Author's Notes: HAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'VE BEATEN THE SYSTEM!!! I managed to escape studying to type this, so I laugh! I laugh! I might not be so lucky next time, though…I hope you like it!

Disclaimer: AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! I NO OWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Harry ran like the killer budgies were still after him. He could hear Ron's abnormally large feet padding behind him, so he moved faster every time he could hear a Godzilla type step. Suddenly he crashed into someone.

"Hello!"

Harry looked up to see Blossom, the leader of the notorious biker gang, the POWERPUFF GIRLS! (Or it could be a TV show…). He gasped and yelled, "Omigod! It's Blossom!" He hugged her. "You're my hero!"

"Errr…."

"Can I have your autograph?" Harry begged, holding out his fluffy pink notebook with purple Snitches all over it. But then he suddenly noticed something about the girl. "How come your face is made of felt?"

"Because," Blossom said in a creepy voice, "Harry, I am your father!"

"NO! NOT THAT OVERUSED LINE!" Harry sank to his knees in mental agony. "Is it true?"

"No! I'm-" the Powerpuff Girl ripped off her large head, revealing – "WORMTAIL!"

Harry slapped him. "How dare you!" he cried, "You always knew it was my dream to meet Blossom! Why do you want to torture me!?" Harry dissolved into tears and pounded the ground with his fists.

"I – er – you see, someone had to lure you to Master, and everyone knows that you worship the Powerpuff girls…" Wormtail said shiftily.

"So you just drew straws and sent yourself off to trick me?" Wormtail nodded. Harry flung himself at him for the second time that day and started to beat him. "You bastard!"

"We meet again, Potter," said a high, cold voice. Harry rounded and came face to face with Voldemort. "I knew you would come."

"You're not Voldemort! You're Michael Jackson!" Harry accused. "See? Your nose is all deformed!"

"I'm not Michael Jackson, he is," Voldemort pointed towards the King of Pop.

"OWW!!!" Michael Jackson screamed as he started to moon walk.

"Dear God, how did he get here?" Harry stared as Michael spun and wiggled his hips.

"This forest hold many dangerous and strange beasts. I thought you would know that by now," Voldemort said.

"Oh," Harry said. They were silent for a moment. "Then that would make you a –"

"Shut up. I have a deal for you, Potter," Voldemort stated, shifting the Cuban cigar in his mouth, "I want you to become my new Death Eater."

"NEVER!" Harry backed away, tripping over Wormtail.

"But Harry," Voldemort insisted, "If you don't join, I'll kill your parents!"

"No!!!!" Harry clutched the back of his head and rocked back and forth. "You wouldn't! You couldn't!"

"I can and I will!" Voldemort laughed cruelly. "So, I will go to end your parent's lives, and we shall see about your answer."

"But sir," Wormtail protested squeakily, "You already did that!"

Voldemort paused. "Damn," he swore. "How about I put you in charge of the McDonalds™ food chain?"

"McDonalds™?" Harry repeated. His eyes watered. "All the grease fires I could want! You're the best, Voldie!" Harry whipped out a cloak and a Nixon mask and put them on.

"Heeheehee! Nixon!" Voldemort giggled.

"Harry!" Hermione and Ron had caught up with him. "What are you doing with Voldemort?"

"And why does Michael Jackson have a second cameo?"

Michael Jackson stopped dancing and blinked. "Oh…" He dashed into the trees, to visit with Miss Cleo (who was around there somewhere) and the monkeys from the Wizard of Oz.

"Guys! Come join Voldemort! Maybe he'll give you KFC!" Harry called out from behind his mask.

"KFC? Boo yah!!" Hermione yelled. She put on her cloak and Scream mask.

"KFC? Is that a kind of pie?" Ron queried.

"It's deep fried chicken," Harry provided.

"Deep fried chicken? I'm in!" Ron slipped on his cloak and Pamela Anderson mask.

Voldemort cackled like an old lady and rubbed his flaky hands together. He needed hand lotion. And fast. "Excellent. I have enough Death Eaters to get rid of Wormtail!"

"Eeep!"

Before warning could be given, Voldemort was suddenly knocked out by what looked like a Charlie's Angels shaped blur. It whirled around and the trio gasped.

She was more beautiful than any Veela (Fleur: 'EY!!!! ZAT BEETCH!), with her sculptor shaped ruby lips and exquisite violet eyes framed by the longest and darkest lashes known to man. Her hair was jet black and shone blue, and it was tied up in a simple yet complicated hairdo that revealed the hair's length to be down to her butt. Her shiny black leather cat suit complimented her pearly skin and teeth. And – if I go on I will be murdered. Shutting up.

"Who are you?" Harry whispered, breathless with love. Wait – I've only seen her for 5 seconds! This is wrong! She can only be a-

"Mary Sue," she said in the silkiest voice on Earth. "I have just saved you from my father."

Ron gasped and fell over backwards. Harry and Hermione rolled their eyes – only Ron was ever surprised by the Original Characters' pasts these days. And Crabbe.

"And," she said breathily, fluttering her eyelashes. "I have been waiting to see you for so long! It is our fate that we be together!" She grabbed Harry around the waist. "Forever!!"

Harry flat-lined from disgust and annoyance. Hermione slapped Mary Sue.

"Now look what you've done!" she screeched. "Now the author will have to make some ridiculously elaborate event for him to come back alive!"

"No! Harry! I will save him with my love!" Mary Sue began to glow a gross vomit orange.

"Or Mary Sue will sacrifice herself for his safety." Hermione grinned maniacally. "Come on, now! Pop your clogs!" Much to Hermione's disappointment, Mary Sue used her mystical power that everyone should be awed and curious about to revive Harry. He wasn't too happy.

"Damn, you're still here, aren't you?" Harry grumbled. Mary Sue tutted.

"Fine then. If you don't want to be with me, I'll have to replace you."

"You can't replace me! I'm The-Boy-Who-Lived!"

"Oh yes I can!" Mary Sue countered, lifting up her bangs to reveal a lightning shaped scar. "I'm The-Girl-Who-Lived!"

Harry was aghast. "That is a rip off! You didn't survive Voldemort's attack, I did! I've got the scar right here!"

"Sorry, sweetheart," she said, "but it looks more like road kill from here."

"What the deuce?" Harry felt his forehead again, and realized his mistake. "You planned this, didn't you!!!"

Ron flung back onto his feet. "No, I did!"

"What?"

"…Nevermind." He pretended to be fainted again.

"With this scar on my forehead, I shall be the ruler of the wizarding world! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-" She cut herself off and ran towards Hogwarts.

"Holy snarfleuffleshugglesmeagolruffagus! We have to follow them!" Harry shouted. Hermione, Ron and himself started running until someone pulled a potatoe sack over their heads. The culprits him them over the head with a crow bar.

"That'll do it," said a voice.

"I'm not quite knocked out yet," Harry pointed out.

"What?"

"Bwlaaaaaaaaaal."

"I know that's what he said, Chewbacca!"

"Try hitting a little harder," Harry suggested.

"Alright, Chewy, hit harder."

THUNK!

"A little bit more effort, I'm almost knocked out," Harry informed.

"Again."

THUNK!

"Nearly got it this time, just a little harder."

THUNK! THUNK! THUNK!

"Finally, Chewy-"

"Not quite!"

"ARRRRGGH!!"

KONK! BANG!

"…"

"You realize that delay will cut your pay, right?"

"Bwalaaaal….."