Chapter 9: We Will Find A Way
Disclaimer: I don't own ff7.
Hello again and Happy New Year everyone! Well I'm quite certain that this chapter is much better than the last, I wasn't happy with the results of the last. Not as many people seemed to like it, but anyways! Here's the next one. Read, review, but most of all please enjoy!
The attempt at sleep proved to be a complete failure after I tossed and turned in my bed for a good two hours. Who would have thought that someone could be so tired and yet not be able to fall asleep? It's a mystery to me and highly annoying too. Now I was stuck lying here restless and staring blankly at the ceiling above me. The funny thing is all I was thinking about was barging into Sephiroth's room and strangling him. After all it was his fault I was awake, or at least I was blaming it on him.
There were a few other things that were bothering me, but it was Sephiroth who haunted my mind and wouldn't leave me alone. It aggravated and confused me the way his personality had changed since we parted. He was shunning me away as if I was only a mere annoyance. After three days of hoping and waiting for him to come, he acts cold and hateful towards me. What had I done? That was the question that had been bouncing off the walls of my head for the past two hours.
I hadn't done anything! He was just being cold, arrogant and forbidding like I always remembered him being. This was before he went insane of course. He always had a coldness to him even before he'd lost his mind. I'd seen it and in truth I couldn't blame him. Hojo raised him to be that way, but Sephiroth still had a heart like everyone else. He just locked it away in hopes that no one would ever find it.
I caught a glimpse of another side of Sephiroth, a side where he was compassionate and kind. It was somewhere in there, you just had to look for it.
I threw my blankets aside letting them tumbled to the floor and sat up. It would be a long night for me it seemed. I pushed myself off the bed and tip toed across the room to the door sparing one last glance back. Yuffie was sleeping soundly on her bed, her mind untroubled and at peace. I envied her right then, I would have given anything to feel at peace for once.
As I walked along the dark halls carefully feeling my way about, I made my way up the stairs to the next level. Nanaki had a library somewhere around here I was sure. He'd mentioned having it built a few years ago and since there wasn't anything else for me to do, why not read? We needed to seek out information anyways and that was a good place to start.
It didn't take me long to find it despite my blindness. I slipped through the door into the nearly pitch black room and made my way to the back where a window sat. My eyes tried to focus in the darkness, but I could only make out a vague outline of bookcases. Many bookcases. Nanaki had himself quite a collection.
I grimaced as my foot slammed into something very hard. "Ouch!" I gasped and limped around the hazard. My hands slid across the splintery surface of what I'd guessed to be a table in search of a candle. Cold metal met my skin and my fingers curved around the candleholder. Now all I needed was some matches and I'd be set. Unfortunately after several times of feeling over the table I found none.
I was half way out the door when I realized that I was still wearing my fighting gloves and most likely had a fire materia with me. I searched for the familiar green gleam, finding it immediately, and headed back to the table to light the candle. After careful planning I managed to ignite a small flame on the wick without putting the table on fire or worse. You had to be careful when dealing with a mastered fire materia. One has a slim amount of control over its power once it has been cast.
The small candle emitted a dim glow, but it was plenty enough to see the surrounding area. I held my breath in utter astonishment at the size of the library. I'd not expected it to be nearly so big. There were hundreds of books here the majority of them on history according to Nanaki. There was one small section for Hojo's work too, which I purposely avoided and hurried passed it onto the next row of books. I'd no interest in reading the contents of his twisted mind.
The line of books seemed to never end. "Beyond This World." I echoed as I read the golden letters printed on the spine of one particular book. The words were faded and the leather cover was beginning to wear. I grasped the book carefully in my hand and gently pulled it out. A single page fell from the innards of the book and fluttered silently to the floor. As I stooped down to pick it up the candle I'd set on the floor lit the surface of the page and my eyes widened. Jenova.
I hesitated for a moment and shook my head. "Get control of yourself Tifa, she's not going to jump out from the paper." I scolded myself and snatched the page off the floor. Still, a strange sensation washed over me as if coming in contact with something immensely powerful and dangerous. I shoved it inside the book, grabbed the candle and reluctantly headed for the small table to sit down.
There were so many mysteries about the alien Jenova. I was curious to know more about her, but the real reason for my hesitation was fear. Well, there would be no more fear tonight. I had to find something out and I was certain that this book held important information.
I took a seat on the small wooden chair and let out a long sigh. Not a minute after opening the book I heard footsteps of all things coming towards the door. I lifted my head curiously and looked from the candle to the door. If it really was a foe I seriously doubt they'd be heading for the library of all places, I assured myself. I really didn't want to blow the candle out because then I'd have to light it again afterwards and I'd rather not take another risk at burning the place down. Nanaki would never forgive me.
The door swung open sending a gust of wind inside and my eyes darted to the candle as the flame faltered. I held my breath waiting for it to die and let out a sigh of relief when it fluttered back to life. My eyes slowly rose to meet Sephiroth's surprised gaze. "Hello." I said quietly and pretended to read.
"What the devil are you doing here?" He demanded.
"I couldn't sleep, so I came up here to read." I answered. "I haven't been in Nanaki's new library till now and I wanted to see it. As far as I know that's still legal here." I added irritably.
"You'll be exhausted in the morning." Sephiroth warned and shut the door behind him. "But I'm not in the mood to deal with your stubbornness."
"Well, I'm not in the mood to deal with your atrocious attitude." I retorted. "You don't need to act like it's my fault I can't sleep! Believe me I'd welcome it gladly if I could." I finished and stood up from the small table. Everything had been going so well and then he had to arrive harboring his ill temper.
"You're thinking too much." He replied while approaching the table.
"Maybe you shouldn't give me so much to think about." I answered briskly and brushed passed him. His hand slid around my wrist and pulled me back around to face him suddenly. My eyes focused on his face studying him curiously while I wondered why he'd stopped me. He was hauntingly beautiful in the dim light of the candle and for once not quite as angry looking.
"What do you mean by that?" He questioned.
I gently pulled my hand away. "If you don't know then perhaps you should take some time to think about it." I responded and gave him a wistful smile. My heart screamed for me to speak of my suffering and tell him what I felt, but my courage wavered.
Sephiroth just stared at me his expression neither confused nor angry, simply yearning. Yearning for something that I was too blind to understand at that moment. He made no move to speak so I turned away and started to leave.
"Tifa, wait." He called from behind me as my hand gripped the metal handle of the door.
I stopped and turned to face him. "What?" I asked, hope glimmering in my eyes.
He looked away shamefully with his head bowed. "I owe you an apology." He said his eyes trailing to the nearby window. "For my behavior today towards you. I'm sorry."
I slowly walked up to stand in front of him. "It's alright. I'll forgive you, but only if you tell me why."
Sephiroth stole a quick glance at me and averted his eyes to the floor. "Denial, my lady, extreme denial." He answered.
I tilted my head to the side, not completely sure as to what he meant. "I don't know what you mean."
His back turned to me abruptly and he stepped up to the widow beyond the table to peer outside. "The more time we spend together the more I change." He replied quietly. "From the very first moment I saw you something changed inside me. I didn't understand at first just what the feeling was, but after you were gone and I had time to think strait the answer presented itself before me. I'd never imagined it ever happening to me, it wasn't possible and I couldn't accept it. I feared it because I was vulnerable to it, something that I rarely experience."
His words weaved their way into my heart and I held my breath waiting to wake up from the dream that I was sure I had walked into. I came up behind him and placed a tentative hand on his arm. What was he saying? I dared not guess in fear that I might be disappointed with the true answer.
He shuddered beneath my touch and placed his own hand on top of mine, but did not take his eyes away from the sky. "When I came to rescue you, I was prepared to fight off the desire you bring about in me and push you away. It's clear to me now that trying to deny what one's heart feels is pointless and only makes you suffer more." He stopped there and turned to face me. "It's the strangest thing. The moment I set eyes on you after entering your bar I fell in love with you. Just like that after so many years of never caring about anyone with the idea that I never would, I see you and my world is turned upside down."
My eyes widened and I let out a short gasp of surprise. I blushed furiously as my heart fluttered around in my chest with joy. "Please tell me this isn't a dream." I murmured my gaze transfixed on his eyes as I waited for him to disappear. It was too real to be a dream though, much too real. My rapid heard beat and the shiver of need that enveloped my entire body were both real.
Sephiroth slipped an arm around my waist and pulled me closer so that our faces were barely an inch apart. "If it is, then it's the most blissful dream I've ever had in my life." He whispered. His alluring lips brushed against mine teasing my emotions and arousing my hunger for him.
I pushed myself onto my tiptoes and into his mouth unable to withstand his torment anymore. I'd waited much too long for this to have it prolonged any further, even if I found his game to be very enticing.
He responded eagerly and tightened his grip around me making it impossible for us to be any closer. My hands roomed up his neck and into his long, silky hair. A soft moan escaped from the back of my throat as a tingling sensation sprouted from inside me and spread through out the rest of my soul. I cried tears of joy and continued to kiss him anxiously.
I'd never wanted someone so much in my entire life. Not even Cloud, but maybe that was because I never was able to get close to him, I don't know. It didn't matter though. This was the man I wanted. There was no doubt in my mind that I loved him and only him. He surrounded me in his warmth and love surrendering his heart to me. The way he made me feel was like nothing I'd ever experienced. I needed him. His strength and protective embrace, his kiss and his touch, everything he gave me I needed and desired. No one else could give me this.
Sephiroth pulled away, a groan escaping his lips. "You would have me after all the misery I've caused you?" He asked suddenly. His eyes delved deep into my soul searching for the answer.
"I love you." I said softly and rested my head against his shoulder the burden finally lifted. "You're the only one I want, no one else. I don't blame you for the past. All that matters to me now is that you love me. I don't want to be alone anymore and I don't want to suffer heart break again."
He gently kissed my hair and stroked the side of my face sending another shiver up my spine. "I do love you and I always will. You'll never be alone again my lady."
My hands clutched at his overcoat tightly. His words were pure and true, but how could we ever overcome his immortality and my mortality? "But…you'll stay young while I'll grow old and die." I whispered painfully.
Sephiroth took me by the shoulders, pushing me gently away and stared directly into my eyes. "We will find a way." He said sternly. "I promise you."
A smile tugged at my lips. "I believe you." I answered and closed my eyes tiredly.
"You're exhausted." He said quietly. "You'd better get some rest. I can't imagine you slept well in a cell."
"What about you?" I asked curiously lifting my head up to meet his gaze.
"I'm not tired." He responded simply.
I scowled. "At 3 in the morning?" I asked. "I don't believe you. What did you come up here for anyway?"
His eyes shifted
nervously. "I wanted information."
I nodded silently. "I thought so. You
never knew who your real mother was, did you?"
"No, I didn't. Hojo told me my mother was Jenova." Sephiroth replied softly.
"It must be awkward for you." I said quietly.
"What?" He asked.
"Finding out that your father wasn't who you thought he was." I replied. "It came as quite a shock to me being that Vincent is a good friend of mine…or was."
Sephiroth sighed and looked out the window. "It's a little awkward, but to be truthful I feel no different than before. I didn't care about the people I thought were my parents, unless you want to count Jenova. They didn't care about me so I didn't care about them. Hojo made it plain that that was the way it should be so I complied."
I bit my lip sadly. "Your real parents did care." I uttered.
His head turned towards me. "Did they? I wouldn't know. There are several holes that I see in Vincent being my actual father, but I'm guessing there must be some sort of explanation for this."
Exhaustion really was starting to get to me now. I took a look around quickly and spotted a comfortable looking couch. Without a word I approached it and flopped down on the soft cushions. Every library should have a couch to relax on I thought with a smile.
Sephiroth followed behind and sat down beside me. He leaned his sword up against the wall. "Well?"
I took a deep breath and began to explain Vincent's story. There really wasn't all that much to say. Vincent would only give us minimal information about his past. I had to practically force it out of him, which I hated to do, but I wanted to know more thinking that I might be of some help. He never got mad about it, but you could tell he was a little agitated from time to time.
Sephiroth was a quiet and attentive listener, thankfully, never interrupting me while I explained. I was extremely glad for that because I was going to fall asleep any moment and I wanted to get the explanation over with as soon as possible. Unfortunately he had questions that followed and I did my best to answer them without losing consciousness.
He crossed his arms over his chest and let out a sigh. "Once we've dealt with the current problems I will go see her." He said. "Though I have no distinct feeling about it and really don't care."
I sighed and leaned back into the cushions. "That's ok. It might be different when you finally meet her." I said softly letting my eyes close. "Mmm… I'm tired." I yawned and draped myself across his lap positioning myself so that I was on my back.
"Wouldn't you rather sleep in your room?" He asked.
I shook my head. "I want to stay with you." I said. "But I'll go if you want me to."
His arms slid around me and he pulled me up so that I was resting against his chest. "I'd rather you stay too." He said and placed a soft kiss on my lips. "I doubt you could make it there anyways."
My eyes closed and I fell asleep to the sound of his heartbeat. No more anxiety and worry for tonight.
Morning came with showering sunlight and someone poking me gently in the arm. It didn't feel like it was time to wake up I thought and slapped irritably at the persistent hand. Who on earth was doing that? The sound of giggles broke the peaceful quietness that surrounded me and my eyes shot open to find Yuffie's gleeful smile inches away from my face.
I sat up in astonishment and looked frantically about me realizing that I was still in fact sitting in Sephiroth's lap. I blushed a deep scarlet and slowly brought my head around to look at Yuffie.
She grinned. "Somebody's in loooove." She giggled and jabbed me in the ribs.
"Shut up!" I whispered embarrassedly. "He's still asleep."
Yuffie's grin only widened. "It's 11:00 in the morning sleepy head. You both should be up by now." She scolded playfully. "The others are heading up here right now."
My eyes bulged out of my head in response to her words. "What!" I cried in panic. My hand flew to my mouth and a stole a glance at Sephiroth to see if I had awakened him. He stifled a grown and lifted his head lazily.
"Look who woke him up!" Yuffie cried her finger pointed accusingly at me. "It's about time though."
Sephiroth's eyes opened and narrowed on Yuffie. "You." He growled.
Her tongue was stuck firmly out of her mouth at him. "No, actually I'm am the great ninja Yuffie." She answered haughtily and averted her attention to me. "I expect you to make that clear to him."
"Me?" I exclaimed. "What makes you think he'll listen to me?"
Sephiroth glowered at me. "What the hell is that supposed to mean!"
Yuffie burst out laughing. "I'll just giggle go now. You guys better hurry up." She managed to say and scurried out of the room her laughter echoing off the walls of the library as she went.
I frowned at Sephiroth. "You better start calling her Yuffie."
"I thought you said I wouldn't listen to you." He answered.
"It's worth a try and I think that if I badger you enough you'll listen." I smiled. "Won't you." I added my eyes narrowing.
"Perhaps." He replied. He lifted me into his arms as he stood up and then promptly dropped me on the couch.
"You- you insufferable man!" I yelled as he picked up his sword and turned to go. "You're going to pay for that."
"I don't doubt it." He answered amusedly. "But, let's just keep us secret for a while longer, although that does require the brat's silence and-"
"Yuffie." I corrected him.
He cleared his throat. "Yuffie, excuse me." He grinned. "Back to what I was saying. The others may not accept it quite so easily as you very well know so let's not make it so plain."
"Ok." I answered. "But they already have an idea."
"Then let them play with that idea for a little while longer." He responded.
I nodded and bounded off the couch to stand next to him. I snuck a light punch into his side. "You didn't have to drop me on the couch though." I said and started to walk away.
He pulled me back roughly and placed a kiss on my cheek. "No I didn't, but it is so much fun seeing you flustered." He said in a low titillating voice and strode swiftly to the door. It opened just as he reached it and Cid stood on the other side.
"What the…?" Cid looked at Sephiroth in bewilderment and his gaze slowly went passed him to fall on me.
I blushed and averted my gaze to the floor where my foot was currently drawing circles. The urge to smile was strong, but I held it at bay for the moment.
"So this is where you've been!" Cid exclaimed and stepped by Sephiroth sparing him a simple nod. "What the hell was Yuffie laughing about? She sounded like a (#& hyena when I passed her in the hall."
I bit my lip trying not to laugh. "Oh that wasn't…err, anything." I forced a strait face as I attempted to look into his eyes.
Sephiroth frowned disapprovingly at me and he disappeared out the door.
Cid scowled. "Uh huh, and I'm Rufus of Shin-Ra."
I looked at him closely and closed one eye. "I don't know Cid, there may be a resemblance there." I said leaning forward in pretend to get a closer look.
"Don't you even dare." He warned.
"I was just kidding." I smiled.
"You damn well better be." Cid replied.
"So, what are we doing today?" I asked.
"Reeve left for Junon at around 7 this morning. He's gotta clean up the mess there and put everything back together." Cid replied. "Some of us will go and scout around for any information on Chaos's whereabouts and the rest stays here to read books."
"When did you decide all this?" I asked.
"We had a meeting this morning." He answered.
"Without me!" I exclaimed.
"Well if someone hadn't been sleeping!" Cid cried.
"You mean to tell me you didn't even bother looking for me till after the meeting!" I yelped in astonishment. "What if I was in danger and was captured by someone?"
Cid smirked. "Well, you know we figured since Sephiroth was gone too that you two were…"
My jaw dropped. "Cid!" I exclaimed in shock.
"What?" He asked innocently. Realization hit and his eyes widened. "Whoa there, I didn't mean it that way! We just figured that Sephiroth was looking after you wherever you were."
"I should hope you didn't mean it that way!" I retorted, but the blush gave away my true feelings about it. I wasn't offended at all, just a little embarrassed. Embarrassed by the fact that I wasn't offended by it.
"Heh, thought so." Cid grinned.
"What?" I asked in confusion. "What do you mean by that?"
Cid merely smiled and started out the door with me hurrying after him.
"Cid Highwind don't you dare ignore me!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. Everyone in the building probably heard me.
Cid stopped for a moment and brought a hand up to his ear. "Did you say somethin?"
My eyes flared furiously. "All men are the same!" I growled and pushed passed him giving him an angry shove in the process.
Cid's laughter rang out from behind me as I stormed away. It seemed like everyone knew what was going on between Sephiroth and myself now. Why bother hiding it? I shook my head. No, I said I would.
The others were collected in the mini restaurant conversing in the corner when I arrived. All eyes turned to me and the room went completely silent. I stopped and looked around nervously. "Uh, hi everyone!" I smiled brightly my eyes shifting back and forth between each of them with uncertainty.
"We've been wondering where you were all morning." Nanaki replied first. "I expected you to be much earlier, but it's no matter. It's good to see you're still alive." He chuckled.
I frowned. "I was in the library." I replied.
"Yuffie told us." Barret said, his daughter Marlene sitting happily on his shoulders.
My eyes scanned the room for the ninja, but she was nowhere to be found. She better not have said anything else I thought to myself.
Cid came up behind me and went to sit beside Shera and his daughter. "So, who's goin where?"
"It really depends on what everyone else wants to do. Who wants to stay here?" Nanaki asked.
"I volunteer!" I exclaimed taking a step forward.
Yuffie dashed into the room and ran up beside me. "Me too!"
Nanaki's eyes narrowed. "How long ago was it that you read a book Yuffie?"
Her brow formed a thin line of annoyance. "I dunno, two months ago. I can read you know!" She growled. "I don't intend to get anywhere near that air ship unless I absolutely have to. You know I get motion sickness."
"Not the last time." I noted.
"I have motion sickness pills." Yuffie replied. "Ones that actually work and I'd like to use them sparingly, so I'm staying here."
"Very well." Nanaki replied. "I was only pulling your chain besides."
"I'll be staying too, to keep track of the girls." Shera said.
Nanaki nodded and turned his head to Cid. "Will you be in charge of the investigating of Chaos's whereabouts?"
"Sure." Cid muttered. "Who else is comin with me?"
Barret took a swig of coffee. "I'll go." He mumbled.
"But you just got back!" Marlene whined.
"I know." He sighed. "But someone's gotta do it."
Marlene stuck her lower lip out and crossed her arms defiantly over her chest. "Fine then, be that way."
"Aww, Marlene. Come on now, don't make it harder den it already is." Barret pleaded. "Tifa'll be here, you can bug her all ya want."
"Thanks Barret." I smiled.
He grinned. "Knew you'd like that."
Marlene jumped off his shoulders and threw her self into my arms her mood taking a 180-degree turn. "Yay! I'll get to bug Tifa!"
I gave her a warm hug. "Sure thing."
"I'll go too." Came Sephiroth's voice as he arrived from outside.
Everyone's attention turned to him. Barret made a face revealing his immediate disapproval of having to go anywhere with Sephiroth and Cid simply shrugged.
"Alright." Nanaki said. "Then it's settled. Cid, Barret and Sephiroth will do the investigating while the rest of us stay here and research. I'd suggest that you three get going soon. It's already early afternoon. Oh, and Reeve will be having several of his own investigations being done so you only have to deal with the surrounding area. Everywhere else is taken care of."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Cid sighed and stood up.
"Bye daddy." Melony said quietly her hand tugging gently on his trousers.
Cid lifted her into his arms and smiled. "See ya squirt. Don't give your mom a hard time now. You might as well help Marlene bug Tifa." He said and winked in my direction.
Melony giggled as he set her back down and she ran over to stand beside me.
Shera kissed her husband lightly on the cheek and Cid blushed with embarrassment. "Be careful." She said.
"Uh…yeah…err, let's go." He grumbled and turned to his to party members. "You two better hurry up."
"I'm right behind ya." Barret said and walked after him.
Sephiroth followed the two out without a word.
"Send word if you find anything out!" Nanaki called as they disappeared.
Yuffie placed her hands on her hips. "Well, I'm heading to the library. See ya!" She cried and head upstairs.
"Come on girls. We might as well go up there too." Shera said. Melony and Marlene ran to her side. "Are you coming Tifa?" She asked her gaze set on me curiously.
"Just a minute." I smiled. "I need to get something to eat."
"Alright." Shera replied and left, the two girls following close behind her. Nanaki had disappeared it seemed leaving me the opportunity to sneak outside quickly without anyone noticing.
Sephiroth was lagging behind the other two when I caught sight of him and I hurried to catch up. I called his name hesitantly and he instantly turned around. My arms were clasped behind my back as I waited for him to speak.
"Yes?" He asked.
"I really don't have to tell you but, be careful." I said. "Try not to get in a fight with Barret either and make sure nothing happens to either of them."
"Everything will be fine." He answered. "There's no need to worry."
"I know, but I can't really help it." I replied. "Goodbye!"
"Bye Tifa. We'll be back tonight I'm sure." He said.
Just as he turned to leave I stopped him and placed a quick kiss on his cheek.
He trembled, his skin blushing a rosy pink. Without another word he hurried off to catch up with the other two. I stood there watching him longingly as he disappeared down the steps. He'd only just left and I already missed him.
Someone pounced on my shoulders from behind and I let out a short cry of surprise. Yuffie landed in front of me a wide grin plastered onto her face. "You better fill me in on all the details."
"Oh please." I groaned and headed back inside with Yuffie hanging onto my arm. "There's nothing to tell."
"Sure there isn't." Yuffie drawled. "I know what's goin on." She said. "Come on, the others are already in the library. I have a small corner reserved for just the two of us so that we can talk."
"Why am I not surprised?" I laughed and followed her up the stairs to the library.
Author's Notes: I really liked this chapter for some reason. I hope everyone else does too. I wanted to get it out sooner, but it took me a while to come up with something that really pleased me. Thank you, thank you, and thank you to all who have been reading.