Until the day I meet you
I'll be looking around here
Knowing that one day, you'll get a clue
That I hope to find that someone somewhere near
I'm looking for you
But I'm not sure
I'm uncertain about what feels true
Do I love you?
By chance you'll come to meet me
Knowing that faithfully
I have waited patiently
I want you to end up loving me
-- "Awaiting" Sage March
I'm so close to reaching my goal
The perfectly crafted smile that reveals nothing
But then you came along
And then the flaws of my smile began to show
The ache of pain seems to resonate through my body
Your eyes bore right through me, seeing
And I had been found, caught in my act red-handed
The smile of perfection cracked away to reveal
The gray place of depression and loss of hope
A sadness of my own making
I had been brought forth into reality
- "Perfection smiles" Sage
CHAPTER TWO: SELFISH
It was a dark dank night in the ghettos of the city, street lights flickered and cars noisily drove down the tar roads. Many cars were gathered, lights of red and blue flashing brilliantly signifying that they were the police.
Dark suspicious characters with varying expressions of fear, disgust, and outrage were being harassed into arrest, or pinned down before being pushed into the vehicles with barred windows.
"Dammit I'm telling ya! I don't know where the fuck he is!" A man cried out, dressed in a suit that held remnants to it being crisp and pristine was now mussed and dirty. "You fuckin' feds, don't know shit!" He sneered at the blue-uniformed men of the law, "messin' in otha peoples' business…" He finally opted to grumble out expletives as he was practically rammed into a barred window and shoved into the cabin of the car.
"what a fool." muttered a policeman favoring his arm, which looked as if mangled into an odd position.
"You got that right." another officer agreed and offered to escort him to the hospital.
Meanwhile, with all the ruckus of chaos and disorder was trying to be calmed none noticed the shadowy figure leaving the crime site. The shadow limped, the click of heels clattering distinctively in the alley before the silhouette of a person disappeared.
**********
Time to escape…time to retreat
Leaving everything that ever meant a thing
But time is pausing to let us meet
To let us have a moment to leave our love
Disclose my feelings
Then run away
I am the coward who fears
-- "Closing, Leaving" by Sage, March 30, 2003
****
"You know what Sano? I can't believe that idiot stood me up!" Kaoru roared into the phone, as she kicked furiously at a poor punching bag.
"Maybe…he had a good reason…" Sano's deep voice spoke back on the other side of the line.
It was Thursday night, the day Aoshi and Kaoru officially labeled that weekday their "get-together days." (Kaoru's and Sano's were always on Mondays.) The special day when two best friends hooked up to go have fun, it was a day they made sure to work into their schedules. They had never missed a Thursday since the day they assigned it as "their day" until today that is. Kaoru had waited diligently by the door of her house until late afternoon, and no sign of Aoshi showed up.
He left her hanging in her own front yard, waiting like a fool.
"And what's that?! A hot date?! C'mon San', you know Aoshi-kun is as predictable as they come…he wouldn--Aargh!!" with her free hand Kaoru slapped the punching bag to the side causing it to swing wildly before she heavily slumped to the ground, "He might act all si--" The swinging bag socked into her, sending her sprawling on all fours. "Dammit! Wah, Sano I'm so screwed up right now I can't detect a swinging punching at me from a foot away!"
On the other end, Sano burst out into hearty peals of laughter, and the vision of Sanosuke with tears of mirth in his eyes danced in Kaoru's head.
"Shuttup Sanosuke! That's not funny! You're supposed to feel sorry for me you know!" Kaoru stuck her tongue out at an imaginary Sano, "You are a horrible best friend right now, really" she said sarcastically.
Holding back chuckles, Sano apologized, "Fine sorry brat, didn't mean to be such a horrible friend."
"Brat is my brother, Sano, but back to the subject at hand…why would Aoshi do this to me?!" Kaoru said, preparing to hold back inevitable tears as she lowered her voice self-consciously, "Is it because of me? Am I really that…unbearable?"
Tears dripped to the mat furnished in the home training room, first one, two and then one after another they fell freely. The silvery streams of salty liquid sliding out of her tightly shut eyes and down her smooth pale cheeks.
"You know…even though Aoshi's my supposedly best friend…he really kept my hopes up ya know?" Kaoru laughed dryly, "It's ironic how I cling to people, expecting them to fall in love with me…when I act all tough. This is twice," she counted, drawing imaginary circles on the floor, "the second time this has happened to me."
"…" Sano was silent for what seemed like ages before a growl burst into Kaoru's ear, "Dammit Kaoru," He cursed, "I'm coming to take you out right now. Just you and me, nobody else. Nobody reduces my prideful Jou-chan to this pitiful person." Kaoru's cheeks flushed in embarrassment and something akin to pleasure. Sano's voice sounded almost possessive, and it made her feel as if she was important again. As if she was someone that was invaluable. "No offense, Kaoru," he added quickly, realizing he indirectly insulted her. Kaoru smiled fondly.
"Jou-chan, you hang tight I'm coming to getcha." Sano faded off and Kaoru could hear the dial tone, signifying that he had hung up.
"Thank you Sano…" Kaoru whispered to herself, in the lonely gym room of her house. Nobody was home, everybody was out doing their own thing. The raven-haired teen trembled slightly as she hugged her knees to her chest, tears flooding down her face.
I hate this feeling…it's too familiar…
**
A red-haired teen with a short stature hunched over a small figure, balanced on the haunches of his feet. His soft violet eyes glittered happily as his slightly effeminate face expressed a teasing expression, "Hey Kaoru! How's my favorite girl?"
"I'm great!" The small figure jumped up to her feet, raven ponytail flopping against her back, "Kenshin, you came to see me!" She hugged him, her child form small compared to his teenage person.
"Of course, I wouldn't leave my favorite girl hanging now would I?"
*
"Kenshin, don't go!" Kaoru cried, her body now a teenager of fifteen, "You said you were never going to leave me!"
"kaoru…" He whispered regretfully, "I'm in love with Tomoe…and I'm planning on marrying her one day, that I do."
"You can't!" She objected, blue eyes watery and large, "You can't do this to me Kenshin, I love you!"
Kenshin shook his head softly, his violet eyes warm as always, never changing. "You are still young Kaoru, don't mistake infatuation for love,"
"It's not infatuation, what I'm feeling is real!" Kaoru yelled, feeling frustration mount, "it's you who mistakes your infatuation for love!" Tears were falling from her eyes, and she closed them hatefully. Tears made her feel weak, and that was something she hated being.
"Kaoru…"
"LEAVE!"
*
"I'm sorry…I'm so so sorry Kenshin and Tomoe." she sobbed, she was now newly seventeen, "You were right all along Kenshin…I am a child, a stupid oblivious idiotic child." she took in deep breaths of air, trying to calm down and not hyperventilate at the same time.
Her eyes turned to Kenshin apologetically, filled with tears and shame, "I was selfish. I didn't want you to leave me Kenshin…you were the first person who made me feel truly important in my life…and I didn't want to just let it go." Kaoru sighed, bowing her head deeply, "I was greedy for attention, and you showered it on me as much as you could…and I felt now that Tomoe was in your life…" the young teen looked at the brown-eyed woman with the soft expression of femininity guiltily, "I would be replaced…"
"I love you Kenshin…but as a sister would for a brother."
**
"Jou-chan…Jou-chan…" the words echoed in her ears, and she felt numb. She heard it, but Kaoru made no movement to acknowledge the person interrupting her reminisce.
"KAORU!" Sano shouted in the raven-haired girl's ear, causing her jump from her fetal position on the floor. Her blank eyes that were staring at nothing now focused on the spiky-haired teen with warm brown eyes.
Sanosuke was appalled at what happened to his precious friend and angry at the person who did this to her. Aoshi, he gritted his teeth in anger, you aren't going to get off easy for this.
"Hey there beautiful," He whispered to her softly, "go grab a jacket."
Kaoru smiled weakly, feeling very grateful for having such a great guy as a best friend. She stood up, and with a smile of fondness she hugged Sano warmly. Her arms wrapped tightly around his waist and her cheek barely reached his chest, because of her petite stature against his very tall form. Kaoru closed her eyes gently, and murmured a phrase so lightly to Sano, it made the brown-eyed male wonder if he head it at all.
"I love you Sano…"
I love you too…but as more than what you wish for…
I'm selfish, Thought Sano, I don't want to share you, my Jou-chan.
My little lady.
***
"Aoshi-sama, what the hell were you thinking?!" yelled a young woman with a long black braid her green eyes were furious and teary. "Getting involved with the Yakuza, you know you're going to get yourself killed?!"
"Hn." The tall dark-haired man grunted, crossing his arms over his stomach and leaning against a wall. Aoshi was in an office, the yelling woman's office to be exact. His ice blue eyes were glaring coldly at the reprimanding woman, "I know what I'm doing Misao."
Misao Makimachi sniffled, wiping a pretty green eye with the back of her arm. "Then…then" Misao stuttered, "then what happened to your leg?" Her eyes narrowed suspiciously and she spat, "Don't you dare say it was an accident either! I know you aren't the type to be so clumsy!"
Closing his eyes in an exasperated fashion, Aoshi pushed off of the wall gracefully and headed towards the door. He made no motion of his injured leg hindering him at all, it was if it wasn't there at all, underneath the dark fabric of his pants. "Makimachi," He uttered coldly, making Misao freeze up, his eyes were so cold, like glaciers in the freezing Artic. He had never spoken so frigidly to her before. "If you want to stay as part of the family I'd advice you…" He turned the knob of the door, opening it slightly, "just do as I ask and…stay out of my business."
Aoshi took a step out of the room, and paused, turning to show Misao his handsome profile. "We never had this conversation, Makimachi Misao." He softly demanded.
He threatened her…
And he showed no hint of fibbing.
He walked out, shutting the door soundly and leaving a shocked young woman to crumple to the ground. Wide green eyes stared blankly, vestiges of tears were filling her eyes as she whispered brokenly, "Aoshi-sama…"
***
She was beautiful in the moonlight, Sanosuke Sagara thought as he watched Kaoru Kamiya slumber peacefully. She was curled up beside an extra pillow, a small smile on her pale face as the moonlight shined through her window casting shadows in the dark room.
Sano sat at the edge of her bed, silently revisiting all the places he had taken her earlier while he tenderly stroked Kaoru's midnight hair. Earlier, Sano had taken it as a personal mission to make Kaoru smile again. So, in his attempt, he had taken her out to a movie he had heard her babble about from time to time, then afterwards they went out for pizza and a rendezvous with the arcade. The spiky-haired Sano smiled at the image of Kaoru's gleeful face when he won her a stuffed raccoon. It was fitting actually, Sano thought, one raccoon deserves another.
He didn't know why he was watching over Jou-chan, why he hadn't left the haven of her presence. It was just instinctive for him, like it was in his nature to watch over her protectively. So deep in thought, Sano barely registered the cold words hissed into his ear until he came face to face with an icy glare.
Icy blue eyes that held true to their description.
"What are you doing here?"
It was him, the cause of Kaoru's sadness earlier, was looming over Sano's hunched form threateningly. Sano arched a questioning eyebrow and turned his question around, "What are you doing here? After all, wasn't it your turn to take out Kaoru?"
Aoshi expression never changed, his face impassive but his eyes told all. Specks of green were making their way into his blue eyes as they glared at Sanosuke, turning his head he glanced at the slumbering form of Kaoru. They softened perceptively before frosting over and returning to the other male who dared sit staring at Kaoru while she slept.
"Let's take this outside." He ordered, his voice soft and stealthily threatening, "She doesn't need to be aroused."
Then he walked out of Kaoru's room, making Sano wonder…
How did he get in?
Then he remembered…Kaoru's father treasured Aoshi as if a son of his own.
He had been given a key.
********
Muwhahahahah!! I am so evil! I am leaving it here for the time being! And I hope you guys don't mind my sucky poetry, please don't steal it! If you want to borrow any--not that you guys would want to ne ^_~--just ask me. I'd be honored to let ya.
I'm sorry it took so long for this to come out, but I've had a lot of school work and there's the fact that I'm a perfectionist! I deleted computer-knows-what times and rewrote because I wasn't satisfied with how it came out, and I still am!
Please tell me if this sucks!! And constructive criticism, flames, reviews, yadda yadda are welcomed very much!!!