you complaining about Spike, or him complaining about you." Willow said teasingly.
"Thanks for the support." Buffy responded sarcastically.
"Hey Buff, I gotta go. I'll talked to you later. Don't get down on yourself about this. Just don't think about it. I'll be home be ya know it and we'll work this all out." Willow said.
"Thanks, Willow. What would I do with out you?" Buffy responded.
"Probably would have pulled all of your hair out by now." Willow replied brightly.
The two young women exchanged their good-byes and hung up the phone. Willow sighed. She knew there was something wrong about Spike and Dawn being together. She just couldn't put her finger on it. She wanted to talk to Spike about it, but she had promised Buffy she wouldn't. And she didn't want to make matters any worse than they were. She got up from her bed and went downstairs to have her weekly evaluation.
*************************
Spike looked down at Dawn with a weak smile. She was sound asleep. He sighed to himself. Most blokes would be delighted with a woman like Dawn. Spike on the other hand was mentally counting all the ways that she wasn't like his Slayer. He was content though. He knew in his heart that he could never love Dawn like he loved Buffy, but he tried to make the best of the situation. He did have a genuine affection for the girl and the two had a great time together. They had defined their relationship about four months ago and Dawn had finally accepted the fact that he wasn't ready to be sexually involved with her yet.
He knew he was putting off the inevitable though. Eventually he would have to explain to Dawn that he didn't want to sleep with her because it still felt like he was cheating on Buffy. She had attempted on more than one occasion to relieve his sexual frustrations, but he always made some excuse for her not to. It wasn't even that he wasn't physically attracted to her, because he was. It was just too hard to him to grasp the concept of him actually having sex with her. Most of the time the idea gave him cold chills. It was one thing for them to play house, hold hands, share a bed, a sexual relationship was a whole other can of worms that he didn't feel like dealing with at the moment.
*Bloody hell* he muttered to himself, slipping out onto the balcony to have a smoke. Every part of his being told him this was wrong, that he was using Dawn. It seemed like every time he tried to push her away, the closer it was that she clung to him. He also knew the others didn't approve. He hated the way that Peaches looked at him when he was with Dawn. In all honesty, Spike couldn't blame him for the looks of disgust. He had no clue what he had gotten himself into. There was no right way to handle the situation for the moment. He sighed as he tossed his butt into the planter. He turned around to find Dawn staring at him.
"Whatcha doin?" She asked casually.
"Thinking about you, pet." Spike answered, honestly.
"Come on, lets go back to bed." Dawn said, pulling her ex-vampire back in the dark apartment.
****************************
Dawn felt that things had progressed pretty well over the past six months. She and Spike still hadn't 'done it' yet, but she understood that he needed to take his time. She wasn't a teenager anymore, but sex still scared her a little. She remembered hearing about Buffy's first time, and about Xander's, and about Cordelia's and she figured she could wait to have sex.
Dawn was wrapped in her snug blanket of denial. She chose not to notice the strange look her friends gave her when she was with Spike. She didn't pay attention when Spike looked at her with sad, defeated blue eyes. Things were working out the way she wanted them to for once. She was going to make Spike happy. She knew she was.
Dawn was at the car wash, lost in her thoughts, emptying empty pop bottles and fast food bags into a garbage bag. She reached over to go the glove compartment. She came across about five years worth of insurance cards that she tossed into the bag. Then a bulky letter fell out. It had Spike's name written on the envelope. She stared at before recognition hit her. She worriedly flipped the letter through her hands before deciding to go ahead and open it.
Tears were streaming down her face as she read her sisters heart felt words. She knew that Buffy had never been one for her eloquent words, but this brutally honest letter was a bit of poetry in itself. Dawn struggled with what to do. She knew that Spike would leave her and run back to Buffy if he read this letter. But she also knew that if Buffy hadn't brought the letter up yet, then she probably wouldn't. Dawn knew how stubborn her sister could be.
Dawn finally came to the conclusion that everyone would be better off if Spike never read this letter. She was making him happy, she could make things work between them. Spike and her sister were miserable together, why put them through that torment again? After about an hour of sitting in her now clean truck Dawn had convinced herself that no one ever needed to read this particular letter again. For some reason though, she never threw it away. She neatly folded it back up and put it in the glove compartment.
Spike and Dawn had come to an understanding of sorts. If there ever was a relationship based on convenience, this was it. It was almost as if they skipped passed the blinding passion and cute nicknames right to being in a comfortable married like partnership. No one could understand it. Well, Angel and the gang couldn't figure it out and neither could the small remainder of the Scoobies. They were all at the point where they were all for Buffy and Spike moving their separate ways, it's just no one thought that Spike would move on with Dawn. It actually was kind of creepy to Fred, Gunn, and Wesley.
"So when did they hook up?" Gunn asked.
"I guess around New Years." Wes replied.
"Am I the only one that thinks badness is going to come from this?" Fred asked meekly.
"No sweetie, the Slayer is going to blow her motor when she finds out." Gunn said.
"I'm certainly not going to tell her. Why are we even talking about what Dawn and William do in the privacy of their own home?" Wes added.
"Shop gossip I suspect. It's no fun unless you know every innate detail of your co-worker's lives." Angel said.
The three guilty looked up at Angel, knowing they had been busted. What were they supposed to do though? Just accept the fact that Dawn and Spike were now lovers? It just seemed so sudden to all of them, and weird. They could all see it. There wasn't enough flame between those two to light a match, much less carry on a romantic relationship.
"Oh come on dead guy. You think it's just as creepy as the rest of us do." Gunn finally spoke up.
"I admit it is a little odd, but we have to give them their space to discover their feelings for one another." Angel said.
"I think I could tell them right now." Fred began. "They're using one another, plain and simple."
"How do you mean?" Wes asked.
"This is just a theory, but we all know that Dawn has had this unhealthy thing for Spike for what a decade now? And we all know that Spike is in love with Buffy. I don't care what any of you say, a love like that doesn't die within a matter of a few years. Dawn is using Spike as a security blanket and visa versa. If they are with one another, they don't have to face the possibility of being alone, or worse yet - having their heart broken."
"Yeah, but Spike hooking up with Dawn isn't helping his chances with Buffy. And Dawn getting together with Spike, isn't that going to make things kind of tense between her and her sister?" Gunn contradicted.
"But Spike thinks that Buffy doesn't even think about him anymore. We all know that Dawn doesn't say two words about her when she's around Spike. And none of the rest of do either. Face it guys, we all got sick of listening to Will whine about Buffy a long time ago. None of us wanted to hear about it anymore. It's easier to just not bring her up in front of him. If you think about it, for all Will knows Buffy has a boyfriend or something."
"Why Dawn though?" Angel inquired.
"No fear of rejection. He knows that she loves him unconditionally. He can be himself around her. And we all know that Dawn and Buffy don't really get along, so I'm doubting that Dawn has even taken into consideration Buffy's feelings. She's in some happy land of denial, thinking that if she shares a bed with Will, then she's really with him."
"Should we do something?" Gunn asked.
"Like what? Tell them they're making a huge mistake? That will just drive them closer together." Angel added seriously.
"I guess we just hope that they eventually come to their senses." Fred ended.
***************************
Buffy heard about Dawn and Spike through the grapevine. Actually, Dawn told Fred, who told Angel, who told Wesley, who told Giles, who told Xander, who told her. It was a little strange to be the last one to know. She was crushed at first, angry. There wasn't a vampire alive in Sunnydale after the first week of finding out. She felt crushed and betrayed. She had spent the last few months dealing with that fact that he was gone, but she was not ready to deal with the fact that her own sister was with him now. After the first couple of weeks it died down to a deep seeded sadness, she knew that this all could have been avoided if she would have been honest with Spike in the first place.
"How could she do this to me?" Buffy whined at Willow over the phone.
The two were having their bi-weekly phone conversation. Willow insisted that she should be able to communicate with her friends in some way. She didn't want to be completely out of the loop when she returned home.
"Buffy, I don't think it's that simple." Willow gently replied.
"OK fine. How could he do this to me? I mean anyone but Dawn. I think I could have dealt OK if he would have ended up with Anya, or even you, Willow."
"Thanks for the blessing Buffy, but I'm still gay. I don't think they are plotting revenge against you or anything." Willow added.
"It feels like it though, Will. I mean I said I was sorry. I really wanted to work things out with him." Buffy said miserably.
"Maybe he never got your message. Maybe this is all a big misunderstanding. Maybe you should just try to talk to him about this."
"Yeah, I'm going to call him up and let him know that his scheme worked, that I'm miserable without him and jealous as hell." Buffy fumed.
"Do you want me to talk to him?" Willow asked helpfully.
"No. I don't want you, Xander, or Anya to bring this up to him. I don't want him to win. The next time I see him, I'm going to have a smug smile plastered to my face, a great looking guy on my arm, and he'll be the one that's jealous." Buffy replied.
"Buffy, maybe it would be best for everyone if you were just honest with him." Willow pleaded.
"No. I do not want any of you talking to him about me." Buffy said firmly.
"Fine. So you think that he and Dawn are, you know, happy?" Willow asked.
"Who knows. Dawn hardly ever talks to me and when she does it's filled with disdain and hostility. The only thing I know for sure is that everyone else is just as weirded out by this as I am."
"It is a little weird, I have to admit. I just can't picture Dawn and Spike together, like that. I know they're really good friends, but there never seemed to be any chemistry there." Willow said, hoping that she was being helpful.
"Yeah, I know. I'm not going to deal with it right now. I'm just going to think about Dawn and Spike doing naked things together. It's just way too creepy."
"Not disagreeing with you. So, how's everything else?" Willow asked, relieved to change the subject.
"Anya and Xander are on another break. It's getting almost as irritating as the me and Spike thing." Buffy huffed.
"Now, don't say that. Nothing will ever be as irritating as you complaining about Spike, or him complaining about you." Willow said teasingly.
"Thanks for the support." Buffy responded sarcastically.
"Hey Buff, I gotta go. I'll talked to you later. Don't get down on yourself about this. Just don't think about it. I'll be home be ya know it and we'll work this all out." Willow said.
"Thanks, Willow. What would I do with out you?" Buffy responded.
"Probably would have pulled all of your hair out by now." Willow replied brightly.
The two young women exchanged their good-byes and hung up the phone. Willow sighed. She knew there was something wrong about Spike and Dawn being together. She just couldn't put her finger on it. She wanted to talk to Spike about it, but she had promised Buffy she wouldn't. And she didn't want to make matters any worse than they were. She got up from her bed and went downstairs to have her weekly evaluation.
*************************
Spike looked down at Dawn with a weak smile. She was sound asleep. He sighed to himself. Most blokes would be delighted with a woman like Dawn. Spike on the other hand was mentally counting all the ways that she wasn't like his Slayer. He was content though. He knew in his heart that he could never love Dawn like he loved Buffy, but he tried to make the best of the situation. He did have a genuine affection for the girl and the two had a great time together. They had defined their relationship about four months ago and Dawn had finally accepted the fact that he wasn't ready to be sexually involved with her yet.
He knew he was putting off the inevitable though. Eventually he would have to explain to Dawn that he didn't want to sleep with her because it still felt like he was cheating on Buffy. She had attempted on more than one occasion to relieve his sexual frustrations, but he always made some excuse for her not to. It wasn't even that he wasn't physically attracted to her, because he was. It was just too hard to him to grasp the concept of him actually having sex with her. Most of the time the idea gave him cold chills. It was one thing for them to play house, hold hands, share a bed, a sexual relationship was a whole other can of worms that he didn't feel like dealing with at the moment.
*Bloody hell* he muttered to himself, slipping out onto the balcony to have a smoke. Every part of his being told him this was wrong, that he was using Dawn. It seemed like every time he tried to push her away, the closer it was that she clung to him. He also knew the others didn't approve. He hated the way that Peaches looked at him when he was with Dawn. In all honesty, Spike couldn't blame him for the looks of disgust. He had no clue what he had gotten himself into. There was no right way to handle the situation for the moment. He sighed as he tossed his butt into the planter. He turned around to find Dawn staring at him.
"Whatcha doin?" She asked casually.
"Thinking about you, pet." Spike answered, honestly.
"Come on, lets go back to bed." Dawn said, pulling her ex-vampire back in the dark apartment.
****************************
Dawn felt that things had progressed pretty well over the past six months. She and Spike still hadn't 'done it' yet, but she understood that he needed to take his time. She wasn't a teenager anymore, but sex still scared her a little. She remembered hearing about Buffy's first time, and about Xander's, and about Cordelia's and she figured she could wait to have sex.
Dawn was wrapped in her snug blanket of denial. She chose not to notice the strange look her friends gave her when she was with Spike. She didn't pay attention when Spike looked at her with sad, defeated blue eyes. Things were working out the way she wanted them to for once. She was going to make Spike happy. She knew she was.
Dawn was at the car wash, lost in her thoughts, emptying empty pop bottles and fast food bags into a garbage bag. She reached over to go the glove compartment. She came across about five years worth of insurance cards that she tossed into the bag. Then a bulky letter fell out. It had Spike's name written on the envelope. She stared at before recognition hit her. She worriedly flipped the letter through her hands before deciding to go ahead and open it.
Tears were streaming down her face as she read her sisters heart felt words. She knew that Buffy had never been one for her eloquent words, but this brutally honest letter was a bit of poetry in itself. Dawn struggled with what to do. She knew that Spike would leave her and run back to Buffy if he read this letter. But she also knew that if Buffy hadn't brought the letter up yet, then she probably wouldn't. Dawn knew how stubborn her sister could be.
Dawn finally came to the conclusion that everyone would be better off if Spike never read this letter. She was making him happy, she could make things work between them. Spike and her sister were miserable together, why put them through that torment again? After about an hour of sitting in her now clean truck Dawn had convinced herself that no one ever needed to read this particular letter again. For some reason though, she never threw it away. She neatly folded it back up and put it in the glove compartment.