STANDARD DISCLAIMERS APPLY: I possess nothing… no material possessions for Iram = (
Quick little message from author: First off, thank you so much for reviewing (review responses at bottom of the page). Second, this chapter is somewhat of an experimental thing since it involves a quick dip into our favorite rurouni's little dreamland. Therefore, please bear with me. This chapter is based on a dream I had a couple of days ago (my dreams are always pretty odd) and can be somewhat confusing. Anyways, I hope this is to your liking because I worked really hard on it and kept in mind all of your words of encouragement throughout the writing process. Thanks again and enjoy! Ooooh, I almost forgot! There's an OOC warning in this for certain characters. See, the fact that everything happens in a dream tends to make some of them act quite unlike themselves. Well, read away!
Chapter 4: "Sano: Rice Ball poppin', Sake Swiggin', Fight pickin' AND Dr. Ruth, Kind o' Guy?"
The subconscious Life of Himura Kenshin.
Nighttime. A murky, dark street covered in a thick blanket of snow. A small redheaded boy and a raven haired gracious, slightly chubby, little girl are busy building a snowman. Jack Frost can barely be seen in the pitch black night, much less the snow required to put it together but still, the two young kiddies keep at it, sticking a radish in somewhere that they presumed the nose could go.
All of a sudden the jet-black ponytail holding the girl's hair up swished to the side as a light coming from the corner of the street caught her eye. Big amethyst coloured eyes followed her stare and uncovered a carriage right at the street corner, with a shadowy figure smoking a cigarette inside, barely visible, except for the smoke protruding from the interior of the illuminated vehicle.
"Who's in that carriage?" asked the small girl, fright revealed through the trembling tones of her once melodious voice.
"Don't worry. Hold my hand; I'll protect you." The steady, soothing voice of the young boy answered, as he softly grabbed hold of her hand and led her, through the snow-filled yard, back into the warmth of their home.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Kenshin walked around the streets of Tokyo with a group of people that he did not know. However, these people spoke to him so amicably that he felt compelled to look less confused and act friendlier towards them. He followed them around without particularly knowing where he was heading. It didn't feel wrong though, to follow these people. In a way, it felt as if they were leading him to something, towards some sort of purpose, some destiny greater than himself. He chuckled; what an absurd notion! He shook his head in an attempt to discredit his previous thoughts but the sensation was still there; the feeling of belonging here, walking along through this unknown part of town with these strangers and still feeling as if this was all supposed to happen and be just as it was, would not leave him.
Suddenly, the biggest flock of birds that he had ever seen invaded the pale blue summer skies. Both he and his companions trudged in awe to the middle of the empty road, gazing at the blackbirds in awe as they filled the sky in such a way that, all too soon, the once blue heavens above them were completely colorless.
In a matter of seconds, Kenshin began getting lashed by horrible images, images that took shape before his eyes.
He could make out destruction all around him, the destruction he had been responsible for, the screams of terror that had escaped some of his victims ringing in his ears. He felt extremely warm and realized that he was walking through fires. The town was on fire and the bloodcurdling screams of the people being burnt alive would not die down. He saw a naked child run in his direction and just as he was about to reach Kenshin, stumble to the ashen ground. Kenshin bent down to pick him up when he heard a voice speak quietly to him:
"It does not matter if destruction is now or tomorrow for either way, the total destruction of this world is inevitable. Destruction, death and decay; they cannot be stopped. Time is of no relevance in this place. We give it so much importance but in the end, we all die, most without having fully lived. Destruction today or destruction tomorrow. Either way, it cannot be helped; the world shall one day perish and fade away in the chaos and confusion of fires, in the destruction caused by man. Nothing is forever. Forever holds no importance for it is just time. Time is of no meaning here. Time is continuous destruction."
Kenshin turned around sharply only to find himself faced by a foamy tidal wave, ready to hit him full force. Kenshin braced himself for the inevitable impact as he got sucked into the depths of the furious ocean. He was unafraid of this majestic force of nature: he had faced death before. He could do it again and come out alive. It wouldn't be the first time. Kenshin struggled to pull himself up towards the surface. As soon as his head made it above water another wave hit him head on and pushed him deeper into the sea. He lifted his arms up and pushed upwards but inside him, some part of him did not wish to resist the undertow. Below water he was safe and calm. He felt like just letting go and allowing the wave and the sea to take him; such was the peaceful state that he was in. But always, always, a strong feeling within him, an urging, and an instinct had him fighting for his life, for control. Frantically, waving limbs, arms and legs, he resurfaced.
At once, he was back in the middle of the forsaken road as dry as could be with a frail, trembling body in his arms. He looked down to meet a girl with long braided hair and big green eyes. Right then, by the look of sheer terror in her eyes, he knew that she had witnessed the same visions as him.
A neighing sound right behind him made him spin around on his heels, the girl still in the protection of his embrace. Horses, an entire stampede of them, were heading straight their way. Without using his god-like speed, which he would have called upon on any other given day, he cleared them off the open road and drove them into a field of flowers. Oddly enough, the horses clawed their hooves into the dirty ground to avoid a full-force collision with the two humans as they slowly made their way to the multi-colored fields at the side of the road.
Kenshin held her close, telling her not to worry, that she was safe and led her back to a small cabin where the strange crowd that he had been hanging out with, right before he started hallucinating in broad daylight, welcomed them with open arms. Instantly, the girl seemed to perk up and she started going on about how wonderful Kenshin was, and how he hadn't been afraid of the giant horses and what a brave and righteous man he was indeed. Kenshin blushed slightly and chose to brush off her comments of praise. In the back of his mind he knew that the deed he had performed at the crossing with the steeds was not at all close to a true act of courage and boldness. To be courageous one must first fear the adversity, and then rise to the occasion. When he had become aware of the presence of the wild stallions, he had been as calm and cool as he had been beneath the giant wave. He had not faced his fears to save the girl; he had been entirely unafraid and blissfully conscious of the fact that it was impossible for them to die right then and there.
Out of nowhere, Kenshin found himself at the market with Kaoru and Hiko.
Hiko claimed he wanted to buy some cologne. Kaoru was busy going about every single stall demanding a ribbon with sakura petals embroidered on it. Yahiko popped up from behind Kenshin and demanded that he be taught the secret technique of the Hiten-Mitsurugi style with an evil grin on his face. Hiko took a bokken from Kaoru's grasp and slapped the spiky haired boy silly with it, calling him baka repeatedly. A vein began to pop on Kaoru's forehead and she began chasing both Yahiko and Hiko around, shinai in hand and a determined stare glaring daggers at them. Kenshin sweat dropped and ran off to hide himself at a far off stand, wishing to be as distant from the commotion as possible.
At this stall, he was faced with a small bottle of men's cologne, a jug of sake and soap. Kenshin was not sure which of these three things would please his sensei more. He scowled as he realized that he was considering giving the self-conceited, overly arrogant man a gift. When was the last time that his master had given him a gift anyway? Now that he brought up the subject, he realized that Hiko had not even graced him with a birthday just so that there would be something for him to celebrate every year. Sighing at his lack of will-power, Kenshin picked up the jug of sake, paid the required amount and headed back towards the cloud of smoke that Kaoru, Yahiko and the arrogant bastard that was his master had managed to create with their constant bashing of each other.
Kenshin was about to pull them apart and break off the fight before they actually managed to kill one another when a gathering crowd to his right caught his attention. He made his way through the cluster of people only to look upon a sight that made his eyes grow wide in both shock and amusement.
There, standing on a soapbox, juggling rice balls before avidly popping them into his mouth and swigging jug after jug of sake was Sano. He talked with his mouth full, spouting proud speeches of the Seikihoutai and Captain Sagara, drinking to their health every… 1…2…3….4…5 seconds, Kenshin counted off on his fingers. Suddenly, Sanosuke lifted his hands in the air and screamed like an enraged wild animal. Before Kenshin knew what was happening, Sano jumped him and knocked him over as the crowd cheered their encouragement and clapped politely.
"Do you wanna mess with me?! Do you?! 'Cause you got a fight comin' if that's what you're askin' for!" Sanosuke spat at Kenshin.
Kenshin waved his hands before him innocently.
"Sessha wishes for no such thing Sano. All sessha wishes, is for you to get off him and stop publicly humiliating him, that sessha does."
"You don't want a fight?" asked Sanosuke, eyeing him carefully before standing up and practically keeling over, the alcohol beginning to take its due toll on the tall man.
"No Sano, sessha came here for the entertainment, in a way…" said Kenshin, unsure of the actual reasons he had decided to let himself be guided here by a crowd's interest.
"So you're here just for the entertainment? Fine, have a rice ball then. Have some sake. Cut some people open. Time is of no importance here. Keep telling yourself that you never wanted to pick a fight. Keep telling yourself she will wait forever. Either way, time is of no relevance here. So you're here only for the entertainment; there are no other powerful reasons for you visiting this place? For you stepping into my preaching area, my sacred soapbox? Here life knows no limits. All lives, all dies; it's the way of life and you can't stop it.
Destruction and decadence through time; you cannot stop it. A sword piercing a woman's heart; you could not stop it. Was it just for the entertainment that you were there way back when? Time binds us all together, but time weaves us apart. The time it takes to prepare a rice ball. Such a precious amount of time to prepare the perfect rice ball and in one swift motion, I gulped it down. The long wait for the rice to ferment and delicious sake to reach my lips; a few sips and all those years are gone. One cannot wait forever or the rice shall spoil. Forever is not an eternity it is never, always never. An eternity together is always an eternity apart. Promise today, never tomorrow.
But, if you don't promise tomorrow, what are you living for? What is she living for? Time is of no substance, but it rules our lives so what are you going to do Kenshin? What will you do with the time that passes you by? The time it takes for you to snap and become a demon again, is that what you are standing in line waiting for, or the time to find home? Home is where the heart is; so where the hell is your heart?! Is it frozen in time?! Is it dancing in her shimmering eyes?! Time is of no relevance but you have to wake up and start living or life will pass you by!!! Time is not an option, we suffer through it.
We choose to live, therefore we choose to cry and suffer, but also smile and forget. Time is an incredible burden: time to count off those you killed, time to remember their contorted faces and silent screams, time to remember a lover's last words, time to dwell upon betrayal. But time, time is also an incredible gift: time to forget the past, time to put a whole world behind you, time to believe again, time to find a smile you didn't know was buried in you, time to live again. To be alive! In time, before time, beyond time!!! Time, time, time!!! Time for lunch, time for dinner!!! So precious and so petty is time… balance time! Time is a world she gave you, but time, remember what I said about time, time makes people suffer. Those who suffer learn to smile, but those who smile come to suffer, all in due time…"
"Sano…" was all Kenshin managed to utter.
He was in awe of Sanosuke's wise words and how they had stuck such a fine chord inside his heart. Meanwhile, Sanosuke walked back to the soapbox, stood up on it again and began his previous speech which included rice ball popping and sake swigging:
"Captain Sagara was a noble man indeed! Such noble deeds call for a toast, a toast calls for a drink… bottoms up!" he said, chugging down some sake.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Kenshin was inside the Akabeko, sitting at a booth with all his close friends surrounding him. Before them was a mouth-watering feast featuring all of his favorite dishes: chawanmushi, datemaki, kurikinton, okara*, miso soup and loads more. Kenshin smiled in delight and began piling food on his plate, only coming to realize that every time he reached for something, the recipient containing it had only scraps left. With a sigh and a silent grumble over Sanosuke and Yahiko's food fetish, he stood up from the table and abandoned the restaurant.
Outside, in the broad daylight he found Kaoru yelling strange things at the by passers. Kenshin tried talking with her, but she paid no heed to him, instead focusing on belching out strange figures at 2 young women that ran by.
Giving up and realizing that he would be unable to catch her attention, Kenshin decided to follow the two young women instead, and quickly picked up on their conversation:
"Did you hear those prices?" said the one wearing a lovely green kimono.
"Quite frankly, it's daunting how someone would think their products were worth that much!" huffed the one wearing her hair up in a bun.
"I know!!! That okonomi-yaki* looked funny, what with the weird shapes and burnt edges and all!"
"To think that that raccoon girl would actually expect to sell anything; what a joke!"
"Hey, that's MY raccoon girl you're going on about! Sure, her cooking might not be that great, but still…" Kenshin cut in.
"So what are you going to do Battousai? Slay us for qualifying the girl's cooking as toxic?!" asked the green-clad one angrily.
"Yes, what are you going to do about her?! To tell or not to tell? To endanger or to protect? That is the question!" replied the one with the bun, tugging at it, letting her long ebony hair cascade loosely round her shoulders.
Kenshin found himself staring at the depths of Kaoru's teary blue eyes.
"Yes, what are you going to do Kenshin?! To leave or to stay, to live or to waste away; that, is the question. That is your choice." She whispered.
Kenshin reached out to her, tempted to wipe the tears away, when he lost sight of her and instead found himself all alone, in the middle of a clearing.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Kenshin?!" Kaoru's voice rang out.
"Hai koishii?" he asked, turning to the place where the sound was coming from; right by his side.
"You were telling me about your dream, baka! You said, we would almost be there soon, and then you spaced out on me!" she said pouting.
Kenshin noticed that her fingers were intertwined with his own and blushed a bit. This was a slightly embarrassing but, nonetheless, he would have it no other way.
"Well, in my dream, you see, the image of what I wanted was always present." He explained to her.
"And what was it that you wanted?"
"I'm not exactly sure… It seems so distant now…"
"Of course it seems distant silly! Dreams always do!"
"Speaking of distant, will we be getting there soon?"
"Well, I don't know; it all depends on you, doesn't it?"
"What do you mean?"
"You chose the road and the destination; you're the only one that knows how far we are or where we are going! As for me, I hope we get there soon because my feet hurt a lot!" she said exasperatedly.
Kenshin groaned inwardly. He could no longer remember where it was exactly that they were heading. He did not recall being the one leading the way. He had been too busy following his beloved Kaoru around to notice the road. Now, they had no map and he had most probably managed to get them lost. To make matters worse, he couldn't possibly tell Kaoru that he had no clue as to where they were going; she would become upset and he hated making her angry or worried, or anything involving a probable outburst of emotions from her. Silently they glided through a field of wild flowers. Kenshin frowned; this place seemed familiar somehow… He gripped tightly onto her hand and she turned to smile at him sympathetically.
"Koishii, please do not be afraid of what you see here." He heard himself say as he glared down at the floor which was promptly turning into clouds, leaving them both walking on air, literally.
"I won't be afraid. Here time is of no relevance, of no substance." She said, letting go of his hand and disappearing into a light mist.
Kenshin ran after her but was unable to see anything, the fog clouding his sight. He sharpened his remaining senses and heard a distant roar. He turned to his left and found himself face to face with the giant wave of long ago; it seemed so much more sinister and threatening now. As the wave fell over him, he became paralyzed. The thrust of the water crashed down hard against his chest, but he felt no pain. Once he was submerged underwater, he went still, feeling the soft lulling rhythm of the sea coarse all around him. He tried to fight it a bit, this feeling of contentment that was slowly washing over him but, down here, he felt too pure, too fresh and too peaceful to bother with such a crazy notion as resistance. How could anyone want to resist this feeling?
Then, it hit him: the image of a little boy tugging at a little girl's hand, pulling her away from the snowy street, from the dark man in the carriage. Kenshin shook his head. How could he have been so stupid? He had inverted the roles!!! The little boy was the one that had been afraid and the one to drag him away from all fearsome aspects of that grim night was a small girl that almost tripped over the hem of her kimono as she rushed them both out of the street!
"What is it that you want?" asked the low voice of Kenshin's sensei.
"What I want?" asked Kenshin in disbelief.
"What do you want?! What do you need?! Baka-deshi! You never know, do you? You never know what you want!"
"I know what I want!" Kenshin yelled angrily, tired of Hiko's usual antics.
"Oh, do you?! Good! What is it that you want then? Since you know I am sure you can provide an answer" he uttered sarcastically.
"I want to protect people!"
"Again with the 'protecting the helpless/my dutiful atonement speech'! You still haven't answered my question you idiot; what do you really want?"
"I want to stop the needless suffering!!!"
"Whose suffering?! The suffering of the oppressed? The suffering inside your heart or the suffering in her tears? Perhaps both?"
"I want… I want…"
"You can't choose can you? You have never known what you want. You will never know what you want! Tell me what you want! Tell me why you are here! Tell me why you won't put up a fight! Tell me who you will fight for! Tell me who you will keep safe!!! Tell me what you want, boy!"
"I want… I want… I want her…"
That's when he realized it; he couldn't let the wave take him, let himself become one with this myriad of mixed emotions. He couldn't let the wave keep pushing him down, making him sink deeper and lower for maybe, maybe this was what death felt like. Maybe death felt like a nice dream. If so, he had to wake up, he couldn't die because… because he still had it in him to live damnit! He struggled to resurface, but he had sunk so low, so deep into this personal hell…
No matter; he lifted his arms and pushed forward and kept trying. He still had to live. He still had to find her. He still had to touch her. He still had to love her. He had to live. All for her. For all he wanted. Only for her…
He reached up and suddenly found himself above sea level staring at a clear turquoise sky. He smiled. He still had it in him to live.
"Kaoru…" he whispered.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
And it was with that name still clinging sweetly to his lips that he awoke from the dream, from the past, ready to live in the real world, the world where Sano, as marvelous a man as he was, was none too wise…
Small little index* :
Chawanmushi: steamed egg custard
Datemaki: Rolled sweet omelet
Kurikinton: Mashed sweet potato with chestnuts
Okara: Simmered tofu lees.
Okonomi-yaki: Japanese style pancakes
Reviewer Responses:
To Jen: Thanx for the review and please, any ideas and suggestions are INDEED welcome!
To Hope: Well, I'm actually hoping that this dream knocked some of the density out of his sweet, albeit complicated, little head. We'll see. Whatever the muse whispers in my ear will be the next chapter you read…
To Suns Golden Rays: Gundam Wing allusions? Really? Well, it is another favorite of mine so I suppose my subconscious could have easily tricked me into mixing some elements of that into this plot.
To lil ken's grl: Thank you for your very sweet review. I promise to keep feeding you with the mixture of sweet and sour of this plot with, don't worry, a happy ending! (I'm a sucker for those!)
To AmbieChan: I'm glad you likes! Me likes reviews a lot so I'll keep writing and you'll keep reviewing! And they all lived happily ever after… hahaha.
To cherry ookami: You know, I always tend to say that I have a not-too-brilliant mind so, that one little word of yours did wonders to get me inspired and up and ready for this fourth chapter. Thanks so much!
To Venus Smurf: Wow! I'm on your favorites list?! That is such an honor!!! I am blushing three different shades of red right now! The thing with Kenshin – sigh – our dense little Kenshin… is that he puts everything into question! His love, other people's love for him, his own values, everything is just one giant mess up there in that thick head of his! Frankly, sometimes I wonder how he manages to get up every morning, what with the mental confusion state he always seems to be in. However, have no fear, Iram is here! I step up to the challenge (without beig sure that I am fully qualified) of trying to shake him into… GETTING OVER IT! He's quite the broody one and he should just relax and have more fun. Anyway, I hope you aren't disappointed by this chappie, you are my favorite reader and so I hope this didn't drag your expectations for this story down.
Well people, keep reading and reviewing and I'll see what I can do to coerce my muse into slaving herself for me. Kisses and thanks for your kind words!