Author's Notes: I started this story when I began to see several repeats of similar plots in the Harry Potter section. However, this story is in no way saying that the stories represented or any material/persons presented here are bad, or that they are stupid, or any other implication of discrimination. I have absolutely nothing against the characters, people, themes, plot lines, or anything else you feel I may be insulting. This story is only meant to poke fun at stuff, not to hurt other's feelings, suggest that certain stories should be banned or anything like that. If you feel I am doing this, consider the fact that there would be no humour in the world if it wasn't making fun of something.

Disclaimer: I own not one hair on my body, so why should I own Harry Potter?

They arrived an hour early, but Snape saw otherwise.

"Potter! Granger! Weasley! You're late! 5 million points from Gryffindor!"

"Dammit!"

"That's another 10 thousand points, Potter!" At that remark Harry broke down and cried.

"Oh, boo hoo for you. Sit down and stop sniveling, Potter, or else go cry me a river," said Snape because he is a greasy insensitive git. Harry sat down and stopped crying because he had forgotten his reason to do so.

Soon the rest of the class had showed up, and Snape had begun to explain truth potions to them.

"Can anyone tell me what part does a teddy bear play in making a truth potion?" No one but Hermione raised their hand, because Snape is a greasy insensitive git.

"Ms. Granger?"

The whole class gasped. Hermione went white as icing sugar and started hyperventilating.

"You actually picked me? You never pick me! I GET TO ANSWER THE QUESTION!!!" Hermione passed out from shock before she could actually answer.

Snape smirked because he is a greasy insensitive git and said, "That was worth waiting for."

Ron's eyes widened enough to clog the Windsor tunnel. "You were planning that all along?!"

"Yes, Weasley."

"You greasy insensitive git!" Harry accused, then both he and Ron put their heads down on their desks and cried. Snape continued the lesson.

They all got their potions finished (even the Dream Team, who managed to give Hermione a miraculous recovery using dental floss and a gong). Malfoy and Neville had been paired together, and oddly enough Malfoy was willing to test the potion.

"He was paired with me, how can anything go wrong?" were Malfoy's last words before drinking the potion dry. He sat for a moment, then looked around at the class in triumph. He was fine, until he laid eyes on Hermione.

"I LOVE YOU, HERMIONE!" Draco Malfoy flung onto Hermione and clutched her leg lovingly.

"GAH! Cooties!" she said as she desperately tried to shake him off while Colin Creevey took as many pictures as he could.

"Creevey! What do you think you're doing here?!" Snape yelled as he sprayed spit all over the class.

"Just looking for blackmail opportunities, Professor."

"Aren't you supposed to be in class?" Snape replied.

"No. I've stopped going to class. Someone's got to gather blackmail evidence."

"Oh, shut up Creevey. I didn't bother listening to you anyway, so just leave," Snape said evilly because he is a greasy insensitive git.

Colin burst into tears and ran sobbing down the hallways. Snape rounded on Neville again. "Longbottom, what exactly did you do to Malfoy?"

Neville looked at Malfoy, of whom was now trying to kiss a rather feisty Hermione while Harry and Ron tried to pry him off their friend.

"I think it's a love potion, Professor."

"A love potion that makes the drinker fall in love with a person whose name starts with H, ridiculously enough. 100 points from Gryffindor for not knowing that," Snape corrected meanly.

"Why couldn't he love me then?" said the Gryffindor 5th year Havannah Blojobb.

"Because you are an unknown stupid girl who was never mentioned before and your name is sick." Havannah dissolved into tears because Snape is a greasy insensitive git.

Everyone ignored her.

"Well Harry," Ron said as he had finished gulping down his truth potion (they had come to the conclusion that Hermione could fend for herself and abandoned her). "I meant to make you look stupid when I branded that rain cloud on your forehead because I'm jealous of you and I already have to compete with all my brothers at home."

"You flobberworm!" Harry yelled back, also under the effects of the truth potion. "I knew it! You were always jealous of my Quidditch talent, my fame, my intelligence-"

"Intelligence? Do you even know what that means?" Ron retorted.

"Yes, do you?"

Ron suddenly adopted the look of a deer in headlights. "Yeah – well – um…" The class anxiously awaited his comeback. "…you ah – you – er – um…"

Snape of who had begun to cackle madly cut him off, because he's a greasy insensitive git. "I caught you off guard, Potter! Now I can find out if you really stole anything from my office last year!"

"Dammit!"

"Now, Potter," said Snape as he sat down across from Harry. "Did you steal anything from my stores?"

"No, but Hermione did in the second year so we could make a Polyjuice Potion to transform us into Slytherins so we could interview Malfoy to see if he set the basilisk on the students. That was nothing. You should hear about the time Hermione and I used a time turner to save Buckbeak the Hippogriff and Sirius Black! That was a riot, seeing ourselves getting whomped by the willow…"

The whole class stared at Harry with their mouths ajar. Even Snape, the greasy insensitive git, was surprised. "Would you tell me about it?" he finally said, a Grinch-like smile crossing his face. "And any other times you've broken the rules?"

"Sure!" Harry was oblivious to Ron and Hermione shaking their heads vigorously and mouthing 'No for the love of Bert and Ernie!'

"Hermione had been given a time turner to help her with her studies, and Professor Dumbledore told us to turn it three times, and-" Just then class ended and Harry's friends marched him out of the room. They had much difficulty, because a love-struck Malfoy was still clinging to Hermione's leg. Snape was very disappointed. He had always liked story time.

"Okay," Ron said, as they climbed up the steps to their next class, "Now that you've stopped your babbling spree, I can tell you to nevAAHHH!"

*Ron suddenly trips and falls down the stairs*

Director: Cut?

Harry: Since when is there a director?

Take 2

Hermione: Ron, why are we suddenly reliving this moment in our lives?

Harry: I think it's all that weird man's fault. How come he just suddenly appeared? I've never seen him here before.

Hermione: And where did all these cameras and sound equipment come from?

Ron: *prodding the equipment* I wonder if- *The equipment he was prodding falls down and squishes Malfoy* -um…oops.

Malfoy: X.X

Director: Cut!

Harry: Just who the hell are you already?!

Take 3

Ron: Hey, we're dragging you up the stairs again!

Malfoy: Pookie, this feels like deja vu.

Hermione: Of course this feels like deja vu! And don't call me Pookie! Here, have a Scooby Snack. *She hands Malfoy a Scooby Snack and he gobbles it down* If that won't shut you up I'll get Ron to squish you again. Stupid retard.

Director: Cut! Hermione, you aren't supposed to give him a Scooby Snack!

Harry: What do you think you're doing here!?

Take 4

Ron: Arrggh! This is the fourth time now!

Hermione: It's just like that year I had the time-turner! *All stare off into space into a completely unrelated flashback*

Moses: Free my people!

Ramses: Make me!

*The flashback ends and everyone stops staring into space*

Director: Cut! What did that have to do with anything?

Take 5

Harry: That's it! Let's just throw that idiot out the window!

All: Yes! Let's!

Director: Wait! What do you think you're doing?

Ron: We're throwing you out, you lousy bag of pastrami!

*They proceed to throw the director out the window and watch him screaming fall down onto a giant pillow conveniently placed under the window*

"Okay," Hermione said clapping your hands together, "Now that that's over with, we can return to normal writing format."

Draco blinked like a badly drawn anime character and asked, confused, "What about a doormat?" Before anyone could say "She said format, retard", Pansy Parkinson blasted out of a broom closet and dragged Malfoy away.

"Oh Dracy-poo, can I paint your nails?" Pansy asked sweetly.

"NOOOOO!!!!"

"Er…" said Harry, looking back at his friends, "We'll pretend we didn't see that."

BRRIINNNGGG!! Went a phone beside Ron.

"Hey! A telephone!" Ron exclaimed in glee. Harry and Hermione gasped.

"Ron! You - you got the name right!" Hermione stammered.

BRRRIIINNNNGGGG!!

"Wow! Do I get a prize or something?"

"No. Just a smidgen of your dignity back," Harry explained.

BRRRRIIIINNNNNGGGGG!!

"Dignity? That's it? What kind of cra-"

"Just answer the phone already!" Hermione yelled.

"Fine, sheesh." Ron picked up the phone and put it to his ear. "Hello?"

"Seven Days," whispered a creepy voice on the other line.

"What? Who is this?"

"Everyone shall suffer."

"I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to talk to strangers. Goodbye." Ron hung up and promptly the phone rang again. He picked it up once more and said, "Hello?"

"WHY IN HELL DID YOU HANG UP ON ME?! I WAS GETTING TO THE BEST PART!"

"Fine then. Go ahead, say it."

"I know what you did last summer."

"What? I don't have to listen to this!" Ron slammed the phone on the receiver and left, stomping loudly enough to make little bits of fungus fall from the roof.

BRING!

Harry picked up the phone this time. "Yes?"

"He ate Jell-O on cheese bread last summer, right?"

"No, he ate a Wendy's Big Bacon Classic®."

"Dammit!" The person hung up. Hermione and Harry looked at each other for a moment, then shrugged and followed Ron.

I WASN'T TRYING TO BASH FRODO! Sorry if you felt that way, Lady Dragon, but that was not what I was trying to do. Did you read the note at the beginning? I like Frodo! I like Lord of the Rings! I've only seen the movies, but oh well! I am very sorry. They were frustrated because no one would believe Harry. It's just a story. My apologies for upsetting you.