I Drive Myself Crazy
by Apple-chan


Disclaimer: Not mine.


RRRRIINGGGG!!!

"Um…hello, this is a flowershop, what I can I do you for, uhum…I mean, what can I do for you…who did you say? JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE? Um, there's no one here by that name, sorry…you know, you're the forty-ninth caller who asked for that same person. Try calling again. I'm giving a prize for caller number 50. OK? Bye." Yohji slammed the phone down and closed his eyes, trying very hard to block out the sound of the boom box uh…BOOMING from the upstairs, particularly from Omi's bedroom.

No, Omi wasn't listening to some loud and particularly cheesy music that with some particularly mushy lyrics which is sung by a particularly cheesy boyband.

It was worse than that.

He was SINGING to it.

On karaoke television.

And nothing else could be worse than that, right?

Nothing else, except maybe…

Yup. You guessed the ugly truth.

"LYING IN YOUR ARMS, SO CLOSE TOGETHER…" from the upstairs, three very distinct voices were heard.

Uh-huh. It was not only Omi who was singing, so were Ken and Aya (hard as you may find it to believe).

In fact, for the past couple of weeks, those three have been doing nothing but sing to the karaoke tv version of the songs of N'Sync.

"And whose fault is that?" Yohji asked the weird-looking uh…being who was sitting calmly near the cash register and happily eating a kupo nut. The being had an astounding resemblance to Zidane Tribal of Final Fantasy 9. In fact, one can almost swear it was actually Zidane, except that…

"This just happens to be a costume," The being informed the audience. "In real life I am just your typical moogle. I just feel like being Zidane today. What were you saying?" The moogle-in-Zidane-costume turned to Yohji.

Yohji sighed with exasperation. "I said, whose fault WAS IT THAT THEY TURNED INTO THOSE…THOSE…"

"Umm..boyband-like creatures?" The moogle supplied helpfully.

"Umm…yeah! They're up there, singing while I'm stuck here…ANSWERING phone calls that are asking for either Justin Timberlake, JC Chasez or Lance Bass."

"Why don't you join them then?" The moogle suggested, taking a bite of kupo nut.

"NO WAY! I wouldn't be caught dead singing those…those…those…"

"Songs? In case you forgot, you weren't caught dead, you were caught alive." The moogle pointed out. "And onstage, I might add."

"Don't remind me." Yohji muttered. "This is all your fault."

"It's not my fault they ended up liking it."

"Well, who owns that N'Sync KTV video? Who lent it to them, huh?"

"I did. But that isn't mine. It's my sister's. And besides I just wanted to have something I can pass for my Humanities class."

"Since when did moogles start taking HUMANITIES classes, anyway? You aren't even human!"

"I resent that remark," The moogle glared at Yohji. "But for your sake, I'm going to ignore it. When I'm in school, I'm human, but when I feel like it, I'm a moogle. You might say I'm half-human half-moogle. Capische?" The moogle (or whatever it is) took out another kupo nut.

"How did I get myself into this mess?" Yohji moaned, rapping his head onto the wall.

"Hey, I didn't give the videotape over to N'Sync's managers, my Humanities professor did." The moogle said with its mouth full of kupo nuts. "And look on the bright side, at least I got an A."

"And we're stuck doing N'Sync's gigs here in Japan while…where are they? Probably just vacationing somewhere." He complained.

"No one knows where they are, that's what their manager said," the moogle answered. "They said they suspect somebody kidnapped the guys. No one's heard from them." The moogle added with its mouth full.

"But why do –we- have to be the ones to replace them?" He grumbled.

"'Cause they saw you guys singing and dancing as N'Sync on my videotape." The moogle answered with a grin. "And they liked it."

"WHERE WAS MY HEAD…WHERE WAS MY HEART…AND NOW I CRY…ALONE IN THE DARK…" The three guys from upstairs sang.

"ARRGH!!!" Yohji exclaimed. "This kind of music drives me crazy."

"I think it's kind of decent, for a boyband," The moogle commented. "And you should talk. After five concerts and fifteen guest appearances, I'm surprised you aren't used to it all by now."

"I don't like cheesy music." He retorted. "Why am I talking to a moogle?" He muttered under his breath. "Rather, why am I talking to a creature that looks something like a half-human, half-chimpanzee?"

"I resent that, but I'll ignore it." The moogle gave Yohji a look.

"Can you tell me what you did to convince us to do that video for you?" Yohji demanded.

The moogle swallowed another kupo nut. "I gave you all the proper bargain. Cost me a lot too." The moogle added.

Yohji raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"

The moogle nodded. "But it was worth it from the commission I get everytime you guys have a concert, and with the guestings…I get an excellent kickback…HACK! OUCH! I…*hack* can't… *hack* breathe…" Yohji started to strangle the moogle with his wires. "Ouch…" The moogle pleaded for Yohji to let him…her…it—go. "Please let me go?"

"What EXACTLY did I bargain my excellent voice and good looks for?" He demanded, not letting go of the moogle. "TALK!"

"Umm…the names and phone numbers of all the single women over 18 that I know? If I remember correctly, I listed about fifty." The moogle coughed, sending a spray of chewed kupo nuts in Yohji's face.

"Oh." Yohji loosened his hold at the moogle and wiped the kupo nuts (ew) from his face.

*Cough, cough* The moogle cleared its throat. "And I got Omi-kun the latest issue of his favorite PC magazine, and I bought Ken-kun some new soccer cleats…and I paid Aya-kun some money."

"And HOW on EARTH did you get us to sing in five concerts and fifteen guest appearances?" Yohji demanded.

"That's not my fault. I didn't sign the contract. You guys did." The moogle pointed out.

"I don't remember signing any contract." Yohji glared at the moogle.

The moogle shrugged, then it took another handful of kupo nuts from its pocket. "You were drunk when you signed the contract. All four of you." The moogle added, chewing the kupo nuts loudly.

"Could you PLEASE stop eating those things? They're driving me nuts." Yohji said to the moogle. "And that, added to that SINGING upstairs…RRARRGH!!!" He exclaimed.

"Nuts, that's a pun," the moogle said thoughtfully. "Good one, Yohji-kun." The moogle said as it continued eating kupo nuts, chewing very, -very- loudly, as if trying to annoy Yohji.

It seemed to be working very well. Yohji's face was turning pink, and his eyes were looking at the moogle very darkly. "Stay calm, Yohji," he muttered to himself. He took a deep breath. "One…two…three…four…five…six…"

"I LIE AWAKE, I DRIVE MYSELF CRAZY, DRIVE MYSELF CRAZY…" crooned the three guys from upstairs.

"Seven…eight…" Yohji said muttered in between clenched teeth, glaring at the moogle who continued eating the kupo nuts happily.

RRRRING!!!!! The phone rang again.

For the 50th time.

Yohji picked up the phone. "WHAT?!?!?" He demanded. "HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?!?!?!? THERE'S NO ONE HERE NAMED JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE!" He screamed. "PRIZE? WHAT PRIZE? 50th CALLER?!? WELL, I CHANGED MY MIND, OK?" A pause. "NO. THERE'S NO ONE HERE NAMED JC CHASEZ EITHER! THIS IS NOT THE F**KING HEADQUARTERS OF N'SYNC, ALRIGHT? THIS IS A FLOWERSHOP, AND WE SELL FLOWERS!!!" He slammed the phone down and gazed at the moogle darkly.

"What?" The moogle asked calmly, still chewing and crunching kupo nuts.

"I DRIVE MYSELF CRAZY, WANTING YOU THE WAY THAT I DO…" The three upstairs continued to sing.

"I'm going to kill you…" Yohji muttered darkly, his eyes turning around like that of a lunatic.

"Hey, what's going on?" Manx's voice interrupted Yohji's lunatic antics…umm, I mean lunatic ravings…I mean *ahem* lunacy.

"Hi, Manx!" The moogle greeted, wagging its tail cheerfully.

"Oh, hey, Zidane…what's going on…?" She heard the singing upstairs. "Oh, hey…hey…HEY!" She exclaimed.

"Wha…" Yohji's voice was starting to get lunatically slurred. He was mentally plotting how he was gonna murder the moogle-in-Zidane-costume.

"I LOVE THAT SONG!" Manx said. "WHY DIDN'T I KNOW IT…HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU BABY…WHY DIDN'T I SHOW IT…" She started to sing the rest of Justin Timberlake's lines while she went upstairs to join the KTV party. Her voice blended in with Omi's who was singing as Justin Timberlake. Ken sang JC Chasez' lines while Aya took over Lance Bass' parts.

Yohji's eyes took on the look of murder. "I'm going to kill you all," he said in a hard, flat, sinister voice. "I.AM.GOING.TO.KILL.YOU.ALL!!!" He screamed.

The moogle's eyes got wide. "Uh-oh." In a flash, the moogle transformed from its Zidane costume into its normal moogle form, and from its normal moogle form to its normal, human form. "Gotta run. I'll see ya all later!" The now-human-but-was-formerly-a-moogle-in-Zidane-costume ran out, away from Yohji's lunatic crutches.

But just as the moogle…uh, human reached the door, the phone rang again. The former moogle just can't resist ringing phones. It went back inside and scooped out the phone. "Hello? Um, Joey…Fatone? Who's that? Oh, the other N'SYNC guy with the long face and the moustache? No, that wasn't…I mean, yeah…YEAH! The guy who kept answering the phone is Joey Fatone…why? Oh…OK…really? You know, I think he was being sarcastic…what? Um…yeah…YEAH! This is the Japan headquarters of N'Sync, how may we help you?" The former moogle paused, and looked at the seemingly insane Yohji. "You'd like to talk to Joey Fatone…? Uh, I think this is a bad time, he's not in a very good mood…what? Well…OK." The former moogle handed the phone to the deranged Yohji, aka Joey Fatone of N'Sync in Tokyo.

Yohji snatched the phone and shouted to the receiver. "WHAT!?!?!?" He paused, and all the while, smoke began to come out of his ears. "WHAT?!?!?" He screamed. "LISTEN, YOU! I.AM.NOT.F**KING.JOEY.FATONE! And I AM NOT F**KING JEALOUSOF JUSTINJCANDLANCE! I DON'T F**KING KNOW THEM!!! AND THIS IS NOT N'SYNC'S F**KING HEADQUARTERS!!!" He slammed the phone down, practically breaking it in the process.

"I DRIVE MYSELF CRAZY! CRAZY…CRAZY…CRAZY, YEAH! MADE A MISTAKE WHEN I LET YOU GO BABY…I DRIVE MYSELF CRAZY…WANTING YOU THE WAY THAT I DO…" The singing continued.

Yohji's eyes reddened and darkened and went around and around as if he was possessed.

The former moogle-turned-person was alarmed. "Damn, I should've run away when I had the chance, but I just had to answer the phone…" it muttered under its breath. "OH, CRIPE…"

"I DRIVE MYSELF CRAZY…WANTING YOU THE WAY THAT I…DO…OOHHH…" There's that singing again.

"UH-OH…"

"DIE…..DDDIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! DIIIEEEEE!!!!!! SSSHHHHIII-NNNNNNEEEEEE!!!" Deranged Yohji totally lost it and he ran after the former moogle.

"YIKES! KUPO! I GOTTA REALLY RUN!" The former moogle ran out of the flowershop and closed the door to delay Yohji's chase. "HELP!!! I'M GONNA GET KILLED!!!" It shouted as it ran.

"DDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! SSSSSHHHHHHIIIIII-NNNNNNNEEEEEE!!!" Deranged Yohji ran after the former moogle, armed with his wires and a large flower pot.

"I DRIVE MYSELF CRAZY, DRIVE MYSELF CRAZY, WANTING YOU THE WAY THAT I DO…" Omi, Ken, and Aya, along with Manx, continued singing from the upstairs, unaware of what was happening below them.

OWARIMASHITA.

A/N: I told you it was pointless, didn't I?

Updated October 18, 2003. Reformatted.^_^