Yo people! This is my first-ever non-DBZ fanfic... and I'm very exited (not like anybody cares...). Words to the wise: expect weird stuff. Not 'stupid-humor', but just weird stuff. Also, yes; Knuckles is talking to the Master Emerald as a form of keeping a journal, and no, I don't know why. Warning: there's some mild cursing, innuendo, and bizarre situations, but unless you have a very… active mental window, there won't be much to worry about in this fic. The first chapter is meant to be humorous (somewhat. I don't expect you to laugh out loud or anything. If you do… you're very easily amused), but the next few chapters will begin to develop a plot—of sorts. Finally, at first this story will seem like so many others out there, but remember, things aren't always what they seem, so be on the lookout later. For now just sit back and enjoy!
I own Sonic not at all. The closest I come to that is a plushy that my brother has and the Sonic the Hedgehog video games. I just own this particular story. Now go read!
Knuckles' ARK
Space Colony ARK: Day 1, just after breakfast
Master Emerald,
Yes, I know after last time when you repeated all of the things I told you in confidence to the Chaotix, I vowed I'd never speak to you again. But I need an outlet for the frustration that I know will rear its ugly head in a few days, so I decided I'd get a head start on it. I'm on Space Colony ARK, exact room: kitchen. Why am I not back planet side, you wonder? Well, I was getting to that.
We all tried to return to the planet about an hour ago, but when we got to Eggman's hidden base, we discovered it was teeming with GUN Soldiers waiting to arrest us- all of us- on the charges that we'd resisted arrest, destroyed valueable military property and equipment, and terrorism.
We wouldn't have escaped if Rouge hadn't acted quickly and pulled down her top. The nose-bleeds suffered by everyone in the room (possibly even Amy, but I can't prove that) had not only coated the visors of the military officer's helmets making sight impossible, but also coated the floor and made crossing in their heavy mechs impossible unless they really wanted to fall and be crushed by their own machines.
Our group high-tailed it back to the transporter and, after Eggman rigged up a time bomb on the machine, escaped back to the space colony. And so here I sit, trapped here with happy-go-lucky fox boy, too-positive Sonic, ever-annoying Amy Rose, the Eggman himself, and the plotting, busty bat-girl: Rouge.
I'm in hell.
Space Colony Ark: Day 4, Around 10:30 PM
Master Emerald,
I know I skipped a few days, but I said I'd start talking again, not be faithful. However, right now is a good time to tell about the events of the past few days. For starters, Shadow isn't dead. We all thought he was, especially Sonic. The blue guy has been beating himself up about it for the past few days, whining about how he "should've saved him" and stuff like that. Well, it turns out that Sonic spent all of that time psychologically damaging himself for no reason what so ever, because Shadow appeared to us yesterday morning... with a bang.
We all woke up to the word "PERVERT!" being hollered repeatedly throughout the space colony, and several loud, metallic clanging sounds. I met Sonic and Tails in the hallway and we ran toward the source of the sounds. Upon our arrival, we discovered Rouge, wearing a short nightshirt, beating an already injured black-hedgehog against the wall.
Tails and I restrained the enraged bat while Sonic lifted Shadow into a sitting position. At that time, Dr. Eggman arrived along with Amy, who was wearing striped pajamas and holding her hammer baseball bat style, ready to swing. When they realized whom Sonic was holding, Amy ran to find a first aid kit while Dr. Eggman asked Rouge what had happened and why the hell she would beat up Shadow like that, which was the one thing none of us had thought to do.
"The lights were off, and I woke up to the sounds of heavy breathing and a hand on my thigh. What would you have done, Doctor?" she asked angrily. The Doctor muttered something about PMS and Shadow probably wanting to die happy, which earned him a good kick in the stomach.
Amy returned at about this time with a lot of Ace-wrap and a vat of hydrogen peroxide, and Tails and I went back to Rouge's room with the aforementioned bat girl seeing as we were only getting in the way.
We waited.
Rouge and Tails sat on her bed while I leaned against the wall, waiting for any news of the black hedgehog's condition. The white bat was beginning to feel bad about having flown off the handle earlier (yet hiding it surprisingly well), and the fox boy was spouting all sorts of sentimental crap to make her feel better. I just stood there, trying not to listen. Unlike Tails, I'm not an effeminate male. At all. I will admit, however, that I did cave in once.
"Eggman would've said 'I missed you so much, Mother'," I interrupted Tails's speech. The two just stared at me blankly for a minute before Rouge understood what I was talking about. She began to laugh so hard that she fell backwards off of the bed.
"I don't get it..." the embarrassed fox muttered, pulling Rouge back up. Between giggles, she explained the joke.
"He was referring to what I said to the Doctor earlier," she supplied. Tails was silent for a moment, then widened his eyes and opened his mouth slightly, signifying that he understood.
"Th-that's disgusting!" he whispered harshly, glancing around nervously. Rouge gave him a pat on the head.
"You're adorable!" she squealed. Luckily, the door opened in time to save me from drowning in sap. In the doorway was Amy and, oddly enough, Omochao.
"How's Shadow?" Tails asked, hopping to his feet. Amy smiled.
"He's going to be fine, he's just a little unconscious right now," the pink hedgehog frowned over at Rouge, who glared back.
"What's Omochao doing here?" I asked, a little shocked to see it. Apparently, I wasn't the only one. Rouge and Tails also stared at the robot with shocked expressions.
"I'm Omochao, and I'm here to—I'm Omochao, and I'm here to—," the little robot repeated dizzily, spinning around madly. Amy sighed and bashed it with her hammer, knocking it unconscious.
"Shadow, still in his super form, survived his fall through the atmosphere. Injured, he laid low in the Mushroom Hills, where he found a chaos emerald." Bat-girl's eyes widened at this. Although she told me that she had other things on her mind now, I had a feeling that she'd never really give up treasure hunting.
"Where's the emerald?" Rouge asked, and the pink hedgehog glared at her. I somehow don't think that these two will get along very nicely.
"Just forget about it, bat girl. I don't know where it is right now because I didn't see it, but Shadow said it's in a safe place! Anyway, at the same time Shadow was recovering, the military went to the chao gardens and stadiums in search of Omochao here. The captured him and tried torture to get him to reveal another transport to the ARK. He was on the run from them when he found Shadow and hitched a ride back up here."
"What did they do to him, the military I mean?" Tails asked with wide eyes. Amy was about to reply, but Omochao, who was suddenly conscious, spoke first.
"Bananas. The poked me with bananas! shiver And I saw dead people!" We all looked at Amy, who shrugged.
"Apparently, he's allergic to bananas."
Anyway, we all went back to bed. Tails sat up with Rouge and talked for awhile, Eggman decided he wouldn't get back to sleep and went to work in his lab, Amy got a head start on breakfast, Sonic stayed in the infirmary with Shadow's unconscious body, and I sat in the control room and looked at all of the security monitors. Okay, so nobody went back to bed. However, I'm forgetting one very important detail: Omochao has gone mad. We aren't quite sure how—Rouge theorizes that it must have something to do with the bananas—and so we have him locked in one of the little containment tubes in the control room. I was watching him as I sat, shaking my head in disbelief and pity every time he rammed into the glass, shrieking, "If you let me out, I'll tell you how many Omochao are in this level!" I kinda' felt sorry for the little guy, but I couldn't be bothered to do anything about it. I eventually wandered back to my room and stared at the ceiling until the clock next to my bed loudly proclaimed it to be six o'clock in the morning.
I got up with no drowsiness—living a life of constant vigilance can do that to a person—and followed my nose (no Fruit Loops™ pun intended) to the kitchens where Amy had just finished cooking up a HUGE breakfast. I'm not particularly fond of Amy Rose, in fact I normally can't stand being in the same room as her, but I must admit that her cooking is wonderful. Hell, she made the dehydrated space food taste like something other than the freeze-dried monkey crap that it is.
Amy Rose, I drink to you and your fine cooking ability.
After breakfast, I headed down to the infirmary to see if Shadow's condition had changed any. I met up with Rouge and Eggman talking in hushed voices outside the door. They turned at my approach.
"Good morning, Treasure Hunter," Rouge winked.
"Knucklehead," Eggman nodded. I grunted a hello, not really in the mood for pleasantries. "What brings you down here, echidna?"
"Just curious to see how everyone's second-favorite spiky rat is doing. I imagine bat girl's little tantrum last night really left him worse for the wear." Rouge's face darkened and she gave me a Death Glare™ that could burn flowers.
"He should've been more careful, then. He knows that I'm not the type to just sit around and be taken advantage of, and, as a result, should've been more conscious of where he was putting his hands," she said snootily, pushing her little black nose into the air. "But, I figure he didn't mean anything by it other than just trying to wake me up, which is the only reason, Treasure Hunter, that he isn't dead."
"I'd say that the only reason he isn't dead, my dear Rouge," Eggman began, "is because you were afraid to hit him harder for fear of breaking a nail." The bat smiled sweetly, and replied in a voice that didn't go with her face at all—
"Why don't you just shut up, you bottom feeding, mother loving—"
At that time, the door opened and little Miles Prower walked out, all smiles.
"He's awake!" the boy told us, and ushered us into the room. Sonic sat by the bed, laughing softly at something the black hedgehog was saying. Shadow turned his head as we entered.
"Hello Doctor, Echidna. And Rouge, such a pleasure seeing you again," he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "I'm sorry that I didn't have time to greet you last time we met, but I was busy having my brains bashed out. You understand, of course." The bat was nearly shaking with suppressed rage.
"Yes, such a shame… that your brains weren't really bashed out, that is," she smiled sweetly and said in a tone that completely belied her anger. No wonder she was a spy.
"How are you feeling, Shadow?" Eggman questioned. How is he feeling? Well, he fell burning through the earth's atmosphere, exerted what was probably the last of his energy on the Chaos Control technique, and was beaten against a pole by an enraged hellcat. And we don't even have aspirin up here. In short, it was a stupid question.
"Not like the Ultimate Life Form, that's for sure. Dammit, my head!" he moaned, clutching his skull. Sonic began to fuss over him like a mother hen, which really confused me. I mean, c'mon, they weren't even friends, and suddenly the Blue One was treating him like a bosom buddy that he's known since his toddling years. God, these people are messed up. I decided that I had to get outta there.
"I'm gonna go for a little walk," I said by way of excusing myself. Why I bother, I don't know. Sonic and Tails, the only people I really knew in the room, were too busy coddling the self-proclaimed Ultimate Life Form to know I was going anywhere. Well, maybe not.
"Hey, if you see Amy, have her bring us some breakfast!" Sonic called after me as I strode down the hallway. I didn't bother answering; I wasn't going that way anyhow.
I spent the rest of my day wandering around the space colony, but I didn't get very far. The place is absolutely humongous! There is a draw back to that, though. I got lost. Three or four times, actually. I walked in on Amy taking a shower, found a stack of naughty magazine's in Eggman's lab, discovered the laundry room (where Rouge was busy putting some of her unmentionables in the wash and threw a detergent cap at my head when I asked her why her bra looked like a bowling bag case Sonic had once), and broke a few robots. It was, all in all, a boring day, and so I went back to the infirmary to talk Sonic into coming for a run. He did, and life was good.
Space Colony ARK: Day 5, 11:00 PM
Master Emerald,
I hate this place. No, I despise it. I loathe it. And you know what? I hate bats. Every single one of them ever born I damn to hell a million times… times 11! And, I hate hedgehogs of every color. Fat men and foxes, too. I HATE EVERYBODY!! Why? I'll tell you, if you'll just wait for one DAMN SECOND! ::Heavy breathing::
Okay, I'm ready. Today started out all right, but quickly went downhill. I rose at six as usual (well, as has been usual for the past five days) and discovered I wasn't alone. There was a figure standing at the end of my bed with one arm raised in the air. Instinctively, I tackled them, wrapping my arms around their throat.
"Dammit Knuckles, what're you doing?!" a feminine voice croaked out from around my hands. It was at that time that the door flew open, revealing a very startled looking group of everyone else on the ARK (did I mention that Shadow is walking now?). The lights flashed on and pinned under me was Rouge the Bat, recovering just enough sense to start beating me with the toothbrush she held in her right hand and cursing at me as best she could in her choked voice.
"GET OFFA HER!" Amy shrieked, bounding into the room and bashing me over the head with a hammer she pulled out of nowhere. As I dizzily rolled onto my side and Rouge got to her knees, Amy continued to shriek all sorts of stuff about me being a molester and the like. Sonic raced in and dragged Amy back to the doorway, while Tails did the same with a struggling Rouge, who sashayed her way with him over to the others.
"What's goin' on in here, Knux?" Sonic asked, stepping back into the room alone. I glared at the lot of them.
"Why don't you ask our little night-prowler here?" I growled, gesturing to the bat with one hand as I rubbed my head with the other. Rouge, with a flabbergasted look, put one hand to her chest and asked:
"Me?"
"What's he talking about, Miss Rouge?" Tails asked, "Did you have anything to do with this?" I have gone over the whole 'dumb question' thing before, correct? Good.
"I just came in to wake him up for breakfast!" she exclaimed, pulling her robe more tightly closed. "I figured you'd want to eat."
"Why the hell didn't you just turn on the lights," I growled, "instead of sneaking in here like some sort of thief?" She yawned, raising her arm above her head.
"I like it dark," she said simply. That's right, bats do like the dark, don't they Knuckles?
I felt stupid—incredibly, ashamedly stupid. She came to wake me up for breakfast, and I blindly attacked her, making myself look not only like some sort of crazed, rabid, raping monster, but also making myself look like an idiot afterward. What a wonderful way to start a morning.
"Hm… Well, who's up for breakfast?" Sonic asked brightly, ever the peacemaker. "Are you coming too, Knuckles?"
"No, I'm going to sit in here and rot in my embarrassment for the rest of the day," I answered, which I didn't do but I'll get to that later, from the floor. The hedgehog merely shrugged and closed the door on his way out.
I remained somewhat true to my word, and berated myself for my rashness and stupidity for around eight hours, until I heard a knock at my door. I steadily ignored it until a voice I'd come to recognize better than my own penetrated the steel door.
"I came to see if you wanted lunch, Treasure Hunter." I opened the door and came face to face with a rather flustered looking jewel thief.
"I see you learned how to knock," I sneered, not at all in a mood to be nice to the cause of my horrible day, "Afraid of a repeat of this morning?" She smiled coyly.
"Not at all. I just decided I'd spare you the embarrassment of getting a beating from me now that I'm wide awake if you tried something again." I frowned. "Aw, don't be like that! Come on; let's go get something to eat. Everybody else ate a few hours ago." When I continued to ignore her, she decided to be polite, if angry, about it. "Look Knuckles, I didn't mean to freak you out this morning. Had I known what was going to happen, I would've turned on the light in the first place. But I didn't, and everything happened the way it did. I'd like to eat lunch with you as a way of making it up, but if you continue to carry on like this, you're just going to have to eat lunch alone."
That was closer to an apology than I expected from Rouge, and as much as I hated to admit it, I was ravenous, and so agreed to her lunch proposal. Besides, I hadn't had company while eating for a long time, and I thought it would make a nice change. Too bad things don't always turn out how they're supposed to.
We walked down the halls of the colony, attempting to make polite conversation. I suppose it would've helped if we talked about things we both knew about, but you, Master Emerald, were definitely an off subject, and I didn't know what else Rouge liked except for large, expensive gems. We instead talked about Shadow's miraculous recovery, Omochao's madness, and Amy's cooking. It was a very boring conversation.
We reached the kitchens after a moment, and, luckily, no one was there. We walked into the back, found some leftovers and brought them back to the front area. The silence endured for a few minutes until Rouge decided to speak.
"When all of this blows over, and we can go home, what'll you do?" she asked, munching on some apple slices between bites of her sandwich. That was a very good question. What was I going to do? Where would I go? Probably back to Angel Island and the Shrine of the Master Emerald…
"Where I belong," I answered simply. Rouge laughed.
"What kind of answer is that?" she asked.
"One that's just general enough to work," I replied. She flashed a fanged smile at me; it was all too obvious that she was trying to be friendly, but I really didn't feel like it at the moment, and scowled deeper.
"Aw, c'mon and smile big guy. I bet you're really good looking when you aren't trying so hard to give yourself premature wrinkles," she teased, or at least I think she was teasing. It didn't matter, she was getting way too familiar with me—she had even stopped calling me 'Treasure Hunter'—and it was starting to bug me. I decided to be frank.
"I don't—," my reply was cut off by a thunderous explosion that sounded down the hall. The next instant, Tails came running around the corner, screaming his head off, closely followed by what appeared to be a jet engine complete with boosters attached to the back. The boy dove under a table just as the machine put on a burst of speed and rocketed into the room. Acting on my instincts, I threw Rouge to the floor and was about to dive down myself when the engine made another loop and shot toward my head. I would have been decapitated by the blow if Tails, who was also on the floor, and the treasure-hunting bat hadn't each grabbed grabbed an ankle and yanked me down with them.
"What the hell is going on in here Tails?!" Rouge demanded, reaching over me and shaking the little fox (no sexual reference intended) by the scruff of his neck. With some difficulty (I was covered by an arm at the time) I flipped myself over onto my stomach and shouted much the same thing. The boy looked afraid for his life.
"Eggman and I were designing a mech—the best one ever created—when the engine we were using just came alive!" Tails protested.
"What were you doing working with Eggman?" I demanded, shocked that Tails would even consider standing in the same lab with the man, "He probably rigged the engine to come alive!" While that was being said, we slithered on our bellies over behind the thick, steel counters for more protection. Once safely hidden, Tails shook his head.
"No," he insisted, "I helped with the construction. I watched his every move. He didn't do anything!" Meanwhile, the mad engine, while still flying about out of control and smashing the tables in, was beginning to slow. Apparently, Rouge had noticed it as well.
"Hey, it's slowing down you guys! If we work quickly, we can stop it. Tails, do you know how that engine works well enough to turn it off in about, say, three seconds?" she asked, lifting his head so that he looked directly into her face. He nodded and she dropped him on the floor. She continued, "Knuckles, I know firsthand how strong you are. I think that if you and I can grab onto the front and push it enough to slow it for just a few seconds, Tails can shut it down."
"Rouge, that's crazy!" Tails exclaimed exactly what I had been thinking, "If that thing falls on you, you'll be crushed! It weighs over a ton!" She winked.
"Hey, don't worry about Knuckles and me, kid. You're going to have to get the job done quickly so we can get out of there without being smashed. Concentrate on yourself, and work fast." She turned to me. "Well, are you up to it Treasure Hunter?"
"Of course," I said nonchalantly. No way I'd voluntarily let her know that stopping massive jet engines wasn't something I did every day. The bat gave us a crooked grin.
"Then GO!" And we were off, Rouge and I running quickly out into the room, and Tails standing beside the counter ready to fly. The engine did a half turn and it was there that we saw our chance. We ran at top speed toward the machine and leapt at it head on, only to be knocked off and onto the floor. We both rolled in different directions just in time to avoid being crushed as it dove.
"Change in plans!" I called, "Jump on from the back and climb to the front. Push from there." She nodded and we were off again. She hooked to the right and I to the left, and then we jumped and grasped onto the top of the burning hot machine. I flipped to the front and the bat did the same.
"PUSH!" I heard her shout, and across the room Tails took to the sky and shot toward us. Rouge beat her wings furiously as I poured more strength into my efforts. Tails reached the engine.
"HURRY UP!" I called, knowing that the thick, steel wall couldn't be to far away from us. The fox pulled out a few parts and took to the sky. Rouge and I did so a moment later, just in time to avoid being turned into two lovely smears on the wall.
From the air I surveyed the damage in the room. There were several large dents in the wall and floor, seven smashed tables, and the heavy engine was embedded in the floor near the entryway. Amy was going to be pissed.
I didn't have time to dwell on that, however, because the next thing I knew, I was back on the floor being held to Rouge's bosom in a crushing embrace.
"We did it!" she exclaimed, hopping up and down with my head still in her arms. "Knuckles, you were wonderful!" she squealed, "Have you ever considered a job in the spy business?"
"Have you ever considered letting Knuckles breathe?" a voice asked from the doorway. Rouge released me and we turned to see Sonic, Shadow and Amy standing in the doorway. Amy had her hands on her head in disbelief, Sonic whispered something to Shadow and elbowed him in a secretive fashion, and Shadow cast a calculating glance around the room and chuckled at whatever the blue hedgehog had said to him. I know they were talking about me. Shadow turned his eyes to Rouge.
"That's some nice handiwork, Rouge," he said, gesturing to my face, which must have been more red than normal. "Can you do that any-old-time, or only on special occasions?" I swear to you, Master Emerald, that I will kill Tails and Eggman for creating that engine; I'll kill Rouge for embarrassing me and causing my second nosebleed in the space of one week; I'll kill Shadow for rubbing in my embarrassment, I'll kill Sonic just for being a hedgehog, and I'll kill Amy for hitting me. Reasoning? If she doesn't need a reason to swing that hammer around and hit a guy, why do I need a reason for homicide? Amy never gets reprimanded or anything because none of the guys have the guts to hit her except for Eggman, and Rouge won't be bothered to do it unless she gets insulted or struck. However, Amy's excuse that I was 'being a pervert' was apparently reason enough for the others.
In the space of one hour, my 'List of Impending Death' tripled. Would someone please explain this to me?
I thought not.
In the next chapter of Knuckles' ARK, a bit of plot is revealed, Amy and Rouge get to know each other, and junk happens! Stay tuned!