Chapter Two
Morning dawned, bright and early, light streaming through the Balamb windows. The air was thick with it. Sunshine. Promises. Every morning had been like this since they'd returned.
But Irvine Kinneas still wasn't sleeping well.
He wished he could have blamed it on the weather, but that was impossible. Nothing but sunshine and blue skies - what a cowboy liked best. And this way Irvine was up early, early enough to watch the sun come up from his favorite vantage point in the Garden. He slipped out onto the small overlook on Balamb's second floor - the one they had used as an exit, back when the Garden was flying.
Now Balamb was stationary. It was just a small balcony. And Irvine wasn't sleeping.
Instead of approaching the railing and hanging over (as he had seen Rinoa do a couple times), Irvine chose to stand back in the shadows, leaning against Garden's cool outer wall. It was peaceful out here, and quiet. Solitude for a sniper. A limited range for a lonesome cowboy.
He realized his hand was clenching air and he forced it to relax. Misses the presence of a cool, smooth barrel, he thought with a smile. But that wasn't quite it; he could easily have picked up his rifle on the way down. Must miss a woman's touch, then. He smirked to the morning air.
What a fool he was. All of his life he had been trying to fill this void - fill it up with manliness, guns and ammo, women and girls. But for all of his womanizing, he was still a loner. Still alone. And he could have made himself content with the lonesome road. But then his trusty hat - his own symbol - betrayed him for a whiff of citrus and sunshine. Opened the door to a possibility. An option Irvine had turned his back on long ago.
Play it cool.
And so he had. His life in Garden had been lonely, after the friendliness of the Kramer's orphanage, and so he had played it cool. Fooled around with guns. Fooled around with women. Fooled himself into thinking that childhood was made of dreams and fairy-tales. Fooled himself into thinking he had forgotten.
Then he read the names on the list presented to him along with his mission: Squall Leonhart. Quistis Trepe. Zell Dincht. And at the very end, the one that stopped his beating heart: Selphie Tilmett. He had never known their last names - he assumed they weren't real last names. But none of them had common first names. And all four of them? Together? It had to be fate.
Fate. That's what I told her.
But she hadn't known then, hadn't remembered anything, and though he saw the usual reaction in her eyes he knew it didn't mean what he wanted. It was the typical reaction of a woman struggling under the Kinneas charm. It wasn't the reaction of his Selphie remembering who he was. And so he left. There was so much pressure.
And it cracked him. It always cracked him.
The sun was coming up now, gracing the distant ocean with sparkles and light. Another sunrise for another glorious day. Irvine smirked again. He could never get over the sight of the sun coming up. There was too much of the wild in him, too much cowboy. It was the only religion he had ever known - sunshine pouring down over a green hill, a couple birds, and a breeze in his face. Nature made Irvine Kinneas respectful.
He had kissed her, once.
It was way back at Fisherman's Horizon, before anyone knew the terrible and wonderful secrets about the past. The night of Squall's promotion. He had helped Selphie put together her big surprise - helped all day, in fact. Set everything up with the mechanics from the island community. Put together the music. It had been his project as much as everything. But it wasn't the party he was working on - it was Selphie. Her excitement was his reward - her smile, his prize.
He remembered thinking, I'm so brilliant.
And it all came together: Rinoa dragged Squall out of his room, and Irvine managed to joke a smile out of him with his naughty magazine, and then he and Selphie had run down the long long staircase into FH, giggling with their secret, while Squall and Rinoa fought at the top. And she had been so excited and nervous and thrilled and beautiful that on the way down he just grabbed her and kissed her right there. Underneath the stars and the moon in the middle of the ocean. Horribly romantic. And she had just looked at him with those wide-open childlike eyes and he had almost confessed everything right there, everything about Matron and the orphanage and the past and the present. But then they heard Rinoa laughing behind them and Selphie gasped and grabbed his hand, hurrying him back to the stage. They didn't get a chance to talk about anything that night. It was devoted entirely to Squall.
And from how she acted now, she had forgotten it. Like she had forgotten everything.
He couldn't blame her; couldn't blame anyone. It was the price to pay for the power they'd used and the battles they'd won. But it hurt, dammit, to be the odd one out yet again. To be left behind again. He could tell that she hadn't remembered by the curious looks she threw him. Observant, he was. Had to be.
And she thought he was joking.
Yes, he teased, and he flirted, with everyone in a ten-foot radius (including Quistis, who was no one's idea of a flirt at all), but Selphie - she was different. It was a childhood romance that grew up in fairy-tale land; it never should have seen the light of day. The second he had seen her, alive, grown into such a lovely ray of sunshine, he knew: childhood came back and tied him up by his thumbs. His swagger, his smirk, the tip of his hat - everything was for her. There was no turning back. She had been the fantasy for so many years, the driving force behind the loneliness and the bullets and the booze. Selphie was the ideal. And having her before him in the flesh was enough to drive a cowboy mad.
Irvine had lived for so long by convincing himself that dreams were for fools and that happiness was an elusive demon that only taunted and never delivered. He had forced himself to live for the moment, in a time when nothing else mattered but the target. He concentrated only on what he saw in his sights - whether it was a woman or an enemy. It was making the shot, meeting the goal. And then moving on. Choosing another one. The next target.
The story of his life. Line up the sights, make the hit, reload. Shoot, hit, reload.
The wink and the gun. He was a cowboy.
He tucked his hands into the pockets of his long suede coat, squinting in the bright sunlight. Today was the big day - everyone was applying for Instructorship. It was widely known that they all would pass - actual battle experience as well as the important intimacy with sorceresses and their defeat was enough proof for anyone. But Selphie and Zell hadn't just wanted their certificates handed over. They'd wanted to earn it. And so they were taking the test.
Strange thing was, they'd been the ones who had urged him to accept his SeeD certification when the council had awarded it to him. They insisted he'd earned everything and more. And so he'd taken it. It hadn't really mattered to Irvine. But Selphie and Zell and Quistis and even Squall had demanded. And with everyone ganging up on him he just gave in with a wink and a smile. Accepted the title and the validation.
SeeD had been a dream, but it hadn't been the real dream.
He closed his eyes for a second, tipping his head back to rest it against the wall of Balamb Garden. Rest. He felt unbalanced, perhaps. Drifting. The aimless wandering of a cowboy with a dream and no destination. So often in his life there had been no choice for him. Now, again, there was no choice, for there were too many choices. None of them real enough. All of them drifting like snowflakes.
And no one saw it. The turmoil behind the facade. The secrets behind the smile. It was all getting worse. Quistis was beginning to suspect something; she was smart, and observant. And Selphie, his Seff, she knew; but she kept forgetting, or misplacing it. She knew him better than anyone had ever known him. And she didn't even know.
He opened his eyes and slipped back inside. The day had to begin somehow.
Knock. Knock-knock.
Selphie groaned. "I'm up," she said, but it was more of a grunt. She trudged over, unlocked the door, and headed back to her bathroom.
Quistis let herself in, dressed primly in her SeeD uniform, shining hair pulled away from her face in her perfect bun. Quistis was perfection personified, Selphie thought sourly, especially in the mornings. She ran a brush through her wet hair and straightened her jacket.
"A-ha. I've found your secret," Quistis said, her tall frame leaning against the doorframe. "Mornings are your weakness."
"Nobody can be chipper in the mornings," Selphie groaned. "Not after a week like mine. Give me one good night of sleep and I'll show you."
"I'm sure you will," Quistis replied, her slow smile spreading across her face.
Selphie suddenly swore. "Where are my bloody shoes, Q?" She dove under the couch frantically, exhaustion forgotten. "I can't find my stupid ...hold on." She escaped into the bathroom.
Quistis heard a soft knocking against the door where she was resting her weight. She straightened and opened the door, saying quietly; "Zell, you'll have to hold on, Fee can't find her..."
A handsome man in a cowboy hat stood there holding a cafeteria tray. Three donuts rested on a plate along with three tall cups of coffee.
Quistis's jaw dropped.
"Mornin', Quistis," Irvine said, letting himself in smoothly and shutting the door. "Thought I'd stop by and check on my two favorite ladies. I reckon you haven't eaten yet?"
He set the tray down on Selphie's table and sat on the couch, leaning back into it as if he belonged there. Relaxed and confident. Quistis, disbelieving, reached forward and nabbed the nearest coffee. It was fresh from the cafeteria.
She took a long sip and sighed; coffee was as close as she came to an addiction, and what a strong addiction it would have been. "Bless you, Irvine," she went to say, but a stream of curses echoed from the bathroom.
Irvine covered a smile. "So like," he said, turning to Quistis, "Selphie's ...er ...dressed and all, right?"
Quistis smoothly took another sip of the coffee. "Sorry to disappoint you," she said with a smirk.
Irvine laughed. "I'll just have to keep bringing breakfast. One of these times I'll be sure to catch her in the shower, and then I can make my move."
"You're so brilliant," Quistis said, mocking his favorite phrase.
There was a loud rustle, and then Selphie leapt into the room, outfit complete, and struck a pose. "How do I look?" she asked breathlessly.
"Absolutely beautiful," Irvine said, not missing a beat.
Selphie almost fell over. "What the ...?" She blinked, regaining her balance, absently adjusting one of her shoes. "What are ...Irvine?"
The smile spread. "The cowboy has brought us breakfast," Quistis said. "I let him in since he had food."
"I'm just trying to score points with you two," Irvine said, reaching forward to take the last coffee.
"Score something," Quistis muttered under her breath.
"Mmm, these are good!" Selphie broke off a piece of her donut and dunked it in her coffee. "Are they from the cafeteria?"
Irvine nodded. "The first batch," he said proudly. "I'll bring them every morning if I can only see your beautiful face."
"Irvy," Selphie scolded, at which he pouted.
"I only have eyes for you, Selphie," he began again, and Quistis snorted.
"Didn't you tell me that yesterday?"
Irvine smiled at her. "That I only have eyes for Selphie? I didn't know you were listening, Quisty."
"I'll spill my coffee on you."
"Quistis broke my heart," Irvine said, scooting closer on the couch next to Selphie. "But it only made me realize how much I care for you, darlin'. C'mon..."
Selphie touched him on the nose with her donut, leaving a spot of powdered sugar at the tip. "You," she said emphatically, stabbing with the donut for good measure, "are a pain."
"Ahh." Irvine sighed and leaned back into the couch again. "Sweet words of love."
He was so glad Quistis had been there. The idea had presented itself as he was returning to his dorm, past the cafeteria. He had grabbed enough for all three - Q, Seff, and Zell - just in case. But he had been so nervous he had almost dropped the tray and given up. Irvine Kinneas, nervous? Another secret. Another truth, another wall. The action fit with the flirtatious gunner. It was the Irvine inside who wasn't so sure.
These damn two worlds. Oscillating between confidence and cowardice. The past catching up with the present. It was too much - but he couldn't help himself.
"Irvine." Quistis snapped him from his reverie, the hint of a smile on her face. "You realize you just let Selphie cover your face with powdered sugar, right?"
"Oh." He paused, and then raised an eyebrow. "Either of you two ladies interested in helping me get it off?"
"Eww." Selphie stuck out her tongue. "Vinny, you're gross."
"You're the one who put it there, Selphie. It's your job." He leaned back into the couch, casual. Seductive, almost. If the situation weren't so ...benign.
Selphie rolled her eyes and, leaning in with a giggle, she kissed the tip of Irvine's nose. "There," she said, roses blooming in her cheeks. "But that's all the help you're going to get," she said with a warning finger.
Did I really just do that?
Irvine looked up, trying to ignore the scent of citrus that had invaded his senses. His eyes met Quistis's over his cup of coffee; hers shone with a knowing smile. He shook his head.
"Just how much powder is on my face?" he asked.
Quistis arched a perfect eyebrow, sending Irvine a message: you're changing the subject. "Not much," she said casually, and Selphie giggled again.
"You can use my bathroom if you want, Irvy."
He stared at himself in the mirror. His face, beneath the powdered sugar (which washed off easily), was fading pink. His head was rushing. Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea.
They had successfully made it out of Selphie's room and were heading to the classroom on the second floor, where each of them would take the written test for the certification. Zell had caught up with them outside the dorms; he had been up early, full of nervous energy, and had taken it out on the Training Center in its entirety. He didn't look surprised at all to see Irvine; but then again, maybe he thought Irvine was taking the test with them after all. Zell was not known as the observant sort. Not like Quistis.
Selphie bounced along at his side, full of her own sort of energy and spunk. She was chattering as usual, and it took all of his willpower to listen to every word she said. All Irvine wanted to do was close his eyes and bask in the warmth of her aura. She was talking about the exam, and how much she had done, and how she hoped her demonstration would be effective -
"Here."
Quistis had paused before the classroom door. Her face was a little white, and she sighed, her hand on the knob. Irvine remembered how she had lost the license before - deemed "ineffective" due to Seifer's wrath and Squall's retribution - and knew that down inside her stomach much be double-knotted. Zell was strangely quiet. Selphie finally realized that they were at the door and stopped, clapping her hands over her mouth.
"Oh, geez."
"Well." Quistis smiled. "Irvine, unless you've changed your mind, you have to wait out here."
The cowboy gave a shrug. "So like, let me know when you guys are done. And how you did. And how hard it was, and all the questions on the test..."
Selphie hit him in the shoulder. "Dummy. If you wanted to take the test, you should have signed up with the rest of us."
He gave Quistis a pat on the back, gave Zell a harder smack on the shoulder, and then turned to Selphie. She was biting her lip, checking her boots as she always did - except that they were fancy official SeeD shoes, not boots.
"G'luck, Seff."
She looked up at him and her face broke out in the most radiant smile ever. "I wish you were taking it too," she blurted out, and then disappeared into the test room.
The door closed. Irvine stared at it for a while and then sighed. Maybe he'd go for a walk.
Zell put his pencil down and threw his fists in the air. "YEAH! Done!"
"Mr Dincht," Xu reprimanded, "Not until the others have finished."
Zell sighed. Quistis had been done for half an hour, and Selphie was hurriedly writing out the end of an answer as if she couldn't wait to get rid of the paper. "Xu," he whined, "I'm hungry."
Xu turned to give Zell a glare - the same glare he was receiving from Quistis, who had done an about face from the window. "Heh," he laughed, his transgression forgotten. "Q and Xu. The Terrible Twins."
"Selphie is still -"
"Selphie is done!" Selphie exclaimed, and leapt from her seat to give Xu - the proctor - her written exam.
The thin cadet stacked the three exams together and tucked them neatly into a slim folder. "Now, come this way," she said, gesturing to the door.
"As you know," Xu said as they walked, "a personal demonstration is required. The Certification Committee has gathered and is waiting to watch your technique. Today we've gathered outside, since it's nice." She gave them a brief smile.
"The test follows as such. We've programmed a holographic enemy which you must fight. The program keeps track of how much hypothetical damage you do to the creature and how much you receive in return. We'll be expecting special techniques as well as fighting basics. No holds barred. Show us you know everything - from the most obvious, basic blocks to your own specialized limit breaks. The hologram will record everything, so we can watch it in detail later. We want to see you at your best."
Xu held the gate open for them. "If you pass this part, you'll be put into a training system where you apprentice-teach with one of our current instructors. Judging by your experience, however, I doubt this part will take more than a week. Especially for Trepe. They'll put you right back into the swing of things."
Quistis sighed, her face ashen. I can't screw this up.
The set-up looked strangely like the stage Selphie and Irvine had put together for Squall's promotion party. One platform was raised above the ground with railings around the outside and two sensitive pads built in - one for monitoring the candidate, and one to control the AI monster they would face. In a ring around the stage sat a series of cold-faced judges.
"Alphabetical order, of course - Zell Dincht, you're up."
If Zell was nervous, it all faded once he was in the ring. He was a born fighter, trained to face off to the largest of enemies with only his fitted gloves. Honestly, Zell was no chicken-wuss - not any more. All of his hardships and anger and in-your-face attitude were safely channeled through his fists.
He began by casually boxing around with the monster, blocking and parrying, mostly, showing his wide range of kicks and punches. Selphie could tell by his smile that he was bored, however, for he soon picked up the tempo, sending in two, three, four direct hits for every attempt the monster made. Soon he was nothing but a flurry of flips and punches, fists flying with what could only be called finesse. He was in the middle of one of his long chains of limit-break moves, showing no sign of stopping, when suddenly the hologram vanished. Zell, expecting a solid body, accidentally dove through the air and landed face-first on the ground of the platform.
"Excellent job," a voice said from the crowd.
"You alright?" Selphie called. Zell picked himself up with his trademark grin, brushed off his vest, and vaulted himself over the railing.
He shook his head. "I don't believe that's gonna be on tape."
"Next - Selphie Tilmett?"
The petite brunette took her place on the stand. Against the giant monster that appeared before her, she looked almost comical, her cute little face and flipped hair not seeming to be much of a menace. But a familiar smile grew across her face and Quistis knew that she was taking advantage of the surprise she had in store. No one expected this innocent, lovable girl to be quite as fierce as she was. And when Selphie channeled her energy into battle - the results were unbelievable.
Bam! The nunchucks came out of nowhere, striking the beast across the face. Selphie's weapon allowed her to attack from a distance, and her precise aim kept the monster at bay. A flick there, a strike here - combining expertise and a relentless onslaught were Selphie's strong points. She nimbly dodged the monster's special attack and fired a successive series of hits - one, two, three. The cuteness was gone, replaced with a polished, efficient, and terrifying enemy. All the more terrifying because she showed no evidence of tiring out - ever. Finally, the energy grew to the point where she reached her limit; Selphie began casting spells, high-level spells, two or three at a time, in a row. Faster, faster. And she showed no sign of faltering now.
The hologram vanished in the midst of her fire spell; Selphie blinked, and then grinned.
"Wonderful job. Quistis Trepe?"
The tall, thin blonde took the stand, snapping her whip in anticipation. Unlike Selphie, no one doubted that Quistis meant business. She stood there, more serious than Shiva, her eyes narrowed. It was obvious that she was tough. And she showed it - taking control of the battle in the first thirty seconds, a strategic attack that placed the enemy on the defensive beneath her whip.
Her stunning Save the Queen let her remain in the back, but Quistis didn't hesitate to press her advantage, making sure the monster realized who was the boss in this situation. She set her heels deep, holding her ground; the whip was a whirl of motion, just an extension of her body. She used her keen observation to notice when the monster was beginning to step forward, at which point she burst out with her forceful Blue Magic. Alternating between spell and strike, choosing each of the enemy skills with appropriate, deadly timing, she managed to be three steps ahead of the enemy at every turn. Finally her whip cut through thin air - the hologram was gone.
She had broken a sweat in that last barrage, wanting to impress them with the amount of skills she had picked up on their travels; the cunning thought and strategy was perhaps harder work than the actual physical attack.
"Excellent, all of you." Xu stood. "We will be evaluating your performances - both these and the written exams - and the results will be posted tomorrow. Until then, enjoy a day off."
"Whew," Zell sighed on the way back in. "I'm off to the showers."
Quistis gave a sigh of relief. "I'm going to beg Doctor Kadowaki for a dip in the hot tub," she said with a grin. "She owes me one - I've been running errands all week."
"I have to go check on the - mmmph."
Zell gave an evil grin. "I think Selphie said she wanted to come with you."
"Excellent." Quistis returned the conniving smile. "What say you all join me in ten?"
"Mmmmph."
"Good."
Selphie threw a look over her shoulder, and then slipped through the door. She found herself on the second-floor balcony, the one that had once been used as an entrance into and out of Garden. It was one of her favorite places - somewhere she could just relax for a second. The grass and trees and sky didn't expect her to hold up the cheerful facade.
The hot tub had been nice, and she was very relaxed; however, something was still on her mind. Literally. Reaching up to her ear, she unclipped the small piece of metal that held all of her GFs. She had known they'd be vital to the certification battle; her limit break had trained her to call forth magic on her own, but the junctioning power of the Forces were obviously needed for a situation such as that.
She stared down at the little clip in her palm, pondering. Everyone had a different way of junctioning, but Selphie had always needed something physical - an actual connection between the spirits she fought with and her own body. If anyone knew that she'd unjunctioned everything, she could be set for some trouble. It wasn't anything serious - it just went against SeeD training, namely: "Always be prepared."
Nothing had come back.
She grimaced and tucked the little clip away in her bra (a very secret place, she figured), heading forward to lean against the railing in thought. Nothing. The only memories she had were vague and misty: the beach, the fireworks. Playing war, playing cowboys, playing house. Nothing solid. Nothing to explain why she was so depressed - and so confused.
She drummed her fingers on the railing in an absent rhythm. Her mind kept presenting her with Irvine. The puzzle that was Irvine Kinneas. He had been her best friend and more on the journey - always by her side, at her back, making her happier than she had ever been. He was her constant companion, full of both fun and excitement and a surprising sense of courage and dependability.
But why?
She discarded the obvious idea immediately. If Irvine had been trying to seduce her - well, not like it would have been unpleasant - but it probably would have been a little more obvious. And a little more timely. Their voyage had been long and hard. If he was looking for a cheap thrill, there were easier targets. It was a lot of time to invest into a one-night stand.
Irvine had been the only one that remembered. That was part of the attraction - the fact that he alone knew the ...
Attraction?
Well, a girl would have to be blind to not be attracted to Irvine Kinneas.
Selphie smiled at herself. She was a little old to have a crush on someone, eh? But it was more than that. She was convinced that the key to Irvine's odd, wonderful behavior was in their past. There was some sort of connection that she was missing.
And she was trying her damndest.
Irvine had remembered - what? Their childhood. He had been the catalyst for everyone else's memories, the force that activated everything else. One shot that set off the powder keg. How like a sniper.
But Selphie's fuse had fizzled and died out short of its goal. She didn't know if it had been her ill-fated experiment with the GF back in childhood or just the ritualistic use of the Forces in SeeD training. But she couldn't remember anything.
She sighed. It was so selfish! There were so many people out there that she could try to help, so many problems in the here and now. That had always been her attitude, her motto: focus on the good. On the positive. No matter what, no matter how horrible the danger, she had to stay on the bright side. People depended on her cheer, she knew. She couldn't just walk around Garden with her emotions plastered on her face - her fear, despair, loss. She had to keep the smile up, so she could make other people smile too.
But for once, Selphie felt like throwing a fit.
Someone had told her something very important once: Anything worth doing is worth overdoing. And Selphie lived like she breathed and like she fought: with excess. Energy. Vivacity. All channeled toward the positive.
But just this once, she wanted to scream at the top of her lungs and punch a hole through Balamb Garden's outer wall.
She settled for kicking the railing and went inside.