Chapter Twenty-three: Daddy's Girl
Zelda needed time to think on what Ganondorf had said, and because of that she did not leave her chambers for two days. She needed quiet and solitude…she needed to escape the burden of leadership for a few days more. Sitting in the large, flat opening of one of the many windows, Zelda found herself staring out into the gardens below, watching a few of the servant children play with a ball. One fell as he ran, and Zelda held her breath, unsure if he had hurt himself, but the boy sprang back up, un-phased, and ran off again laughing.
Zelda caught herself smiling too and was surprised that for a moment she had forgotten the serious puzzle that was eluding her. In an absentminded gesture, her hand reached up to her chest and she began to finger Sheik's scarf, knowing how it brought her comfort and her mind focus. Her gaze went farther out into the distance, out onto the mountains.
Where are you, Ciaràn? She sent the thought out through the breeze, hoping, longing, that it would find her love. She wondered to herself, that if this token, the rag that hung about her neck, had truly been from him, why had he not come back to claim it? More importantly, why had he not come back to claim her? For so long she thought him dead, and now this torturous sign had her hoping beyond all hope that she was wrong, that he had not left her. Could she dare to dream of it?
Turning away from the window Zelda realized that that was not the reason she was here to think about, she had to bring some semblance to the fragmented clues Ganondorf had left for her. No, the dark part of myself…He had said, he was left alone. Zelda's mind whirled away methodically, recalling every detail she could. Before the Dark Force came…before I sold my soul…That creature, she remembered, who had been ripped out of him at the conclusion of the battle, had that been what Ganondorf was speaking of?
She walked to the small cove of her room that held her personal library, and pulled out a book there. She thumbed through the pages and put it back, retrieving another. No, none of these had the information she needed! They were no more than history books, and nothing like what was happening had ever occurred anywhere in history! In frustration Zelda let the book fall from her hands and she had a mind to leave it there, for all the good it did her, but her love of books led her to quickly forgive its shortcomings and she restored it to its rightful place.
The sun was brilliant that morning, and for the strangest reason Zelda itched to be outdoors. But where would she go? She thought. There were guards right outside her door, and she was sure that Link was not far away, waiting patiently for her to come out. She could see him now, sitting out in one of the halls, his bristling fair hair standing on end in a few places from neglect, his lean, wide shoulders sagging from lack of sleep, his poor, neatly bandaged hand hanging limply across his knee, and the new, deep scar still fresh and healing on his cheek…the image did not please her, but she knew if she were to leave her room, that is what she would find.
But the sunlight and warm air were still calling her. She must be free, free to ride, free to yell, free to think. Glancing downward Zelda smiled, picking up the scarf and removing it from about her neck so she could hold it in her fist. An idea struck her in a moment of melancholy that was so reckless, so brash, that it appealed to the side of her she had begun to forget. The side of her that was Sheikah and spent seven years eluding Ganondorf, the last year and a half of those seven years working secretly under his very nose, always on guard, always ready to spring. She had been a survivor, trained and learned in the Sheikahan arts; the Goddesses help her should she ever think herself helpless again.
Zelda rushed over to her chest and began to search through its contents, finally pulling out worn and tattered garments from the bottom. She smiled at them satisfactorily, and quickly removed her dress and put on the faded brown pants and tunic, and tucked her hair up in a threadbare yellow cap. Her reflection in the long gilded mirror was nearly unrecognizable, and this only fueled her energy. She knew these clothes would come in need sooner or later, and while not as flattering as her disguise during Ganondorf's reign, it was certainly less conspicuous.
Ironically, she thought, it was because of Ganondorf reign that made her gain the skills she was about to use now. No princess…no, queen…she knew could do what she could.
Zelda raced to the window, a new life springing forth in excitement, and with only a moment's hesitation, dropped onto the narrow ledge below. She clung to the outcropping of stone bricks three stories up and felt the exhilaration as the wind picked up and brushed along her face. Her heart raced a little faster and she skimmed around the building to where she could climb down to the ground using the bricks as foot and hand holds. In a moment's time Zelda had her feet planted firmly on the ground, which had her beaming with pride.
See, I can still do it, she thought triumphantly, looking up to the window she had just escaped out of. It made her wonder why the word escape was the first word that came to her mind.
Hitching up the scarf around her chin and nose, Zelda made her way to the stables to procure a horse. Not only did she need to be free of her room, she needed to be free of the castle. She knew it would have been safer to use the Glamour to assure that no one could recognize her, but her mental abilities were still to weak to use it. With her mask in place however, she was confident that the Glamour was not even needed.
The stables were warm and smelled sweet with hay, and to her luck was empty of man, woman, and child. The horse nearest to her stretched its neck out and brushed his nose against her sleeve in curiosity. He did not look fast though, and smiling underneath her white wrap, Zelda stroked his nose but passed him on. With another grin she passed by Epona, who whinnied as she recognized Zelda through her disguise.
"Sh," Zelda laughed, giddy with her own impulsiveness. She would have taken Epona, but she knew that Link's horse would not go unmissed for long. When she was just about to select a large brown horse, Captain Marcus's favorite horse, but she was unaware of this, she heard footsteps approaching.
"Can I help ye with somethin'?" The man asked as Zelda turned to him. With a little relief she recognized Rook, the new husband to Malon, standing before her. She had never met him personally before, but had heard much from Link over the years. She recalled now that Rook fought with Link in the resistance, during the second seven-year cycle. Rook was friendly looking indeed, with a wide smile and charming, inviting eyes. It seemed Malon had chosen well.
"I was asked to come and get this horse and pick up a package from Kakariko," Zelda said, disguising her voice as well so that it resembled more of a young boy's than a grown woman's. Rook eyed her curiously, thinking that she was awful tall for one as young as he sounded.
"This horse here?"
"Yes," Zelda faltered, afraid that maybe she had made some obvious mistake that any stable lad would know, and she did not.
"Well," Rook began by walking to her and the horse she stood in front of, "this is Captain Marcus's horse, lad, and I don't think he'd be vera' happy if he'd come and find 'im missin." He grinned good-naturedly and tapped Zelda's shoulder when he saw her, or rather his, embarrassed expression.
"Honest mistake lad, to the normal body one horse tends to look like another. Here, I think this one is better suited to be makin' deliveries." He strode down a few stalls to a sturdy, but older, gray mount, which nuzzled Rook's hand expectantly looking for food.
"But I need a fast horse," Zelda protested, sure that this beast was for the cart, and not for racing over the Field.
"In a hurry now? What kind of parcel would it be then?" Rook cocked and eyebrow curiously, wondering what kind of errand needed to be done in Kakariko so urgently, and why they chose to send this young lad to do it, he had half of his face hidden behind an old rag to begin with. If the package were important, one of the royal messengers would have been sent. Even more importantly, Kakariko was hardly fit to supply anything, having nearly been destroyed by the Death Mountain eruption a little less than three weeks ago.
"It's only a matter of getting some tea leaves Queen Zelda is so fond of," Zelda thought quickly on her feet. "It seems the kitchen had run out and she is distressed." Zelda smirked to herself under her scarf, this being somewhat true. She had run out of her favorite tealeaves and she accounted her inability to think partially on that. Rook scratched his head, thought over the explanation, and finally conceded.
"Well lad, Geoff here is faster than he looks, so don't go hurtin' his feelings now," Rook chuckled and set about opening Geoff's stall. The horse stomped stubbornly, not appearing too pleased that his peaceful rest was about to be interrupted by work. "He use'ta be the fastest brute employed for the message carriers. He may have gotten up in years now and his pace might no' be what it used to, but if yer gointa' be takin any horse from my stable laddie, then it'll be this one yer takin'. No arguing, not unless ye get an adult down here with ya."
Zelda thought that she should be offended that he thought her so young, but truthfully she didn't much care in the end. She just wanted to get out. She helped Rook saddle and bridle the aging gray steed as quickly as she could without raising suspicion, and soon she was passing through the gates of town and out onto the open field. As soon as she reached the grass, Zelda spurred her ride onward and surprisingly Geoff seemed to understand her need to run and he took off galloping without so much as a second command. With the wind racing though her hair, and the steady rhythm of the horse's pace, Zelda finally let go. She let out a wild yell as they flew across the Field; a mixture of frustration, helplessness, and exhilaration that was burning in her veins with no chance to release itself until now.
It felt wonderful.
Again she did this, screamed and let out all of her passions while no one was around to worry about her or pity her…while no one was around to judge her. The release seemed to lighten Zelda as did the good sunshine and air, and she rode into Kakariko feeling much less burdened than she did before. Perhaps tea was not what she needed to calm down after all.
The village was a flurry of construction and noises this early afternoon and for the moment Zelda was thankful for the distraction. Zelda had not noticed the damage from Death Mountain's eruption some two weeks before when she was last here for her father's burial. She had been preoccupied then. The buildings were still scorched or rubble, and the grass had died in many places. It was disheartening to see, but Zelda knew that soon life here would be returned to normal, the red roofs would be straight and tidy, the wooden creates neatly stacked along the walls, and every window would be thrown open to invite the warm early summer air into the houses.
Zelda took the villager's distraction to her advantage and turned her gray steed up to the northeast end of the village to where the graveyard was located. As she approached a different, somber mood fell over her and the once abounding energy she had exhibited began to fade. Zelda had not planned on coming here, and yet this is where her troubled heart took her. With an unsteady sigh, she dismounted and tied Geoff to the gate outside the cemetery. She had a bit of difficulty with this for her fingers were trembling and did not obey her simplest commands, but while her body protested, her heart and mind were willing.
Her family's tomb shared an entrance with the Shadow Temple, and Zelda climbed the uneven flagstone steps that wound their way up through the wall of earth that enclosed the graveyard on its western side. She could not explain to herself why she was going there, and yet she knew she must. It was as if her ancestors had been secretly calling to her, and she could no longer deny them.
Her heartbeat came faster and faster as she passed through the shadows into the temple, then she turned directly aside from the stairs and traveled down another case. She met with a stone door carved with the pattern of the Hyrule Royal Family. Zelda's fingers skimmed over it, until she located the small point that would open the door and pressing it, the entry raised and admitted her.
With the skill of the mind, Zelda lit the braziers in the room and all of the shadows were vanquished. The room was cold, but surprisingly dry, and the fire crackled almost merrily in the dim gloom. For a moment Zelda felt the thrill to bolt and run back to the daylight, but still her feet went forward into the shadows.
These were her shadows anyway, were they not? Her family, her loved ones.
Zelda made her way back into the tomb silently, listening to the faint, inaudible whispers of her ancestors as she went, taking comfort in them though she could not understand. She could not block her mind from them nor did she try or want to; it was quite impossible to hide yourself from the dead, especially when there was a family bond. There was one voice she longed to hear however, but she knew it was wrong to hope for it.
The room opened up and the main chamber of the Royal Family filled with light. Ancient engravings of kings and queens of old caught hold of the shadows in their etchings and pulsated as the firelight flickered. Weariness fell on Zelda heavily and suddenly the torch in her hand seemed almost to tiring to bear up any more, so she set it in the nearest holder against the wall. Her eyes did not need to scan the room, for they had already fallen upon the raised stone at the far end, past her grandfather and grandmother.
Where her father was buried.
She gulped hard and slowly moved forward, somehow blinded by emotion, yet walking a clear straight path directly to him. It was wrong, she knew, she should be letting him go and moving on with her life, with her responsibilities, but yet here she was. There was nothing to do for it now.
The stone slab that covered Erich Harkinian's grave reached the bottom of Zelda's thigh and Zelda stood at the foot of it, unmoving, with tears beginning to sting the back of her eyes. She read the inscription carved in the stone silently in her head, taking care with each word, cherishing them as if they were a verse from her favorite poem.
Erich Harkinian
670 AA-722 AA †
Son of Aurther Harkinian
10th King of Hyrule
Her hands skimmed along the cold granite as she walked slowly around the crypt and knelt at its side. She had begun to sniffle without realizing it, and determinedly tried to regain control of herself, wiping her eyes and taking a few long, deep breaths to clear her head. Zelda reached out, and her slim pale fingers traced the engraving of her father's name and she propped her head in her arms upon the stone, just the same as she used to do when she was a little girl, and would rest herself against her father's leg and lap in front of the large fire in his chambers.
Those times were gone forever now, usurped by greed and power. Destroyed was her girlhood; taken was her innocence of corruption…she could never go back to being her father's little girl, she was no one's little girl now.
"Hello Papa," she nearly choked on the words and the tears had come rushing back in an instant, burning her eyes and sight. She paused for a moment, as if she semi-expected a response from her greeting, but the chamber continued only to crackle with fire and even the whispers had fallen silent.
"Papa?" Zelda said into the silence again, "Papa, can you hear me?"
When nothing happened, she snuffled her running nose, clamped her eyes tightly shut, and bit back the awful pain of loss all over again.
"Please," she whispered, "I need you to hear me. I need guidance…I need your strength, I'm not strong enough on my own."
As the silence endured, the tears came fuller and more quickly until Zelda's body quivered uncontrollably. Why wouldn't the Goddesses let him answer her? Had she not done everything They ever asked of her? Had she not lost everything for Them?
"Please!" A sob escaped her throat in a pitiful moan that was absorbed by the thickness of the air around her. "Answer me! Why don't you answer?! It's Zelda, can't you see?"
She was on top of the stone without realizing it; shouting down to the engraved name of her father bitterly as fits of tears fell upon the smooth surface. Eventually she collapsed lying upon the crypt, sobs racking her entire body.
"Father, it's too hard, too hard without you," she whispered as her head lay heavily against the granite, her legs curled up to her chest and one hand laying palm down next to her, feeling the cold, hard cruelty of reality.
"This isn't the way I wanted it, you were supposed to be here with me, forever. Did you hear that? I said forever." Her head dipped down and her lips brushed against the cool stone. The sensation sent tiny shivers all up and down Zelda's spine at the same time granting her release. Every last bit of energy she had drained out of her through her lips to the stone, and sleep suddenly felt very near.
"I miss you, a thousand times over I miss you, please hear me. Father, I don't know what to do."
Zelda fell to sleep, finally overcome with weariness, atop her father's grave amidst the flickering of torches. Impa did not need physical sight to find Zelda. Her link to Zelda was so intertwined that she had known Zelda's actions nearly the same instant Zelda thought of them, and her Sheikah senses had led her here without fault. Impa did not need to see with mortal eyes the heartbreaking scene of her Queen, her child, curled up as if wounded lying upon the King's grave, she could see it clearly enough in her mind. Standing next to Zelda Impa reached out and stroked her hair before gently lifting her from her granite bed and cradling Zelda's head against her neck, ready to take her home.
"Aye, Erich, she tries to be brave for you," Impa said quietly into the dimming firelight as she carried Zelda, still asleep, out of the chamber.
"I know," a voice replied from out of the darkness and Impa walked on without pause.
AN: Well, I know this chapter didn't accomplish all that much, but seeing as it has been so long since I've updated, I thought I'd post it as is and just start the rest of what I originally planned for this chapter in a new chapter. My Comp Civix team is going to the State Competition! We're all excited, but unfortunately it means a serious shortage of my time again so my unit and I can prepare the state questions…It's a hard mental flip over to do, federalist papers to Zelda, but I'm determined to update much sooner than this last one!