Honesty - October-December 2006
Chapter Forty-Two
A few weeks had passed since Dawn and Spike had left Sunnydale. Dawn claimed that she had been too drunk to remember what she had said and Spike let it go. He knew what he needed to do though. He had to let Dawn go, he was simply destroying both of them. He knew that his friends didn't approve, hell they knew that he wasn't interested in Dawn. Poor Dawn seemed to be the only one that wasn't catching up to what was going on. After almost ten months of being together with the younger Summers, Spike finally confided in Xander.
"So what are you going to do?" Xander asked his friend.
"I don't know, never had to break up with anyone before, they usually leave me." Spike said miserably.
"Man, you just gotta be honest with her. It will be better for everyone."
"I've tried, it's just too bloody hard. I should have never gotten involved with her in the first place."
"Probably not Will. It's too late now though, the sooner you do, the better it will be for everyone. Everyone knows that you're miserable, except for Dawn apparently. I mean Willow said she was going to so kick your ass if you don't just admit that nothing good is going to come put of you and Dawn being together."
"Glad to see the little girl hasn't lost her spunk. I know you're right. I'm going to talk to her as soon as she gets home from class." Spike replied.
Just then Dawn walked through the door, tears were streaming down her face. She threw her bag on the sofa and ran to their bedroom and slammed the door.
"Harris, gotta go, looks like nibblit's going to have a break down."
"Kay, good luck, let me know how everything goes."
The two men exchanged good byes, hung up the phone, and then Spike went into their bedroom. Dawn was sobbing uncontrollably. He hoped she was OK, partly for selfish reasons. He wanted to break it off before he lost his nerve, once again.
"What's wrong pet?"
"Everything. Remember I had my doctor's appointment today?" Dawn asked in between sobs.
All of Spike's selfish thoughts were immediately put on hold. He rushed over to Dawn and held her hands, his faced was filled with concern.
"Please tell me what's wrong luv. I hate to see you cry." Spike told Dawn.
"They found some cysts, cause you know my period hasn't been regular lately."
"What does that mean luv?" Spike asked, clearly confused.
"I'm going to have to have a hysterectomy, Spike. I'm never going to have kids. I have cancer and I'm never going to have kids." Dawn sobbed uncontrollably.
Spike just pulled Dawn onto his lap and held her. She needed him more now than ever. The others will just have to understand that there was no way that he could leave her now. Not like this.
*********************
They surgery went well, and there were no complications. Dawn's hospital room was filled with balloons and flowers, and she was still miserable. She had never thought much about having children before. Being the cool aunt had always been her gig, but now that the choice was gone for her she was miserable. She was afraid that Spike was going to leave her now, she was scared that she really would be all alone. She thought of her sister. Buffy was alone, but she would always have Julia. What did she have? A reluctant former vampire that refused to have sex with her? Her sisters friends? Conner was the only friend that was really hers, and he had never shown any interest in her.
In the weeks prior to her discovery about the cancer she knew that she and Spike had become painfully distant. She could feel him withdrawing from her. She knew part of it was because of the horrible things that she said that she had claimed to have forgotten. Dawn knew that after Spike had been in the same room with Buffy again that all his old feelings for the Slayer had come rushing back to the surface. Dawn was not going to be alone, she couldn't. She knew that Spike would never love her like he loved her sister, but she knew that she could truly make him happy. They would be happy, Dawn thought to herself as she drifted back to sleep.
********************
Buffy ran her fingers over the phone number for the hundredth time. She had been staring at it for almost an hour now. She knew she should call. Hell, she hadn't even taken the time to go up and visit her sister, the least she could do was call and see how she was doing. She had to just suck it up and realize that Spike was with Dawn now and there was nothing that could be done about it. She could have a civilized conversation with her former lover, she knew she could. She just had to keep the snide remarks to a minimum. She slowing dialed the number and held her breath while it rang.
"Hello." A comforting British voice answered.
"Spike?" Buffy asked nervously.
"Buffy, that you?" Spike replied.
"Yeah, I was just calling to see how Dawn was doing. I was going to come up, but I was worried about, well."
"About running into me and us having a huge confrontation in the middle of the hospital?"
"Yeah, something along those lines." Buffy replied meekly.
"Bit's doing fine. She'll be sore for a few weeks, but I took some time off work to be with her." Spike said.
"That's good. I mean someone should be with her. I'm glad you're there for her." Buffy said, surprised at the honesty in her voice.
"You mean that?" Spike asked skeptically.
"I didn't think I would, but I'm really glad that you're there to take care of her. She really needs you and she loves you so much."
"That she does love, that she does. So, how are you doing?"
"Not bad. As you know Julia is now in her terrible threes and I'm having a bitch of a time finding a baby sitter that will watch her more than once." Buffy said lightly.
Spike chuckled, he figured if they could talk about Julia and nothing else then things would be fine.
"Know what you mean, luckily I live a building filled with old people that practically fight over getting to watch her."
"Spike, can I ask you something?" Buffy said suddenly.
"Sure pet."
"Do you love Dawn? You aren't using her are you? I mean because if you are I swear that I'll come up there and really kick your ass this time."
"What, you mean like you used me Slayer?" Spike asked, the venom of his words consuming him.
"Yeah whatever Spike. I don't want to fight. I just want to make sure that you guys are happy together. I mean I don't want you to be alone." Buffy said, attempting to tide down the fury that was building within her.
"What, you didn't seem to be too concerned with me being alone when you kicked me out of your life. Me and nibblit are doing just fine." Spike said, wanting to kick himself the entire time he was talking, *just tell her the truth, you twit* the back of his mind was screaming at him.
"Spike, knock it off with the defensive already. I just wanted to let you know that you have my blessing. I hope that you and Dawn are happy together."
Spike looked as if he was going to burst into tears once more. This was Buffy really giving him the finally shove off. She really had moved on with her life, and he was no longer part of it.
"Thanks Buffy. I hope you find someone too." Was all he said before he hung up the phone.
Buffy heard the phone click and she dropped it. She slid down the wall and onto the floor. She had finally let him go. There was no going back now. She couldn't just show up there, in LA, and tell Spike that she was still in love with him. He was with Dawn now, and he seemed happy. He was there to help her sister, to love her in a way that Buffy could never quite handle. He never once mentioned her apology, which meant that he was probably still pissed at her, well she could tell he was still pissed by the sound of the hostility in his voice towards her. She stood up, dried her eyes and went to go pick up Julia from day care.
***********************
"You don't think he'll break it off now, do you?" Willow asked Xander worriedly.
Xander and Willow were sitting at the Magic Shop, eating lunch. Anya was in the basement, taking inventory.
"No way. This is probably the most horrible thing I will most likely ever say, but if I hadn't seen Dawn come out of the operating room, I would almost say she was faking it so Spike wouldn't leave her. How messed up is that?" Xander asked his best friend.
"Don't worry, I was thinking something along those same lines. Spike told me she'd be in bed for the next few weeks and she had to have chemotherapy to make sure they got everything. He's not going anywhere for a while." Willow said.
"You think that maybe one of should just suck it up and talk to Dawn? I mean there is no way she could be in that much denial. And then we should repeatedly smack Buffy and Spike until they come to their senses." Xander added.
"We'd probably just mess everything up even more. I know it's corny, but sometimes have a way of working themselves out. I have a feeling fate will eventually intervene." Willow said.
"You're right Willow. That was the corniest bunch of cheese that I have ever heard. I'm just worried about Dawn getting even more hurt than she already is." Xander said.
"I know, it must be so awful for her, I mean I was thinking about having one done, just for the hell of it, so I didn't have to do the menstrual thing anymore - she never even got to decide."
"Well at least she's a Summer's woman. She'll make it through this, she's been through worse. Besides it's not like she and Spike were ever going to have kids. And that mean they would have to being having the intercourse to be having the little ones." Xander said.
"You mean that they haven't, you know?"
"Nope. Which is why I'm saying there is no way that Dawn is that deep in denial. You don't date someone for that long without at least talking about it. Spike told me that he just keeps telling her he isn't ready and she just accepts it."
"This entire thing is just so wrong on so many levels." Willow huffed.
The two sat in silence and finished the remainder of their lunches. They were both having inner struggles on whether or not they should intervene at this point or not.
A few weeks had passed since Dawn and Spike had left Sunnydale. Dawn claimed that she had been too drunk to remember what she had said and Spike let it go. He knew what he needed to do though. He had to let Dawn go, he was simply destroying both of them. He knew that his friends didn't approve, hell they knew that he wasn't interested in Dawn. Poor Dawn seemed to be the only one that wasn't catching up to what was going on. After almost ten months of being together with the younger Summers, Spike finally confided in Xander.
"So what are you going to do?" Xander asked his friend.
"I don't know, never had to break up with anyone before, they usually leave me." Spike said miserably.
"Man, you just gotta be honest with her. It will be better for everyone."
"I've tried, it's just too bloody hard. I should have never gotten involved with her in the first place."
"Probably not Will. It's too late now though, the sooner you do, the better it will be for everyone. Everyone knows that you're miserable, except for Dawn apparently. I mean Willow said she was going to so kick your ass if you don't just admit that nothing good is going to come put of you and Dawn being together."
"Glad to see the little girl hasn't lost her spunk. I know you're right. I'm going to talk to her as soon as she gets home from class." Spike replied.
Just then Dawn walked through the door, tears were streaming down her face. She threw her bag on the sofa and ran to their bedroom and slammed the door.
"Harris, gotta go, looks like nibblit's going to have a break down."
"Kay, good luck, let me know how everything goes."
The two men exchanged good byes, hung up the phone, and then Spike went into their bedroom. Dawn was sobbing uncontrollably. He hoped she was OK, partly for selfish reasons. He wanted to break it off before he lost his nerve, once again.
"What's wrong pet?"
"Everything. Remember I had my doctor's appointment today?" Dawn asked in between sobs.
All of Spike's selfish thoughts were immediately put on hold. He rushed over to Dawn and held her hands, his faced was filled with concern.
"Please tell me what's wrong luv. I hate to see you cry." Spike told Dawn.
"They found some cysts, cause you know my period hasn't been regular lately."
"What does that mean luv?" Spike asked, clearly confused.
"I'm going to have to have a hysterectomy, Spike. I'm never going to have kids. I have cancer and I'm never going to have kids." Dawn sobbed uncontrollably.
Spike just pulled Dawn onto his lap and held her. She needed him more now than ever. The others will just have to understand that there was no way that he could leave her now. Not like this.
*********************
They surgery went well, and there were no complications. Dawn's hospital room was filled with balloons and flowers, and she was still miserable. She had never thought much about having children before. Being the cool aunt had always been her gig, but now that the choice was gone for her she was miserable. She was afraid that Spike was going to leave her now, she was scared that she really would be all alone. She thought of her sister. Buffy was alone, but she would always have Julia. What did she have? A reluctant former vampire that refused to have sex with her? Her sisters friends? Conner was the only friend that was really hers, and he had never shown any interest in her.
In the weeks prior to her discovery about the cancer she knew that she and Spike had become painfully distant. She could feel him withdrawing from her. She knew part of it was because of the horrible things that she said that she had claimed to have forgotten. Dawn knew that after Spike had been in the same room with Buffy again that all his old feelings for the Slayer had come rushing back to the surface. Dawn was not going to be alone, she couldn't. She knew that Spike would never love her like he loved her sister, but she knew that she could truly make him happy. They would be happy, Dawn thought to herself as she drifted back to sleep.
********************
Buffy ran her fingers over the phone number for the hundredth time. She had been staring at it for almost an hour now. She knew she should call. Hell, she hadn't even taken the time to go up and visit her sister, the least she could do was call and see how she was doing. She had to just suck it up and realize that Spike was with Dawn now and there was nothing that could be done about it. She could have a civilized conversation with her former lover, she knew she could. She just had to keep the snide remarks to a minimum. She slowing dialed the number and held her breath while it rang.
"Hello." A comforting British voice answered.
"Spike?" Buffy asked nervously.
"Buffy, that you?" Spike replied.
"Yeah, I was just calling to see how Dawn was doing. I was going to come up, but I was worried about, well."
"About running into me and us having a huge confrontation in the middle of the hospital?"
"Yeah, something along those lines." Buffy replied meekly.
"Bit's doing fine. She'll be sore for a few weeks, but I took some time off work to be with her." Spike said.
"That's good. I mean someone should be with her. I'm glad you're there for her." Buffy said, surprised at the honesty in her voice.
"You mean that?" Spike asked skeptically.
"I didn't think I would, but I'm really glad that you're there to take care of her. She really needs you and she loves you so much."
"That she does love, that she does. So, how are you doing?"
"Not bad. As you know Julia is now in her terrible threes and I'm having a bitch of a time finding a baby sitter that will watch her more than once." Buffy said lightly.
Spike chuckled, he figured if they could talk about Julia and nothing else then things would be fine.
"Know what you mean, luckily I live a building filled with old people that practically fight over getting to watch her."
"Spike, can I ask you something?" Buffy said suddenly.
"Sure pet."
"Do you love Dawn? You aren't using her are you? I mean because if you are I swear that I'll come up there and really kick your ass this time."
"What, you mean like you used me Slayer?" Spike asked, the venom of his words consuming him.
"Yeah whatever Spike. I don't want to fight. I just want to make sure that you guys are happy together. I mean I don't want you to be alone." Buffy said, attempting to tide down the fury that was building within her.
"What, you didn't seem to be too concerned with me being alone when you kicked me out of your life. Me and nibblit are doing just fine." Spike said, wanting to kick himself the entire time he was talking, *just tell her the truth, you twit* the back of his mind was screaming at him.
"Spike, knock it off with the defensive already. I just wanted to let you know that you have my blessing. I hope that you and Dawn are happy together."
Spike looked as if he was going to burst into tears once more. This was Buffy really giving him the finally shove off. She really had moved on with her life, and he was no longer part of it.
"Thanks Buffy. I hope you find someone too." Was all he said before he hung up the phone.
Buffy heard the phone click and she dropped it. She slid down the wall and onto the floor. She had finally let him go. There was no going back now. She couldn't just show up there, in LA, and tell Spike that she was still in love with him. He was with Dawn now, and he seemed happy. He was there to help her sister, to love her in a way that Buffy could never quite handle. He never once mentioned her apology, which meant that he was probably still pissed at her, well she could tell he was still pissed by the sound of the hostility in his voice towards her. She stood up, dried her eyes and went to go pick up Julia from day care.
***********************
"You don't think he'll break it off now, do you?" Willow asked Xander worriedly.
Xander and Willow were sitting at the Magic Shop, eating lunch. Anya was in the basement, taking inventory.
"No way. This is probably the most horrible thing I will most likely ever say, but if I hadn't seen Dawn come out of the operating room, I would almost say she was faking it so Spike wouldn't leave her. How messed up is that?" Xander asked his best friend.
"Don't worry, I was thinking something along those same lines. Spike told me she'd be in bed for the next few weeks and she had to have chemotherapy to make sure they got everything. He's not going anywhere for a while." Willow said.
"You think that maybe one of should just suck it up and talk to Dawn? I mean there is no way she could be in that much denial. And then we should repeatedly smack Buffy and Spike until they come to their senses." Xander added.
"We'd probably just mess everything up even more. I know it's corny, but sometimes have a way of working themselves out. I have a feeling fate will eventually intervene." Willow said.
"You're right Willow. That was the corniest bunch of cheese that I have ever heard. I'm just worried about Dawn getting even more hurt than she already is." Xander said.
"I know, it must be so awful for her, I mean I was thinking about having one done, just for the hell of it, so I didn't have to do the menstrual thing anymore - she never even got to decide."
"Well at least she's a Summer's woman. She'll make it through this, she's been through worse. Besides it's not like she and Spike were ever going to have kids. And that mean they would have to being having the intercourse to be having the little ones." Xander said.
"You mean that they haven't, you know?"
"Nope. Which is why I'm saying there is no way that Dawn is that deep in denial. You don't date someone for that long without at least talking about it. Spike told me that he just keeps telling her he isn't ready and she just accepts it."
"This entire thing is just so wrong on so many levels." Willow huffed.
The two sat in silence and finished the remainder of their lunches. They were both having inner struggles on whether or not they should intervene at this point or not.