Chapter Four: Red Dresses in Paradise
(Peo wakes in a bed to find Finite staring at him unnervingly. He is naked.)
Finite: You're awake.
Peo: Yes.
Finite: I'll get Morphbus.
(she leaves the small room and soon returns with Morphbus.)
Peo: Was it really necessary that I be naked for this?
Morphbus: Gopher thought so.
Peo: Oh, okay then.
Morphbus: Any, it is time for training to start. First a history lesson. Oh, and the tour thingy. That's always fun! (claps hands in excited fashion.)
Peo: Okay…
Morphbus: Anyway, this here is my ship, the Nebizzle. You already met all the crew except Crank. Let's meet him now.
(a man walks up to him).
Crank: Hey, I'm Crank.
Peo: I know.
Crank: How?
Peo: It says so right before you speak.
Crank: Oh, right.
Morphbus: Now that you've met Crank, let's tour the ship. Here it is (points around the ship).
(cut to the dining area)
Morphbus: This is the dining area, where everyday we eat our crap rationing.
Peo: Okay…
Morphbus: Never go in the fridge, that's where I keep my…stash.
Peo: Gotcha.
(cut to Core)
Morphbus: This is the Core, where we jack in to the Matrix from. Now come with me, it's time for history and training (leads Peo over to chair and straps him in).
Peo: This seems kinda quirky…
Morphbus: Crank, send us in.
Peo: In where?
(cut to Construct)
(Morphbus is sitting in a red armchair, wearing a perverted uniform. On a table beside him are many tools. Peo is strapped to a wooden plank wearing only a string thong.)
Morphbus: CRANK! WRONG PROGRAM! HAVE YOU BEEN INTO MY STASH AGAIN???
Crank: Sorry!
(the screen goes green, and Morphbus reappears in the armchair dressed in a black trenchcoat. Peo stands beside him wearing only a thong.)
Morphbus: Crank!
Crank: THAT'S THE OUTFIT PEO PICKED! DON'T BLAME ME!
Morphbus: Sorry.
Peo: Anyway, about that history lesson…
Morphbus: Right, sorry.
(a television appears in front of them. Morphbus turns it on, revealing a darkened and scorched land.)
Morphbus: You think it is the year 1999, but, as far as we know, it is closer 2099. At the turn of the century, man rejoiced, because we created AI.
Peo: Why would you want to make a lawyer? We had enough…
Morphbus: Anyway, this AI killed its master. IT was exterminated and started a war between the humans and the machines.
Peo: Who won?
Morphbus: WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK WON, DUMBASS?
Peo: Sorry.
Morphbus: Anyway, I do know it was us who scorched the sky. To cut off the sun. So the machines had no power. Can't seem to. Talk in full. Sentences. Help. Me.
(Peo smacks him)
Morphbus: Thank you. Now it is time for your training.
Peo: Wait! First you have to tell me about the Agents.
Morphbus: Huh?
(Morphbus looks through a script.)
Morphbus: Oh. The Agents are sentinel programs. They are incredibly fast and agile. I will not lie to you. Everyone who has fought an Agent has died. But, you can be faster than them.
Peo: What are you saying? That I can dodge bullets?
Morphbus: Yes.
(They suddenly appear on top of a building.)
Morphbus: Now, remember, the Matrix is not real. You can do things in it. That you normally. Couldn't. Damn. It. (smacks self) Like this!
(Morphbus takes a running start and leaps across the building gap.)
Peo: Whoa.
Morphbus: Don't you think that's kinda a loser reaction? Everyone else was impressed. Now you try. Free your mind.
Peo: Okay.
(Peo takes a running start towards the edge of the roof. His thong gets caught on a plank and rips off, making him stumble and fall, naked, from the roof.)
(cut to the Nebizzle.)
Finite: OH GOD! IT'S HORRIBLE! CRANK, GET HIM SOME CLOTHES!
(Peo and Morphbus exit the Construct.)
Peo: Wow.
Morphbus: Get some rest. Tomorrow we start your training.
(the next day)
(Peo wakes up and walks into the cafeteria. In the room Morphbus is sitting on a stool, wearing a tank top and miniskirt, and painting his nails.)
Morphbus (singing): And I will always love you!
Peo: (coughs)
Morphbus: Shit! (falls off stool) DON'T TELL ANYONE!
Peo: Okay…
Morphbus: Training time!
(cut to the Core. Peo is on a chair, his eyes fluttering.)
Morphbus: How's he doing?
Crank: Well, he sure is manipulating the program.
(cut to the Construct.)
(Peo is wearing a thong again, and giving a lap dance to an Agent.)
Agent: OH GOD! I'll join your side! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MAKE IT STOP!
(Morphbus enters the Construct.)
Morphbus: Sup.
Peo: I KNOW KUNG FU!
Morphbus: Show me.
(the two fight.)
Peo: Bah! I lose again.
Morphbus: Free your mind.
Peo: Okay. (hits Morphbus)
Morphbus: I didn't say go!
Peo: I freed my mind.
Morphbus: Morph angry! Morph smash!
Peo: AH!
(the two chase each other around in a circle. A cattle prod appears in Morphbus's hand, and suddenly Peo is strapped back to a board.)
Peo: Crank loaded the wrong program again.
Morphbus: Oh no he didn't…
Peo: HELP!
Morphbus: No one can hear you, Peo…
Crank: Time to go see the Oracle, Morph. You can do the 'initiation' process later.
Morphbus: Okay. We're out of butt ice anyway.