note: i pondered on this chapter, decided i didn't like it, revised it. a little happier.
it's still short and sweet - 'aww, how sweet' kind of sweet. heh.


Chapter Eleven



"Bloody Ifrit," Vanesa's tinny voice repeated on the computer screen, "Have some sense, for Hyne's sake! It's this girl's brother you're talking about!"

Selphie paused playback and, tapping her finger on the screen, said matter-of-factly, "That girl's Trabian, born and bred, for sure."

"How do you know?" Irvine had pulled a chair up next to her and was watching the screen over her shoulder as usual.

"Well, first off, she has the same accent as my old best friend Trissa," Selphie said absentmindedly, panning the video back a couple seconds. "Second, 'Bloody Ifrit' is a horribly Trabian saying. Dead giveaway."

Irvine pondered this. "Well, at least it tells us that she's who she says she is," he said. "What next?"

"Bloody Ifrit, Darik. Have some sense, for Hyne's sake!" The tape wheeled through the argument again. Selphie drummed her fingers on the desk in thought.

"I don't understand," she said. "They're so..."

"Unprofessional?" Irvine asked, chuckling slightly. "These SeeDs couldn't save a cat out of a paper bag."

"I don't know." Selphie passed the tape forward to land on Astra's furious face. "Bet this girl could do the job herself."

"Or she'd eat the cat," Irvine said with a shudder. "Too much like Fujin."

"At least she uses full sentences," Selphie said, amused.

They were reviewing everything they had on tape; Selphie, of course, was running the replay on the cameras, while Irvine watched, trying desperately to learn the computer commands and failing miserably. Selphie really was a genius at this stuff, he had realized; she flew through it without a problem. And chatted while she did it.

They watched the argument again in full force; they'd been in front of the computer for so long Irvine had joked about a bag of popcorn. They replayed the end - "I want promises from all of you," Astra's cold voice said - and then watched as they re-entered the room.



"We've resolved the differences," Darik announced, his voice unusually low. "We apologize for wasting your time."

Irvine shrugged. "I don't really understand how you guys operate," he lied. "It's fine."

"So." The red-headed Vanesa rearranged herself on the couch. "I'm suggesting we split up and get some work done. Two of us should stay here and gather information from you two, and the other two should set off on the trail of the weapons traders and see what we can find. How does that sound?"

Selphie nodded. "That should work. I don't know what other information we have, but I'll be glad to help with anything." She gave a little sniffle.

"We'll go," Darik offered. "Astra's a genius on intelligence. You two stay here and scope out the town."

Vanesa nodded. "Can do, sir," she said pleasantly.



"I don't understand it," Selphie said. "Bickering and fighting, then working smoothly?"

Irvine shrugged. "I have no idea what we're supposed to do now," he admitted.

Selphie looked up at him as he stood and stretched. "Dinner?" she suggested cheerfully.

The next day went very smoothly. Vanesa and Dall came over in the morning, wearing street clothes, and passed on all of the information that Astra has messaged them overnight. Apparently the girl really was a genius and had, following Selphie's hints, latched onto the trail of one of the traders (a lead that, with Selphie's prompting, Balamb had put into place). Astra and Darik were going to follow them and see what they could find. Vanesa duly handed the printout over, hoping details would jog Selphie's - Fiona's - memory. She and Selphie chatted on the couch; Irvine, seeing an opportunity, headed out to the balcony, where Dall was enjoying a smoke.

"Hey." The boy's voice was unexpectedly gruff. He was quite a good-looking kid - sandy hair falling into bright blue eyes, a small sheen of freckles on an otherwise spotless face. He offered Irvine a smoke; the cowboy declined.

"What do you think of our chances?" he asked the boy quietly under his breath.

Dall shrugged. "Am I really supposed to say?" he asked awkwardly.

"I've told you before, I don't care about protocol," Irvine bluffed. "What do you think about Fee's brother?"

"If anyone can find him, it'll be that Astra girl."

"I thought you'd never worked with her before."

"Haven't." Dall puffed and blew smoke. "But I know of her. We all do. She's a techno-genius. And she follows Darik around like a puppy dog."

Irvine snorted. "Is it love?"

Dall winced noticeably. "I doubt it," he stammered. "She just ...doesn't have many friends. And Darik is quite ...authoritative."

Irvine narrowed his eyes. "Wait a second," he said with a broad smile. "Are you in love with her?"

Dall looked up at him, eyes wide - then laughed. "No, no," he said hastily, "not her."

Then he bit his lip as if he'd said too much.

"Ahh," Irvine said. "Vanesa?"

Dall threw a glance over his shoulder. "Yeah," he admitted. "We've been - together for a while. But it's hard - seeing her with Darik. They used to..."

"Huh?"

He threw another glance over his shoulder and said to Irvine softly, "They used to date. They met on some training run and really hit it off - and then they found out where the other was from."

"What's the problem?"

Dall sighed and puffed his smoke. "Um..."

Irvine waited.

"Galbadia Garden ...killed Vanesa's parents," he said softly. "Look, you can't tell her I told you. But back when - when it was flying around and out of control - or under the Sorceress's control - it dive-bombed a couple towns ...including hers."

He sighed. "That combined with the Trabian bombing nearly made her quit. But she decided to push on and try to make a difference." He smirked. "She's amazing."

Dall turned back to Irvine. "But she's never really forgiven anyone from Galbadia," he said.

Irvine sighed. This was the problem with SeeD. Garden was never really able to forget that their mercenaries, their trained elite staff, were real people with real pasts. And all too often these pasts were full of hurt and pain, horrible terrible things. Lives that had changed forever in a moment.

He wondered for a moment if the others had been better off without their memories - able to believe that they were normal people making a difference. He wondered if it did make a difference - knowing you were an orphan? Was that better motivation, or worse?

Selphie would have said it was better to know.

But someone a little different - Quistis, perhaps, or even Squall - would have said it wasn't.

And Irvine would have said nothing. Turned on the charm, the cowboy eyes and handsome smirk, and made the question go away.

He didn't like when he didn't know the answer.

Dall took one last drag on his smoke and said, "Let's get back to those girls, eh?"

They came back inside to find Vanesa and Selphie chatting away about Trabia.

"So you're from the area?" Selphie asked. Irvine came to sit beside her on the couch, tucking one arm around her slim waist. There was a glint in her eyes as she glanced at him and glanced back.

Vanesa nodded, rich red hair shimmering. "I grew up within a stone's throw of the Garden," she said. "Born and bred, pure Trabian."

Selphie smiled. "What's Trabia like? I heard you guys were hit by missiles during all the confusion..."

Aha. Irvine squeezed her hand - she was pumping the girl for information!

Vanesa sighed. "Trabia was so beautiful," she said. "It was the friendliest of all the Gardens - focusing on helping the world, rather than being competitive like Galbadia or technologically advanced like Balamb. Or that's how I felt, at least. But when the missiles struck, we lost a lot of that."

"Did a lot of people die?" Selphie prodded her.

Vanesa looked down at her hands. "Yes," she said softly. "We lost a lot of good people. But that's not all - the rest of the people there ...their spirits died. Trabia's lost its spirit."

"What do you mean?" Selphie sat up, unusually attentive.

"Well..." Vanesa played with her fingers in her lap and then looked up at Selphie, her eyes soft. "After we were bombed we all tried to reunite everyone and rebuild. But bit by bit, people left us. Decided they didn't care. All the high-ranking SeeD we sent to Balamb to get certified - not one came back. Half our Instructors left us for Galbadia. And no one has come to help us or check on us." She sighed.

Selphie's face was white. "That's ...horrible," she managed to get out. She reached up to squeeze Irvine's hand; he could feel her little fingers trembling.

A fierce glint suddenly appeared in Vanesa's eyes. "That's why I'm hoping I can help Trabia," she said. "It's been abandoned by so many people who used to care about it. And I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure Trabia becomes what it should."

Selphie gulped.

Vanesa and Dall left soon after, promising to come by in two days with the rest of the information from Astra and Darik. Irvine proposed a cheerful dinner down at a nearby club, but Selphie was strangely quiet. She sat through the meal, listening to Irvine, but the usual spark in her eyes was dimmed and dulled. They returned to the apartment in companionable silence; Selphie retreated to the computer room, tapping away at something. Irvine shrugged and headed for the couch with his guitar.

What was bothering her? He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but it was obvious that something was on her mind. And he didn't want to glibly assume that he was innocent; had he done something to make her angry? He hadn't been his normal playful self the past couple days, but that was explainable - this was a mission. Would she be mad about that?

He just wanted to make her smile.

He hit a couple chords on the guitar and then started playing one of his favorite songs. Over the din he could hear Selphie humming along from the computer room. She couldn't be that angry, then. He grinned at the Exeter and then smoothly moved into another old favorite.

Finally, Selphie showed up at the door. "Vin - you're so good!"

He looked at her, giving her a heartwarming half-smile. "Not really."

"That song's pretty hard," she said, leaning against the doorframe. Irvine saw that she looked - tired, worn-out. Her eyes were cheerful but empty, her face drawn. What had she been doing?

"It took me a long time to learn it," she continued, and Irvine snapped to attention.

"It took you - you play guitar?"

Selphie blushed and nodded. "Yep."

He looked at her, astounded. "You - for how long?"

She gave him a tired grin. "For a while," she said. "I played all the time at Trabia. It was a little difficult to play at Balamb, really, with all the stuff to do."

"Here." Irvine carefully extended the sleek black guitar before him. "Play me something."

She shook her head. "Not right now, Vin."

"I want to hear you," he urged.

She brushed a strand of hair from her face. "I'm not in the mood for performing," she said. "I'll play it tomorrow."

"Do you just want to go to bed?" Irvine asked gently. She nodded, exhaustion written across her face - and Irvine wondered again what was irking her. Was the computer work that challenging?

"Come on, you," he said playfully. "Get your pajamas on and I'll tuck you in."

Selphie giggled and dutifully headed into the bathroom, emerging in her green pj pants and little white t-shirt, yawning. Irvine had turned back the sheets and she gratefully climbed in. He turned the lights off and got ready for bed himself, eventually climbing in beside her carefully.

He rested back on the pillow, listening for the smooth sound of Selphie's breathing, expecting to be soothed into sleep. It had been strangely comforting to have the small girl sleeping beside him, her soft breath and small movements calming in the dark night. He relaxed, thinking back on the day. They were no closer to solving the mystery, but there was still time.

He thought back to how he and Selphie had settled in together; Irvine had been very careful, restrained, even. It was awkward for him, but he didn't think she had noticed. He had decided to play it safe. He didn't want her to look back and think that he had taken advantage of the mission - the Vincent-Fiona dynamic - to do something he normally wouldn't.

She rolled over, and he suddenly realized that she had been tossing and turning for quite a while. He kept his entire body still, listening to her. She shifted, grunted, moved again. Finally sprawled out on her back and sighed loudly.

"What's up, Seff?"

The sound of his voice must have startled her, for she jumped a bit. "I thought you were asleep," she chastised him gently.

"With you tossing and turning? No way," he teased.

Her face fell, and he hurried - "No, I didn't mean it like that. That's the thing about sharing a bed with someone - you can always tell when something's keeping them up."

She turned away slightly. "I've never really shared a bed with someone, Vin. I thought you were sleeping."

He flushed, but in the darkness there was no way to tell. "Do you want to talk about something?"

Selphie sighed and shifted somewhat in the bed. "I just keep thinking about Trabia," she said softly. "What Vanesa said earlier about being ...abandoned. Do you think I've done the right thing?"

"What?" Irvine shook his head. "What alternatives were there?"

He felt, rather than saw, the shrug of her shoulders. "I don't know. When we went back to Trabia - I could have stayed to help. But that was when - when we all found out who we were. Who you were. And who Matron was. Trabia was just driven out of my mind."

"That's understandable," Irvine said gently. "I don't think anyone would ask you to put Garden before your memories."

"What do you think a GF does?" Selphie asked bitterly. "They had us use these tools, these fantastic forces, to put safety before our personal lives."

"You can't remember anything if you're dead," Irvine replied. "You know, as well as I do-"

"Yes," she whispered, "I know."

As his eyes adjusted to the dim light he could see her, wide-eyed, her face a pale shadow above the blanket. "Here," he said. "Sit up."

Bemused, Selphie did; Irvine took her pillow and his and stacked them against the headboard. He then gently pushed Selphie back so she was sitting upright, resting against the pillows. He arranged himself cross-legged beside her.

"Let's figure out how to make you feel better," he said.

Selphie smiled. Irvine had never been one to dwell on the tough stuff - he was always looking for the solutions, the answers, the next step. It was like the celebration at FH he had helped her with, all the parties he had helped her throw - why dwell on the bad when there was a way to make it better?

But she shrugged. Irvine was a pale shadow in a land of darker ones; she could barely make out his face. The warmth of his presence was comforting, and she wanted to just curl up and forget everything.

"Seff, there was nothing you could do. Now come on. The past is the past, and you know as well as I do that we didn't always have any choices. Sometimes we had to walk one way, and only one way. We had to stay true to the path that had to be taken."

He reached out in familiar Irvine fashion and squeezed her hand. "Now, what will make you feel better?"

"But..." Her voice trailed off. "Do you think I've abandoned them?"

"Not a chance." She could feel him shaking his head. "There was good for you to do in Balamb, and that's where you chose to do it. There's nothing wrong with that, Seff."

"I didn't go back," she insisted. "I didn't go check. What sort of friend am I?"

"You did go check, Selphie," he said, his voice urgent. "You made all of us fly Balamb Garden back so that you could check on Trabia after the missiles. And then other things required your help."

She winced. "More important things?"

"Only you can answer that, Seff," he said gently. "But I don't think you've done anything wrong. Like I've said before - we couldn't always choose our paths. Your path took you away from Trabia. For better or worse, this is where you've ended up. You have to decide what to do with what you have."

"But I had a choice. I'm a coward," she said intensely. "Am I afraid to go back? Is that it?"

"No," Irvine said. "There are all kinds of courage. You have so much of it, Seff, even if you don't know it. Brave little girl. You always were."

"What if I'm too scared to go back?"

Irvine paused in thought. "Seff, you're braver than anything. If you don't think you have the courage now - use the courage of your past. You were always spunky as hell and you never took 'no' for an answer unless you wanted it. Just call on the courage you used to have until yours comes back." As if that makes sense. He bit his tongue.

She was quiet for a moment, thinking things over. "Do you think I should go back?"

"Do you want to?"

She nodded slowly. "Yes and no. I want to go back and take care of them, but - I don't want to lose all of my friends at Balamb."

"How about this," Irvine said. "We'll take a trip after this mission. You and I can take the leave days we get out of this operation here and we'll go up to Trabia. Take a look around. See what they need. And then you can figure things out from there."

That was typical Irvine - such a simple, heartfelt solution. He always knew what to say. She didn't think for a moment that he was serious about taking her, but - he always knew exactly how she felt. And that had been what she wanted to hear, what she wanted to do.

"That sounds great," she said, her voice thick with tears. Surprised, she let out a half-gasp, half-sob. Was she crying?

Irvine looked down at her in the darkness. She gazed up at him, her eyes bright with emotion. She wanted to tell him - something important. What?

"Irvine, I..."

And something broke inside of him. He didn't want to hear it, didn't want to force out the words she thought she had to say. It was too hard for both of them. He reached out, cupping her face in his hand, whispering, "Shhh, Selphie, don't," stroking her cheek with his thumb. "Don't, Seff." Her little face looking up at his, his fingers warm on her skin.

He leaned forward and kissed her.

For a second she was surprised - but this was no gentle kiss. Irvine's warm hand stroking her face, pulling her closer, his lips pressing warmly against hers. Sweet. Caring. She kissed him back and felt him gasp as she responded. Her hands, moving of their own volition, went around his neck, pulling him closer, her fingers tangling themselves in his soft hair. This kiss was culmination - their lips whispering ardent words of nothing against each other, arms tightly binding them together.

Finally Irvine came back to reality and pulled himself away briefly, looking down at Selphie with concern in his eyes.

She looked back up at him, worried and yet defiant. Had he still been playing along? Was that Irvine who had kissed her - or was it Vincent, kissing Fiona?

He was gazing at her with all that pain and concern in his eyes - guilt, perhaps, mixed with longing? A long moment of silence came and settled in-between them, the brief space between their faces.

Irvine was horribly nervous.

He hadn't meant to do that - and yet he had - and he was worried that Selphie didn't really mean it - that she was just playing along. But she was staring at him, concern written all over her face, fire in her eyes. He wanted to kiss her again. And again.

He swallowed everything else, hiding the fear and the doubt and the pain, and just smiled at her, whispering her name.

And she smiled back at him, her heart soaring. "Irvy," she whispered back, and pulled him down to kiss her again.