December 27 - 28, 1974
Dear Diary,
I dreamed about James last night. It was very pleasant at first, but later turned into a nightmare. Anise said that Mattie heard me calling out his name in my sleep. I do hope that she won't tell James that I am desperately attracted to him, in retaliation for me breaking them up last night. For some reason Anise thinks that my crush is mutual, but I don't think so. James is just very flirtatious with everyone, especially with me because I am his best friend. In the dream James finally kissed me, and the dream was sad too. At breakfast James asked if I had a nightmare again last night. I told him that I did, and he demanded to know what it was.
I said that he was in it, and we were together in a place called Godric's Hollow, when the evil Voldemort attacked us. I heard James tell me to save someone named "Harry", and then I saw him collapse, dead. I was sobbing, and the last thing I remembered was me pleading with Voldemort to have mercy on the baby "Harry", to kill me instead. I was crying when I finished telling him my dream. By then James had led me out to the great hall, and he held me while I cried. When I had calmed down, James asked me cajolingly, "Why was I in your dream?"
I smiled, "Because we are best friends, and it would hurt me so much if you truly did die."
James laughed, and I wanted to know why my explanation amused him so much.
"Lily, are you sure I wasn't in your dream because you are secretly in love with me?"
I raised my arm and when James realized that I was about to slap him he clutched my wrist.
"What was that for? I was kidding you know."
I struggled to pull myself out of his grasp. "I'm sorry, James."
"You're so tense Lily, calm down, and take things a little more lightly." And he released my wrist.
"James, I will if you will stop flirting with me. I wish you could just treat me like you used to, like your best friends, not someone to play with."
James took my hand in his.. "I am sorry Lily, and I hope you know I don't do it on purpose." He looked slightly offended, and hurt about what I thought about him.
"It's okay James. I know it's not your fault, but please try, just try."
"Okay Lils, I'll do anything to make you happy," he said sincerely.
I smiled, and hugged him. "Thanks James, I didn't know our friendship meant that much to you."
"Of course it does Lils, of course it does. I don't know what I'd do without you." And he lifted my chin. I was trembling inside knowing that he was going to kiss me, and I knew I was too weak to hold back my emotions. My last coherent thought escaped me as his lips made contact with mine. I moaned and then I felt my tongue wetting his lips, urging them to open. James gently pushed me off him.
"Lily?" he looked at me in pure shock.
I realized that I had just revealed to him how I felt for him, and in terror, afraid to ever face him again, I fled to my dormitory. That's where I am now, and I don't know what to do. James will probably be up here soon, and he'll want to know everything. He won't want to be my friend anymore, or he will tease me constantly about my crush, which might be worse. I need to try to sort things out. I will write more later, unless I am too depressed.
Lils
Dear Diary, Dec. 28, 1974
James won't say anything about what happened yesterday. Whenever we are together he pretends that nothing happened. I really wish he would say something about it, at least then we could put it behind us. I am going to talk to him right now, and write more later.
LATER:
James was sitting on his bed, his back turned to me, when I entered his dorm. I stood beside him, and looked down at the photo album he was holding. It had pictures of us throughout the years, and then I gasped as I saw a picture of us standing in the Great Hall, kissing.
"Is that yesterday?" I dreaded his answer.
"Yes." I heard, and then I collapsed beside him on the bed.
"Lily, what was that all about anyway?"
I groaned, and lay back, covering my face with his pillow.
"Lily, come on, I want to know."
I felt the bed move and suddenly he was leaning over me trying to pry the pillow out of my hands.
"Lily. let go!!!"
I reluctantly released the pillow, and I sat up slowly.
"I, I don't know why I kissed you yesterday James."I lied.
"Yes you do Lily. Are you attracted to me?" he asked.
"That's not a fair question," I said stubbornly avoiding the answer.
"Yes, Lily. I think it is, and that I have a right to know."
I was shaking, and my face went pale. "Yes James, I guess I am a little."
He turned his face from mine.
I then clutched his arm, and said. "James look at me please."
"Lily, you promised that we would always be just friends."
"That was years ago James."
"Lily, I love you like a sister, but I don't feel for you in that way."
I released his arm, and my lips trembled. "Well you sure fooled me, and everyone I know." Then the tears I was trying to hide ran down my face, and I began to sob.
"Lily, please." he wiped the tears out of my eyes.
I stood up. "I have to go," I mumbled. James looked over at me, and nodded.
I walked out of his dorm thinking how that did not go well at all. And I think James won't want to be my friend anymore. I wish he could have at least given me hope that someday he might love me too, but he didn't, and my heart is breaking.
Lily
Dear Diary,
I dreamed about James last night. It was very pleasant at first, but later turned into a nightmare. Anise said that Mattie heard me calling out his name in my sleep. I do hope that she won't tell James that I am desperately attracted to him, in retaliation for me breaking them up last night. For some reason Anise thinks that my crush is mutual, but I don't think so. James is just very flirtatious with everyone, especially with me because I am his best friend. In the dream James finally kissed me, and the dream was sad too. At breakfast James asked if I had a nightmare again last night. I told him that I did, and he demanded to know what it was.
I said that he was in it, and we were together in a place called Godric's Hollow, when the evil Voldemort attacked us. I heard James tell me to save someone named "Harry", and then I saw him collapse, dead. I was sobbing, and the last thing I remembered was me pleading with Voldemort to have mercy on the baby "Harry", to kill me instead. I was crying when I finished telling him my dream. By then James had led me out to the great hall, and he held me while I cried. When I had calmed down, James asked me cajolingly, "Why was I in your dream?"
I smiled, "Because we are best friends, and it would hurt me so much if you truly did die."
James laughed, and I wanted to know why my explanation amused him so much.
"Lily, are you sure I wasn't in your dream because you are secretly in love with me?"
I raised my arm and when James realized that I was about to slap him he clutched my wrist.
"What was that for? I was kidding you know."
I struggled to pull myself out of his grasp. "I'm sorry, James."
"You're so tense Lily, calm down, and take things a little more lightly." And he released my wrist.
"James, I will if you will stop flirting with me. I wish you could just treat me like you used to, like your best friends, not someone to play with."
James took my hand in his.. "I am sorry Lily, and I hope you know I don't do it on purpose." He looked slightly offended, and hurt about what I thought about him.
"It's okay James. I know it's not your fault, but please try, just try."
"Okay Lils, I'll do anything to make you happy," he said sincerely.
I smiled, and hugged him. "Thanks James, I didn't know our friendship meant that much to you."
"Of course it does Lils, of course it does. I don't know what I'd do without you." And he lifted my chin. I was trembling inside knowing that he was going to kiss me, and I knew I was too weak to hold back my emotions. My last coherent thought escaped me as his lips made contact with mine. I moaned and then I felt my tongue wetting his lips, urging them to open. James gently pushed me off him.
"Lily?" he looked at me in pure shock.
I realized that I had just revealed to him how I felt for him, and in terror, afraid to ever face him again, I fled to my dormitory. That's where I am now, and I don't know what to do. James will probably be up here soon, and he'll want to know everything. He won't want to be my friend anymore, or he will tease me constantly about my crush, which might be worse. I need to try to sort things out. I will write more later, unless I am too depressed.
Lils
Dear Diary, Dec. 28, 1974
James won't say anything about what happened yesterday. Whenever we are together he pretends that nothing happened. I really wish he would say something about it, at least then we could put it behind us. I am going to talk to him right now, and write more later.
LATER:
James was sitting on his bed, his back turned to me, when I entered his dorm. I stood beside him, and looked down at the photo album he was holding. It had pictures of us throughout the years, and then I gasped as I saw a picture of us standing in the Great Hall, kissing.
"Is that yesterday?" I dreaded his answer.
"Yes." I heard, and then I collapsed beside him on the bed.
"Lily, what was that all about anyway?"
I groaned, and lay back, covering my face with his pillow.
"Lily, come on, I want to know."
I felt the bed move and suddenly he was leaning over me trying to pry the pillow out of my hands.
"Lily. let go!!!"
I reluctantly released the pillow, and I sat up slowly.
"I, I don't know why I kissed you yesterday James."I lied.
"Yes you do Lily. Are you attracted to me?" he asked.
"That's not a fair question," I said stubbornly avoiding the answer.
"Yes, Lily. I think it is, and that I have a right to know."
I was shaking, and my face went pale. "Yes James, I guess I am a little."
He turned his face from mine.
I then clutched his arm, and said. "James look at me please."
"Lily, you promised that we would always be just friends."
"That was years ago James."
"Lily, I love you like a sister, but I don't feel for you in that way."
I released his arm, and my lips trembled. "Well you sure fooled me, and everyone I know." Then the tears I was trying to hide ran down my face, and I began to sob.
"Lily, please." he wiped the tears out of my eyes.
I stood up. "I have to go," I mumbled. James looked over at me, and nodded.
I walked out of his dorm thinking how that did not go well at all. And I think James won't want to be my friend anymore. I wish he could have at least given me hope that someday he might love me too, but he didn't, and my heart is breaking.
Lily