Disclaimer: The characters from Kareshi Kano No Jijou do not belong to me. I am just borrowing them for a bit and returning them

Author Note: Some of the perspectives reactions come from the Manga, however this brings in a more in depth thought of each character.

Relationship: Tsubasa/Kazuma

Rating: PG-13

Contemplation
By Starfire

It was nearing winter and the temperature was freezing. My roommates didn't see the need to pay the electric bill, so we were unable to heat the apartment that we all lived together in. It wasn't so bad. Even though it was freaking cold, I was very happy with my friends, sure they were nice guys, even though they were mostly perverts. I've never experience much fear in my life, but all that would end when I received a phone call from my step dad. I haven't the foggiest idea on how, he managed to get a hold of this number, but I was glad that he did. I was informed that Tsubasa, my one true- love, was in the hospital, I felt my world grow dark and bleak. I was struck with terror! The notion that after all this time of searching, and finally finding my soul mate, that she would be taken away from me by an illness scared the hell out of me. The paleness of my skin gave clear indication to my roommates that something was wrong. I left, informing them that Tsubasa was in the hospital; the majority of them looked at me with concern. They all knew that I couldn't live without her.

I never did get a chance to tell her that I was in love with her. This is the greatest pain of all not knowing if that would have made the difference. If that would have changed anything. Even I knew that it was a bunch of stupid accusations and that it wouldn't change the fact that Tsubasa was in the hospital. My heart beat faster, as I made way to the hospital that, she was admitted to, the weather was gloomy, and the snow drifted everywhere. I was stopped by one of the nurses that worked with my mother, I could tell she was new cause she didn't recognize me at all. I ended up being able to see Tsubasa since the head nurse recognized me immediately. I walked into the room and went to sit besides the bed to look at my Wings. I noticed immediately that she was thinner then usual that, her bones were frailer, and that her breathing was shallow. What have you tried to do to yourself? My insides cried and I felt responsible for what had occurred, since I knew beforehand that she was going to take my leaving harder then anyone.

I knew her inside and out, every inch of her mind, and the beauty that lay inside. Not too many people see her as what she truly is, a beautiful woman-child trying to figure out how to cope with the world. A sleeping beauty in her own world of her making, while she slumbers. I touched her hand, and felt how thin they had become, as I brought them to my lips. Tsubasa wake up please. I felt my inside cry hoping that she would wake up and be alright. To my immense relief she did wake-up, but it tore the inside out of me when I heard her cry my name, and sob it like a chant, a matron. My heart felt itself shatter into millions of pieces, at such a display of desperation as she grasped onto me like a little infant in fear, and terror that I would disappear from her sight. A thick lump went into my throat, as I apologized to her, I didn't want my Wings to cry anymore.

Pain hurled into my heart like a dagger continuously jammed into a pile of meat, over and over again, when I heard her beg me not to leave her, and that if I was angry with her that she would try to do whatever to make sure that I didn't leave. A child. Her thinking was still in that mode; her defenses were up resisting me slightly, trying to cope with the fact that I might leave her again. The feelings of pain, isolation, fear, worry, guilt, want, and love pressed against me like a sand storm. This was unbearable to me; I simply couldn't stand the cries of her beautiful voice. It was tearing me apart, and I didn't know what to do, I felt myself hold onto her too, telling her that I didn't hate her. A part of me calmed down as I told her why I couldn't stay. I was trying to warn her that I was only trying to protect her from my desires, I was desperately attempting to let her know that I wasn't a safe place for her anymore, because I was growing up, and that I saw her as more then a sibling.

Grief. It hit me hard, since I knew she would try to preserve herself from what I had claimed. Her words impacted and I felt that the need to protect her wasn't my duty at all. Especially if I had to break her shell to get her to realize that I wasn't safe for her own protection. So I asked her for a kiss. The shock and surprise in her eyes made me feel bolder; I moved even closer. Just as our lips were about to touch, she had gotten the message, and turned away in fear. I felt the pain stab at me. My heart shied away from the torment that it was being put through, the pure undeniable desire, and lust that hum within, while combined with the feelings she was giving me. I knew that I had to leave soon if I were to keep her safe.

I asked her if she could even give me one chance; that if she could love someone like me as I love her. The hot warm tears fell down my cheeks as I felt a ring of emotion emerge in me. Fear, anxiety, hope, faith, and Love! Tsubasa has always been a little girl frozen inside a rose glass tinted room, a living stature that breathes, and lives. Inwardly, I knew that she was a sleeping beauty frozen in time to sleep for eons until someone was to wake her up. I was hoping that someone would be me, yet like another rabbit hole that Alice ran into, and ended up in a world of bizarre and incredible things, it seem to be a lie. For inside I felt like not a prince charming going to save his pure love from evil of a doomed sleep of eternity. No, I felt like a cad, a sinner, since my desire for her ran greater then what my mind could couple with. Yet it is true, I tempted fate, trying to show her my love, yet in turn I might have doomed her to a fate worse then sin itself, my poor sleeping beauty, perhaps she would be trap inside her glass case forever, and I can no longer see her anymore. My heart shatters at such a thought.

Later on, I was back in the apartment; my band members were waiting for me to return. They were all looking at me, their eyes filled with worry when they saw the tears that were still flowing down my hot cheeks. I told them that I was tired, and that Tsubasa was fine. However, I knew that they didn't believe me when I told them that she was alright. Even I knew that was a lie and quite far from the truth. Ushiro asked me if I was fine, but all I did was slide down the wall and lay my head on his leg, like I had done before when I had felt an unbearable pain all of a sudden on the day that I had left home for the very first time.

I ended up telling him about how thin Tsubasa was, because of what I done. I felt comforted by his silence and quiet acceptance of things. I guess that is why I go to him more then my other friends, since I see him as a big brother more then the others. In my conversation with him, I inform him, that I felt like a hopeless fool, yet I felt good that I tried for what I wanted. Laughing bitterly at him, while tears of pain stream down my face, I grip onto his shirt asking him, if it was so bad for me to grow up at all instead of being frozen in a time with her. I question him if it was wrong for me to try to branch outward for more, then being just a little brother to Tsubasa, while denying this love that I held for her. Ushiro only petted me on the head, whispering that it wasn't wrong to want more for that was what made us human to want feelings of love, warmth, and acceptance.

A few days later, I ended up convincing the members of Ying and Yang that I would like to have the sound track named 'Wings' after Tsubasa. Most of them agreed to my suggestion, I guess they knew that everything I did was for her. After all I still remember the vow I made to her that everything that I ever wrote and myself belonged to her. I never have broken that promise since I could see that she was hurt by all the broken promises in her life by those that she had loved dearly. As I sent the newest CD a few weeks later, with front row tickets to our last Live concert of the summer. I felt Anxiety rise against me, and I hoped that she would come. I didn't want her to feel unimportant; I just wanted to see her one more time. Having her with me was all I dreamed of. Her face, her laughter, the twinkle in her eyes when she became mischievous, and her beautiful voice singing with me.

As the concert drew closer, I felt my nerves growing more and more shaky and I began to snap at one of my more annoying band mates. I suppose this happened especially since I had someone very important that was going to be in the audience, if she even came.

As the time grew nearer, we went up on stage and got into position. I felt myself relax a bit as I felt the familiar microphone in my hand. My eyes searched around noticing people I knew. My heart plummeted when I didn't see her yet, until I felt a faint glow flowing my way. My eyes shifted and I saw her in the center of things. I closed my eyes and smiled feeling that everything would be alright. For the one I wrote the song for is here, and she indeed lights up my life, and saved me from my torment.

Later on we went home and I felt myself smile even more. I expressed that it was great to be home as my stepfather welcomed me back, with my mother who was smiling at me proudly. Tsubasa said she would carry my bags, but I didn't want her to hurt herself, so I declined saying that the bags were to heavy. I was more afraid of the strange tension that seemed to increase as my hands brushed against her. Our parents observed us closely, as they went to the kitchen, claiming that they couldn't stand the emotions that were streaming in the room. Therefore, we ended up in my room, and I felt Tsubasa's handgrip on my arm. Her eyes were luminous green, as she smiled, said she was glad I was back, but what shook me was that she thanked me for loving her. Acceptance. I was happy at last, I held her in my arms feeling my heart triple from her presence, and I felt like my heart had sucked up the emotions in the room like water is to the desert.

My fingers trembled as I brought Tsubasa back, while apologizing if I was pushing things to fast, yet I couldn't help myself. I had to get the words out of my chest before I lost my courage. So, I screamed at the top of my lungs "MARRY ME!" I flinched as I felt the echo in the house, but felt my heart triple happily when she said simply, "Okay."

It was nerve racking, to have it all out, and yet it was a relief. However, as I looked at Tsubasa a nagging question came to me, and to my surprise she voiced it. "Can step-siblings get married?"

I don't know… I thought as we stared at each other.