Full Circle - February-March 2009
Chapter Fifty-Two
Dawn had sat there fiddling with the letter for over an hour. The guilt was eating away at her. Over the last few months she had been a super bitch to both Buffy and Spike. She was becoming paranoid and worried. She knew that without her up there to keep him company Spike pretty much worked all the time and drowned his sorrows in a bottle of Jim Beam every night. Dawn could hear Buffy crying herself to sleep some nights. She knew they were both going to hate her, but she had to do this. It was the only way for her to be able to sleep at night. Buffy walked through the back door after taking the garbage out after she got home from work. She gave Dawn a puzzled look before grabbing a bottle of water and sitting next to her younger sister.
"What's wrong Dawny?" Buffy asked.
"Are you still in love with Spike?" Dawn asked.
"Dawn, I thought we agreed not to talk about him. It just leads to fighting and badness." Buffy said tiredly.
"I'm fine with it Buffy, really I am. I don't think I'll ever be fully over it, but it's not like it hurts to talk about it."
"It doesn't matter how I feel about him, he made it perfectly clear a long time ago that there was nothing left between us. And yes it breaks my heart, but we both had to move on, he sure did." Buffy said, throwing the last part in bitterly.
"Buffy, he still loves you." Dawn blurted out.
"Well he has a strange way of showing it. He never responded to my letter and him dating you didn't really show me that." Buffy spat, really not wanting to talk about this.
"I might have had something to do with that." Dawn said sheepishly.
"What did you do?" Buffy said, glaring at her sister.
"OK, have you ever done something really mean and selfish and hurtful because you were in love with someone?"
"Gee Dawn, you're looking at the queen here. Look how I treated Spike for I don't even know how many years now. Now what did you do."
"OK keep that in mind, please." Dawn said, sliding the letter over to her sister.
"You never gave it to him?" Buffy fumed.
"Honestly, at first I forgot about it. And by the time I found it I Spike and I were already together and I thought you were just going to make him unhappy again. I was still having these puppy dog delusions that given the right amount of time, I could make him happy."
"So you've been lying to me all these years?" Buffy said sadly.
"Not so much lying, more like not volunteering information. I mean you hated talking about Spike and Spike didn't want to talk about you so I never said anything."
"And that made it OK? You were playing God with other people's hearts." Buffy said.
Buffy just looked at her sister. She wasn't even so much angry and she was just sad. She felt betrayed by her sister once more, but she decided to hear her out.
"No, I didn't Buffy. That's why I haven't had a good nights sleep in over a year. I fucked up so bad. I just thought that Spike would eventually love me and forget about you."
"Why did he even get involved with you if he was still so in love with me?" Buffy said sarcastically.
"Probably because I pretty much groped him every chance I got and he got tired of running. And I might have made it sound as if you had moved on with your life." Dawn said, wincing once more.
"Why did you really break up then?" Buffy asked, honestly curious.
"I had a feeling that Spike had been wanting to break it off for quite some time, but I was still being all pig headed and stubborn. We got in this huge fight about you actually. I got pissed because he wouldn't have sex with me. That's when he pretty much told me that he couldn't because it felt like he was cheating on you. We yelled, I threw some things at him and he apologized for using me. I said some horrible things to him Buffy, and he just took it."
"I remember what that was like." Buffy said.
"Then he told me that he was sorry he was still in love with you. He pretty much told me that he would be in love with you until the day he died. He's so miserable without you. It's slowly killing him with each day."
"What do you want me to do? Just stop by and tell him that even though we really haven't talked to him in six years that I still love him and want to give it another go?"
"Pretty much Buffy. He's too scared to come to you. He thinks that you'll reject him again and he said he didn't think he could handle that. It's awful, if he's not with Jules he spends all of his time working. Suck up your pride Buffy. Please, at least talk to him. Make up an excuse if you have to, feel him out. It's been six years and the only thing you do is think about him and the only thing he does is think about you." Dawn pleaded with her sister.
"I couldn't go up until next month." Buffy said admitting defeat.
"Oh great! I won't say anything to him, it'll be a surprise." Dawn said excitedly.
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Buffy decided to let Dawn drive to LA, she was simply too nervous. She kept looking at the well worn envelope. She wasn't sure when she would give it to him, but she was going to make sure he got it this time. She was still pissed at Dawn, but she knew all would be forgiven if Spike would take her back. She didn't realize how much she had really missed him until she had talked about him to her sister the previous month. She had kept all of her emotions bottled up, the only time she ever let any of it out was when she was laying alone in her bed. She missed him so much it hurt and the only thing she wanted now was to see him again, to get lost in his blue eyes.
Dawn, Buffy, and Julia stood nervously in front of the apartment building, Dawn knocked on the door. When it was first opened, Spike didn't even notice the two women, he only saw his little girl. Buffy smiled appreciatively as she saw Spike with their daughter for the first time. Dawn was always gushing about what a great Dad Spike was, but she had never believed it until that moment. He then looked up at Buffy. A decades worth of emotions came flooding back to Buffy, she just stared at him in awe.
"Buffy, Anne, what are you doing here?"
He then invited the two women into his apartment and shut the door with a thoroughly confused look on his face.
Dawn had sat there fiddling with the letter for over an hour. The guilt was eating away at her. Over the last few months she had been a super bitch to both Buffy and Spike. She was becoming paranoid and worried. She knew that without her up there to keep him company Spike pretty much worked all the time and drowned his sorrows in a bottle of Jim Beam every night. Dawn could hear Buffy crying herself to sleep some nights. She knew they were both going to hate her, but she had to do this. It was the only way for her to be able to sleep at night. Buffy walked through the back door after taking the garbage out after she got home from work. She gave Dawn a puzzled look before grabbing a bottle of water and sitting next to her younger sister.
"What's wrong Dawny?" Buffy asked.
"Are you still in love with Spike?" Dawn asked.
"Dawn, I thought we agreed not to talk about him. It just leads to fighting and badness." Buffy said tiredly.
"I'm fine with it Buffy, really I am. I don't think I'll ever be fully over it, but it's not like it hurts to talk about it."
"It doesn't matter how I feel about him, he made it perfectly clear a long time ago that there was nothing left between us. And yes it breaks my heart, but we both had to move on, he sure did." Buffy said, throwing the last part in bitterly.
"Buffy, he still loves you." Dawn blurted out.
"Well he has a strange way of showing it. He never responded to my letter and him dating you didn't really show me that." Buffy spat, really not wanting to talk about this.
"I might have had something to do with that." Dawn said sheepishly.
"What did you do?" Buffy said, glaring at her sister.
"OK, have you ever done something really mean and selfish and hurtful because you were in love with someone?"
"Gee Dawn, you're looking at the queen here. Look how I treated Spike for I don't even know how many years now. Now what did you do."
"OK keep that in mind, please." Dawn said, sliding the letter over to her sister.
"You never gave it to him?" Buffy fumed.
"Honestly, at first I forgot about it. And by the time I found it I Spike and I were already together and I thought you were just going to make him unhappy again. I was still having these puppy dog delusions that given the right amount of time, I could make him happy."
"So you've been lying to me all these years?" Buffy said sadly.
"Not so much lying, more like not volunteering information. I mean you hated talking about Spike and Spike didn't want to talk about you so I never said anything."
"And that made it OK? You were playing God with other people's hearts." Buffy said.
Buffy just looked at her sister. She wasn't even so much angry and she was just sad. She felt betrayed by her sister once more, but she decided to hear her out.
"No, I didn't Buffy. That's why I haven't had a good nights sleep in over a year. I fucked up so bad. I just thought that Spike would eventually love me and forget about you."
"Why did he even get involved with you if he was still so in love with me?" Buffy said sarcastically.
"Probably because I pretty much groped him every chance I got and he got tired of running. And I might have made it sound as if you had moved on with your life." Dawn said, wincing once more.
"Why did you really break up then?" Buffy asked, honestly curious.
"I had a feeling that Spike had been wanting to break it off for quite some time, but I was still being all pig headed and stubborn. We got in this huge fight about you actually. I got pissed because he wouldn't have sex with me. That's when he pretty much told me that he couldn't because it felt like he was cheating on you. We yelled, I threw some things at him and he apologized for using me. I said some horrible things to him Buffy, and he just took it."
"I remember what that was like." Buffy said.
"Then he told me that he was sorry he was still in love with you. He pretty much told me that he would be in love with you until the day he died. He's so miserable without you. It's slowly killing him with each day."
"What do you want me to do? Just stop by and tell him that even though we really haven't talked to him in six years that I still love him and want to give it another go?"
"Pretty much Buffy. He's too scared to come to you. He thinks that you'll reject him again and he said he didn't think he could handle that. It's awful, if he's not with Jules he spends all of his time working. Suck up your pride Buffy. Please, at least talk to him. Make up an excuse if you have to, feel him out. It's been six years and the only thing you do is think about him and the only thing he does is think about you." Dawn pleaded with her sister.
"I couldn't go up until next month." Buffy said admitting defeat.
"Oh great! I won't say anything to him, it'll be a surprise." Dawn said excitedly.
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Buffy decided to let Dawn drive to LA, she was simply too nervous. She kept looking at the well worn envelope. She wasn't sure when she would give it to him, but she was going to make sure he got it this time. She was still pissed at Dawn, but she knew all would be forgiven if Spike would take her back. She didn't realize how much she had really missed him until she had talked about him to her sister the previous month. She had kept all of her emotions bottled up, the only time she ever let any of it out was when she was laying alone in her bed. She missed him so much it hurt and the only thing she wanted now was to see him again, to get lost in his blue eyes.
Dawn, Buffy, and Julia stood nervously in front of the apartment building, Dawn knocked on the door. When it was first opened, Spike didn't even notice the two women, he only saw his little girl. Buffy smiled appreciatively as she saw Spike with their daughter for the first time. Dawn was always gushing about what a great Dad Spike was, but she had never believed it until that moment. He then looked up at Buffy. A decades worth of emotions came flooding back to Buffy, she just stared at him in awe.
"Buffy, Anne, what are you doing here?"
He then invited the two women into his apartment and shut the door with a thoroughly confused look on his face.