Disclaimer: Kareshi Kanojo no Jijou belongs to other people -- Masami Tsuda, Gainax and Right Stuff. I am only borrowing these characters for a short time. I promise to return them right after I'm done. However, the plot and ideas will belong to me. Please do not sue me I am a very poor fan fic writer.
Author Note: I wish that manga would be released faster so that I won't get facts wrong. Oh well facts on Ushio are well fake, since I can't figure out much about him, except that he is quiet. Yet, I try to fill in some blanks, and use my interpretation of his character. I almost forgot, forgive me for my bad grammar; it is rather hard sometimes to stay in first person tense. It is even harder, when it is also 5am in the morning and you are writing this under five hours. lol Please forgive me for these actions. In addition, I couldn't resist including Ushio's thoughts, since it nagging me that he should have a say in things. Please review, and let me know what you think, that way I can evaluate few more things and perhaps add on another chapter. I am still considering it.
Recognition: I would like to thank Hontou No Watashi for the translations of the song in manga 12 of Kareshi Kanojo no Jijou, even though some of it wasn't accurate. Lyrics to "You Light Up My Life" by Joe Brooks.
You Light Up My Life
By Starfire
It was a place of darkness, and yet it was filled with light by a love so simple and pure that even the driven madness of the empty void, would be immersed with blinding clarity. Hope itself would be logged, and inwardly the memory of that budding blossom would clearly enter the life of those that were blessed with the power of love. I, Ushio a member of Ying and Yang, could testify to the wonders of such a blessing.
I have always been together with the other's of Ying and Yang, though it seems almost like a distant bitter memory. Something that lingers onward onto you, and yet it is still there haunting like the faint film of foggy that drift lazily across the sky, while plastered against the glass windows of our flat. In a way, I am still bitter about my childhood memories, only thing that seem stable in my life was the Ying and Yang band. We were always together, through thick, and thin, this of course was before Kazuma came into our lives. Hai, Kazuma, he has grown up to the be a fine young man, I am proud of him, in a way, I see him as a little brother to me. Something precious, he never did have much of a father figure, our Kazuma. In a way, I was relieved when Ikeda-san, his mother remarried to Shibahime. However, I worry for our Kazuma, he is growing up, and in a way, I feel a little wistful that he remain as the little boy, but everything has to end. Even I know that when my parents neglected me, and I found myself entering adolescence without guidance.
It is true, our lives before Kazuma was bleak, we barely were able to put food on our table, let alone pay for the gas, and electricity bill. Our band wasn't as equip as it was now, thanks to that little boy that brought hope to our lives, and saved us with his talent. Iie [No], even though we were dirt poor, we happy, and when Kazuma came, he helped us climb, and he manage to multiply the happiness we had into more. Even so, lets face the facts, he is the best singer we ever had, I still cringe at Atsuya's attempt at singing, heck even Martin, and Joker would agree that he stunk at it. Our band, was always a bit diverse, we could play very well, I admit that, was part of our way to fame, but it was Kazuma's talent voice, and passion that feed us into glory. Even though, fame itself hasn't envelop us in the most conceit fashion, we are rather content with the simplistic live we lived. After all music is everything to our lives, it is our livelihood, and yet it is what feed us all together keeping us together like one entity.
Hai [Yes], it was right to be thankful for Kazuma, he helped us a bunch of high school dropouts to fame. Even if, this journey ends, early I am content that we had made it this far; it is amazing I might add that how much we have grown from this journey.
However, sometimes, even growing I would like to freeze this feeling, of happiness, contentment, and overall joy. I suppose I fear losing, this supposed feeling of warmness, that wraps around me like a gentle blanket, like a mother's embrace. Something that I had never felt, from my own parental units, something almost foreign, and yet I am able to express it to a little boy.
A little boy with golden hair, bright eyes, and a shy smile wrapped with innocence, and happiness. Demo [But], I worry for him, I truly do worry for this youthful young man. I worry that one day, that brightness that made Kazuma, what he is would vanish, and yet I worry that he would disappear from me, then the other precious things that I value in my life would fade. I didn't ever way that to happen, it wasn't something I could bare to lose.
I realize a long time ago that I loved this young man; he was part of the family, which had formed, ever since he stepped into our lives. Hai [Yes], Atsuya, Martin, Joker, and Kazuma are my family. It was clear as day light, to me, I never did want to lose any of them, and yet I fear for them becoming hurt by anything.
Yet, even that fear, couldn't be vanquished, for it is part of humanity to be hurt. It is how we live, and I accepted that, with each breaking minute, and I know that I cannot spare those that I love dearly away from future pain, just like even fate itself could not spare me my own.
It did come; I admit it, the day when Kazuma was struck by love, it was rather hilarious, when I think about it. I've always knew that Kazuma wasn't rather clear on his feelings, since he was such a gentle soul, and never experience the feeling of love before. The poor boy, thought it was sibling love at first, with the small slip of a girl, named Shibahime Tsubasa.
I still smile, at the reactions that were circulating around my family, when they saw that little girl. To me, I felt that I had seen Peter Pan's little fairy pixie, name Tinkerbell, her features in a way reminded me of her. The smooth elfish bones structure, which looked like small delicate tool brushes of Di Vinci had carved in careful accuracy to make it look elegant like silk, her sea nymph eyes held wisdom, and her hair looked like it had been created by bits and pieces of the sun. Indeed she was as beautiful as any masterpiece in my eyes, I understood that she was precious to Kazuma immediately, when I observe both of them together. Atsuya, Martin, and Joker, pretty much thought as I did, they were rather tonic and demanding that Kazuma was in love with Tsubasa, even though he professed it was only brotherly love.
Brotherly love indeed, it is clear that our Kazuma was in denial of his feelings, it was something that usually happen to the innocent, and yet naïve until they grow up. I dreaded that day, and indeed, it did come, and when it did, I felt the pain that radiated from him. The hurt the confusion, it bleeds profoundly inside him, and I could smell it, and in a way I shed tears in silence for the hurt that he felt for I could do nothing to ease the pain. Hai [Yes], the pain awakening adolescence from the life of the child, I felt helpless, and I hated that feeling. Only thing I could do, was be quiet, and let him lean on me. The other's I knew would never turn away their own, they in their own way love Kazuma just as much as I do. Yet, they knew as well as I did that they couldn't offer him what he truly wanted and needed, the love of the woman he loved, Tsubasa.
Tsubasa, such a delicate name, and yet it expresses the true meaning of the beauty inside that young little body of the girl. I feel for her as well, even if she doesn't know that I see what she feels. Since it is almost like the wish that I would like to acquire, being timeless, having the now to stay forever and never let it end. I knew she was suffering what Kazuma was suffering; yet, she still was in denial of her feelings. She was afraid to grow up, to awaken and realize the love she had for him. It must had been hard for her in a way to realize it, after all it was the same mistake that Kazuma made, thinking it was only sibling love. After all, it wasn't easy for either one of them, both of their parents married, making them both stepsiblings. Nevertheless, it sounds like ironic twist of fates cruel sense of humor. However, fate itself is capricious in it's mental and physical state, and with luck on their side, they are only stepsiblings. I still am amused over that fact; I even toil with the thought of informing them that they could still marry. I might if both of them finally do get together, which I have no doubt about it, but they both have to first hurt before they can heal the rift, and conquer the fear first, before they can advance further.
I was right about the hurt. I still wished that I wasn't so accurate in my predictions of the pain that would rip through my love ones. Hai [Yes], I did extend my family outward toward the Shibahime, it was only natural of course, and we've been part of their life since Kazuma moved in with them. We still kept in contact informing his mother in secret of his welfare, though we never did let on. After all, we knew that Hiromi would trust us, with her only son, since we bonded that time by drinking that whole bottle of liquor.
Kazuma lived day by day with us always smiling, and yet inwardly at night I could hear his tears. I was always awake at night worried for him, and when we became popular, and did more live concerts, it was clear that his smiles were those of wistfulness. I remember, the day, when he ran to us, claiming he wanted to sing, that was when the creation of his song came into existences, the song I knew that he created for the one he loved. The lyrics are now well known by many, whom listen feeling their hopes lift, and yet I still wait sitting hoping that the song would reach the heart of the glass encased pixie that has snared the love of such a wonderful man. I hope that the shell of icy glass would shatter, and let out the love that shimmers underneath the reflection of Tsubasa. That way, she would be free to love, and let her wings fly upward, and light up the life of just one man.
For inwardly, I knew that she was made to be with him and him with her. Everyday I pray for her, but one day during the cold bitter night, we heard the phone ring. Kazuma picked it up, and it was then when we realize that something was wrong, when the wistful eyes of hope shattered into dimness. The man before us morphed into sadness, and even fear, he quickly hanged up, and ran out of the door.
It was something, we all would never forget, and inwardly, I felt the chillness of trepidation, and restlessness creep closer onto me. I waited, so did the other's the room was silent, it felt like centuries, until Kazuma came back, but when he did, once again tears were trailing down in splotches. He ended up telling me how thin the little pixie was, because of his leaving her. Only think I could do for him was to remain quiet and understanding, it felt like small needles piercing through my heart, when he told me that he felt like a hopeless fool, even though he felt good that he tried for what he wanted. I still cringed, when he laughed bitterly at me this man was and yet he was our Kazuma. I felt him grip onto my regular white t-shirt, his hands shaking, while his voice tremble with hopeless grief, when he asked me if it was so bad for him to grow up at all instead of being frozen in a time with her. He question me if it was wrong for him to try to branch outward for more, then being just a little brother to Tsubasa, while denying this love that he held for her. Only thing I could do was to pet him on the head, while whispering that it wasn't wrong to want more for that was what made us human to want feelings of love, warmth, and acceptance. I prayed inwardly to Kami-sama to help him find comfort in those words. I felt him relax his grip, as he lean heavily onto me, his eyes closed, as his lips tugged upward slightly.
The quiet words of Arigato[Thanks], trailed from the once shy smile of the Kazuma that I knew. I nodded my head in quiet contemplation, he was healing slowly, but it would still take time, and love.
It has been one year since that day, which I still remember fresh in my mind, now I am on stage once again. Standing in front of the crowds holding onto my bass guitar, my lips tugged upward at the shouts of the crowd that scream our bands name, in the center stands the man that I grew to admire everyday. He grew pretty tall now, equaling the size in height of Atsuya, whom still complains that he was still tall, when in truth inwardly I know he acknowledge that it was hopeless for him to be taller then the little squirt that he use to torment. I laugh in that memory, the other's stopped, and smiled at me, they were all happy, and even though I did disrupt the focus point of some of them, the crowd grew wild with excitement, wanting us to begin. Kazuma's eyes stared into mine even through the darkness of the stage; the gentleness and the shy smile still existed even after all the months that had passed to quickly for me to count.
"Daijoubu?" [Are you alright?] Kazuma asked softly, while covering the microphone, and mouthing to me.
Feeling my heart flood more, "I am alright, but could you do me a favor…?" I smiled at the puzzlement on his face.
"Nanio?" [What?] He asked clearly now curious by my question.
"Onegai [Please], let us play the song that brought us here, in the now." I whispered, my heart beating steadily, while my hands petted Kazuma on the head affectionately. "Let us play, 'You light up my life.'"
Understanding, and awareness, with mirth appeared in those innocent orbs. Kazuma just laugh softly, while squeezing my shoulder with his hand. "Hai [Yes], Aniki [Brother]!"
I felt my soul shift at those words, and I closed my eyes holding in the tears inside me. "Arigato [Thanks]." I then shifted back onto my spot light and refasten the bass guitar into place.
The other's knew what I requested Kazuma for, they were part of it, and in a way it felt right, after all it was our first year anniversary, and it felt right. The opening notes crept into the air, as we started to play, the song was ingrained into our hearts for a long time.
Kazuma stood with his head thrown back, his eyes misty with emotion, I felt proud of him, his voice roused into the night air softly.
"So many nights I'd sit by my window
Waiting for someone to sing me his song
So many dreams I kept deep inside me
Alone in the dark but now you've come along."
The lights slowly grew brighter, as the key melody came, the stage became dark, and only a dim spotlight centered on the five of us. I was happy, and in a way, I could tell that there was a hint of wistfulness was in Kazuma's eyes, when he opens them to look upon the crowd searching, and hoping. His voice roused upwardly while trailing in crescendo to the peak of Atsuya's guitar.
"And you light up my life
You give me hope to carry on
You light up my days and fill my nights with song"
A light appeared on the front row, I smirked as I strum my bass, happiness I noted drifted quickly into the eyes that I observed from the side the traces of wistfulness were replaced. When our Kazuma laid his eyes on his pixie, his love, the one that made him hope for everything. Light white feathers drifted from the stage set up the held them, finally happy to dance freely on the winds.
"Rollin' at sea, adrift on the water
Could it be finally I'm turnin' for home?
Finally a chance to say "Hey, I love you"
Never again to be all alone"
I felt happy for him, the trembles in his voice added flavor to the song, I knew it was wicked of me, but I couldn't help it. Even though, it was clear that Tsubasa was delayed at her new job as a model for her father. I manage to pull it off with the other's help in making sure she came to this last live performance of this year.
"'cause you, you light up my life
You give me hope to carry on
You light up my days and fill my nights with song"
I laugh silently inside my head, while sharing glances at my other comrades, whom seem to be beaming with exact same look that I probably knew I had on my face.
"It can't be wrong
When it feels so right
'cause you.. you light up my life"
At the end of the song, I watched our Kazuma, embrace his little pixie, whom, ran up to the stage, to give her love a hug. On her hand, I noted was a small little ring in silver adorned with a small fairy, which held an emerald heart. I felt the tears well up in my eyes, as I looked upon them. My heart filled with love, and tenderness, for these two indeed did light up my life, with their promises of love together. I felt a single tear slid down my cheek, it fell onto a drifting feather blessing the freedom of love presented before me.