Chapter Two: A Day in the Life of a Hacker

(Peo is slumped over the keyboard of a computer screen displaying a WarCraft III game, The One versus SmithPorn57. Smith is winning.)

Computer: Wake up, Peo…

(Peo wakes up and looks at the computer screen.)

Computer: The Matrix has you…

(Peo rubs his eyes and grabs a tube from his bed. He opens the cap and empties the bottle into his mouth.)

Peo: Ah, aspirin, every hacker's best friend.

Computer: Knock, knock, Neo.

(there is a knock at the door.)

Landlord: That's it! I'm so sick of you! Now your damn computer's talking! Your five months behind the rent! You're outta here!"

Peo: You can't kick me out! I'm the One!

Landlord: Watch me!

Peo: Never!

(cut to outside.)

(Peo is sitting on the ground crying.)

Peo: I can't believe my own mother would kick me out…

Mailman: You Peo Handerson?

Peo: Yes.

Mailman: Here (hands him a package).

(Peo opens the package to find a black cell phone. He stares at it and it suddenly rings. He answers.)

Peo: Hello?

Mysterious Voice: You know who this is.

Peo: Morphbus?

Mysterious Voice: No, dumbass! It's your boss! You're late for work again!

Peo: Shit! (runs to car, not noticing the three identical people standing across the street from him watching his every move.)

First Identical Person: There he goes…

Second Identical Person: There he goes again…

Third Identical Person: Racing through my brain…

(cut to Peo's work cubicle)

Mailman: Mister Handerson?

Peo: Yes?

Mailman: Package (throws it in his face).

(Peo opens the package to find a black cell phone. He stares at it and it suddenly rings. He answers.)

Peo: Hello?

Mysterious Voice: You know who this is.

Peo: Boss?

Mysterious Voice: No, dumbass! It's Morphbus!

Peo: Oh, sorry (gulps down another aspirin).

Morphbus: I have called you because I know you are searching…searching for an answer. You know the question.

Peo: Is this "Jeopardy"? I love games!

Morphbus: NO! PAY ATTENTION! The question is "What is the Matrix?"

Peo (unconvincingly): I knew that…

Morphbus: Anyway, I have things to show you. I'm not sure you're ready to see them, but-

Peo: Then why the hell would you unplug me?

Morphbus: -I'm afraid we have run out of time. They're coming for you, Peo, and I don't know what they want.

Peo: Who?

Morphbus: The Agents…

(Peo stands up. At the front of the office, he sees the Three Identical People talking to a guard, who points to Peo's cubicle.)

Peo: What do they want with me?

Morphbus: I DON'T KNOW!!!!!! I ALREADY SAID THAT!!!!!

Peo: Well, sorry…God.

Morphbus: I can help you escape, but…

(Agent Kiss enters the cubicle and points his gun at Peo. He grabs the phone and speaks into it.)

Kiss: Morphbus?

Morphbus: No speaky English!! No comprendo, senor! Hablo French! (hangs up).

Kiss: Well, Mister Handerson, you have quite a file here.

Peo: Where?

(Kiss looks around)

Kiss: Wrong scene…

(cut to interrogation room)

Kiss (displaying file): Well, Mister Handerson-

Peo (mimicking voice): You have quite a file here.

Kiss: Do not play with me, Mister Handerson.

Peo: I'm sure you do a fine job of that yourself.

Kiss: Grr…

Agent Not Important: Heh heh heh.

(Kiss blows his head off. There is a sucking sound and Not Important walks back into the room).

Agent Slightly More Important But Still Not Important: Treated!

Kiss: Anyway, Peo, I need your help. I need to catch the porn star-I mean; I need to catch the terrorist Morphbus. I want you to help me.

Peo: Tell you what. How about I give you a flipper (pauses).

(Agents stare at Peo. There is silence for about a minute, and then Peo flicks Kiss off.)

Peo: And leave.

Kiss: How about not?

(Not Important and Slightly More Important But Still Not Important grab Peo and hold him down. Kiss takes reaches into his pocket and takes out a dildo. He winces and puts it back, and then takes out a worm-like creature. Kiss drops it on the ground, swears, picks it back up and drops it onto Peo. The worm creature climbs inside him through his belly button.)

(cut to a dark alleyway)

(Peo wakes inside a box, a homeless man sleeping next to him. The sheets are soaked with piss.)

Peo: It was all just a dream…

(the homeless man roles over, revealing Slightly More Important But Still Not Important.)

Slightly More Important But Still Not Important: No it wasn't.

Peo: No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!