One More Day With You
-----------------------------
I reposted this fic after finding better lyrics which of course are more suitable. I heard this song and nearly cried! My Immortal by Evanescence. Aren't they a great group? ^_~ BTW, thank to those three people who reviewed (saki, kiyoko chan, and Nadako-Mika). Yugi plushies for you guys!
Warning: A little cursing and possible character death.
Disclaimer: The usual
( . . .) (lyrics in brackets!
==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==
((Yugi's POV))
A malignant void. That's what my once virtuous and carefree heart has become. I won't deny it; it's my own fault. I let him go when I should have kept him here forever. Heh, but then again, I'm not the one to be selfish and greedy. They all said that it was a good choice, and that I made the right decision to let him go.
But who are they to say it was the right thing to do? They aren't the ones who feel the way I do about him.
I sigh.
(I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears and if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave 'cause your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone.)
My aibou; my soul; my life . . . my yami. What the hell was I thinking that day?! If I told you how I felt; whispered into your ear as you prepared yourself to leave - would you then have stayed forever by my side? Would you have been able to bear leaving me, after you knew it would break my heart to see you go?
But it's too late now. Even someone as hopeful as me knows that it's impossible to turn back time. Wait, did I just say hopeful? Ha, there's a laugh. There's absolutely nothing in this corporeal world to be hopeful about anymore. After all, what more can I expect out of it? More tears? More pain? More dichotomy of the soul?
No, I can't do it. I can't live in a world that causes me so much anguish; only to come face to face with Death himself at the end. That isn't my idea of a well-spent life. But then again, who really cares about what I think?
I finally get the strength and endurance to lift myself from my haven - my bed. It's the only place that I can go where I know agony can't find me. I look towards the clock, only to find it striking four in the afternoon. Why was I staying in bed so long? Well, give me a damn good reason why I should bother getting myself up! Luckily it's summer holidays so I won't have to be bothered by school. Not like I would go anyway, even if there were still classes.
For the past few weeks, I've only rarely come out of my room. The reasons being obvious - food, water, bathroom, shower.
(These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase . . .)
Grandpa's getting really worried about me. He hasn't said anything about me locking myself in my room like this, but I can tell by the look on his face every time I see him that he too is suffering - and it's all my fault.
My friends at first tried their hardest to cheer me up. To try and make me forget about the hardship of losing my yami. They brought me to the movies, to the arcade, and to the beach to go swimming.
But their attempts failed miserably.
I didn't mean to; I didn't want to, but I ended up pushing them away. I didn't want them to suffer like I already was. They're admirable people; they don't deserve someone like me ruining their lives because of a stupid ordeal in the past. But as it seems, they're already full of misery - and again, it's my fault.
Is everything my fault? Is everyone's problems centred on me? Should I just force myself to go away?
I'm finished getting changed now. I look myself over quickly in the mirror before turning towards the door. Yeah, I've decided to go outside today. I haven't been out there for almost two weeks. I think I at least owe myself a little bit of sunshine.
I slowly make my way downstairs, the silver chain around my neck jingling as I walk. I'm about to put on my shoes, when my grandpa surprises me and calls my name. I nearly jump out of my skin, but turn to where his voice had come from.
"Yah?" I simply state. There's no reason for me to sound cheerful when he clearly knows I'm depressed. The way he's looking at me, I think that deep down inside he's scared. He's scared that maybe one day I'll fall so far into this dark void that I'll end up hurting myself. Heh, if only he knew that it was already too late for that. Once you've sunk this far, the darkness consumes you. And the only way out is . . .well, I think you know.
"It's nice to see you out of your room," he says, shooting me a small smile. Grandpa, as much as I love you, don't even bother trying to get me to smile back . . .because you know that I won't. "Are you going out to meet your friends? They've been calling here a lot, wanting you to go out with them."
"Yeah, I know grandpa. But I'm not going to meet them. I just feel like taking a walk, that's all." I speak monotonously, but I still manage to show him that I care. He's one of the few people that I'm actually fond about anymore.
(When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears And I held your hand through all of these years But you still have me . . . All of me . . .)
"Oh . . ." Came his reply a few moments later. I could tell that my answer wasn't what he was expecting (and hoping) for me to say. "Well, enjoy yourself. Take as much time as you need."
"I will," I shoved my feet into my running shoes, and made my way out the door before either of us said another word. I was just afraid that if he spoke to me again, I'd most likely begin shouting and screaming out in sorrow and agony. This is another reason I don't feel like coming out of my room. Just about anything anyone would either say or do comes close to making me snap. I feel like a balloon, really. I'm already too full of helium, and if I somehow manage to fill myself fuller, I would explode.
(You used to captivate me By your resonating light Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind.)
I make my way down the nearly empty streets, occasionally looking up to see where I'm going. Where I'm walking to, even I don't know. But for some unexplained reason, I'm desperate to get there.
The sun is already beginning to set beyond the horizon, and the cool evening breeze is whipping past me in an attempt to make me cold.
It's doing a good job.
My body is now beginning to shiver, and little goose pimples are evidently showing on my pale arms. I cross them in hopes of making myself warm again. Fuck, why does the world hate me so? First I have to lose the one I love most, then I push away the people that care, and now even Mother Nature is turning her back on me? I growl under my breath, yet keep walking westward. Why? Like I said, I have no idea.
"Hey Caitlin, wanna go hit the Dance Dance Revolution?"
"Sure, as long as Cheryl comes too!"
I glance in the direction of the voices, and am greeted by the sight of three attractive girls all headed in the direction of the arcade, obviously to play DDR. But seeing them all happy and light-hearted only makes me even more dejected.
I want to scream; I want to yell and cry out in fury and frustration. WHY CAN'T I BE NORMAL?!? WHY CAN'T I LIVE A TYPICAL LIFE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE?! WHY . . .did he have to leave me?
I come back to reality, only to find myself crying. My tears were clinging to my cheeks like a child to its mother. But that's not the only thing I notice. A few pedestrians who were in the surrounding area all cast concerned looks in my direction. Had I lost all sense of actuality and screamed out my pain? I must've, because why else would their disturbed gazes be aimed upon me?
I feel my cheeks flush a slight pink, then turn and continue on my way.
==+==
It's been about two hours now. Where am I? I honestly have no idea. But I know where I came from and how to get back, so I'm not worried what so ever. But other then that, all I can see are a few anonymous houses, and building or two, and a long narrow bridge which is situated over a small lake. I stand on the shoreline and stare longingly at the dark, rippling waters in front of me. But instead of seeing the normal everyday water that people swim in, I find myself starring at a sea of tears. Each drop of water in that huge lake represents something different. So what do I do? I fall to my knees and stare at my own reflection in the tears' surface.
Am I doomed to be lonely for the rest of my life? Will the pain that I'm feeling ever sub-side? Will I ever be the same again? For my soul is being shredded; not just once, but over and over again - like grating cheese for a pizza.
I'm on the bridge. What the hell? How did I get here? I don't remember walking over here. Meh, I guess I'm going crazy. All the more reason to throw myself off of it.
(Your face it hurts my once pleasant dreams Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me . . .)
Luckily for me, there aren't any cars to worry about. No one to witness it, no one to call the police or anything stupid like that. Ah, just perfect. My timing couldn't be better. I grasp the rusted metal railing tightly, allowing one of my legs to slide over it. Then, hoisting myself up carefully, I pull the remainder of my body to the other side as well. The only thing now that was preventing me from falling were my hands.
See what you've reduced me to, Yami? Can you finally see the misery and torture you've put me through in the past few weeks? When you left me that day, that horrible terrible day, not only did you leave forever, but also you took my sanguine soul with you. And because of it; because of you - I can no longer see anything as palpable. My world came crashing down when you left me Yami. Everything.
And for that, heh, what reason is there for me to stay?
One hand lets go.
I force myself to look down, into the shallow waters of my impending doom. If the rocks won't kill me, the depth of the lake definitely will. Either way, my death isn't going to be a day in the park. I can feel my hand slipping, letting go of the little life I have left. Little flakes of rust are chipping off as well; and I watch silently as they flutter down slowly to the lake below.
(I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone But though you're still with me I've been alone all along . . .)
I take a deep breath. Well, if I'm going to do this, I shouldn't drag it on anymore. And to say the least, my death better not get any media coverage. That's all I need - to spin in my hostile grave hearing about 'that sixteen year old kid who jumped off a bridge.' Dammit to hell! I'm putting it off again! This is inevitable! No more talking to myself!
But just as my fingers are about to feel their last, I hear a faint yet distinct voice whip past me; much like the wind.
"Yugi . . ." It whispers, sending chills down my spine. It wasn't enough to scare me; otherwise I would have let go from the shock. For what I was hearing couldn't be mistaken. It was my aibou, my soul, my life . . .my yami. I freeze in my place and look around, trying desperately to hear where the voice had come from. But to my dismay, I see no one. My mind was forsaking me, perhaps trying to buy some extra time.
"No . . ." I say loudly, preparing to let myself drop again. But suddenly I feel something like hands grasp around my wrist, pulling me back. I gasp quietly and turn around, hoping to find myself starring into the beautiful scarlet eyes of my other half. But I'm only disappointed, as I again see no one standing there.
The feeling, though. The feeling of being pulled back was still there, now more then ever. I'm confused now, but I slowly make my way to the other side of the railing, safe from any harm.
And as quickly as the feeling had come; it left.
Had it really been the spirit of Yami watching over me; protecting me like he had promised? Does he really know how I feel about him, which is the reason why his presence is there? The answers, I'm not sure about. But what I AM sure about is getting back home. And for the first time in a month, I feel the corners of my mouth curving up into a smile.
He is here. He promised he would be - and we all know that Yami keeps his promises. I'm beginning to run now, the child in me once again showing as I begin skip and run at the same time. I'm going home; to call my friends and make plans, to give my caring grandfather a hug. But most of all, I'm going home to start over, and live my life like Yami would've wanted me to - to the fullest.
(But you still have me . . . all of me . . .)
==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==
So? Everyone like it? I know, the ending was a little corny, but meh - what d'ya wanna do? You don't honestly expect me to kill of Yugi, do you (that's where my other stories come in ^_~). Well, I hope you enjoyed it. Leave me a review to tell me how you felt about it. You can flame me if you wish, but I'm letting you know that flames aren't very nice *pouty face* Ja ne!
© 2003: Chibi Kai Lover
-----------------------------
I reposted this fic after finding better lyrics which of course are more suitable. I heard this song and nearly cried! My Immortal by Evanescence. Aren't they a great group? ^_~ BTW, thank to those three people who reviewed (saki, kiyoko chan, and Nadako-Mika). Yugi plushies for you guys!
Warning: A little cursing and possible character death.
Disclaimer: The usual
( . . .) (lyrics in brackets!
==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==
((Yugi's POV))
A malignant void. That's what my once virtuous and carefree heart has become. I won't deny it; it's my own fault. I let him go when I should have kept him here forever. Heh, but then again, I'm not the one to be selfish and greedy. They all said that it was a good choice, and that I made the right decision to let him go.
But who are they to say it was the right thing to do? They aren't the ones who feel the way I do about him.
I sigh.
(I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears and if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave 'cause your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone.)
My aibou; my soul; my life . . . my yami. What the hell was I thinking that day?! If I told you how I felt; whispered into your ear as you prepared yourself to leave - would you then have stayed forever by my side? Would you have been able to bear leaving me, after you knew it would break my heart to see you go?
But it's too late now. Even someone as hopeful as me knows that it's impossible to turn back time. Wait, did I just say hopeful? Ha, there's a laugh. There's absolutely nothing in this corporeal world to be hopeful about anymore. After all, what more can I expect out of it? More tears? More pain? More dichotomy of the soul?
No, I can't do it. I can't live in a world that causes me so much anguish; only to come face to face with Death himself at the end. That isn't my idea of a well-spent life. But then again, who really cares about what I think?
I finally get the strength and endurance to lift myself from my haven - my bed. It's the only place that I can go where I know agony can't find me. I look towards the clock, only to find it striking four in the afternoon. Why was I staying in bed so long? Well, give me a damn good reason why I should bother getting myself up! Luckily it's summer holidays so I won't have to be bothered by school. Not like I would go anyway, even if there were still classes.
For the past few weeks, I've only rarely come out of my room. The reasons being obvious - food, water, bathroom, shower.
(These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase . . .)
Grandpa's getting really worried about me. He hasn't said anything about me locking myself in my room like this, but I can tell by the look on his face every time I see him that he too is suffering - and it's all my fault.
My friends at first tried their hardest to cheer me up. To try and make me forget about the hardship of losing my yami. They brought me to the movies, to the arcade, and to the beach to go swimming.
But their attempts failed miserably.
I didn't mean to; I didn't want to, but I ended up pushing them away. I didn't want them to suffer like I already was. They're admirable people; they don't deserve someone like me ruining their lives because of a stupid ordeal in the past. But as it seems, they're already full of misery - and again, it's my fault.
Is everything my fault? Is everyone's problems centred on me? Should I just force myself to go away?
I'm finished getting changed now. I look myself over quickly in the mirror before turning towards the door. Yeah, I've decided to go outside today. I haven't been out there for almost two weeks. I think I at least owe myself a little bit of sunshine.
I slowly make my way downstairs, the silver chain around my neck jingling as I walk. I'm about to put on my shoes, when my grandpa surprises me and calls my name. I nearly jump out of my skin, but turn to where his voice had come from.
"Yah?" I simply state. There's no reason for me to sound cheerful when he clearly knows I'm depressed. The way he's looking at me, I think that deep down inside he's scared. He's scared that maybe one day I'll fall so far into this dark void that I'll end up hurting myself. Heh, if only he knew that it was already too late for that. Once you've sunk this far, the darkness consumes you. And the only way out is . . .well, I think you know.
"It's nice to see you out of your room," he says, shooting me a small smile. Grandpa, as much as I love you, don't even bother trying to get me to smile back . . .because you know that I won't. "Are you going out to meet your friends? They've been calling here a lot, wanting you to go out with them."
"Yeah, I know grandpa. But I'm not going to meet them. I just feel like taking a walk, that's all." I speak monotonously, but I still manage to show him that I care. He's one of the few people that I'm actually fond about anymore.
(When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears And I held your hand through all of these years But you still have me . . . All of me . . .)
"Oh . . ." Came his reply a few moments later. I could tell that my answer wasn't what he was expecting (and hoping) for me to say. "Well, enjoy yourself. Take as much time as you need."
"I will," I shoved my feet into my running shoes, and made my way out the door before either of us said another word. I was just afraid that if he spoke to me again, I'd most likely begin shouting and screaming out in sorrow and agony. This is another reason I don't feel like coming out of my room. Just about anything anyone would either say or do comes close to making me snap. I feel like a balloon, really. I'm already too full of helium, and if I somehow manage to fill myself fuller, I would explode.
(You used to captivate me By your resonating light Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind.)
I make my way down the nearly empty streets, occasionally looking up to see where I'm going. Where I'm walking to, even I don't know. But for some unexplained reason, I'm desperate to get there.
The sun is already beginning to set beyond the horizon, and the cool evening breeze is whipping past me in an attempt to make me cold.
It's doing a good job.
My body is now beginning to shiver, and little goose pimples are evidently showing on my pale arms. I cross them in hopes of making myself warm again. Fuck, why does the world hate me so? First I have to lose the one I love most, then I push away the people that care, and now even Mother Nature is turning her back on me? I growl under my breath, yet keep walking westward. Why? Like I said, I have no idea.
"Hey Caitlin, wanna go hit the Dance Dance Revolution?"
"Sure, as long as Cheryl comes too!"
I glance in the direction of the voices, and am greeted by the sight of three attractive girls all headed in the direction of the arcade, obviously to play DDR. But seeing them all happy and light-hearted only makes me even more dejected.
I want to scream; I want to yell and cry out in fury and frustration. WHY CAN'T I BE NORMAL?!? WHY CAN'T I LIVE A TYPICAL LIFE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE?! WHY . . .did he have to leave me?
I come back to reality, only to find myself crying. My tears were clinging to my cheeks like a child to its mother. But that's not the only thing I notice. A few pedestrians who were in the surrounding area all cast concerned looks in my direction. Had I lost all sense of actuality and screamed out my pain? I must've, because why else would their disturbed gazes be aimed upon me?
I feel my cheeks flush a slight pink, then turn and continue on my way.
==+==
It's been about two hours now. Where am I? I honestly have no idea. But I know where I came from and how to get back, so I'm not worried what so ever. But other then that, all I can see are a few anonymous houses, and building or two, and a long narrow bridge which is situated over a small lake. I stand on the shoreline and stare longingly at the dark, rippling waters in front of me. But instead of seeing the normal everyday water that people swim in, I find myself starring at a sea of tears. Each drop of water in that huge lake represents something different. So what do I do? I fall to my knees and stare at my own reflection in the tears' surface.
Am I doomed to be lonely for the rest of my life? Will the pain that I'm feeling ever sub-side? Will I ever be the same again? For my soul is being shredded; not just once, but over and over again - like grating cheese for a pizza.
I'm on the bridge. What the hell? How did I get here? I don't remember walking over here. Meh, I guess I'm going crazy. All the more reason to throw myself off of it.
(Your face it hurts my once pleasant dreams Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me . . .)
Luckily for me, there aren't any cars to worry about. No one to witness it, no one to call the police or anything stupid like that. Ah, just perfect. My timing couldn't be better. I grasp the rusted metal railing tightly, allowing one of my legs to slide over it. Then, hoisting myself up carefully, I pull the remainder of my body to the other side as well. The only thing now that was preventing me from falling were my hands.
See what you've reduced me to, Yami? Can you finally see the misery and torture you've put me through in the past few weeks? When you left me that day, that horrible terrible day, not only did you leave forever, but also you took my sanguine soul with you. And because of it; because of you - I can no longer see anything as palpable. My world came crashing down when you left me Yami. Everything.
And for that, heh, what reason is there for me to stay?
One hand lets go.
I force myself to look down, into the shallow waters of my impending doom. If the rocks won't kill me, the depth of the lake definitely will. Either way, my death isn't going to be a day in the park. I can feel my hand slipping, letting go of the little life I have left. Little flakes of rust are chipping off as well; and I watch silently as they flutter down slowly to the lake below.
(I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone But though you're still with me I've been alone all along . . .)
I take a deep breath. Well, if I'm going to do this, I shouldn't drag it on anymore. And to say the least, my death better not get any media coverage. That's all I need - to spin in my hostile grave hearing about 'that sixteen year old kid who jumped off a bridge.' Dammit to hell! I'm putting it off again! This is inevitable! No more talking to myself!
But just as my fingers are about to feel their last, I hear a faint yet distinct voice whip past me; much like the wind.
"Yugi . . ." It whispers, sending chills down my spine. It wasn't enough to scare me; otherwise I would have let go from the shock. For what I was hearing couldn't be mistaken. It was my aibou, my soul, my life . . .my yami. I freeze in my place and look around, trying desperately to hear where the voice had come from. But to my dismay, I see no one. My mind was forsaking me, perhaps trying to buy some extra time.
"No . . ." I say loudly, preparing to let myself drop again. But suddenly I feel something like hands grasp around my wrist, pulling me back. I gasp quietly and turn around, hoping to find myself starring into the beautiful scarlet eyes of my other half. But I'm only disappointed, as I again see no one standing there.
The feeling, though. The feeling of being pulled back was still there, now more then ever. I'm confused now, but I slowly make my way to the other side of the railing, safe from any harm.
And as quickly as the feeling had come; it left.
Had it really been the spirit of Yami watching over me; protecting me like he had promised? Does he really know how I feel about him, which is the reason why his presence is there? The answers, I'm not sure about. But what I AM sure about is getting back home. And for the first time in a month, I feel the corners of my mouth curving up into a smile.
He is here. He promised he would be - and we all know that Yami keeps his promises. I'm beginning to run now, the child in me once again showing as I begin skip and run at the same time. I'm going home; to call my friends and make plans, to give my caring grandfather a hug. But most of all, I'm going home to start over, and live my life like Yami would've wanted me to - to the fullest.
(But you still have me . . . all of me . . .)
==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==
So? Everyone like it? I know, the ending was a little corny, but meh - what d'ya wanna do? You don't honestly expect me to kill of Yugi, do you (that's where my other stories come in ^_~). Well, I hope you enjoyed it. Leave me a review to tell me how you felt about it. You can flame me if you wish, but I'm letting you know that flames aren't very nice *pouty face* Ja ne!
© 2003: Chibi Kai Lover