Chapter Fourteen

the second answer





"Tilmitt, good to hear from you."

Selphie smiled at the computer. "Hello, Headmaster."

"I hear the issue at hand has been resolved?"

Resolved.

Selphie thought back to the severe questioning, the hurried call to Xu, the countless Stop and Sleep spells to hold the rebels at bay. Her eyes briefly glanced around the apartment; the walls and furniture were all slightly charred from Quezacotl's overzealous display.

"Resolved, sir."

"Ahh." She heard Cid shift over the line and then cough slightly. "What was the situation?"

Selphie bit her lip. Darik and Vanesa had confessed to being part of a small group of saboteurs which was part of a larger group - about which, surprisingly, neither of them had any information. Apparently the shadows behind their orders were out to ruin Garden's authority on the Sorceress issue. Vanesa had obtained Garden access codes - she deigned to elaborate on how she had obtained them - and she and Darik had wreaked internal havoc on Garden files and missives in general. It was clear that Vanesa's innate hatred of Galbadia had been morphed into a hatred of Garden in general. Selphie could still hear the girl's bitter voice: I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure Trabia becomes what it should. Unfortunately Vanesa's only plan had been to turn Garden over to someone who wanted to abuse its resources. Darik had been caught by the offer of power and control - ruin Garden's image, receive a place in the new institution as a reward.

These two had been so totally manipulated. Whatever force out there was pushing to ruin Garden's prestige and reputation picked its targets well. Were they aiming to eliminate Garden and then replace it? Did they want to destroy Garden completely? And how did the Sorceress come into play?

Selphie pulled herself back into reality. "The two SeeDs we caught were working for an underground organization out to topple Garden and its reputation," she replied. "Motives unknown."

Cid sighed loudly. "I was hoping we'd solved the problems," he said, his voice tinny. "What has happened to the, er, perpetrators?"

"Xu has custody."

"And your tapes?"

Selphie smiled. "All audio and video data will be included in our formal report," she said.

"And Kinneas?"

Selphie paused. Irvine was lying on his back on the bed in their former bedroom. He'd been staring at the ceiling for the past twenty minutes or so, claiming to be having an important conversation with Cerberus. He'd looked like he had a lot on his mind, so Selphie had left him alone.

"We're all fine, Headmaster."

"Good, Tilmitt. Thanks for responding. Over and out."

Selphie closed the little transmit window and began loading up their video files; one by one she labeled them and transferred them to portable disks. One disk for each day. Audio files in their own folder for backup. Labeling each like a good little SeeD.

She couldn't get over the feeling that her whole world had been shaken. Here were two people whose devotion to Garden had been twisted into a fiery hatred. Vanesa had been driven to "help" Trabia, she had confessed - help complete its demise, apparently. Help turn the Garden from a lovely place of learning into a pile of rubble, both literally and figuratively. Poor Trabia. And Galbadia had been treated similarly; Darik had shown no signs of remorse. If Gardens had feelings, Selphie was convinced that they'd feel betrayed.

And the betrayal had been complete, all ways around. Dall hadn't been too pleased with the two revelations he had received: first that Vanesa was a traitor and saboteur, and second that her affair with Darik hadn't - quite - ended. Astra had taken the news as if she had known all along (which may have been the truth) and had turned her back on Darik. It was another prime example of the emotion and intensity involved in everything that Garden did.

Selphie felt like she was seeing her future a little clearer now. Yes, she wanted to be an Instructor - but not yet. She had a couple loose ends to tie up first. And one of them involved her former Garden. She didn't really care what Balamb Garden thought of it, either; if she could score a proper mission to Trabia, all for the better. But if not she would just take her leave early and head on up; she should receive about a week from this mission. A week would have to be enough. Balamb Garden - she wasn't worried about Balamb.

The part of Balamb she was most concerned about - well, it was in the bedroom right now, staring at the ceiling and conversing with its GF.

Selphie clamped down on her feelings for Irvine and focused her attention on the computer screen. The mission was over, right? They'd have to go back to separate dorms and separate lives, right? Things could be the same there as they were here, right?

Then why did she feel almost - sad?

The mission had brought them together in a way that had never happened before - a way that Selphie liked. Sure, most of it had been play-acting, she suspected. But just as she didn't want to lose the closeness that had developed between them before the mission, she didn't want to lose the fun, fancy closeness they had now. Their relationship was evolving - and Selphie didn't want it to go back.

And returning to Balamb would present Irvine with an opportunity to back out of anything.

Oh, stop it, Selphie told herself. It's not like he's bound to you by anything.

Oh, really, her inner voice replied. You know what he's been acting like. You like it. He likes it. What's the problem?

Shut up! Selphie shook her head. I can't get my hopes up. Whatever happens, happens.

You have to tell him, the voice insisted. Let him know. Don't give up on this.

But he's my friend, Selphie argued. Friendship comes first. And if he was just acting - I'm not going to hold him to anything. I'm not going to assume anything. She sighed and thought resolutely: I'm not going to be clingy. I'm not going to dream.

The voice snickered.

Selphie told the voice to go to hell and went back to work on the video files.



Irvine continued to stare at the ceiling.

He had been doing so for a good half-hour now, determinedly avoiding a couple very dangerous thoughts. Cerberus was basically doing flips inside his mind, trying to get him to smile. But the ceiling wasn't amusing; it was blank, devoid of interest. Slightly charred, but otherwise devoid of anything.

We're meant to be together.

Was it fate? Fate was having a good hard laugh at them right now. The mission had made them cling to one another; but now that it was over, they had leapt apart frantically, as if someone had flipped on the lights and they had realized what had happened. Closeness was dangerous.

And yet addicting.

Irvine knew that very, very often people who found themselves in close quarters also found themselves becoming emotionally attached. It was the tried-and-true story of business partners falling in love or lust and having a wild and passionate affair and then falling apart. And Selphie had shied away from him ever since - as if he were a match, and she was suddenly fearful of being burned.

He wondered if it had just been the romantics of the situation - he and Selphie, alone together. The pressure. Was that all?

His GFs were getting anxious in his mind; Cerberus, especially, always fretted when Irvine fretted. He tried to calm them down.

Why did it feel like this was the end?

There was a soft shuffle at the door; Selphie knocked on the doorframe gently. "You like that ceiling, apparently."

Irvine smiled without turning his head. "I've noticed it's covered with ash. What do you think that's from?"

"Quezacotl says that you can bite me. Er, him ...it...uh..."

"Well, c'mere then, and I'll bite you," Irvine growled, baring his teeth. Selphie giggled.

And then she was struck by a sudden flashback: Irvy, giggling, trying to ward her off as she lunged at him, baring her teeth furiously. He swatted at her as she growled like a little animal.

"Don't bite meee!" Young Irvy could barely push her away, he was laughing so hard.

Young Sefie paused in thought, and then launched herself at the young boy, knocking him to the ground. Triumphantly she began to chew on his straggled ponytail, laughing herself.

Selphie blinked. The memory threw her off-track; all the details of the mission were wiped from her mind as she sat down on the bed, smiling a bemused smile.

"What?" Irvine asked, sitting up and grinning at her. "You look like you just had an awesome daydream."

"Maybe," she replied absentmindedly.

"Well, you tell me who the handsome guy is, and I'll beat him up," Irvine teased.

Selphie stuck her tongue out. "It's you, of course," she teased back, and then corrected: "You at four years old, that is."

Irvine winced, as if disgusted. "You like four-year-olds?"

Selphie gave a dreamy sigh; "But you were so cute then," she protested.

"What'd you remember?" he asked her, genuinely interested.

"Biting you," she said. "As a child."

"Hmph." Irvine crossed his arms. "It couldn't have been anything better than that, huh?"

A gentle - only slightly awkward - silence settled between them.

"Irvine," Selphie said suddenly. "What's..."

"Yeah?"

She swallowed. "What's your first memory of ...uh ...of me?"

Irvine shook his head, smiling slightly. I knew she'd ask eventually. Just swallow it and tell her.

"What's wrong?" Her voice was full of concern.

You don't know what you're asking, Seff.

He shrugged. "Here, let's pack up. I'll tell you the entire story of the day I showed up at the orphanage."

Selphie's eyes lit up. "You remember that?"

"Get packing, missy." Irvine knew that the distraction would make the story a little bit easier.

Oh, come on, an inner voice prompted him. You've wanted to tell this story for weeks. You were waiting for her to ask.

So like ...awkwardness, here I come.

"After I was brought to Matron's," Irvine began, concentrating on putting clothing in a suitcase, "she sent me inside to meet the children while she worked out details with the people who had found me. You were all playing outside on the beach. Mind you, I was still pretty upset about what had happened."

All of Selphie's attention was on him; Irvine tried to ignore it as he piled up his shirts. "You were all playing war - your favorite game. I didn't feel much like playing, so I sat down to watch. You guys all stared at me for a while."



"Look at the new kid," Seifer announced loudly.

"I know, Seifow," Zell whined. "We all see him."

"Squall, let's go say hi," Quistis said, grabbing his arm. "Be nice."

"What-evow." Squall stayed put, digging his heels into the sand.



Irvine paused. "And then, out of nowhere, this little whirlwind showed up."



"Hi thewe my name is Seffie I'm three yeaws owd and we's all pwayin' a game you should pway too. Yooo're new here but yoooo'll like it Matwon's weally nice now come on let's pway! It's wally easy to pway we just run up the beach there's a cave somewhere and if yoooos weally nice I show yoo now come on what's your name?"



He chuckled. "I had no idea what to do with you."



The new kid scuffed his toes in the sand. "My name's Ir-vine."

"Oooooh, Irvy!" The green-eyed imp grabbed his hand. "Irvy is on my team now look that's Sqwall and that's Zell and that is Seifow he's mean and this is Quisty and inside is Sis and she's the nicest pewson ever now look!" The imp yelled loudly, making everyone stop. "Irvy is my new friend so he's on my team. So THERE!"



"And you just grabbed me and we took off up the beach. We hid behind something - rocks, maybe? - and you were chattering up a storm." He paused and carefully folded a pair of pants. "But I had to let you know - I was still so upset, and I wanted you all to know that I was ...different, or so I thought."



The green eyes blinked. "Irvy? Why are yoo sad?"

"Sefie..." The new kid paused. "That lady says my family's lost. I lost my family."

The imp, to his surprise, giggled. "My family's wost too," she said softly. "Evewybody's family is lost. My mom and dad got wost."

He sniffled. "What if I can't find them?"

"Matwon says that sometimes yoo can find wost things and sometimes yoo can't," Sefie said with an air of authority.

"But..." Irvy pouted. "But I want my family."

"We can look for them together," Sefie said decisively. "And untiw we find them I will be your famwy and you can be mine, okay?"

Selphie was suddenly perfectly still. Irvine swallowed; focused on tucking things in his duffel bag. "And for some unknown reason - that cheered me up."



"Here, Irvy," Sefie said. "We need to make yoo happy. Momma and Matwon both say not to think about the sad things when there is so many happy things. So wet's just pway the game and you and me will find your famwy later, okay?"



Irvine remembered those words - such wisdom from a tiny child. And Sefie had said those words often. Then when they were parted Irvine had taken them to heart as a philosophy, a way to run his life.

"Why be sad when there's a way to be happy?" Irvine realized he was speaking out loud. "It was you that said that, Seff."

Selphie was lost in her own thoughts. "Thank you," she said softly, and turned to begin packing her own bags.

They gathered their things into bags in silence. The apartment slowly emptied; the computer and video cameras remained for Xu to examine later. Selphie turned to give it one last look and a sad wave as they left.

Why do I feel like I'm leaving something behind? Selphie sighed. Much of her heart was in this apartment. Too much.

Irvine squeezed her shoulder, trying to lighten the mood. "Come on, Seff. Let's catch the first train out of here. Back to Balamb!"

She gave a half-hearted smile. "Let's head home!" Although Balamb was home to neither of them. Dammit.

They headed down to the station; Irvine bought two tickets, this time in the SeeD car. But neither of them was very talkative; Selphie watched out the window while Irvine paged through a magazine.

We're meant to be together.

He shook his head.

I'll be your family and you can be mine. The child's voice, echoing in his head. The best promise anyone had ever made him. Forgotten.

Irvine awoke to Selphie's touch and slight giggle. "Hey, sleepyhead," she said. "We're there. Wake up!"

He sat up groggily. "I didn't realize I had fallen asleep," he said, repositioning his cowboy hat.

"We're back already," Selphie offered. "Now get up, lazy!"

"Okay, okay," he groaned good-naturedly, grabbing the bags.

They trudged into Balamb; the familiar sight of the Garden was welcome to their tired eyes. Irvine saluted a couple cadets; Selphie waved to two of her old students. They parted at the dormitories - "Let's meet back in fifteen to make our formal report," Irvine offered, and Selphie agreed.

But as she trudged up the stairs into her room, she realized there was something left for her to say. She wanted to ask Headmaster Cid if she could return to Trabia. And she wanted to ask Irvine to go with her. She'd have to ask before - make sure she avoided putting him on the spot, gave him every chance to get out of the promise he had made that one wonderful night.

Why be sad when there's a way to be happy?

She slid her ID card through the slot and entered quietly; no sign of Quistis. She sighed, relieved. She didn't want to face her roommate right now; there was much too much going on in her mind. Something was coming to a culmination - something she wasn't sure she could avoid any longer.

Selphie dropped her bags on her bed and then, determined to do something she wasn't quite sure she could define, headed to Irvine's room.

The slight knock on the door alerted him; Irvine had dumped his bags in a similar fashion and was debating whether to go through his voice messages or just ignore them. "Come on in," he called.

Selphie opened the door and then closed it, awkwardly.

She looked nervous, Irvine realized. "Seff? What's up?"

"Irvine, I..." Her courage was failing her. What had Irvine said? Courage in the past?

He looked at her, puzzled. "What's got you all rattled?" he drawled kindly.

Everything.

Selphie took a deep breath. "Irvine, I think I'm going to ask the Headmaster to go back to - back to Trabia for a little bit," she said hastily.

Irvine nodded, still a little confused. "Yeah, I think that's a good idea, Seff," he said.

She bit her lip, shifted her feet, and then raised her eyes to his. "Were you serious about coming with me?"

Irvine burst out laughing. "Is that all that this is about?" He walked over to her and grinned, chucking her on the chin. "Of course I'll come with you. I wouldn't let you go alone - that's no way to treat a lady."

Selphie was both relieved and terrified. Irvine had agreed so readily that half the things she had been planning to say caught in her throat. She was wildly tempted to take his acceptance as it was - but then she'd never get another chance.

He was still looking at her, relief mingled with concern in those deep eyes of his. Hesitantly he asked: "Is that all?"

She stalled. "I'm just glad you'll come with me," she began - but how else could she phrase this? She didn't want him coming for a promise, she didn't want him coming to be a big brother - she wanted Irvine.

Selphie summoned up all the courage she could find - her courage, the courage from her past, Quezacotl's courage, and probably some of Irvine's courage as well - and said strongly, "But I love you."

There was a pause as long as a lifetime.

And then Irvine laughed.

Selphie wasn't expecting that reaction.

He looked down at her, happiness written all over his face. "Are you serious?"

Selphie was completely taken aback. "What do you mean?"

He gathered her in close, cautiously, with a hesitance that Selphie had never seen in the cowboy. "Selphie Tilmitt, I've been waiting for you to say those words my whole damn life."

Now Selphie was terribly confused. "Irvine, I - um - what?"

He laughed again. "I'm not very good at this, am I?" he murmured, brushing a strand of hair out of his face. "Some ladies' man I make. What I meant to say was this."

He blinked and looked her straight in the eyes. "I love you," he answered.

Then, as her eyes widened in shock, he grinned and gave her a peck on the cheek. "Now c'mon, we have to get that report in." He took her hand gently, ushering her out the door. "Let's go tell Cid that we're going to Trabia on break and there ain't nothin' he can do to stop us."

Selphie stammered - "But - But..."

"But what?" Irvine gave her a heart-melting smile. "We're kids in love. Why be sad when there's a way to be happy?"

Selphie stopped and thought, and then gave him a huge grin and threw her arms around his neck. The details could wait; for now, she just kissed him.