Happy Go 4
By: Midnite
I woke up, still holding his hand. He's asleep beside of me. I let go of his hand and stroke his hair, his hair is so soft. Am I making any sense? He's a guy for God's sake.
"Umm." He muttered, I can tell he's awake right now.
He raised up his head and sat next to me.
"I'm awake," I said, grinning, my hand left his hair, I feel a bit disappointment in it.
"I can tell." He smiled. Geezzz.I can never resist that smile, never. And in a few second, his smile fading changed to a worried face, "You wanna talk about it?"
I know what he meant, the 'it' that had haunting my life for years, 'it' that had been forgotten and now came back. 'it' that made my peaceful life turned to disaster.
"No." I whispered, moving my eyes to the window, "You have a nice room, Touya. I never been here before, you know?"
"Don't change the subject, Shindo" he ordered softly, not like an order but more like a request.
I silence, I really don't want to talk about it in the morning, not here, not now, not when the person is Touya. I feel embarrassed, I don't want him to know my past.
"It's okay, I'm not going to tell anyone. I can help" he offers and convinces me but I know he can't, except listening and all, he can't help me
"I can help, Shindo" he whispered and stroke my face, his hand on my cheek, my face feels like burning.
"You can't," I finally said, I closed my eyes, feeling his hand on my face, I really whish that what happened yesterday was a dream and this one is real.
"I can try" he still whispered, I lay still, Touya, how I whished you do, I want to tell you, but I'm afraid of what to do next if you know, I don't even know what to do myself. He's back and won't go away. This time he won't go away.
"I can try." He repeated, this time with much concern and I felt like I was torn in two, what will I do, I want to tell him, my heart cries, why, why do I feel this way. He's.Touya. He's my friend and telling secrets is what friends do, we're best friends and I know about him but he didn't. I hide the secrets, my past and Sai.
Sai. I bet Touya would beg me to tell him about Sai. He had chased Sai for years until he dissapearad because of me. My ego and my pride. My stupidity.
"Touya, I had a bargain" I speak, he looked at me confused.
"Bargain??" he asked more confused than before. He might think what's wrong with me
"Yes" I said once more, "you remembered how you want to know about Sai? How you chased him with your life? How you wanted the secret so much? How it made you who you are right now??"
"Yes. I desired that very much. May be you noticed I haven't speak about it again. Because I want you to tell me when it's the time, but I want to know about it, so much, Shindo" he said so, it make me feels I'm the bad one here, the one who's going to offer him an unfair bargain
"Here, I just say it once, this is a life time options, you will not have this again, I'm not saying this twice and I'm not going to give you another chance. You have to choose" I speak again, I'm serious, How I've been shadowed by Sai over these years, how I feel to betrayed Touya.
He's looking at me more confused, it's like he doubts something.
"Do you care for me, Touya?"
He seems surprised why I asked that question and myself, I know it's a stupid question because I have known the answers
"Of course I do" he smiled, trying to comfort me. Sorry Touya, not this time, not now
"What is it that you will choose? My past, my secret, or Sai" I said it emotionless. I don't want to look at him. I know he will have a hard time deciding it. "You have to choose fast, Touya, because I'm not going to wait. I begin the counting now, you have 5 seconds to decide" I'm making it in rush, I don't want he to be brought to my problems, he won't have time to think and I might get him mixed up. "Five, Fou-"
"You." He said it simply, fast. Sai is my life, but that past is also my life. Both are hard but I want to make as fair as possible, though it wasn't that fair.
"You sure? You will never know about Sai. And I'm not going to hold back, Touya. I want to forget about Sai as much I want to forget about it. "You sure, Touya?"
"Yes." He looked at me, those eyes, make me drown in his thought, make myself drown in him.
"You sure? Absolutely very sure? Because I'm not going to talk about Sai again and I'll never tell you again, ever." I tried to tempted him, I have think about it over, it's better that he know about Sai than me. Because.the truth about Sai, isn't very hard for me. I would like to share with him sometimes, so it's like an advantaging bargain. But me, my past, I was the one who didn't want to talk about it again, I want to forget it. I have forgotten it, until that day,
"Why?" I asked, I have to know the reason, I have to. What makes him to decide that. Didn't he wants to know about Sai more than anything else in the world???
"Because." he paused for awhile, "I care about you more than anything else. I care about you more than Sai. Though, I admit, I desired both secrets so much, but if I have to choose, I would choose you, Shindo. I would always choose you."
He really, really did touch my heart, "why?" I asked again, stupid Hikaru.
"Because." he silent
"There's gotta be a reason, Touya" I bit my lips, trying to sound as normal as possible
"And why did you made me chose?" he asked me back
"That's not the answer, Touya" I repeated back
"And that's not the reason you asked me about this, Shindo"
"Touya, I'm the one who asked the question, it's my bargain. I decide how and why! And when I say you can't help it means you can't! End of stories!" I may sounds harsh but I can't tell him about that. Because.because, I love him. I love him so much I hide it from him. If Kaga or Isumi asked this, I might tell them because they're friends, but it's different with Touya, I don't want he got bad reputation because of this, because of me. He looks hurt, I can see it in his eyes, they didn't look at me but I can tell, I'm sorry, Touya.
"I never told about this to anyone, not even Sai" Finally I can find a word to open up a conversation, and I look at Touya, he lifts his head to me and listening carefully
"Not even Sai?" he asked, not sure, seems surprised in his way
"Yes, but I think he knew it already and decided not to talk about it. So, you're the second person in the world that knows." I said
"Shindo, it's fine, you can trust me, I can try to help you" he sees my sadness and suddenly just felt uncomfortable about the situation, but he wants to know. "I don't know anything about you, Shindo, except the Go you play and what we talking about when we met, besides, I have no idea at all. But, I can remember you never even once told me about you, your family, your relationship. you."
"Touya." I just look at him, and I see him smiling to me, very gently he touch my hands and repeated once more, "I can try helping you, there's nothing to be embarrassed about."
My heartbeat fastened and my breath like caught in the middle, I nod before I even realize I was nodding. "Have it your way then" I tries a weak smile, but he knows I let him know with my heart.
"Yesterday, I went home after our usual meeting at the Go salon, you remember it, don't you, Touya?" I asked
"Yes, we parted yesterday evening." He answered back, still listening seriously but his eyes shows his thoughts of wonder
"I went home, searching for my mom, I found out at the doorway that she had guests, a woman and a man." I keep on and paused for a while, his right hand now stroking my bruises face carefully and gentle
"There, I found my mom already crying and.she said she didn't want to let me go, she didn't want to gave me back to him.and I didn't want to go back too, I don't want to." I paused again, my eyes feel wet. Man, I don't cry, I can't cry here. So I closed my eyes for a second to stop my tears from flowing
"Him?" Touya asked me slowly, he knows I was about to cry
"My dad." I said it simply
"Your dad? But I thought he.you said.but-" Touya just can't find the word, he's confused
"He wanted me back to him to run the company, forever in my own jail with her, the woman he brought yesterday. I don't want to, Touya, I don't! So he said to me that I have to go back, I must! But it's my life, Touya, Mine, and I decide what to do with it. I want to be with my mom, I'm happy with her, we lived enough, we had enough. Few months.or years before we met, I always moved to one place to another, then I came to this city, and we thought he had given up or he couldn't found out about us. But no, he's waiting, it's like he waited for me to grow up and then running to my house forced me to go back. He hit me, Touya, and I hit him back, I don't know, I don't remember how many hit I received, I many times I hit him until my mom showed up and threw me my bag, with clothes in it" I can see that Touya's eyes moved to my bag and back to me, so I continue, "I ran away, and my feet just like brought me to your place, yesterday, I called you out, and then I remembered seeing you and I fainted, I guess." And I get silent again. So many silence today, even in the morning.
He seems concern but still confused about one or two, I think, "Shindo, I'm sorry, but I think it's not that hard, your father had worried about you, he, well, just pick you up, he-"
"TOUYA!!!" I shout, "You don't UNDERSTAND!!!" I'm on top of my frustration, "the woman he brought yesterday was his wife as in a legal one!! I have a mother! I still have a mother! Do you know what it means?? I'm an illicit child. He had affairs with my mom and left her, later he found out that my mom was pregnant. He tried to take me from her. I once stayed in his house in probation time. Just a few months and it felt like a living hell. 'Don't do this, don't do that, do what we say, don't try anything' and all things that limited my own freedom."
I cried, I can't take it anymore, "Touya, I'm a human." I know my own voice sounds like I'm pleading. I don't know what to do or what to say anymore. I hate the man. I hate him.
***
Hikaru's fallen asleep, I can't think of any word this morning, his eyes, kept me in his mind. I felt like locked up and frozen. Hikaru.what happened to you.
"Touya-san?" The woman's voice interrupt me, I almost forgot I went to his place. I was worried about his mom, I think he's too but can't do anything now, not the time,
"Aunty," I said, greeting her, she seems okay, though few bruises appear on her face.
"Hikaru." she muttered, "he's safe with me," is the only think I can think of when I met her. "if you don't mind, aunty, could you tell me what has been going on with.both of you. that is, if you want to tell me. It's fine." I tried to comfort her but she just smiled sadly to me. Really, I never thought things would turn out to be this way.
(A/N: so do i) and TBC agaiiinnn..
Note: first of all.GOMENASAI~! i'm sooooo lazy and things with me didn't go to well for the past weeks. I have LOTS and LOTS of works to do and I kinda have no idea at all for this fic. Well, I have now, don't you guys worry! ^_~
Um. I want to say..THANK YOU, DOMO ARIGATOU GOZAIMASU!!!! I received many reviews, very encouraging really. I will try harder. I already planning the next fic.if this already over. Not now. Otherways, I'm planning chapter 5 will come the next week. Hope so. I REALLY hope so. I missed lots of works to do at school and well.problems. My grades, uh-oh, my grades.. Hix. I p
Thank you for your review. I just hope my fic pleased you all. TO:
Panatlantic - Thank you sooo much for reading. Urr.u're the first one who's giving me a review, pleasing me a lot I say. Yes, I do have problems with my grammar. I'll try and fix it. ^_^;;
Eowyn - Thanks. I will. And anyway, thanks to you too for reading and your advise. ^^
ILLK - ARIGATOU! Very indeed encouraging. Man! Well I do planning making other fic.after I done this one. Argh! Patience. Thanks again!
Raya - I will. And thank you for reading.
Ran - AW. really? Never thought that words would come. Gee.thanks! I'll study harder.
Dangerous Kirua - o why thank you (not why I'm thanking you, means I really thanking you. do I make sense. Arg, forget it). I really appreciate it. ^^
M-i - O well, that's what everybody says when I told them. Yeah, 32 hours was a LOOONG time. My parents suspected me wearing drugs that I'm not. They're checking me afterwards. Heheh, and found nothing, it's just I didn't slept for 3 days before. Y? I was playing with my playstation all day long. Tiring. I have games to finish. And I sacrifice my sleeping time o_O ;;; . Thanks for reading!!! ^^
schu-chan - I'm sorry I got you confused. Oh I will take care of them, to bad I can't have them. aww. hix. Anyway, thanks! I didn't meant making sad stories, why am I making sad stories? Oh well. ^^:;
Derelictus - Here it is! Chapter 4! O it would be another long chapter. I already planned the ending, it's sweet, I can tell. Am I not weird? I already made the final end but I still haven't made the 'body' parts! OOOOOHHH.I got me confused! Um. for your question. I only can say that I'm Asian. I have Chinese blood but I can't speak Chinese. Weird. I hope you don't mind I'm Chinese. Ah, some people are. hix. (Why am I crying a lot today???) And for the other, no I don't have any beta readers. Why? Well I want to see how well I am without one, quiet a mess didn't it? I'll find someone for the next fic I planned. Thanks for reading! Have fun! ^^
I'm sooooo happy I received this many reviews. Honestly I didn't expect it to be this many. Once again, thx!!! Enjoy the fic? Tell me!
I'm sucks at this one chapter, um. I have to make one anyway to make another. All I can say is that I will try to make it better.
Midnite
By: Midnite
I woke up, still holding his hand. He's asleep beside of me. I let go of his hand and stroke his hair, his hair is so soft. Am I making any sense? He's a guy for God's sake.
"Umm." He muttered, I can tell he's awake right now.
He raised up his head and sat next to me.
"I'm awake," I said, grinning, my hand left his hair, I feel a bit disappointment in it.
"I can tell." He smiled. Geezzz.I can never resist that smile, never. And in a few second, his smile fading changed to a worried face, "You wanna talk about it?"
I know what he meant, the 'it' that had haunting my life for years, 'it' that had been forgotten and now came back. 'it' that made my peaceful life turned to disaster.
"No." I whispered, moving my eyes to the window, "You have a nice room, Touya. I never been here before, you know?"
"Don't change the subject, Shindo" he ordered softly, not like an order but more like a request.
I silence, I really don't want to talk about it in the morning, not here, not now, not when the person is Touya. I feel embarrassed, I don't want him to know my past.
"It's okay, I'm not going to tell anyone. I can help" he offers and convinces me but I know he can't, except listening and all, he can't help me
"I can help, Shindo" he whispered and stroke my face, his hand on my cheek, my face feels like burning.
"You can't," I finally said, I closed my eyes, feeling his hand on my face, I really whish that what happened yesterday was a dream and this one is real.
"I can try" he still whispered, I lay still, Touya, how I whished you do, I want to tell you, but I'm afraid of what to do next if you know, I don't even know what to do myself. He's back and won't go away. This time he won't go away.
"I can try." He repeated, this time with much concern and I felt like I was torn in two, what will I do, I want to tell him, my heart cries, why, why do I feel this way. He's.Touya. He's my friend and telling secrets is what friends do, we're best friends and I know about him but he didn't. I hide the secrets, my past and Sai.
Sai. I bet Touya would beg me to tell him about Sai. He had chased Sai for years until he dissapearad because of me. My ego and my pride. My stupidity.
"Touya, I had a bargain" I speak, he looked at me confused.
"Bargain??" he asked more confused than before. He might think what's wrong with me
"Yes" I said once more, "you remembered how you want to know about Sai? How you chased him with your life? How you wanted the secret so much? How it made you who you are right now??"
"Yes. I desired that very much. May be you noticed I haven't speak about it again. Because I want you to tell me when it's the time, but I want to know about it, so much, Shindo" he said so, it make me feels I'm the bad one here, the one who's going to offer him an unfair bargain
"Here, I just say it once, this is a life time options, you will not have this again, I'm not saying this twice and I'm not going to give you another chance. You have to choose" I speak again, I'm serious, How I've been shadowed by Sai over these years, how I feel to betrayed Touya.
He's looking at me more confused, it's like he doubts something.
"Do you care for me, Touya?"
He seems surprised why I asked that question and myself, I know it's a stupid question because I have known the answers
"Of course I do" he smiled, trying to comfort me. Sorry Touya, not this time, not now
"What is it that you will choose? My past, my secret, or Sai" I said it emotionless. I don't want to look at him. I know he will have a hard time deciding it. "You have to choose fast, Touya, because I'm not going to wait. I begin the counting now, you have 5 seconds to decide" I'm making it in rush, I don't want he to be brought to my problems, he won't have time to think and I might get him mixed up. "Five, Fou-"
"You." He said it simply, fast. Sai is my life, but that past is also my life. Both are hard but I want to make as fair as possible, though it wasn't that fair.
"You sure? You will never know about Sai. And I'm not going to hold back, Touya. I want to forget about Sai as much I want to forget about it. "You sure, Touya?"
"Yes." He looked at me, those eyes, make me drown in his thought, make myself drown in him.
"You sure? Absolutely very sure? Because I'm not going to talk about Sai again and I'll never tell you again, ever." I tried to tempted him, I have think about it over, it's better that he know about Sai than me. Because.the truth about Sai, isn't very hard for me. I would like to share with him sometimes, so it's like an advantaging bargain. But me, my past, I was the one who didn't want to talk about it again, I want to forget it. I have forgotten it, until that day,
"Why?" I asked, I have to know the reason, I have to. What makes him to decide that. Didn't he wants to know about Sai more than anything else in the world???
"Because." he paused for awhile, "I care about you more than anything else. I care about you more than Sai. Though, I admit, I desired both secrets so much, but if I have to choose, I would choose you, Shindo. I would always choose you."
He really, really did touch my heart, "why?" I asked again, stupid Hikaru.
"Because." he silent
"There's gotta be a reason, Touya" I bit my lips, trying to sound as normal as possible
"And why did you made me chose?" he asked me back
"That's not the answer, Touya" I repeated back
"And that's not the reason you asked me about this, Shindo"
"Touya, I'm the one who asked the question, it's my bargain. I decide how and why! And when I say you can't help it means you can't! End of stories!" I may sounds harsh but I can't tell him about that. Because.because, I love him. I love him so much I hide it from him. If Kaga or Isumi asked this, I might tell them because they're friends, but it's different with Touya, I don't want he got bad reputation because of this, because of me. He looks hurt, I can see it in his eyes, they didn't look at me but I can tell, I'm sorry, Touya.
"I never told about this to anyone, not even Sai" Finally I can find a word to open up a conversation, and I look at Touya, he lifts his head to me and listening carefully
"Not even Sai?" he asked, not sure, seems surprised in his way
"Yes, but I think he knew it already and decided not to talk about it. So, you're the second person in the world that knows." I said
"Shindo, it's fine, you can trust me, I can try to help you" he sees my sadness and suddenly just felt uncomfortable about the situation, but he wants to know. "I don't know anything about you, Shindo, except the Go you play and what we talking about when we met, besides, I have no idea at all. But, I can remember you never even once told me about you, your family, your relationship. you."
"Touya." I just look at him, and I see him smiling to me, very gently he touch my hands and repeated once more, "I can try helping you, there's nothing to be embarrassed about."
My heartbeat fastened and my breath like caught in the middle, I nod before I even realize I was nodding. "Have it your way then" I tries a weak smile, but he knows I let him know with my heart.
"Yesterday, I went home after our usual meeting at the Go salon, you remember it, don't you, Touya?" I asked
"Yes, we parted yesterday evening." He answered back, still listening seriously but his eyes shows his thoughts of wonder
"I went home, searching for my mom, I found out at the doorway that she had guests, a woman and a man." I keep on and paused for a while, his right hand now stroking my bruises face carefully and gentle
"There, I found my mom already crying and.she said she didn't want to let me go, she didn't want to gave me back to him.and I didn't want to go back too, I don't want to." I paused again, my eyes feel wet. Man, I don't cry, I can't cry here. So I closed my eyes for a second to stop my tears from flowing
"Him?" Touya asked me slowly, he knows I was about to cry
"My dad." I said it simply
"Your dad? But I thought he.you said.but-" Touya just can't find the word, he's confused
"He wanted me back to him to run the company, forever in my own jail with her, the woman he brought yesterday. I don't want to, Touya, I don't! So he said to me that I have to go back, I must! But it's my life, Touya, Mine, and I decide what to do with it. I want to be with my mom, I'm happy with her, we lived enough, we had enough. Few months.or years before we met, I always moved to one place to another, then I came to this city, and we thought he had given up or he couldn't found out about us. But no, he's waiting, it's like he waited for me to grow up and then running to my house forced me to go back. He hit me, Touya, and I hit him back, I don't know, I don't remember how many hit I received, I many times I hit him until my mom showed up and threw me my bag, with clothes in it" I can see that Touya's eyes moved to my bag and back to me, so I continue, "I ran away, and my feet just like brought me to your place, yesterday, I called you out, and then I remembered seeing you and I fainted, I guess." And I get silent again. So many silence today, even in the morning.
He seems concern but still confused about one or two, I think, "Shindo, I'm sorry, but I think it's not that hard, your father had worried about you, he, well, just pick you up, he-"
"TOUYA!!!" I shout, "You don't UNDERSTAND!!!" I'm on top of my frustration, "the woman he brought yesterday was his wife as in a legal one!! I have a mother! I still have a mother! Do you know what it means?? I'm an illicit child. He had affairs with my mom and left her, later he found out that my mom was pregnant. He tried to take me from her. I once stayed in his house in probation time. Just a few months and it felt like a living hell. 'Don't do this, don't do that, do what we say, don't try anything' and all things that limited my own freedom."
I cried, I can't take it anymore, "Touya, I'm a human." I know my own voice sounds like I'm pleading. I don't know what to do or what to say anymore. I hate the man. I hate him.
***
Hikaru's fallen asleep, I can't think of any word this morning, his eyes, kept me in his mind. I felt like locked up and frozen. Hikaru.what happened to you.
"Touya-san?" The woman's voice interrupt me, I almost forgot I went to his place. I was worried about his mom, I think he's too but can't do anything now, not the time,
"Aunty," I said, greeting her, she seems okay, though few bruises appear on her face.
"Hikaru." she muttered, "he's safe with me," is the only think I can think of when I met her. "if you don't mind, aunty, could you tell me what has been going on with.both of you. that is, if you want to tell me. It's fine." I tried to comfort her but she just smiled sadly to me. Really, I never thought things would turn out to be this way.
(A/N: so do i) and TBC agaiiinnn..
Note: first of all.GOMENASAI~! i'm sooooo lazy and things with me didn't go to well for the past weeks. I have LOTS and LOTS of works to do and I kinda have no idea at all for this fic. Well, I have now, don't you guys worry! ^_~
Um. I want to say..THANK YOU, DOMO ARIGATOU GOZAIMASU!!!! I received many reviews, very encouraging really. I will try harder. I already planning the next fic.if this already over. Not now. Otherways, I'm planning chapter 5 will come the next week. Hope so. I REALLY hope so. I missed lots of works to do at school and well.problems. My grades, uh-oh, my grades.. Hix. I p
Thank you for your review. I just hope my fic pleased you all. TO:
Panatlantic - Thank you sooo much for reading. Urr.u're the first one who's giving me a review, pleasing me a lot I say. Yes, I do have problems with my grammar. I'll try and fix it. ^_^;;
Eowyn - Thanks. I will. And anyway, thanks to you too for reading and your advise. ^^
ILLK - ARIGATOU! Very indeed encouraging. Man! Well I do planning making other fic.after I done this one. Argh! Patience. Thanks again!
Raya - I will. And thank you for reading.
Ran - AW. really? Never thought that words would come. Gee.thanks! I'll study harder.
Dangerous Kirua - o why thank you (not why I'm thanking you, means I really thanking you. do I make sense. Arg, forget it). I really appreciate it. ^^
M-i - O well, that's what everybody says when I told them. Yeah, 32 hours was a LOOONG time. My parents suspected me wearing drugs that I'm not. They're checking me afterwards. Heheh, and found nothing, it's just I didn't slept for 3 days before. Y? I was playing with my playstation all day long. Tiring. I have games to finish. And I sacrifice my sleeping time o_O ;;; . Thanks for reading!!! ^^
schu-chan - I'm sorry I got you confused. Oh I will take care of them, to bad I can't have them. aww. hix. Anyway, thanks! I didn't meant making sad stories, why am I making sad stories? Oh well. ^^:;
Derelictus - Here it is! Chapter 4! O it would be another long chapter. I already planned the ending, it's sweet, I can tell. Am I not weird? I already made the final end but I still haven't made the 'body' parts! OOOOOHHH.I got me confused! Um. for your question. I only can say that I'm Asian. I have Chinese blood but I can't speak Chinese. Weird. I hope you don't mind I'm Chinese. Ah, some people are. hix. (Why am I crying a lot today???) And for the other, no I don't have any beta readers. Why? Well I want to see how well I am without one, quiet a mess didn't it? I'll find someone for the next fic I planned. Thanks for reading! Have fun! ^^
I'm sooooo happy I received this many reviews. Honestly I didn't expect it to be this many. Once again, thx!!! Enjoy the fic? Tell me!
I'm sucks at this one chapter, um. I have to make one anyway to make another. All I can say is that I will try to make it better.
Midnite