What About Me?
Chapter One
***
Wednesday, March 20, A.C. 202
"Give me liberty, or give me death."
I'll tell ya what. Give me the controls to the plane and maybe we'll survive.
Piloting my own shuttle is infinitly more preferrable than handing over the controls to some incompoot. Public transportation sucks. I knew I should've just had Quatre arrange for my own shuttle, damn it! At least I would be by myself. I sneak a cautious glance at the people around me. Eek! The attendant! I hide my face behind a magazine and whimper as she passes by. I made the mistake of asking her for peanuts earlier. I think she's related to Heero somehow. Fifth cousin five times removed or something.
I am serioiusly considering jumping for joy as I desend from the plane. That was the most terribly hair-raising ride I ever had. Forget piloting a gundam. Forget the time I let Heero pilot the shuttle. That pilot needs his license revoked.
At least I know Customs will be easy. Not only do I have only one bag, but I have a magical little item known as a Preventor badge. Never leave home without it.
I find my ride, but it's driver is mysteriously absent. I find him in the ladies restroom. Hey, I'd looked everywhere else! Geez. Not that I would ever sneak into a ladies' restroom under any other circumstances. Hey, I'm gay, remember. Cough, cough.
I pry the man from a stall where he was oogling ladies' legs and, enduring several thwaps from a stringent old lady who paid no attention to the fact that I was saving her from a pervert, managed to extract him from the restroom and to the car.
Oops.
He and that airplane pilot must also be fifth cousins five times removed.
I'm having a bad day.
As usual, the stupid dog was barking at 3 o'clock. Fate works in strange ways, because if I hadn't already been up attempting to silence the dog - that's the polite way of saying it - Noin could be suffering from some serious damage to the ear. Digustingly cheerful for three o'clock in the morning, she informed me that it was in my best intrests to haul ass to Tokyo ASAP. Considering that Lady Une hadn't called me to Earth in two years, I decided to spare myself the wrath of Lady Une and just go. So I hauled my tired ass onto a plane, after first leaving Hilde a note, and headed for Tokyo. I'm currenty standing in the main lobby of Preventors' Tokyo Headquarters, watching a bubbly - and sadly, middle-age - secretary flash me sedutive glances as she haules my bag away to God only knows where. Another overly-happy person escorts me to Lady Une's office. I roll my eyes as I follow her large swaying behind. I know my way, thank you. What, do they think I'm going to steal something? A smile curves my lips as I think, Well, I was once a reknowed thief on L2.
"Here you go, Mr. Maxwell!" the women chirps. "Have a nice time!"
"Sure," I say with a grin as I enter the room. "The Lady", as we - well, I - call her, has excellent taste. The walls are a light tan and decorated with soothing watercolors, and the beige carpet blends nicely. Lady Une looks up from her desk and motions for me to head to the adjoining conference room before resuming her conversation with whoever is on the phone.
I find Noin in there waiting for me. "Duo," she says warmly, shaking my hand.
"Hey, Noin," I say easily, moving to plop myself into a chair in my usual manner, but with a touch more exhaustion than usual, as I have been up since three in the morning and got no sleep whatsoever on that plane ride from hell. "What's so important I had to be called at so damn early in the morning?"
"Oh shut up, Duo. You were awake." Damn. Knew I shouldn't've have told her about the dog.
"Sorry," Lady Une apologizes as she walks into the room. "Business." I study her carefully. She looks haggard; her usually shiny brown hair hangs limply to her shoulders and underneath her eyes are smudged bags.
"Something keeping you up at night?" I ask, wagging my eyebrows suggestively.
Lady Une laughs. "I wish," she tells me, settling into the chair across from me with a sigh. Noin sits to her right. "So Duo," she says lightly. "How have you been?"
I frown. Une's not one for small talk. "Cut the bullshit." Me neither, apparently. "Why am I here?"
Une sighs. "You're too sharp, Duo."
"Thanks, I think."
Ignoring me, - gee, how unusual - Une thinks for a moment. "You're aware Heero left on that assignment for Preventers last year, am I correct?"
"Yeah." According to Quatre, Heero left January last year on a mission for Preventers. Apparently, a huge gang was forming. Preventers sent Heero to check it out. It was a huge deal, supposed to take 3 or 4 years or something. I strech lazily in my chair and let out a huge yawn. Glad I didn't go.
"Why? Relena gone crazy because her knight in shining armor isn't around?" I say cooly, trying not to look affected at the mention of Heero.
Lady Une and Noin glance at each other, then me, then each other again meaningfully. I look at them too from under my lashes. Did they catch some underlying tension in my voice?
"Hey, curious braided wonder over here. What's goin' on?"
"Duo," Noin says softly, leaning forward. "On February 2nd, Relena was admitted to St. Gabriel's Mental Institution."
I feel my eyes bulge out of my head. "What?!" I squeak. "You mean Relena's drawing pretty little pictures of flowers on the wall?"
Lady Une's eyes narrow. "Precisely," she says.
I swallow. Sucks to be Sank right now. "But what's that got to do with me, Lady Une?" I ask, gesturing helplessly at myself.
"Because. You're now the guardian of Victoria."
I blink in surprise. "Who's Victoria? Their pet dog or something?"
Noin chokes on a laugh. "She's Heero and Relena's daughter."
"That's a little different from a dog," I muse. Suddenly, I spring up out of my chair. "Hold on a second!" I cry. "You don't seriously expect me to take care of a baby! Hell no!"
Noin sighs. "It's in the will, Duo. 'Under the circumstances that neither parent is available to care for the child, Duo Maxwell shall be appointed as legal guardian.' Heero had this drawn up before he left, like some sort of insurance policy in case something happened to either of them. More likely he considered himself to tbe the injured party, but he included both of them in the terms, just in case. Relena's mentally unstable, so she can't take care of the baby, and Heero's hidden deep somewhere in Asia. He might even be dead, for all we know."
Well, that's not cheery news. "What about Zechs? He's her uncle, for crying out loud."
"Zechs is on Mars, Duo," Noin answers. "Connections to Mars are still shaky at best. We couldn't reach him even if we wanted too." Ouch. Guess Noin's still a little sore about Zechs making her stay behind. "And if we DID get ahold of him, it wouldn't matter because he only becomes guardian if you're unable to take the baby!"
"Well, then, he'd better buy some baby care books, then," I say cheerfully. Babies and toddlers - I begin to sweat. "Glad it's all settled. I got work back home to do! Bye!" I start towards the door, but Lady Une's tired voice stops me.
"Please, Duo." Her exhausted plea stops me in my tracks. I turn around to face her. "We need you to take Victoria. We don't even know who's going to get to head Sank right now." Lady Une stands up, walkes over to the window and restes her forehead against it. "I'm taking care of Victoria, but she's a seven month old baby. I can't take care of her, Mariameia, and run Preventers at the same time. Maybe if things weren't such a mess but..." She blew out a hard puff of air, ruffling her bangs. "I just can't do it right now, Duo. I hate to say it, but we have more important issues that trying to find a home for a little baby."
"Why don't you see her?" Sally askes, poking her golden head into the room, her usual soft smile on her face. "C'mon Duo, you'll love her the moment you see her!"
"Sally! Bu-" Before I can finish, Sally grabs my hand and starts pulling me down a hall, talking a mile a minute about this cute little adorable baby. I smile wryly. Sally never did take 'no' for an answer; she just dragged you where ever she wanted to go anyway. You think of Sally as a calm person, but you'd be surprised at her energy when she's passionate about something. I think of Wufei and snicker. Poor guy.
I reconsize the medical section of Preventers, which Sally seems to know her way around very well. I muse on that. "You work here now?" I ask as she shoulders open a door.
"Yup. Got tired of Wufei coming home with gunshot wounds and things he wouldn't get treated for while at work." I raise an eyebrow at that but say nothing more as Sally drags me over to a cradle. "Here she is! Isn't she the cutiest thing you've ever seen?"
I look with trepidition into the basket. Looks innocent enough. I guess. Victoria lays on her back, feet pointing up into the air. She grabs her toes with her hands and lets out a little baby squeal, smiling a mouthful of gums at me. I hear Sally snicker at the look on my face. She's clever, damn her. She knew I couldn't resist once I saw her. Damn my maternial nature.
"Can I pick her up?" I ask, carefully not looking at Sally.
"Sure." Sally giggles; my hands didn't wait for her answer and I'm carefully holding the baby in my arms. I vaguely remember Sister Helen telling me the correct way to hold a baby and I adjust, supporting Victoria's head and bottom with my hands. Sally looks on with approval.
"See, Duo? It's not so hard." She smiles at me. I glance over.
"Yeah, the holding part is easy, but Sally..." I shift Victoria to my shoulder. Carefully. "I don't know the first thing about diapers and feeding and clothes and..."
Sally rolls her eyes. "That's what I'm here for, silly." Her eyes sparkle at me. "You can stay at Quatre's a week or two. That's more than enough time to get in a little 'training' on how to take care of babies. Plus, Hilde'll be on L2 when you get back. She'll help you."
I snort. "Hilde knows less about babies than I do!"
Sally chuckles and waggles a finger in my face. "No, I think she'll know exactly what to do. Women have built-in instincts when it comes to babies. It'll be fine."
"Bu-" I start, but again Sally cuts me off.
"What's this fixation on 'buts' Duo?" My little hentai mind comes up with a comment to that, but I cut it off before it can pass my lips. No need to contaminate the baby - yet. Ok-ay, cutting that train of thought off... "Everthing will be fine! It's easy. Trust me. Have I ever let you down before?" she asks, looking earestly into my face.
"Yes," I say without hestation, and Sally bursts out laughing. I can't help the tiny twitching of my lips, and Sally just shakes her head at me before moving to one of the cabinets in the room. She pulls out several duffel bags, the contents of which I have a pretty good idea of. But, being the sucker for punishment that I am, I ask Sally a question. "...What's in there?"
Sally glances up. "Baby stuff!" she says cheerfully, and I groan at her enthusiasm. She finishes stuffing the bags to the brim and walks over. "Here," she says, taking Victoria from me. "I'll trade you," and hands me the bags. I almost fall over; it feels like she stuffed half of Heavyarms Custom in here! Heavyarms Custom weighed A LOT. I would know.
"Wha- hey wait! That's not fair!" I holler, lumbering awkwardly after her with the 'baby stuff'. "Hey, wai- errr. I hate you, Sally! You're a cruel women!" I almost trip going down the stairs. "Wufei was right about your species!"
Sally just laughs in my face. I hate women.
***
I glare icily at Wufei as Quatre puts a cup of coffee in front of me. The poor Chinese man is about to die. Either by my hand or the fact that he can't breathe because he's laughing so hard... I don't know yet. I pounce on the scalding liquid and eagarly slurp it down, vowing never to discuss my cronicles with women with Wufei ever again. Quatre and Wufei watch me guzzle in mild fascination; Trowa is immune. He's seen me drink coffee straight from the pot a zillion times during our late-night discussions. We are a pretty phiscophical pair, believe it or not. Hey! What was that look for?
"Ew..." Wufei looks sick. Like, 'green and I'm going to throw up all over this REALLY expensive rug' sick. "Black AND pipping hot."
"Yeah... I thought you'd be more of a cream and sugar person," Quatre says, smiling over at me.
I shake my head, my mouth still full of coffee. "Naw," I say, swallowing. "When I was little, the only way I could drink was if I poured in mounds of sugar and cream, but now I like it black." I take a gleeful sip to prove my point.
"You drank coffe when you were little?!"
"Wufei, you, being a tea - which is a very weak pansy little drink, by the way - person, would not understand the wonder of black, bitter, 'leaves a bad aftertaste in your mouth' coffee."
We sit in silence for a while, until Trowa breaks it. "So, Duo... how do you feel about this?" He gestures up to the bedroom where Vicki- as I've nicknamed her- is sleeping away. I do that a lot. Nickname, I mean. Well, I sleep a lot too. Maybe I should get some diapers and teething rings for myself. And a nanny. I can see it now: "Wu-FEI! I want food!"
Anyway... Trowa the shrink. I smile wryly, then frown down into my coffee. "I don't know. The whole idea's pretty alien to me." I glance up at them, serious for once. "I never thought I'd have a kid."
"Me neither," Wufei mumbles, and we all laugh.
"When are you going back?" Quatre asks me.
I tilt my head, considering. "I don't know. Sally wanted to give me a couple of days to 'get used to the idea of a baby', so probably Saturday or Sunday."
"Well, that's too bad. You're always welcome to stay longer, you know."
"Quatre, I'd never pass up the chance to live in YOUR house if I didn't have to."
Quatre chuckles, then appear to consider something for a while. "Well, you do still need to get baby stuff for Victoria. Maybe we should go... "
Oh, he's gonna say it...
"shopping."
Ha ha! Entertainment time. I sneak a glance at Trowa and Wufei. Wufei's normally golden skin had turned flour-white, and poor Trowa looks like he's going to die. I snicker inwardly at them. They hate to shop.
"Just you and me, then?"
"Oh no," Quatre responds, a evil gleam in his eye. Yup, the boy is smart. "Of course Uncle Trowa and Uncle Wufei have to help."
Trowa and Wufei choke on their respective drinks.
I nod enthusiastically. "Yeah. Otherwise, when Vicki gets older, she'll be insulted. And watch, she'll be so cute, you old, ugly farts will be trying to get her to accompany you to your nursing home functions, and she'll turn away and say: 'No, you never ever went shopping and bought me baby clothes!' "
Trowa and Wufei remain unmoved.
Quatre uses the LOOK.
"Okay," Trowa and Wufei say- reluctantly. I need to get the LOOK.
***
I'm glad I've blanked out the shopping expedition in my mind as I get Vicki ready to leave. She looks around the room with interest as I change her diaper.
"Jesus," I whisper to the tiny infant as I button her into her new white jumpsuit that Quatre made me buy. Good thing he did, too. All her clothes were either too small or ugly. "Not even a week and already you have me wrapped around your little finger." I smile as she traps my pinkie finger between a small fist and squeezes. Hard. I wince as I extract my finger. In some ways she reminds me so much of Heero. Same piercing blue eyes, same hair color, if not the style. I smile and pass my hand through the silky hair on the baby's head. Definitely not like Heero's spiky mop.
I pick her up and study her more closely. She might have her daddy's eyes, but I could see a clear resemblance to Relena in the button nose and rosy lips. I don't know whose attitude she got though. She's an extremely happy baby, always squealing and giggling and marveling at the new things she learns every day. She's got Heero's intelligence level, that's for certain.
"Ready, baby girl?" I coo. Five days and already I've disgraced myself. God. I grab the constant baby duffel and heading down the stairs. Already I've learned not to leave home without it. Food, diapers, toys... this things got it all. You can tell. It weighs a ton.
I nod gratefully to Trowa as he relieves me of the burden and heads to the car. I say my goodbyes to Quatre and Wufei and Sally, giving them one armed hugs.
"Thanks again, Sally. You've taught me a lot. I could've never survived without you!" I joke. "...Oh wait, you got me into this mess in the first place!"
Sally chuckles. "Does this mean you've forgiven me?"
"Nope. I still hate you."
"Thanks," Sally says wryly.
I make my way to the car. "Goodluck, Duo," Quatre calls. "We'll come see you in a couple of months and make sure you haven't killed the baby!"
"Gee, thanks for the overwhelming confidence in my abilities, guys," I say sarcastically. "Oh well. Trowa believes in me!" I beam at him. "Right?"
Trowa shakes his head in an exasperated manner. "Bye, Duo," he says, hugging me briefly before heading toward the others on the porch. I shake my head and secure Vicki to the car seat in the back before climbing in myself and backing out of the driveway.
I stick my head out once I'm on the road. "Hey! Does this mean you don't believe in me either?" I pout.
"Lets just say I don't totally agree with Quatre."
"What great friends I have!" I pull my head back in and drive off, laughing. I glance at Vicki in the review mirror, happily gnawing on one of her feet. I smile softly; that kid's already worked herself into my heart.
I chuckle as I turn onto the highway. Let's see if Hilde feels the same.
I head towards home.
***
Chapter One
***
Wednesday, March 20, A.C. 202
"Give me liberty, or give me death."
I'll tell ya what. Give me the controls to the plane and maybe we'll survive.
Piloting my own shuttle is infinitly more preferrable than handing over the controls to some incompoot. Public transportation sucks. I knew I should've just had Quatre arrange for my own shuttle, damn it! At least I would be by myself. I sneak a cautious glance at the people around me. Eek! The attendant! I hide my face behind a magazine and whimper as she passes by. I made the mistake of asking her for peanuts earlier. I think she's related to Heero somehow. Fifth cousin five times removed or something.
I am serioiusly considering jumping for joy as I desend from the plane. That was the most terribly hair-raising ride I ever had. Forget piloting a gundam. Forget the time I let Heero pilot the shuttle. That pilot needs his license revoked.
At least I know Customs will be easy. Not only do I have only one bag, but I have a magical little item known as a Preventor badge. Never leave home without it.
I find my ride, but it's driver is mysteriously absent. I find him in the ladies restroom. Hey, I'd looked everywhere else! Geez. Not that I would ever sneak into a ladies' restroom under any other circumstances. Hey, I'm gay, remember. Cough, cough.
I pry the man from a stall where he was oogling ladies' legs and, enduring several thwaps from a stringent old lady who paid no attention to the fact that I was saving her from a pervert, managed to extract him from the restroom and to the car.
Oops.
He and that airplane pilot must also be fifth cousins five times removed.
I'm having a bad day.
As usual, the stupid dog was barking at 3 o'clock. Fate works in strange ways, because if I hadn't already been up attempting to silence the dog - that's the polite way of saying it - Noin could be suffering from some serious damage to the ear. Digustingly cheerful for three o'clock in the morning, she informed me that it was in my best intrests to haul ass to Tokyo ASAP. Considering that Lady Une hadn't called me to Earth in two years, I decided to spare myself the wrath of Lady Une and just go. So I hauled my tired ass onto a plane, after first leaving Hilde a note, and headed for Tokyo. I'm currenty standing in the main lobby of Preventors' Tokyo Headquarters, watching a bubbly - and sadly, middle-age - secretary flash me sedutive glances as she haules my bag away to God only knows where. Another overly-happy person escorts me to Lady Une's office. I roll my eyes as I follow her large swaying behind. I know my way, thank you. What, do they think I'm going to steal something? A smile curves my lips as I think, Well, I was once a reknowed thief on L2.
"Here you go, Mr. Maxwell!" the women chirps. "Have a nice time!"
"Sure," I say with a grin as I enter the room. "The Lady", as we - well, I - call her, has excellent taste. The walls are a light tan and decorated with soothing watercolors, and the beige carpet blends nicely. Lady Une looks up from her desk and motions for me to head to the adjoining conference room before resuming her conversation with whoever is on the phone.
I find Noin in there waiting for me. "Duo," she says warmly, shaking my hand.
"Hey, Noin," I say easily, moving to plop myself into a chair in my usual manner, but with a touch more exhaustion than usual, as I have been up since three in the morning and got no sleep whatsoever on that plane ride from hell. "What's so important I had to be called at so damn early in the morning?"
"Oh shut up, Duo. You were awake." Damn. Knew I shouldn't've have told her about the dog.
"Sorry," Lady Une apologizes as she walks into the room. "Business." I study her carefully. She looks haggard; her usually shiny brown hair hangs limply to her shoulders and underneath her eyes are smudged bags.
"Something keeping you up at night?" I ask, wagging my eyebrows suggestively.
Lady Une laughs. "I wish," she tells me, settling into the chair across from me with a sigh. Noin sits to her right. "So Duo," she says lightly. "How have you been?"
I frown. Une's not one for small talk. "Cut the bullshit." Me neither, apparently. "Why am I here?"
Une sighs. "You're too sharp, Duo."
"Thanks, I think."
Ignoring me, - gee, how unusual - Une thinks for a moment. "You're aware Heero left on that assignment for Preventers last year, am I correct?"
"Yeah." According to Quatre, Heero left January last year on a mission for Preventers. Apparently, a huge gang was forming. Preventers sent Heero to check it out. It was a huge deal, supposed to take 3 or 4 years or something. I strech lazily in my chair and let out a huge yawn. Glad I didn't go.
"Why? Relena gone crazy because her knight in shining armor isn't around?" I say cooly, trying not to look affected at the mention of Heero.
Lady Une and Noin glance at each other, then me, then each other again meaningfully. I look at them too from under my lashes. Did they catch some underlying tension in my voice?
"Hey, curious braided wonder over here. What's goin' on?"
"Duo," Noin says softly, leaning forward. "On February 2nd, Relena was admitted to St. Gabriel's Mental Institution."
I feel my eyes bulge out of my head. "What?!" I squeak. "You mean Relena's drawing pretty little pictures of flowers on the wall?"
Lady Une's eyes narrow. "Precisely," she says.
I swallow. Sucks to be Sank right now. "But what's that got to do with me, Lady Une?" I ask, gesturing helplessly at myself.
"Because. You're now the guardian of Victoria."
I blink in surprise. "Who's Victoria? Their pet dog or something?"
Noin chokes on a laugh. "She's Heero and Relena's daughter."
"That's a little different from a dog," I muse. Suddenly, I spring up out of my chair. "Hold on a second!" I cry. "You don't seriously expect me to take care of a baby! Hell no!"
Noin sighs. "It's in the will, Duo. 'Under the circumstances that neither parent is available to care for the child, Duo Maxwell shall be appointed as legal guardian.' Heero had this drawn up before he left, like some sort of insurance policy in case something happened to either of them. More likely he considered himself to tbe the injured party, but he included both of them in the terms, just in case. Relena's mentally unstable, so she can't take care of the baby, and Heero's hidden deep somewhere in Asia. He might even be dead, for all we know."
Well, that's not cheery news. "What about Zechs? He's her uncle, for crying out loud."
"Zechs is on Mars, Duo," Noin answers. "Connections to Mars are still shaky at best. We couldn't reach him even if we wanted too." Ouch. Guess Noin's still a little sore about Zechs making her stay behind. "And if we DID get ahold of him, it wouldn't matter because he only becomes guardian if you're unable to take the baby!"
"Well, then, he'd better buy some baby care books, then," I say cheerfully. Babies and toddlers - I begin to sweat. "Glad it's all settled. I got work back home to do! Bye!" I start towards the door, but Lady Une's tired voice stops me.
"Please, Duo." Her exhausted plea stops me in my tracks. I turn around to face her. "We need you to take Victoria. We don't even know who's going to get to head Sank right now." Lady Une stands up, walkes over to the window and restes her forehead against it. "I'm taking care of Victoria, but she's a seven month old baby. I can't take care of her, Mariameia, and run Preventers at the same time. Maybe if things weren't such a mess but..." She blew out a hard puff of air, ruffling her bangs. "I just can't do it right now, Duo. I hate to say it, but we have more important issues that trying to find a home for a little baby."
"Why don't you see her?" Sally askes, poking her golden head into the room, her usual soft smile on her face. "C'mon Duo, you'll love her the moment you see her!"
"Sally! Bu-" Before I can finish, Sally grabs my hand and starts pulling me down a hall, talking a mile a minute about this cute little adorable baby. I smile wryly. Sally never did take 'no' for an answer; she just dragged you where ever she wanted to go anyway. You think of Sally as a calm person, but you'd be surprised at her energy when she's passionate about something. I think of Wufei and snicker. Poor guy.
I reconsize the medical section of Preventers, which Sally seems to know her way around very well. I muse on that. "You work here now?" I ask as she shoulders open a door.
"Yup. Got tired of Wufei coming home with gunshot wounds and things he wouldn't get treated for while at work." I raise an eyebrow at that but say nothing more as Sally drags me over to a cradle. "Here she is! Isn't she the cutiest thing you've ever seen?"
I look with trepidition into the basket. Looks innocent enough. I guess. Victoria lays on her back, feet pointing up into the air. She grabs her toes with her hands and lets out a little baby squeal, smiling a mouthful of gums at me. I hear Sally snicker at the look on my face. She's clever, damn her. She knew I couldn't resist once I saw her. Damn my maternial nature.
"Can I pick her up?" I ask, carefully not looking at Sally.
"Sure." Sally giggles; my hands didn't wait for her answer and I'm carefully holding the baby in my arms. I vaguely remember Sister Helen telling me the correct way to hold a baby and I adjust, supporting Victoria's head and bottom with my hands. Sally looks on with approval.
"See, Duo? It's not so hard." She smiles at me. I glance over.
"Yeah, the holding part is easy, but Sally..." I shift Victoria to my shoulder. Carefully. "I don't know the first thing about diapers and feeding and clothes and..."
Sally rolls her eyes. "That's what I'm here for, silly." Her eyes sparkle at me. "You can stay at Quatre's a week or two. That's more than enough time to get in a little 'training' on how to take care of babies. Plus, Hilde'll be on L2 when you get back. She'll help you."
I snort. "Hilde knows less about babies than I do!"
Sally chuckles and waggles a finger in my face. "No, I think she'll know exactly what to do. Women have built-in instincts when it comes to babies. It'll be fine."
"Bu-" I start, but again Sally cuts me off.
"What's this fixation on 'buts' Duo?" My little hentai mind comes up with a comment to that, but I cut it off before it can pass my lips. No need to contaminate the baby - yet. Ok-ay, cutting that train of thought off... "Everthing will be fine! It's easy. Trust me. Have I ever let you down before?" she asks, looking earestly into my face.
"Yes," I say without hestation, and Sally bursts out laughing. I can't help the tiny twitching of my lips, and Sally just shakes her head at me before moving to one of the cabinets in the room. She pulls out several duffel bags, the contents of which I have a pretty good idea of. But, being the sucker for punishment that I am, I ask Sally a question. "...What's in there?"
Sally glances up. "Baby stuff!" she says cheerfully, and I groan at her enthusiasm. She finishes stuffing the bags to the brim and walks over. "Here," she says, taking Victoria from me. "I'll trade you," and hands me the bags. I almost fall over; it feels like she stuffed half of Heavyarms Custom in here! Heavyarms Custom weighed A LOT. I would know.
"Wha- hey wait! That's not fair!" I holler, lumbering awkwardly after her with the 'baby stuff'. "Hey, wai- errr. I hate you, Sally! You're a cruel women!" I almost trip going down the stairs. "Wufei was right about your species!"
Sally just laughs in my face. I hate women.
***
I glare icily at Wufei as Quatre puts a cup of coffee in front of me. The poor Chinese man is about to die. Either by my hand or the fact that he can't breathe because he's laughing so hard... I don't know yet. I pounce on the scalding liquid and eagarly slurp it down, vowing never to discuss my cronicles with women with Wufei ever again. Quatre and Wufei watch me guzzle in mild fascination; Trowa is immune. He's seen me drink coffee straight from the pot a zillion times during our late-night discussions. We are a pretty phiscophical pair, believe it or not. Hey! What was that look for?
"Ew..." Wufei looks sick. Like, 'green and I'm going to throw up all over this REALLY expensive rug' sick. "Black AND pipping hot."
"Yeah... I thought you'd be more of a cream and sugar person," Quatre says, smiling over at me.
I shake my head, my mouth still full of coffee. "Naw," I say, swallowing. "When I was little, the only way I could drink was if I poured in mounds of sugar and cream, but now I like it black." I take a gleeful sip to prove my point.
"You drank coffe when you were little?!"
"Wufei, you, being a tea - which is a very weak pansy little drink, by the way - person, would not understand the wonder of black, bitter, 'leaves a bad aftertaste in your mouth' coffee."
We sit in silence for a while, until Trowa breaks it. "So, Duo... how do you feel about this?" He gestures up to the bedroom where Vicki- as I've nicknamed her- is sleeping away. I do that a lot. Nickname, I mean. Well, I sleep a lot too. Maybe I should get some diapers and teething rings for myself. And a nanny. I can see it now: "Wu-FEI! I want food!"
Anyway... Trowa the shrink. I smile wryly, then frown down into my coffee. "I don't know. The whole idea's pretty alien to me." I glance up at them, serious for once. "I never thought I'd have a kid."
"Me neither," Wufei mumbles, and we all laugh.
"When are you going back?" Quatre asks me.
I tilt my head, considering. "I don't know. Sally wanted to give me a couple of days to 'get used to the idea of a baby', so probably Saturday or Sunday."
"Well, that's too bad. You're always welcome to stay longer, you know."
"Quatre, I'd never pass up the chance to live in YOUR house if I didn't have to."
Quatre chuckles, then appear to consider something for a while. "Well, you do still need to get baby stuff for Victoria. Maybe we should go... "
Oh, he's gonna say it...
"shopping."
Ha ha! Entertainment time. I sneak a glance at Trowa and Wufei. Wufei's normally golden skin had turned flour-white, and poor Trowa looks like he's going to die. I snicker inwardly at them. They hate to shop.
"Just you and me, then?"
"Oh no," Quatre responds, a evil gleam in his eye. Yup, the boy is smart. "Of course Uncle Trowa and Uncle Wufei have to help."
Trowa and Wufei choke on their respective drinks.
I nod enthusiastically. "Yeah. Otherwise, when Vicki gets older, she'll be insulted. And watch, she'll be so cute, you old, ugly farts will be trying to get her to accompany you to your nursing home functions, and she'll turn away and say: 'No, you never ever went shopping and bought me baby clothes!' "
Trowa and Wufei remain unmoved.
Quatre uses the LOOK.
"Okay," Trowa and Wufei say- reluctantly. I need to get the LOOK.
***
I'm glad I've blanked out the shopping expedition in my mind as I get Vicki ready to leave. She looks around the room with interest as I change her diaper.
"Jesus," I whisper to the tiny infant as I button her into her new white jumpsuit that Quatre made me buy. Good thing he did, too. All her clothes were either too small or ugly. "Not even a week and already you have me wrapped around your little finger." I smile as she traps my pinkie finger between a small fist and squeezes. Hard. I wince as I extract my finger. In some ways she reminds me so much of Heero. Same piercing blue eyes, same hair color, if not the style. I smile and pass my hand through the silky hair on the baby's head. Definitely not like Heero's spiky mop.
I pick her up and study her more closely. She might have her daddy's eyes, but I could see a clear resemblance to Relena in the button nose and rosy lips. I don't know whose attitude she got though. She's an extremely happy baby, always squealing and giggling and marveling at the new things she learns every day. She's got Heero's intelligence level, that's for certain.
"Ready, baby girl?" I coo. Five days and already I've disgraced myself. God. I grab the constant baby duffel and heading down the stairs. Already I've learned not to leave home without it. Food, diapers, toys... this things got it all. You can tell. It weighs a ton.
I nod gratefully to Trowa as he relieves me of the burden and heads to the car. I say my goodbyes to Quatre and Wufei and Sally, giving them one armed hugs.
"Thanks again, Sally. You've taught me a lot. I could've never survived without you!" I joke. "...Oh wait, you got me into this mess in the first place!"
Sally chuckles. "Does this mean you've forgiven me?"
"Nope. I still hate you."
"Thanks," Sally says wryly.
I make my way to the car. "Goodluck, Duo," Quatre calls. "We'll come see you in a couple of months and make sure you haven't killed the baby!"
"Gee, thanks for the overwhelming confidence in my abilities, guys," I say sarcastically. "Oh well. Trowa believes in me!" I beam at him. "Right?"
Trowa shakes his head in an exasperated manner. "Bye, Duo," he says, hugging me briefly before heading toward the others on the porch. I shake my head and secure Vicki to the car seat in the back before climbing in myself and backing out of the driveway.
I stick my head out once I'm on the road. "Hey! Does this mean you don't believe in me either?" I pout.
"Lets just say I don't totally agree with Quatre."
"What great friends I have!" I pull my head back in and drive off, laughing. I glance at Vicki in the review mirror, happily gnawing on one of her feet. I smile softly; that kid's already worked herself into my heart.
I chuckle as I turn onto the highway. Let's see if Hilde feels the same.
I head towards home.
***