December 29, 1974
Dear Diary,
I told Anise what happened and she held me while I cried. Mattie showed up and she laughed at me. I was so mad, that I cursed her with the body bind. Anise revived her, but gave her a memory loss charm so she wouldn't get me in trouble. I can not believe what James said to me, and that I actually told him that I am attracted to him. Now he knows, and he didn't even come after me, like he usually does when I cry. I felt lonely, even with Anise there, by my side.
I should have known that James wasn't attracted to me. If he was he wouldn't have been dating, and kissing Mattie. Why did I let him fool me? I have been languishing after him for so long, and all he could say was he didn't feel the same towards me. At least for once in his life he was being completely honest with me. Maybe he will stop flirting with me, and making me lose control of my feelings. I don't think he expected me to kiss him back the other day, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to restrain myself.
Anise asked Remus to talk to James for me, to let him know that he could at least be my friend, if nothing more. Remus just arrived, and he has brought James with him. I need to talk to him, so I will write more later.
LATER:
James was very kind to me. When I first saw him tears welled up in my eyes. I needed him to be mine, but he never would be mine.
"Lily, please don't cry," he begged me.
He sat down on my bed beside me, and he tentatively wrapped an arm around my shoulder.
"You know you can hug me James like you used to, I'm not going to break."
James held me a little closer, but not close enough to turn me on, thankfully.
"Lils, why didn't you just tell me. And how long has this been going on?"
I shook my head, afraid to tell him that I had fancied him since the day we met.
"Lily, I need to know."
"Since. since the day I met you."
James sighed, and took my hand. "For all those years and I never had a clue. How'd you hide it?"
"James I don't know, it was really hard, but I did, until a couple days ago."
James lightly kissed my forehead, and I tensed up. "Oh, sorry Lils."
Anise walked in the room, and pushed James against me. "Well kiss her, you idiot!!!"
"Anise, you're not helping!" I gasped, because James' lips were so near mine, that I could barely keep myself from closing the tiny space between us, and doing just what Anise wanted.
James pulled away.
"Anise, you don't understand do you?" his voice rose.
I placed a finger on his lips to quiet him, and then something snapped. Part of me was willing myself to back away, but the other part was urging me to kiss James while I had the chance. I disregarded all reason as my lips met the pulse point of his neck, and I was in heaven when James began to gasp for air. "Lily get off!!!"
I tried but I could not. I trailed my lips up to his mouth, and I kissed him passionately. Shockingly James responded, and I pulled away from him, his eyes were burning in desire for me.
"James, I thought you didn't return my feelings."
"James, tell her what you told me!!!" Anise demanded.
"What?"
"Lils, I do feel for you. I was afraid to ruin our friendship."
I was in complete shock.
"I knew it all along, but I denied it, until that night I was kissing Mattie. The entire time I wished it was you who I was kissing." he admitted.
I was suddenly crying in joy.
"Lils, what's wrong?" James asked, and then he gathered me in his arms and his lips caressed mine. Everything was all right.
*** That was all a dream. I wish that it was true, but it isn't. James really did come upstairs to see me, but he didn't give me any comforting kisses, or heartwarming hugs. It was terrible, but I will dwell on my very pleasant dream right now, and try to get over him.
Lily
Dear Diary,
I told Anise what happened and she held me while I cried. Mattie showed up and she laughed at me. I was so mad, that I cursed her with the body bind. Anise revived her, but gave her a memory loss charm so she wouldn't get me in trouble. I can not believe what James said to me, and that I actually told him that I am attracted to him. Now he knows, and he didn't even come after me, like he usually does when I cry. I felt lonely, even with Anise there, by my side.
I should have known that James wasn't attracted to me. If he was he wouldn't have been dating, and kissing Mattie. Why did I let him fool me? I have been languishing after him for so long, and all he could say was he didn't feel the same towards me. At least for once in his life he was being completely honest with me. Maybe he will stop flirting with me, and making me lose control of my feelings. I don't think he expected me to kiss him back the other day, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to restrain myself.
Anise asked Remus to talk to James for me, to let him know that he could at least be my friend, if nothing more. Remus just arrived, and he has brought James with him. I need to talk to him, so I will write more later.
LATER:
James was very kind to me. When I first saw him tears welled up in my eyes. I needed him to be mine, but he never would be mine.
"Lily, please don't cry," he begged me.
He sat down on my bed beside me, and he tentatively wrapped an arm around my shoulder.
"You know you can hug me James like you used to, I'm not going to break."
James held me a little closer, but not close enough to turn me on, thankfully.
"Lils, why didn't you just tell me. And how long has this been going on?"
I shook my head, afraid to tell him that I had fancied him since the day we met.
"Lily, I need to know."
"Since. since the day I met you."
James sighed, and took my hand. "For all those years and I never had a clue. How'd you hide it?"
"James I don't know, it was really hard, but I did, until a couple days ago."
James lightly kissed my forehead, and I tensed up. "Oh, sorry Lils."
Anise walked in the room, and pushed James against me. "Well kiss her, you idiot!!!"
"Anise, you're not helping!" I gasped, because James' lips were so near mine, that I could barely keep myself from closing the tiny space between us, and doing just what Anise wanted.
James pulled away.
"Anise, you don't understand do you?" his voice rose.
I placed a finger on his lips to quiet him, and then something snapped. Part of me was willing myself to back away, but the other part was urging me to kiss James while I had the chance. I disregarded all reason as my lips met the pulse point of his neck, and I was in heaven when James began to gasp for air. "Lily get off!!!"
I tried but I could not. I trailed my lips up to his mouth, and I kissed him passionately. Shockingly James responded, and I pulled away from him, his eyes were burning in desire for me.
"James, I thought you didn't return my feelings."
"James, tell her what you told me!!!" Anise demanded.
"What?"
"Lils, I do feel for you. I was afraid to ruin our friendship."
I was in complete shock.
"I knew it all along, but I denied it, until that night I was kissing Mattie. The entire time I wished it was you who I was kissing." he admitted.
I was suddenly crying in joy.
"Lils, what's wrong?" James asked, and then he gathered me in his arms and his lips caressed mine. Everything was all right.
*** That was all a dream. I wish that it was true, but it isn't. James really did come upstairs to see me, but he didn't give me any comforting kisses, or heartwarming hugs. It was terrible, but I will dwell on my very pleasant dream right now, and try to get over him.
Lily