Author: Vona
Title: Regret
Summary: Sydney's thoughts on life. Part Four of Emotion series.
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, never will.
Rating: G
Feedback: I love it.
Regret
Lament. Bewail. Rue. My entire life is full of regret. Working at the Centre was probably one of the greatest mistakes of my life. I became what I always swore I would never be. A scientist who played with other people's emotions. I'm no better than the Nazis that killed my parents and took Jacob and I in for experimentation. I always try to fool myself into believing I didn't hurt Jarod. I look at him like he's my own son. But he's not. He has no wish to be. I kept him from his family and had him used for simulation. I try to pretend like I didn't know what I was doing. Obliviousness is a gift. But I did. Deep down I knew that working with Jarod was wrong. He was just a child. Just like Miss Parker was just a child. The little angel who had her mother ripped away from her and was left with an already distant father, or uncle, that is. I like to fancy myself a father to her, as well. I missed raising my own son, so I tried to raise them. Good job I did; a bitter, angry, distrustful woman and a confused, sad, fugitive man. I'd like so much to blame Raines or Mr. Parker or the Triumvirate. It was all their doing. They kept me in the dark about so many things. And I let them. I didn't want to know the truth. I wanted to bury my head in the sand like an ostrich. I try to make up for what I did. I want to help Jarod. I think he is gaining enough retribution for the both of us. I'm actually very proud of him. My surrogate son, I raised him to be man who helps people. Or perhaps he only does it out of guilt; guilt of what he did when he was only a child. He is not at fault. His life is not a mistake from above. Mine is. Grieve. Repent. Mourn. Regret goes much deeper in any man's heart.
Regret
Lament. Bewail. Rue. My entire life is full of regret. Working at the Centre was probably one of the greatest mistakes of my life. I became what I always swore I would never be. A scientist who played with other people's emotions. I'm no better than the Nazis that killed my parents and took Jacob and I in for experimentation. I always try to fool myself into believing I didn't hurt Jarod. I look at him like he's my own son. But he's not. He has no wish to be. I kept him from his family and had him used for simulation. I try to pretend like I didn't know what I was doing. Obliviousness is a gift. But I did. Deep down I knew that working with Jarod was wrong. He was just a child. Just like Miss Parker was just a child. The little angel who had her mother ripped away from her and was left with an already distant father, or uncle, that is. I like to fancy myself a father to her, as well. I missed raising my own son, so I tried to raise them. Good job I did; a bitter, angry, distrustful woman and a confused, sad, fugitive man. I'd like so much to blame Raines or Mr. Parker or the Triumvirate. It was all their doing. They kept me in the dark about so many things. And I let them. I didn't want to know the truth. I wanted to bury my head in the sand like an ostrich. I try to make up for what I did. I want to help Jarod. I think he is gaining enough retribution for the both of us. I'm actually very proud of him. My surrogate son, I raised him to be man who helps people. Or perhaps he only does it out of guilt; guilt of what he did when he was only a child. He is not at fault. His life is not a mistake from above. Mine is. Grieve. Repent. Mourn. Regret goes much deeper in any man's heart.