Part Seven
~*~
After driving Jane home and talking in the Lane driveway for a while, Daria headed homeward with a smile on her face. All in all, it had been a very good evening. Jane selling the painting for enough to go to BFAC was the highlight, of course, and Jane getting two commissions was pretty cool too, even if it meant she had to model for them. Daria and Jane would be together in Boston for fall semester, even if they weren't at the same college. And thirteen hundred thirty three bucks wasn't chump change, even though she'd have turned it down if it weren't helping Jane.
Messing with Kevin had been fun, although, at some level, she couldn't help feeling sorry for someone that close to being officially mentally handicapped, especially knowing that his brief glory days were now gone and he faced a life of low-wage drudgery, still, the arrogant muscleheaded jock had had it coming for a long time. It still burned her to think that he had believed she could have ever been attracted to him, and it bothered her even more that he had thought that he was too good for her. She imagined how much evil, vicious fun it would be to make him crawl and beg forgiveness for his hubris and arrogance, but hubris had its own punishment. Kevin would spend the rest of his days being slapped in the face by life with his true value to society. She didn't need to do anything.
And Charles... Daria found it a bit hard to believe that she'd accepted a date with Upchuck. But wasn't she being somewhat shallow to thus accept others' evaluations of him? She certainly no longer needed to worry about what a date with Upchuck would do to her reputation, not that she ever had... had she? He might well turn out to be an interesting person that she would wish she'd gotten to know earlier. Just in case, though, she'd make sure that others knew where she'd be, and that she was prepared to take public transportation home if she found it necessary to part company with him. And she'd be sure he understood that she wasn't looking for any romantic entanglements so close to leaving for Raft. But she didn't really expect a problem. He seemed to be much less Upchucky than he used to be. At worst, she could use the socialization practice. At best, it would be good to make another friend.
Daria parked in her assigned spot at the end of the driveway, well to the right so her parents would have no problem backing out around her little car. She got out and headed for the front door, thinking of the reactions of her former classmates to Jane's painting. It was kind of... interesting to hear what all those boys thought of her body, as long as nobody knew that she'd heard it, so she wouldn't feel obligated to respond. Or retaliate. Even though physical appearance was meaningless in the grand scheme of things, it was nice to know that males her age found her attractive. One day she might meet some male worth attracting, and although he must first and foremost be attracted to her inner self, she wouldn't mind too much if he found her outer self a pleasing bonus. Smiling at the thought, Daria entered Schloss Morgendorffer.
Jake was sitting on the sofa watching a baseball game. The team he was rooting for was losing, as usual. Helen was sitting beside him, writing in a notebook, a legal brief open on her lap. She got up and came to the front door as Daria entered, a trace of concern in her expression. "Are you all right, dear?" she asked.
Daria appreciated her mother's concern and didn't feel irritated by it. "Sure, Mom, I'm fine," she replied.
Helen looked more closely at her expression. "What have you been doing, Daria?"
"Just having pizza with Jane on the way home from the museum."
"Pizza with Jane doesn't usually make you look like that."
Just then, Quinn flounced in, looking irritated, and handed Daria several sheets off the notepad by the phone. "These guys all want to speak with you and it's all very important. Plus there were three hang-ups, who I suspect were Joey, Jeffy, and Jason. Maybe you should get your own phone line. And an answering machine."
Daria smiled at her sister. "Now you have some idea how I felt these last few years, taking all those messages for you."
"How you felt? But, Daria, you didn't want to date these guys! You still don't want to date these guys!"
"No, but it would've been nice to date someone."
"Oh."
"You still haven't answered my question, Daria," said Helen. "Why did you come floating in here with that strange smile on your face?"
Daria sighed and looked at Helen. "Oh all right. I lurked and listened to what people said about the painting."
"And what did people say about the painting?"
"Well, lots of stuff, mostly favorable. Well done, intriguing, dynamic composition, painterly brushwork..."
"Which stuff, specifically, are you smiling about?"
Daria hesitated a second, then mentally shrugged and said, "Guys think I'm a babe."
Helen got a strange expression on her face. Daria recognized discomfort and a bit of anger among other, less identifiable emotions.
"Mom, could I talk to you a minute? Upstairs?" Daria asked, glancing toward Jake.
Helen followed the direction of Daria's gaze, said "Sure," and headed up the stairs.
Daria followed Helen into the master bedroom and stood aside as Helen closed the door. Before she could speak, however, Helen began.
"Daria, you know and I know that you're a very pretty and attractive young lady, but I know you used to be very uncomfortable about being compared to others based on your appearance. I just hope that this new... experience isn't going to send you off on a..."
Daria held up a hand. "No, Mom, I still don't like to be judged by my looks, although I think I'm beginning to come to terms with it. That's not to say I'm going to start dressing like Quinn or Jodie Landon. But that's not what I wanted to talk about right now."
"What is it, then?"
"Dad. Someone needs to tell him about the painting, and I guess it should be me. I'm really afraid of what might happen if someone just casually mentions it to him, or he finds out some other bad way. You know, with his blood pressure and all."
"I'm glad you thought of that, Daria. I wish you'd thought of it sooner."
Daria looked down. "Yeah, I do too. I would have done things differently. Looking back up to Helen's face, she continued, "So, how do you think I should go about it?"
Helen gave her daughter an affectionate little smile. "The question is, 'How should we go about it?' We're a family, and we'll handle this as a family. I believe we should tell him straight out, but we should wait till he's very relaxed."
Daria nodded. "But we don't want to wait too long, and take a chance on him finding out by accident. If he thinks we're keeping secrets from him, that'll make it worse."
"That's a good point, Daria. There may be a chance for me to tell him tonight... depending. If not, you should plan to tell him in the morning at breakfast, after he's taken his blood pressure medication, but before he gets wound up to rush off to work. In fact, you should tell him anyway. Don't even worry about whether I told him or not."
"Yeah, good idea. Thanks, Mom. Well, I guess I'd better get on the phone. I have a lot of dates to politely decline."
"Good. Oh, Daria, when you said that you're coming to terms with your attrac.., uh, looks, did you mean that you'll be putting that jacket away, at least for the summer?"
Daria resisted her first impulse to give a sarcastic answer to that question, and thought about it for a few seconds. She had graduated from Lawndale High. The need for this outfit no longer existed. It was illogical to be wearing it in the middle of summer, not to mention uncomfortable. "Yes, I guess it does. And maybe a few other things."
Helen Morgendorffer waited until Daria had turned and started down the hall to her room. Then she smiled a big fat smile.
~*~
Next morning, Daria descended the stairs and turned toward the kitchen entryway. She fingered the slight stiffness in her jacket pocket with trepidation. It was the photo of her and Jane standing beside the painting. If Jake was in a calm mood, and if he'd taken his pill, and if she could find or make an opening, this might be the time to tell him. She almost hoped he'd be ranting about something. She dreaded having to tell him, but she dreaded the thought of him finding out by accident even more. If her posing for Jane led to her father having another heart attack, she'd never forgive herself. She wished yet again that she'd insisted that Jane alter her features in the painting.
She entered the kitchen. Jake was at his place at the table, drinking coffee and scanning through the arts section of the Lawndale Sun-Herald. He sometimes did that before laying that section at her place and going to the business or sports section. Daria smiled.
Jake looked up at her approach. "Good morning, Kiddo. Hey, guess what? There's another Jane Lane in Lawndale, and she's an artist too! Listen to this!" He turned back to the paper and began reading. "In her groundbreaking work, "Nude Reading Solzhenytsin", artist Jane Lane breaks with the traditional interpretation of the reclining nude as a passive, defenseless, idealized feminine form. Lane's nude proudly proclaims the modern feminist ideal. The book she reads,'The Gulag Archipelago,' declares her powerful intellect, while alluding to past oppression; the sundered bars of her window symbolize her hard-won freedom, and the combat boots beside her bed bespeak her formidable power and her determination to fight on until she has won the equality that is her birthright. Ms. Lane's sensitive, almost lyrical handling of the female figure and her masterful use of symbolism bid fair to propel her into the top rank of today's American artists." Quinn was listening as Jake read this with a hint of awe in her expression. And more than a hint of nervousness.
Forcing herself to look calm, Daria fixed herself a cup of coffee and a bowl of King Sugar Tut cereal and sat down at the table. "Sounds like she's a really good artist," she replied cheerfully but noncommittally.
"Uh, honey, did you take your blood pressure medication this morning?" Helen asked Jake, a hint of worry in her voice.
"Sure did, honey, first thing. Thanks for putting it out for me. Hey, Daria, you should tell your friend Jane about this other Jane Lane. Maybe they could get together and she could pick up some pointers. This looks like good work, as best I can tell from this little bitty photo in the paper." Jake covered his right eye and squinted at the paper with his left, holding it at arm's length. "Y'know, it's a funny thing, but that girl in the painting looks a little like... naah."
Daria noted that Helen was whispering something in Quinn's ear. Quinn nodded. Daria was about to gradually lead into her revelation with the fact that the Jane Lane in the paper and her friend were the same, when a rapping on the windowpane behind her made her jump. Turning, she saw a near-manic Jane dancing and gibbering outside, pointing at a copy of the paper clutched in her hand. Heart pounding, yet relieved at the interruption, she opened the patio door.
"Daria! Didja see? Didja see? I'm groundbreaking! I'm sensitive! I'm masterful! I'm almost lyrical!" Jane crowed as she capered about the Morgendorffer side yard.
"You're going to be propelled into the top rank of that American Holly bush if you don't take a chill pill!" Daria mock threatened, smirking at her friend. "This is a respectable neighborhood! Get in here before the neighbors form a committee or something."
As Jane entered, Daria put an extra chair at the table for Jane, between her chair and Jake's, then brought her coffee and cereal, before resuming her own seat.
Jane was stoked. "I still can't get over this review! Usually this guy can't write his way out of a paper bag, and when he can, he thinks he's obliged to be snide and sarcastic and vicious. You don't often see a complimentary review from him."
"Yeah, you're right about that," Daria replied, mostly succeeding in suppressing a grin. "Well, you certainly deserve it."
Her attention drawn to Daria's expression, Jane now studied it minutely. "Saaayyyy, do I detect the hidden hand of a certain evil genius of my acquaintance at work here?" Something in Daria's face confirmed her suspicions. "I believe I do! Come on, Daria, fess up! What do you have to do with this?"
"Oh, nothing, really. He happened to walk by while I was taking a last peek at the painting, and I just sort of... suggested some things to him."
"Sort of suggested?"
Daria smiled a tiny smirk. "You know, like Obi-wan Kenobi sort of suggested some things to that Imperial Stormtrooper in Mos Eisley. Weak minds really are very suggestible, you know."
"Good grief, girl, you are going to take over the world one day, aren't you?" Jane marveled. "Will you save me some wallspace in your Imperial Palace?"
Daria's smile grew a little. "I guess I could do that. But no nudes." Then, seeing the expressions on her parents' faces, she added, "Oh, come on. It's not like I slapped a Vulcan Mind Meld on him or anything. He had a mini tape recorder in his hand, looking at the picture, trying to think of something to say, and I just mumbled a few comments, like I was talking to myself. He dictated something into the recorder and walked on. I didn't know whether he'd used any of it until you read it, Dad."
"Oh, I see," said Helen. "So how close is what the Sun Herald printed to what you mumbled?"
Daria looked down and stirred her now-soggy cereal with her spoon. "Well, he didn't miss any points."
Quinn stared at her sister for a second, mouth open slightly, shaking her head, then said, "My sister the Jedi Master. Obi-wan Morgendorffer."
Daria looked up and gave Quinn a small smile, then turned to Jane. "Sorry it was just me, Jane," she said.
Jane grinned at her friend. "Sorry for what? It's in print under an art critic's byline, and it sounds genuine, and it's a rave review! It counts, Daria! I want you to do all my reviews!"
"Anyway, he wouldn't have typed it up and submitted it if he didn't agree with it," Quinn put in.
"Unless he came in tired or hung over and couldn't think of anything else, or just didn't care," Daria thought to herself. ""Right, Quinn," she said.
Jane was rereading the article and shaking her head in wonderment. "Daria, I don't think you realize how far a review like this can take me. Most of the arty illuminati look to take their lead from anyone who sounds authoritative. What with modeling for me, and now this, you may have single-handedly jumpstarted my artistic career! And I'm not even in BFAC yet!"
Jake was looking at Daria strangely. "You... modeled for this?"
Jane turned to Daria, a stricken look in her eyes. She clapped a hand over her mouth, too late.
Daria put a hand on Jane's forearm, looked past her at her father. "I was just about to tell you when Jane showed up. Yes, I did."
"GAAAH! That's it, Daria! I won't tolerate any more of this wild behavior! You're grounded until you're eighteen!"
"Yes, sir," Daria replied contritely.
"She's already eighteen, Dad. OW!" Quinn reached under the table for her shin and glared across the table at Daria, who glared back.
"She is? Oh, yeah, of course she is! All right, then, Daria, you're grounded till you graduate high school!"
"Yes, sir," said Daria again, and gave Quinn a warning glare.
"Jake, you..." Helen dropped the descriptive terminology in deference to Jane's presence. "She's already graduated! She won an award! She made a speech! You were there, for crying out loud! Well, your body was, anyway!"
Daria glared at Helen, but kept her boot to herself.
Jake looked stunned. He looked from Daria to Helen. "She has? She did? And I forgot? Aww, gee, Kiddo. I'm sorry!"
Daria returned Jake's gaze sadly. "It's okay, Dad," she sighed. "It was a short speech."
Jake turned to Helen. "So, should I ground her till she's twenty-one, then?" he asked hopefully.
Helen buried her face in her hands for a moment, then looked back up at Jake. "No, Jake. Daria is an adult now. We can't ground her anymore."
"B-but we can't just let her run around town naked, Helen!" he replied.
"Dad! I wasn't running around anywhere! That was painted entirely inside my room!" Daria retorted indignantly.
"But it's wrong! Oh, God, this is all my fault! I haven't been paying attention to my little Kiddo, and now she's gone astray and turned bad and run amuck! Well, it's not too late! From now on, we're gonna have strict discipline around here, you hear me, young lady?"
Helen shook her head. "I told you, Jake, Daria is an adult now. She's entitled to decide for herself what's right and wrong. I'm not totally happy about it either, but she was doing it to help Jane," replied Helen.
Jane turned to Jake, aware that he was much less likely to go off on a rant right in her face. "My folks didn't set up a college fund for me like you and Mrs. Morgendorffer did for Daria and Quinn. Daria was helping me earn the money I need to go to college," she added, searching Jake's face for understanding.
"By modeling n-naked?"
"Nude. There's a difference." Daria replied.
Jane jumped into this opening. "The nude has been considered a legitimate subject of fine art since antiquity. It's socially acceptable. There's no stigma involved, for the model or the artist."
"The painting is hanging in the Lawndale Art Museum. The cultural elite of Lawndale approve of it," Daria added.
""B-b-but, but, kiddo, anybody can just come in and l-look at you, all..."
"Dad, that's not me. This is me. I'm here, fully dressed. What they can look at is Jane's painting. Just some pigments smeared on a piece of canvas." Daria was watching very closely for the appearance of the vein in Jake's temple. It hadn't shown up yet, but Jake was definitely distressed. "Please don't be upset." Daria gave him her best puppy-dog eyes.
"But honey, you're my kiddo. I don't want people to see your, your..."
Quinn pulled a bottle of sunscreen out of her purse and handed it to Jake. "Dad, pictures of fannies are okay. They're cute. See the girl on this label? This girl, her dog, and her fanny have been this company's trademark since before any of us was born, and everyone's okay with it. Jane's painting doesn't show anything more than that. Shouldn't we all just be happy for Jane?"
Jake looked at the picture of the cute little girl on the bottle of sunscreen, then at the picture in the paper, then back at the bottle, then at Quinn. He smiled a little. "Yeah, you're right, Kitten. We should be happy for Jane."
~*~
It was a solemn occasion. Jane was in attendance to offer Daria her support. Daria began speaking.
"Farewell, old friend. Long and well have you served me, but you just can't handle the load anymore. You held up faithfully till the end, and now it is time to retire, time to lay down your burdens." Jane struggled to hide a smirk. Solemnly, Daria laid on the fire-scarred stones a black, wrinkled, misshapen old sport bra. Solemnly she sprinkled the garment with charcoal lighter fluid, and solemnly she struck a match and lit it. "No longer do I need you to hide me from the randy rabble of Lawndale High." She and Jane gravely looked on as the flames consumed the last of the old sport bra. "May angels sing thee to thy rest." Jane wiped away a faux tear.
Daria picked up the grating from where it was leaning against the leg of the Morgendorffer barbecue grill and replaced it over the fire stones. "One task is completed, but another yet remains." She looked at Jane. "Feel like a ride?" At a nod from Jane, they headed out of the back yard toward Daria's car.
~*~
A flash of red and green movement in her peripheral vision interrupted Quinn's examination of a pair of faux-ostrich zip boots. She looked up and to the left. Oh, just Daria and Jane. Her gaze returned to the boots. Then it hit her. Daria and Jane... there?
Daria was frowning in concentration when she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Well, hi, Daria!" Quinn exclaimed from behind her. "What are you doing here?"
Daria's expression as she turned around was less than joyous, and she shared it with Jane before answering Quinn. "I'm conducting antigravity research," she replied in her customary near monotone.
"Antigravity research?! Daria, this is the lingerie depar... Oh!" Quinn's grin of delighted comprehension did not evoke a like expression on Daria's countenance. "O-oh! Come with me, Daria. I can help you."
Daria cast a mute appeal for rescue over her shoulder as she felt herself seized. Jane merely shrugged helplessly in reply as Quinn dragged Daria away into the darkest heart of the brassiere section.
~*~
After driving Jane home and talking in the Lane driveway for a while, Daria headed homeward with a smile on her face. All in all, it had been a very good evening. Jane selling the painting for enough to go to BFAC was the highlight, of course, and Jane getting two commissions was pretty cool too, even if it meant she had to model for them. Daria and Jane would be together in Boston for fall semester, even if they weren't at the same college. And thirteen hundred thirty three bucks wasn't chump change, even though she'd have turned it down if it weren't helping Jane.
Messing with Kevin had been fun, although, at some level, she couldn't help feeling sorry for someone that close to being officially mentally handicapped, especially knowing that his brief glory days were now gone and he faced a life of low-wage drudgery, still, the arrogant muscleheaded jock had had it coming for a long time. It still burned her to think that he had believed she could have ever been attracted to him, and it bothered her even more that he had thought that he was too good for her. She imagined how much evil, vicious fun it would be to make him crawl and beg forgiveness for his hubris and arrogance, but hubris had its own punishment. Kevin would spend the rest of his days being slapped in the face by life with his true value to society. She didn't need to do anything.
And Charles... Daria found it a bit hard to believe that she'd accepted a date with Upchuck. But wasn't she being somewhat shallow to thus accept others' evaluations of him? She certainly no longer needed to worry about what a date with Upchuck would do to her reputation, not that she ever had... had she? He might well turn out to be an interesting person that she would wish she'd gotten to know earlier. Just in case, though, she'd make sure that others knew where she'd be, and that she was prepared to take public transportation home if she found it necessary to part company with him. And she'd be sure he understood that she wasn't looking for any romantic entanglements so close to leaving for Raft. But she didn't really expect a problem. He seemed to be much less Upchucky than he used to be. At worst, she could use the socialization practice. At best, it would be good to make another friend.
Daria parked in her assigned spot at the end of the driveway, well to the right so her parents would have no problem backing out around her little car. She got out and headed for the front door, thinking of the reactions of her former classmates to Jane's painting. It was kind of... interesting to hear what all those boys thought of her body, as long as nobody knew that she'd heard it, so she wouldn't feel obligated to respond. Or retaliate. Even though physical appearance was meaningless in the grand scheme of things, it was nice to know that males her age found her attractive. One day she might meet some male worth attracting, and although he must first and foremost be attracted to her inner self, she wouldn't mind too much if he found her outer self a pleasing bonus. Smiling at the thought, Daria entered Schloss Morgendorffer.
Jake was sitting on the sofa watching a baseball game. The team he was rooting for was losing, as usual. Helen was sitting beside him, writing in a notebook, a legal brief open on her lap. She got up and came to the front door as Daria entered, a trace of concern in her expression. "Are you all right, dear?" she asked.
Daria appreciated her mother's concern and didn't feel irritated by it. "Sure, Mom, I'm fine," she replied.
Helen looked more closely at her expression. "What have you been doing, Daria?"
"Just having pizza with Jane on the way home from the museum."
"Pizza with Jane doesn't usually make you look like that."
Just then, Quinn flounced in, looking irritated, and handed Daria several sheets off the notepad by the phone. "These guys all want to speak with you and it's all very important. Plus there were three hang-ups, who I suspect were Joey, Jeffy, and Jason. Maybe you should get your own phone line. And an answering machine."
Daria smiled at her sister. "Now you have some idea how I felt these last few years, taking all those messages for you."
"How you felt? But, Daria, you didn't want to date these guys! You still don't want to date these guys!"
"No, but it would've been nice to date someone."
"Oh."
"You still haven't answered my question, Daria," said Helen. "Why did you come floating in here with that strange smile on your face?"
Daria sighed and looked at Helen. "Oh all right. I lurked and listened to what people said about the painting."
"And what did people say about the painting?"
"Well, lots of stuff, mostly favorable. Well done, intriguing, dynamic composition, painterly brushwork..."
"Which stuff, specifically, are you smiling about?"
Daria hesitated a second, then mentally shrugged and said, "Guys think I'm a babe."
Helen got a strange expression on her face. Daria recognized discomfort and a bit of anger among other, less identifiable emotions.
"Mom, could I talk to you a minute? Upstairs?" Daria asked, glancing toward Jake.
Helen followed the direction of Daria's gaze, said "Sure," and headed up the stairs.
Daria followed Helen into the master bedroom and stood aside as Helen closed the door. Before she could speak, however, Helen began.
"Daria, you know and I know that you're a very pretty and attractive young lady, but I know you used to be very uncomfortable about being compared to others based on your appearance. I just hope that this new... experience isn't going to send you off on a..."
Daria held up a hand. "No, Mom, I still don't like to be judged by my looks, although I think I'm beginning to come to terms with it. That's not to say I'm going to start dressing like Quinn or Jodie Landon. But that's not what I wanted to talk about right now."
"What is it, then?"
"Dad. Someone needs to tell him about the painting, and I guess it should be me. I'm really afraid of what might happen if someone just casually mentions it to him, or he finds out some other bad way. You know, with his blood pressure and all."
"I'm glad you thought of that, Daria. I wish you'd thought of it sooner."
Daria looked down. "Yeah, I do too. I would have done things differently. Looking back up to Helen's face, she continued, "So, how do you think I should go about it?"
Helen gave her daughter an affectionate little smile. "The question is, 'How should we go about it?' We're a family, and we'll handle this as a family. I believe we should tell him straight out, but we should wait till he's very relaxed."
Daria nodded. "But we don't want to wait too long, and take a chance on him finding out by accident. If he thinks we're keeping secrets from him, that'll make it worse."
"That's a good point, Daria. There may be a chance for me to tell him tonight... depending. If not, you should plan to tell him in the morning at breakfast, after he's taken his blood pressure medication, but before he gets wound up to rush off to work. In fact, you should tell him anyway. Don't even worry about whether I told him or not."
"Yeah, good idea. Thanks, Mom. Well, I guess I'd better get on the phone. I have a lot of dates to politely decline."
"Good. Oh, Daria, when you said that you're coming to terms with your attrac.., uh, looks, did you mean that you'll be putting that jacket away, at least for the summer?"
Daria resisted her first impulse to give a sarcastic answer to that question, and thought about it for a few seconds. She had graduated from Lawndale High. The need for this outfit no longer existed. It was illogical to be wearing it in the middle of summer, not to mention uncomfortable. "Yes, I guess it does. And maybe a few other things."
Helen Morgendorffer waited until Daria had turned and started down the hall to her room. Then she smiled a big fat smile.
~*~
Next morning, Daria descended the stairs and turned toward the kitchen entryway. She fingered the slight stiffness in her jacket pocket with trepidation. It was the photo of her and Jane standing beside the painting. If Jake was in a calm mood, and if he'd taken his pill, and if she could find or make an opening, this might be the time to tell him. She almost hoped he'd be ranting about something. She dreaded having to tell him, but she dreaded the thought of him finding out by accident even more. If her posing for Jane led to her father having another heart attack, she'd never forgive herself. She wished yet again that she'd insisted that Jane alter her features in the painting.
She entered the kitchen. Jake was at his place at the table, drinking coffee and scanning through the arts section of the Lawndale Sun-Herald. He sometimes did that before laying that section at her place and going to the business or sports section. Daria smiled.
Jake looked up at her approach. "Good morning, Kiddo. Hey, guess what? There's another Jane Lane in Lawndale, and she's an artist too! Listen to this!" He turned back to the paper and began reading. "In her groundbreaking work, "Nude Reading Solzhenytsin", artist Jane Lane breaks with the traditional interpretation of the reclining nude as a passive, defenseless, idealized feminine form. Lane's nude proudly proclaims the modern feminist ideal. The book she reads,'The Gulag Archipelago,' declares her powerful intellect, while alluding to past oppression; the sundered bars of her window symbolize her hard-won freedom, and the combat boots beside her bed bespeak her formidable power and her determination to fight on until she has won the equality that is her birthright. Ms. Lane's sensitive, almost lyrical handling of the female figure and her masterful use of symbolism bid fair to propel her into the top rank of today's American artists." Quinn was listening as Jake read this with a hint of awe in her expression. And more than a hint of nervousness.
Forcing herself to look calm, Daria fixed herself a cup of coffee and a bowl of King Sugar Tut cereal and sat down at the table. "Sounds like she's a really good artist," she replied cheerfully but noncommittally.
"Uh, honey, did you take your blood pressure medication this morning?" Helen asked Jake, a hint of worry in her voice.
"Sure did, honey, first thing. Thanks for putting it out for me. Hey, Daria, you should tell your friend Jane about this other Jane Lane. Maybe they could get together and she could pick up some pointers. This looks like good work, as best I can tell from this little bitty photo in the paper." Jake covered his right eye and squinted at the paper with his left, holding it at arm's length. "Y'know, it's a funny thing, but that girl in the painting looks a little like... naah."
Daria noted that Helen was whispering something in Quinn's ear. Quinn nodded. Daria was about to gradually lead into her revelation with the fact that the Jane Lane in the paper and her friend were the same, when a rapping on the windowpane behind her made her jump. Turning, she saw a near-manic Jane dancing and gibbering outside, pointing at a copy of the paper clutched in her hand. Heart pounding, yet relieved at the interruption, she opened the patio door.
"Daria! Didja see? Didja see? I'm groundbreaking! I'm sensitive! I'm masterful! I'm almost lyrical!" Jane crowed as she capered about the Morgendorffer side yard.
"You're going to be propelled into the top rank of that American Holly bush if you don't take a chill pill!" Daria mock threatened, smirking at her friend. "This is a respectable neighborhood! Get in here before the neighbors form a committee or something."
As Jane entered, Daria put an extra chair at the table for Jane, between her chair and Jake's, then brought her coffee and cereal, before resuming her own seat.
Jane was stoked. "I still can't get over this review! Usually this guy can't write his way out of a paper bag, and when he can, he thinks he's obliged to be snide and sarcastic and vicious. You don't often see a complimentary review from him."
"Yeah, you're right about that," Daria replied, mostly succeeding in suppressing a grin. "Well, you certainly deserve it."
Her attention drawn to Daria's expression, Jane now studied it minutely. "Saaayyyy, do I detect the hidden hand of a certain evil genius of my acquaintance at work here?" Something in Daria's face confirmed her suspicions. "I believe I do! Come on, Daria, fess up! What do you have to do with this?"
"Oh, nothing, really. He happened to walk by while I was taking a last peek at the painting, and I just sort of... suggested some things to him."
"Sort of suggested?"
Daria smiled a tiny smirk. "You know, like Obi-wan Kenobi sort of suggested some things to that Imperial Stormtrooper in Mos Eisley. Weak minds really are very suggestible, you know."
"Good grief, girl, you are going to take over the world one day, aren't you?" Jane marveled. "Will you save me some wallspace in your Imperial Palace?"
Daria's smile grew a little. "I guess I could do that. But no nudes." Then, seeing the expressions on her parents' faces, she added, "Oh, come on. It's not like I slapped a Vulcan Mind Meld on him or anything. He had a mini tape recorder in his hand, looking at the picture, trying to think of something to say, and I just mumbled a few comments, like I was talking to myself. He dictated something into the recorder and walked on. I didn't know whether he'd used any of it until you read it, Dad."
"Oh, I see," said Helen. "So how close is what the Sun Herald printed to what you mumbled?"
Daria looked down and stirred her now-soggy cereal with her spoon. "Well, he didn't miss any points."
Quinn stared at her sister for a second, mouth open slightly, shaking her head, then said, "My sister the Jedi Master. Obi-wan Morgendorffer."
Daria looked up and gave Quinn a small smile, then turned to Jane. "Sorry it was just me, Jane," she said.
Jane grinned at her friend. "Sorry for what? It's in print under an art critic's byline, and it sounds genuine, and it's a rave review! It counts, Daria! I want you to do all my reviews!"
"Anyway, he wouldn't have typed it up and submitted it if he didn't agree with it," Quinn put in.
"Unless he came in tired or hung over and couldn't think of anything else, or just didn't care," Daria thought to herself. ""Right, Quinn," she said.
Jane was rereading the article and shaking her head in wonderment. "Daria, I don't think you realize how far a review like this can take me. Most of the arty illuminati look to take their lead from anyone who sounds authoritative. What with modeling for me, and now this, you may have single-handedly jumpstarted my artistic career! And I'm not even in BFAC yet!"
Jake was looking at Daria strangely. "You... modeled for this?"
Jane turned to Daria, a stricken look in her eyes. She clapped a hand over her mouth, too late.
Daria put a hand on Jane's forearm, looked past her at her father. "I was just about to tell you when Jane showed up. Yes, I did."
"GAAAH! That's it, Daria! I won't tolerate any more of this wild behavior! You're grounded until you're eighteen!"
"Yes, sir," Daria replied contritely.
"She's already eighteen, Dad. OW!" Quinn reached under the table for her shin and glared across the table at Daria, who glared back.
"She is? Oh, yeah, of course she is! All right, then, Daria, you're grounded till you graduate high school!"
"Yes, sir," said Daria again, and gave Quinn a warning glare.
"Jake, you..." Helen dropped the descriptive terminology in deference to Jane's presence. "She's already graduated! She won an award! She made a speech! You were there, for crying out loud! Well, your body was, anyway!"
Daria glared at Helen, but kept her boot to herself.
Jake looked stunned. He looked from Daria to Helen. "She has? She did? And I forgot? Aww, gee, Kiddo. I'm sorry!"
Daria returned Jake's gaze sadly. "It's okay, Dad," she sighed. "It was a short speech."
Jake turned to Helen. "So, should I ground her till she's twenty-one, then?" he asked hopefully.
Helen buried her face in her hands for a moment, then looked back up at Jake. "No, Jake. Daria is an adult now. We can't ground her anymore."
"B-but we can't just let her run around town naked, Helen!" he replied.
"Dad! I wasn't running around anywhere! That was painted entirely inside my room!" Daria retorted indignantly.
"But it's wrong! Oh, God, this is all my fault! I haven't been paying attention to my little Kiddo, and now she's gone astray and turned bad and run amuck! Well, it's not too late! From now on, we're gonna have strict discipline around here, you hear me, young lady?"
Helen shook her head. "I told you, Jake, Daria is an adult now. She's entitled to decide for herself what's right and wrong. I'm not totally happy about it either, but she was doing it to help Jane," replied Helen.
Jane turned to Jake, aware that he was much less likely to go off on a rant right in her face. "My folks didn't set up a college fund for me like you and Mrs. Morgendorffer did for Daria and Quinn. Daria was helping me earn the money I need to go to college," she added, searching Jake's face for understanding.
"By modeling n-naked?"
"Nude. There's a difference." Daria replied.
Jane jumped into this opening. "The nude has been considered a legitimate subject of fine art since antiquity. It's socially acceptable. There's no stigma involved, for the model or the artist."
"The painting is hanging in the Lawndale Art Museum. The cultural elite of Lawndale approve of it," Daria added.
""B-b-but, but, kiddo, anybody can just come in and l-look at you, all..."
"Dad, that's not me. This is me. I'm here, fully dressed. What they can look at is Jane's painting. Just some pigments smeared on a piece of canvas." Daria was watching very closely for the appearance of the vein in Jake's temple. It hadn't shown up yet, but Jake was definitely distressed. "Please don't be upset." Daria gave him her best puppy-dog eyes.
"But honey, you're my kiddo. I don't want people to see your, your..."
Quinn pulled a bottle of sunscreen out of her purse and handed it to Jake. "Dad, pictures of fannies are okay. They're cute. See the girl on this label? This girl, her dog, and her fanny have been this company's trademark since before any of us was born, and everyone's okay with it. Jane's painting doesn't show anything more than that. Shouldn't we all just be happy for Jane?"
Jake looked at the picture of the cute little girl on the bottle of sunscreen, then at the picture in the paper, then back at the bottle, then at Quinn. He smiled a little. "Yeah, you're right, Kitten. We should be happy for Jane."
~*~
It was a solemn occasion. Jane was in attendance to offer Daria her support. Daria began speaking.
"Farewell, old friend. Long and well have you served me, but you just can't handle the load anymore. You held up faithfully till the end, and now it is time to retire, time to lay down your burdens." Jane struggled to hide a smirk. Solemnly, Daria laid on the fire-scarred stones a black, wrinkled, misshapen old sport bra. Solemnly she sprinkled the garment with charcoal lighter fluid, and solemnly she struck a match and lit it. "No longer do I need you to hide me from the randy rabble of Lawndale High." She and Jane gravely looked on as the flames consumed the last of the old sport bra. "May angels sing thee to thy rest." Jane wiped away a faux tear.
Daria picked up the grating from where it was leaning against the leg of the Morgendorffer barbecue grill and replaced it over the fire stones. "One task is completed, but another yet remains." She looked at Jane. "Feel like a ride?" At a nod from Jane, they headed out of the back yard toward Daria's car.
~*~
A flash of red and green movement in her peripheral vision interrupted Quinn's examination of a pair of faux-ostrich zip boots. She looked up and to the left. Oh, just Daria and Jane. Her gaze returned to the boots. Then it hit her. Daria and Jane... there?
Daria was frowning in concentration when she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Well, hi, Daria!" Quinn exclaimed from behind her. "What are you doing here?"
Daria's expression as she turned around was less than joyous, and she shared it with Jane before answering Quinn. "I'm conducting antigravity research," she replied in her customary near monotone.
"Antigravity research?! Daria, this is the lingerie depar... Oh!" Quinn's grin of delighted comprehension did not evoke a like expression on Daria's countenance. "O-oh! Come with me, Daria. I can help you."
Daria cast a mute appeal for rescue over her shoulder as she felt herself seized. Jane merely shrugged helplessly in reply as Quinn dragged Daria away into the darkest heart of the brassiere section.