centerSirius's Pain/center
I always feel so horrible around Harry. I love my godson, I do, he is one of the few joys I have too. But when I'm around him, I can't smile, because he's a replica of James. James was my best friend, we had been best friends longer then any of us. As we were both pure-bloods, though neither of us thought it mattered much, we knew each other from the day 2 and became immediate friends. We grew up playing on brooms together, even when my family temporarily had some financial problems and couldn't afford brooms. At Hogwarts, our love for each other grew more, because it became more important. It was always James and Sirius, even after Remus and.and.I can't even say his name.and that rat, became part of the Marauders. The only time we got in a fight was in our 6th year, when I told him not to settle down with a girlfriend, his girlfriend, Lily. We resolved it, but it was heart- wrench not being able to be by my brother. Now being separated by death from him is nearly enough to make me die. I still cry myself to sleep each night.
My anger at..at.that rat, was unexplainable, I hated, well I still do hate him, is so hard for words. He killed me, by killing, James. In Azkaban, before I came up with my Amangius form for help, my happy times with James were sucked from me, his death playing over in my mind. Around that time, I knew I had to pull my self together, even a little bit, to protect Harry, as I had promised to do at his birth. I formulated a plot, well barley with my weakened body, mind, and soul.
In Harry James's 3rd year, I got to be near him- near Harry and James- which both hurt and delighted me. For the first time in 12 years, I cracked a smile, a smile for James. I made Harry happy! When I had to flee once again, I plunged into depression again. I failed James. It was once again the promise to James to be Harry's godfather, which gave me enough soul to go on.
Harry's 4th year was also incredibly painful. Not being able to see Harry, and him in a potentially dangerous situation, I used my well-known courage and gusto, to give Harry strength.
At the end of Harry's year, when Voldemort rose again, and Harry battled him, which was as painful for me as it was for him, for Harry became my obsession, my other half which was empty without James, I had to cry, cry as I had only done once before. And when Harry told of James's echo, it was even harder to control myself. For Harry, it was a revelation, being able to see James for the first time, if only for a minute, but for me, but for me, it was devastating, for all those memories to wash thorough my mind. The happy times for James and me. The sad ones too, and all my regrets, what I could've done.
It's still difficult for me to live, knowing that my brother James, for that's what I consider him, isn't alive, but lying in a grave. The depression and devastation it's brought to my heart. I just want to die, but I can't, because Harry, my brother's son, needs me.
~~~~~~~~~
I really hope you cried. I got the idea when I re-read the end of Goblet of Fire, and read where Sirius covered his face with his hands. I nearly cried re-reading that part in the book, because I felt Sirius's anguish, and wanted to show it to others. I was trying to get you to cry for Sirius's anguish, but perhaps my writing isn't good enough.
Please review. I may be short, it may not be a story, but just a thought bubble, but I want to find how you feel about Sirius, and the grief he feels.
-Hedwig7up
I always feel so horrible around Harry. I love my godson, I do, he is one of the few joys I have too. But when I'm around him, I can't smile, because he's a replica of James. James was my best friend, we had been best friends longer then any of us. As we were both pure-bloods, though neither of us thought it mattered much, we knew each other from the day 2 and became immediate friends. We grew up playing on brooms together, even when my family temporarily had some financial problems and couldn't afford brooms. At Hogwarts, our love for each other grew more, because it became more important. It was always James and Sirius, even after Remus and.and.I can't even say his name.and that rat, became part of the Marauders. The only time we got in a fight was in our 6th year, when I told him not to settle down with a girlfriend, his girlfriend, Lily. We resolved it, but it was heart- wrench not being able to be by my brother. Now being separated by death from him is nearly enough to make me die. I still cry myself to sleep each night.
My anger at..at.that rat, was unexplainable, I hated, well I still do hate him, is so hard for words. He killed me, by killing, James. In Azkaban, before I came up with my Amangius form for help, my happy times with James were sucked from me, his death playing over in my mind. Around that time, I knew I had to pull my self together, even a little bit, to protect Harry, as I had promised to do at his birth. I formulated a plot, well barley with my weakened body, mind, and soul.
In Harry James's 3rd year, I got to be near him- near Harry and James- which both hurt and delighted me. For the first time in 12 years, I cracked a smile, a smile for James. I made Harry happy! When I had to flee once again, I plunged into depression again. I failed James. It was once again the promise to James to be Harry's godfather, which gave me enough soul to go on.
Harry's 4th year was also incredibly painful. Not being able to see Harry, and him in a potentially dangerous situation, I used my well-known courage and gusto, to give Harry strength.
At the end of Harry's year, when Voldemort rose again, and Harry battled him, which was as painful for me as it was for him, for Harry became my obsession, my other half which was empty without James, I had to cry, cry as I had only done once before. And when Harry told of James's echo, it was even harder to control myself. For Harry, it was a revelation, being able to see James for the first time, if only for a minute, but for me, but for me, it was devastating, for all those memories to wash thorough my mind. The happy times for James and me. The sad ones too, and all my regrets, what I could've done.
It's still difficult for me to live, knowing that my brother James, for that's what I consider him, isn't alive, but lying in a grave. The depression and devastation it's brought to my heart. I just want to die, but I can't, because Harry, my brother's son, needs me.
~~~~~~~~~
I really hope you cried. I got the idea when I re-read the end of Goblet of Fire, and read where Sirius covered his face with his hands. I nearly cried re-reading that part in the book, because I felt Sirius's anguish, and wanted to show it to others. I was trying to get you to cry for Sirius's anguish, but perhaps my writing isn't good enough.
Please review. I may be short, it may not be a story, but just a thought bubble, but I want to find how you feel about Sirius, and the grief he feels.
-Hedwig7up