This came to me in a sudden burst while washing the dishes a couple of weeks ago (yes I have washed them since then). It's somewhat abstract to begin with, but please persevere! First up, I have an apology to make. I'm sorry for what I'm about to do, I'm simply addicted to angst. I'm sorry...
But on the plus side, it's complete! Uh well, it's a standalone so it has to be. Right? Yup. Oh I figure I'll note that for the record, this was my second attempt at writing BHG's fic, but uh... I failed the base requirement of simply causing injury... will try again next time dude! Thanks to Enigma as always for being there to read over stuff and offer advice! :-D
If anyone's interested, there's a link to the cover I made for this fic, in my profile (above the rest of the inane chatter)
Alec's eyes snapped open. Bright light slammed into his retinas, wrenching him out of the nightmare he had been trapped within, and causing his pupils to contract against the glare. He tried to close his eyes and immerse himself back into the darkness. Stubborn eyelids refused to comply. Panic and confusion began to course through him, the pace of his heart picked up. And then finally, just as he felt he would burst beneath the pressure of steadily increasing terror, his eyelids slid gracefully closed once more.
Sharp pain drove through his temples as he tried to move his head. A weak moan slipped through his lips, although a part of his mind wondered if this sound had been real, or produced from within his own head.
Where was he?
His body felt strangely displaced, as if he were suspended in mid-air. As Alec's heart began to race with trepidation once more, he tried to reassure himself this weightless sensation was merely due to his body still undergoing the process of waking. Holding onto that thought, the X5 attempted to draw in a deep calming breath.
Something was wrong.
Oxygen passed into his lungs, but... something wasn't quite right about the action. The inhale and exhalations were too regular to be of his own making. Mechanic in their precision. Alarmed at yet another irrational lack of control, Alec tried to hold his breath, but the air continued to be force-fed into his throat.
Confusion gave way to panic. Alec now struggled to wriggle his fingers. The commands his brain made to his body refused to register. He couldn't so much as twitch a muscle. Why? Why couldn't he move? What was wrong with him? Battling to compose his faculty of reasoning, Alec searched his mind for some kind of explanation. A question surfaced and he grabbed hold of it, least it sink into the murky depths of his brain and dissolve.
Wait. What was it that he had been asking himself?
Blankness... Thoughts had suddenly become difficult to collect together. Alec began to relax. With no thoughts, there was nothing to fear. No need to panic over things he had no control of. And there was so much that he had no control over. His past, his future, his present.... his own body.
Gradually Alec's heart stopped thumping furiously in his chest, and returned to it's normal calm steady beat once more.
A steady, rhythmic beep.
Darkness reached up to claim him again. Alec allowed his body and mind to succumb to the comfort of oblivion. It seemed safer that way.
He dreamt.
His dreams carried a noted absence of pain. More importantly, his body was entirely his own. Ready and waiting to obey his every command.
Throwing up his hands, Alec stretching them out above his head, his back arching gracefully. Like a cat languidly stretching after a nap. There was no pain. No restriction of movements. Only blissful silence and crisp clean air.
A carefree smile broke across his face. This place was nice. No heavy smell of death. No acrid smoke. Silence. Just silence.
He blinked and stared up at the sun. There was no searing agony at the light. Relief flooded his body as he tilted his head easily. He rolled it left, right, forward and back. Relief rushed through him at the freedom to make such simple movements without pain stabbing into his brain, robbing him of all but the ability to breath.
A memory of the past flashed through Alec's mind, so quickly that he had no idea of what it was. But it left behind a bitter taste of smoke, the grainy texture of ash upon his tongue.
This was a dream. There was nothing to fear.
The comfort of dreams brought with it a noted absence of screaming.
Alec's smile faltered.
Why should there be screams to break the stillness around him? Why would smoke and death taint the air he breathed?
Once again Alec's heart began to thump in his chest, rattling against his ribs like a bird struggling to escape its cage.
The same question that had eluded him when he'd briefly woken, now made its long awaited come back, amid the twisted turmoil of his dreams. This time the question didn't merely surface - it leapt out of him, driving a stake into his heart, pinning the muscle down so that it seemed to stop beating altogether.
What's happened to me?
Smoke - fire - screaming - terror - agony - burning.
He couldn't move.
He couldn't move.
But it was a dream. Only a dream.
Nothing could comfort him. The panic was inescapable. Distress. Horror. These things had taken over his calm platitude. Serenity crumbled and gave way to the screams he feared so much. Not realising how much he feared screams until they escaped his own lips.
The voices of others joined in his own cries of horror and agony, like a macabre choir. Reverberating throughout him, causing the brightness of the dream to falter. The scream of a woman rose above everything, and Alec saw an image of her flash before him. The flames that crackled around her, licking teasingly against her skin. Her shrieks as the clothing she wore melted to her flesh.
Horror encompassed Alec as he reached out his hands towards her, only to discover he had been mistaken.
The only person burning, was him.
It wasn't just a dream.