January 1 - 2, 1971
Dear Diary,
January 1, 1971
The holidays are over, and we are once again having classes. Today I had potions first, which was annoying, because that Slytherin boy Snape is in the class. James hates Snape and as do I, mainly because he insulted me, and calls James "Potty." James is very sensitive and hates it when people make fun of him or anyone he cares about it. I am pleased with that. James can be a bit overprotective sometimes though. This morning after Potions, one of Snape's revolting friends Lucius Malfoy attempted to hex me. James tried to hide me from Malfoy, while he attacked him. I refused to look like I could not defend myself, so when James lifted his arm to shield me from Malfoy's wand, I clutched his wrist to prevent him from using his wand, and placed a charm on Malfoy that turned his robes, and hair fluorescent pink. James followed me into the common room, and he asked me why I had pushed away. I still remember how hurt he looked, but I was angry at him for being so overprotective. I accused him of being too possessive of his friends, and then the next thing I knew, James' face was inches from mine, and he was glaring at me. I felt a twinge of guilt from the glimpse of pain that I read in his eyes, but not enough to apologize. There was a long uncomfortable silence, as he stared into my eyes, hoping for me to venture forth, and admit that I was wrong, but at the time I felt that I was not wrong, so I stared insolently back at him, and then ran into my dormitory. Now I regret saying those things to him. James is a bit over protective, but he is not possessive. He was only trying to help me. I feel terrible, and I want to go apologize to him. I am going to go downstairs and sneak into the boy's dormitory to do so.
Five minutes later:
I have not apologized to James yet. In the common room I encountered Anise's brother Remus, and he advised that I do not go near James yet, because he is still angry, and not ready to forgive me. I asked Remus to tell James that I had not meant what I said, and he promised he would. I do hope James won't be mad at me for long. I hate it when we aren't speaking, I am always so lonely, even with Anise to talk to.
Sincerely, Lils
Dear Diary,
January 2, 1971
I have just awoken, and I have just remembered my fight with James. My heart is aching and I wish I could take back those hateful words I spoke to him yesterday. Anise has just told me that Remus did indeed speak to James about my apology, and that James will be coming to our dormitory in a couple of minutes. I am nervous, I do hope he is not coming to yell at me, or make me eat up my words any more than I already have. Anise wants to know why I look so pale. I don't think she quite understands how close James and I are, and how much it hurts me to think of what I said to him.
I hear footsteps coming towards this room. My heart has stopped, I think it is him.
Later:
The footsteps did belong to James, and he came, and then we left, together. James has forgiven me. Here is my account of what happened.
There was a knock on the door. I dropped this diary to the floor and my face was completely drained of any color it had left. Anise excused herself, insisting that she wanted to take a refreshing bubble bath before breakfast. I heard James' voice outside the door, and I rose slowly to my feet. My knees were weak, and I could barely walk towards the door. I was so tense, I was literally shaking. When I opened the door James was standing there. I was only capable of staring at him, taking him in, until he cleared his throat in order to capture my attention. James was wearing "seeker" pj's and his hair was ruffled from tossing and turning in his sleep. Even though he was frowning at me, he looked adorable. I longed to throw my arms around him, but I restrained myself by thinking of the what the consequences might be.
"Come in," I whispered to him, in a barely audible voice. James nodded, and followed me over to my bed. I sat down, and beckoned for him to do the same, but James merely stood before me. His arms were crossed and he was gazing into my eyes. I trembled, his stare was making me incredibly uncomfortable. I then wished that he would say anything, even hateful mean words. Anything would be better than that awful silence.
"James?" I looked earnestly into his eyes, imploring him to say something.
"Lily." he muttered. I remember instinctively reaching for his hand, but he pulled it out of my reach. At that moment I felt the tears building up in my eyes, threatening to spill over at any moment. I was determined however to hold them back. I did not deserve this treatment from James, what I had done to him had been wrong, but his method of making me pay for it was cruel. I rose to my feet and raised my arm. I was about to slap him, when I realized that that really wouldn't solve our problems, so I sat back down.
"James, I truly am sorry about what I said yesterday, and I wish you knew that I didn't mean it. Whenever I fly into a temper I say stupid things that mean absolutely nothing. Nothing!" I again looked up into his face, with my eyes I begged him to respond.
"James. Please say something! Anything!"
James slowly opened his mouth, and I sighed in relief. "Lily, tell me what made you say those things to me. I don't think you understand how much you hurt me. I have never been called possessive in my life, and I honestly don't believe that I am!"
I rose to my feet, and I began to pace the room. "James, I know you're not, that's why this is so hard for me!"
"Hard for you?!" James began to glare at me, and I fell to the floor. " Hard for you?!"
James headed for the door muttering to himself about how pointless coming up here had been.
"James, please don't leave!" I begged him. At first he ignored my plea, and continued to walk towards the door. He turned around though when he heard the sound of someone crying. It was me.
"Why are you crying Evans?" he spat at me.
I felt my heart, and I thought my friendship, shatter as he addressed me like he would a foe. I turned away from him, not giving him the satisfaction of seeing the effect his words had had on me.
"Clearly our friendship was not meant to work out, if you can't even call me Lily when we get into a fight."
James walked over to me, and slumped down on the floor beside me.
"I, I'm sorry Lily," I turned to look at him, and he flinched from seeing my tearstained face, and puffy, red-rimmed eyes. "Lily, I didn't mean that."
Then I got an idea. I decided to give him a bit of his own medicine. I ignored him.
"Lily. Lily." he shook my shoulder frantically, and I finally turned to face him. "What was that all about?"
"What do you think James? What do you think?"
" I don't know Lily. You tell me!"
"James I was giving you a taste of your own medicine. Now you know how I felt when you ignored me."
James gasped, and I thought he was angry at me until he threw his arms around me, and I felt whole again.
"James, I am so sorry. I never thought those stupid things I said would result in this torture." I was crying again, but it was in happiness, and relief. James drew me closer to him.
"Please don't cry Lily, please don't. I'm sorry too." then we clung to each other for a minute. When he pulled away he smiled at me.
"Do you want to go to breakfast Lils?" he asked. I laughed as I heard him use my nick name. We were back on good terms again.
Suddenly I remembered something, and called. "Anise, you can come out of the bathroom now. Everything's fine. Everything's back to norma1!" I called.
She emerged from the bathroom, her face was pale. She ran over to us both, and hugged us, banging our heads together.
"Ow!" James and I groaned, and simultaneously rubbed our foreheads.
"I was waiting for you guys to make up, it took forever, and I was worried for a minute there that you wouldn't make up. And over such a silly thing like exaggerating each other's faults. I am ashamed of both of you. Now march, I'm hungry, especially after that time in the bathroom. Man it's stuffy in there!"
James and I laughed, and then we reached instinctively for each other's hand. The pressure of his hand in mine made my heart swell with joy. Then we followed Anise to the great hall for breakfast.
Sincerely, Lils
Dear Diary,
January 1, 1971
The holidays are over, and we are once again having classes. Today I had potions first, which was annoying, because that Slytherin boy Snape is in the class. James hates Snape and as do I, mainly because he insulted me, and calls James "Potty." James is very sensitive and hates it when people make fun of him or anyone he cares about it. I am pleased with that. James can be a bit overprotective sometimes though. This morning after Potions, one of Snape's revolting friends Lucius Malfoy attempted to hex me. James tried to hide me from Malfoy, while he attacked him. I refused to look like I could not defend myself, so when James lifted his arm to shield me from Malfoy's wand, I clutched his wrist to prevent him from using his wand, and placed a charm on Malfoy that turned his robes, and hair fluorescent pink. James followed me into the common room, and he asked me why I had pushed away. I still remember how hurt he looked, but I was angry at him for being so overprotective. I accused him of being too possessive of his friends, and then the next thing I knew, James' face was inches from mine, and he was glaring at me. I felt a twinge of guilt from the glimpse of pain that I read in his eyes, but not enough to apologize. There was a long uncomfortable silence, as he stared into my eyes, hoping for me to venture forth, and admit that I was wrong, but at the time I felt that I was not wrong, so I stared insolently back at him, and then ran into my dormitory. Now I regret saying those things to him. James is a bit over protective, but he is not possessive. He was only trying to help me. I feel terrible, and I want to go apologize to him. I am going to go downstairs and sneak into the boy's dormitory to do so.
Five minutes later:
I have not apologized to James yet. In the common room I encountered Anise's brother Remus, and he advised that I do not go near James yet, because he is still angry, and not ready to forgive me. I asked Remus to tell James that I had not meant what I said, and he promised he would. I do hope James won't be mad at me for long. I hate it when we aren't speaking, I am always so lonely, even with Anise to talk to.
Sincerely, Lils
Dear Diary,
January 2, 1971
I have just awoken, and I have just remembered my fight with James. My heart is aching and I wish I could take back those hateful words I spoke to him yesterday. Anise has just told me that Remus did indeed speak to James about my apology, and that James will be coming to our dormitory in a couple of minutes. I am nervous, I do hope he is not coming to yell at me, or make me eat up my words any more than I already have. Anise wants to know why I look so pale. I don't think she quite understands how close James and I are, and how much it hurts me to think of what I said to him.
I hear footsteps coming towards this room. My heart has stopped, I think it is him.
Later:
The footsteps did belong to James, and he came, and then we left, together. James has forgiven me. Here is my account of what happened.
There was a knock on the door. I dropped this diary to the floor and my face was completely drained of any color it had left. Anise excused herself, insisting that she wanted to take a refreshing bubble bath before breakfast. I heard James' voice outside the door, and I rose slowly to my feet. My knees were weak, and I could barely walk towards the door. I was so tense, I was literally shaking. When I opened the door James was standing there. I was only capable of staring at him, taking him in, until he cleared his throat in order to capture my attention. James was wearing "seeker" pj's and his hair was ruffled from tossing and turning in his sleep. Even though he was frowning at me, he looked adorable. I longed to throw my arms around him, but I restrained myself by thinking of the what the consequences might be.
"Come in," I whispered to him, in a barely audible voice. James nodded, and followed me over to my bed. I sat down, and beckoned for him to do the same, but James merely stood before me. His arms were crossed and he was gazing into my eyes. I trembled, his stare was making me incredibly uncomfortable. I then wished that he would say anything, even hateful mean words. Anything would be better than that awful silence.
"James?" I looked earnestly into his eyes, imploring him to say something.
"Lily." he muttered. I remember instinctively reaching for his hand, but he pulled it out of my reach. At that moment I felt the tears building up in my eyes, threatening to spill over at any moment. I was determined however to hold them back. I did not deserve this treatment from James, what I had done to him had been wrong, but his method of making me pay for it was cruel. I rose to my feet and raised my arm. I was about to slap him, when I realized that that really wouldn't solve our problems, so I sat back down.
"James, I truly am sorry about what I said yesterday, and I wish you knew that I didn't mean it. Whenever I fly into a temper I say stupid things that mean absolutely nothing. Nothing!" I again looked up into his face, with my eyes I begged him to respond.
"James. Please say something! Anything!"
James slowly opened his mouth, and I sighed in relief. "Lily, tell me what made you say those things to me. I don't think you understand how much you hurt me. I have never been called possessive in my life, and I honestly don't believe that I am!"
I rose to my feet, and I began to pace the room. "James, I know you're not, that's why this is so hard for me!"
"Hard for you?!" James began to glare at me, and I fell to the floor. " Hard for you?!"
James headed for the door muttering to himself about how pointless coming up here had been.
"James, please don't leave!" I begged him. At first he ignored my plea, and continued to walk towards the door. He turned around though when he heard the sound of someone crying. It was me.
"Why are you crying Evans?" he spat at me.
I felt my heart, and I thought my friendship, shatter as he addressed me like he would a foe. I turned away from him, not giving him the satisfaction of seeing the effect his words had had on me.
"Clearly our friendship was not meant to work out, if you can't even call me Lily when we get into a fight."
James walked over to me, and slumped down on the floor beside me.
"I, I'm sorry Lily," I turned to look at him, and he flinched from seeing my tearstained face, and puffy, red-rimmed eyes. "Lily, I didn't mean that."
Then I got an idea. I decided to give him a bit of his own medicine. I ignored him.
"Lily. Lily." he shook my shoulder frantically, and I finally turned to face him. "What was that all about?"
"What do you think James? What do you think?"
" I don't know Lily. You tell me!"
"James I was giving you a taste of your own medicine. Now you know how I felt when you ignored me."
James gasped, and I thought he was angry at me until he threw his arms around me, and I felt whole again.
"James, I am so sorry. I never thought those stupid things I said would result in this torture." I was crying again, but it was in happiness, and relief. James drew me closer to him.
"Please don't cry Lily, please don't. I'm sorry too." then we clung to each other for a minute. When he pulled away he smiled at me.
"Do you want to go to breakfast Lils?" he asked. I laughed as I heard him use my nick name. We were back on good terms again.
Suddenly I remembered something, and called. "Anise, you can come out of the bathroom now. Everything's fine. Everything's back to norma1!" I called.
She emerged from the bathroom, her face was pale. She ran over to us both, and hugged us, banging our heads together.
"Ow!" James and I groaned, and simultaneously rubbed our foreheads.
"I was waiting for you guys to make up, it took forever, and I was worried for a minute there that you wouldn't make up. And over such a silly thing like exaggerating each other's faults. I am ashamed of both of you. Now march, I'm hungry, especially after that time in the bathroom. Man it's stuffy in there!"
James and I laughed, and then we reached instinctively for each other's hand. The pressure of his hand in mine made my heart swell with joy. Then we followed Anise to the great hall for breakfast.
Sincerely, Lils