Author's Notes: I started this story when I began to see several repeats of similar plots in the Harry Potter section. However, this story is in no way saying that the stories represented or any material/persons presented here are bad, or that they are stupid, or any other implication of discrimination. I have absolutely nothing against the characters, people, themes, plot lines, or anything else you feel I may be insulting. This story is only meant to poke fun at stuff, not to hurt other's feelings, suggest that certain stories should be banned or anything like that. If you feel I am doing this, consider the fact that there would be no humour in the world if it wasn't making fun of something.

Disclaimer: I own nothing of the material presented here. I'm just using it illegally! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

It was a ten minute break between classes, so they had some time to pick the gum and snozberry jam off their shoes. Harry and Hermione found Ron doing just that, so naturally, they joined him. The three of them were swapping manly stories when they heard an unfamiliar voice address them.

"Hi, I'm like, lost, like, could you studs, like help me? I'll, like, give you autographed underwear, like, if you do." They looked up to see none other than the princess of pop, Britney Spears, standing above them, twirling her tortured hair. She had two kits worth of make-up on and was wearing a cross between a bikini and laderhosen with sparkly gold fringe on the ends. Suddenly Dean Thomas spun onto the scene with an eager look on his face.

"Autographed underwear?" he said excitedly, then saw it was Britney Spears, and his smile fell into a pout. "Awwww…You're not Shakira…" He trudged away, his head hung in shame.

"Won't, like, anyone take this?" Britney asked, holding a pair of pink silk panties with her name written on them with sniffy felts.

"I will!" Britney tossed the panties to Hermione, who promptly stuffed them in her bag.

"Umm…why are you here?" Harry asked.

"So everyone can, like, make fun of me. Everyone's, like, so mean to me!" she wailed pitifully. Ron patted her back, but was completely off guard when she pulled him in and squeezed him to the point of choking. She wiped her nose on his robes and continued the waterworks.

"We'll help you already!" Ron squeaked.

"Really?" Britney said, letting go of Ron, who was now having a seizure. Her face broke into a cheesy smile. "Like, thank you! I'm so, like, happy! We'll like, be girlfriends in, like, no time!"

"So, what exactly do we do?" Hermione asked.

"I need to annoy everyone unnecessarily, like, then I, like, need to hit on one of, like, you three-"

"You can't hit on Hermione! She's a girl!" Harry protested.

"She is?"

"I'm so insulted!" Hermione said indignantly.

"I'm like, really sorry, like, I seriously like, couldn't tell!"

"Harry, what makes you think that I'm not worthy of being hit on?"

Harry blinked twice in confusion. "…Um…I thought that – well – you were…you know…straight."

"Harry, my hair is completely bushy! How can it look straight to you?"

"I'm not talking about your hair!"

"Well you should specify that, then," Hermione sniffed.

"I was talking about how I didn't think you'd want to be hit on by girls!"

"No, but that doesn't mean I don't deserve to be hit on."

Harry just rolled his eyes. All the way into the back of his sockets.

"Like, can we get back, like, to me?" Britney said.

"What do we need to do then?" Harry asked.

"I, like, need a rubber chicken, a package of like, lip gloss, and some, like, Oxo powder. Beef flavored. Oh, like, I forgot, and some letter bombs."

"Er-"

"What?" Hermione said quizzically, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Like, I'll know when you give it to me," she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. They could only stare at the insane Britney.

To their surprise, Frodo Baggins barged onto the scene again, pushing the seizuring Ron aside to scrub the floor. Britney gasped at the sight of him and fluttered her eyelashes.

"Like, what's your name, like, cutie?" Britney said sweetly, "I'm like, Britney Spears!"

Frodo looked utterly disgusted. But then a plan formed in his mind, so he faked a happy face. "I'm Frodo Baggins. I'm a hobbit, see."

"Wow!" Britney gushed, looking very impressed. Harry and Hermione raised their eyebrows. "I like, loved the Lord of the Rings movie! Like, I couldn't, like, understand it, like, oh well!"

"Neat. Are you free right now?"

"Like, sure am!" Britney held out her hand and he stood up to take it, when he suddenly realized something.

"Are you sure this is a good idea? You're 3 feet taller than me, see?"

"Like, don't worry, Frody-Wody, short men, like, turn me on!"

They started to walk off, hand in hand, when suddenly-

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Dumbledore screamed while doing a Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon flying jump. He air tackled the two of them down to the ground. "Both of you will spend the rest of your days scrubbing floors! That'll teach you to try and escape the fury of an old senile man!"

"Aww…" They picked up the pail of water and the sponge and walked away sombrely.

"I wasn't really going to date you anyway, I just wanted to get out of the castle," Frodo could be heard explaining to Britney.

"Why does every guy I hit on always say that!" she complained. "Damn all men! Damn them!"

As soon as Britney Spears had left the room, Ron miraculously recovered from his seizure, and leapt to his feet. Dumbledore back flipped out of the room, landing in a left Zenkutsa-dachi, looking for more rule breaking.

"That was the most frightening experience of my life." Harry concluded.

"You haven't had Malfoy hang off the back of your leg," Hermione challenged.

"That's nothing," Ron said passively, "My craziest moment had to do with a rubber chicken, a package of lip gloss, beef flavoured OXO and some letter bombs."

They weren't quite curious about that, so they left that alone. They walked and walked, and walked and walked, and walked until they finally gave up on the scenic route to class. They seemed to be lost.

"I think we're lost."

"No duh, Hermione," Ron stated flatly.

Harry looked around and spotted a doorway, titled: "Enter only if you eat haggis."

"Why don't we go in there?" Harry suggested.

"We can't," Ron said, "We don't eat haggis."

"But we drink pumpkin juice, and that's about as unusual as haggis," Hermione pointed out."

"I suppose." All three of them entered the unknown realm, only to find the source of all power, the ruler of the world, as we know it-

-the computer.

"Woowww…" the trio proclaimed. Harry sat down in the spinny chair, and spun around in it. He could feel the mystical power of the almighty computer flowing through him…

The power to have access to a wealth of knowledge, to change his identity, send messages to people all over the globe, and best of all; the power to order naughty videos online and blame it on Crabbe when they arrive.

"Go on, Harry," Ron nudged in awe, "Sign in."

Harry directed the web site to MSN, and logged in as "Cedrics_sexy_chica31". He then went into the chat room.

Cedrics_sexy_chica31: Is anyone there? Hello?

All three waited anxiously until a reply came up.

M_Jackson123: I'm here, n hi 2 U 2! LOL! LMAO! ROTFLMAO! J/K! J/J!

"Wow, magic!" Hermione and Ron exclaimed breathlessly behind Harry, goggling at their new hero. For who but the-boy-who-lived could control such an awesome power?

Cedrics_sexy_chica31: Who else is there?

Ozzy_Oz: *beep*!

Better_than_Potter: me.

Dead_Ceds_Chick: Im here too Dont you love chairs I like kites better than giraffes Whats you favourite place to put boxes

gottacatchemall: Me too stop

Crayon_on_Mars: HERE!

Cedrics_sexy_chica31: Hi, guys! Chairs are alright, but I like giraffes better. I put my boxes in the closet, thank you very much. Did you know Cedric too, Dead_Ceds_Chick?

Dead_Ceds_Chick: Yeah I was his girlfriend He died in the tournament Were you there You were the one with the beer hat and the roller blades werent you

Cedrics_sexy_chica31: No. I was in the tournament. I think Lavender Brown might've had a beer hat though.

M_Jackson123: He died! Thatz funnie! LOL! LMAO! ROTFLMAO!

Crayon_on_Mars: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? HE DIED, MAN! GET OFF CHAT, MAN! AND GET SOME THERAPY!

M_Jackson123: U crak mi up! LOL! LMAO! ROTFLMAO!

M_Jackson123 has left chat.

Ozzy_Oz: Crazy son of a *beep*!

Cedrics_sexy_chica31: Better_than_Potter, do you go to Hogwarts?

Better_than_Potter: where else would i go? i have to deal with stupid potter everyday. I'm better than he is, did you know?

gottacatchemall: We guessed that stop

Crayon_on_Mars: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? DO YOU ALL KNOW EACH OTHER OR SOMETHING? IS THIS AN ALIEN CONSPIRACY?

Dead_Ceds_Chick: No this is a wizarding conspiracy If youre a Muggle you wouldnt know anything about it because weve kept it from you for hundreds of years

Cedrics_sexy_chica31: You idiot! You've just revealed to the world that wizards do exist! Have you gone mad?

Dead_Ceds_Chick: Im not mad Im just insane Cedrics death screwed me up so much that I can read minds And I don't care if I broke our secrecy Im Cho Chang and I can get away with everything.

Cedrics_sexy_chica31: It's no wonder you're screwed up.

Better_than_Potter: yes, you're even worse than potter.

Dead_Ceds_Chick: I hope you all fry in noodles for being so mean to me

Dead_Ceds_Chick has left chat.

Ozzy_Oz: Crazy *beep*!

Cedrics_sexy_chica31: How can you agree with me and insult me in the same sentence, Better_than_Potter?

Better_than_Potter: you're potter? i can't believe i had a chat conversation with road kill scar!

Cedrics_sexy_chica31: IT'S A RAIN CLOUD!

Better_than_Potter: weasley, get off the computer.

Harry looked expectantly at Ron, who had temporarily stole his keyboard to correct Malfoy. He shamefully passed it back to Harry and started at the bit of snozberry jam on his shoe he had missed earlier.

Crayon_on_Mars: OMIGOD! I'M TALKING TO HARRY POTTER? OMIGOD! WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME? I LOVE YOU!

Cedrics_sexy_chica31:…

Better_than_Potter: what? i'm way hotter than him! why don't you want to go out with me?

Crayon_on_Mars: BECAUSE YOU DON'T WEAR LEATHER PANTS.

Cedrics_sexy_chica31: And since when do I wear leather pants?

Crayon_on_Mars: ALL HEROES WEAR LEATHER!

gottacatchemall: Now Im scared stop

Crayon_on_Mars: WHY?

gottacatchemall: Im a hero too stop Does that mean I have to wear them too stop

Better_than_Potter: and what exactly have you done?

gottacatchemall: I saved the world using my Pikachu stop

Cedrics_sexy_chica31: You're the Pokemon kid! Get off chat! You're not welcome here!

Better_than_Potter: and haven't you ever heard of punctuation? what's with the stop thing?

gottacatchemall: Shaddup stop You cant use the shift key so I wouldnt talk stop

gottacatchemall has left chat.

Ozzy_Oz: Crazy son of a *beep*!

Cedrics_sexy_chica31: You can't use the shift key? You loser! Everyone knows how to use it!

Better_than_Potter: i'm telling!

Better_than_Potter has left chat.

Ozzy_Oz: Crazy son of a *beep*!

Crayon_on_Mars: WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME OR NOT?

Cedrics_sexy_chica31: No. You're not supposed to hook up with people over the internet.

Crayon_on_Mars: NOOOOO! I'VE BEEN REJECTED!

Crayon_on_Mars has left chat.

Ozzy_Oz: Crazy *beep*!

Cedrics_sexy_chica31: Aren't you going to talk at all? All you do is swear at people when they leave.

Ozzy_Oz: You crazy son of a *beep*!

Ozzy_Oz has left chat.

Cedrics_sexy_chica31: Am I all alone now?

GreasyInsensitiveGit: Potter! 5000 points from Gryffindor! Get off the computer! NOW!

Cedrics_sexy_chica31 has left chat.

Harry, Ron and Hermione stared the computer for a few moments, then looked at each other.

"Maybe it's a bit too much power for me to handle," Harry suggested.

"Yeah," Hermione and Ron agreed. They all quietly backed out of the room on tiptoe, then bolted towards their next class as soon as they'd reached the hall.

I have an important author's note! I will not be updating for a long time because Lent is coming, and I vowed to give up the internet. So therefore, I cannot update. On the plus side, I did this so I could fully write out my stories, so I should have a bunch of chapters to put up once Lent is over at Easter. Sorry, guys!