happiness is not meant for us
________________________
Perspective is everything. What happened on the night of Kyou's transformation? When there is no where else to go, you can always find a source of healing. It just takes that effort to go and look for it. If you are willing to make a sacrifice, there's something you can do. Always. Where is the light we desire?
Prelude // Japanese Language Used Within
Tencho-san - Boss
Onee-chan - Sister
Ojii-san - Grandfather
Okaa-san - Mother
________________________
Session 00 - Prologue - Like Caged Birds
Our lives are living nightmares. One by one, we wait for our days to be over once the realization that we cannot do anything better with our lives hits us. We thirteen will live our lives like caged birds, away from anyone who can 'hurt' us.
That was what we were taught to believe since our birth. Being a cursed family, one could only wish that someone could free us from the clutches of our 'god.' That perfect person we dream of cannot possibly exist. We have experienced so much pain already, how could anything possibly change that? Fate is against us.
Little miracles tempt us, making us believe that we too can be normal. Just like everyone else, but different because of our secret. We are shown a glimmer of hope, but then that dream is drastically pulled away from us. That's how it has always been for centuries, and this cycle cannot be stopped. We will never be accepted for the people that we are inside by an outsider.
Maybe we've been wrong. Maybe we can still be healed.
Session 01 - Kyou - The Outcast
"Your beads, you're wearing them, right?"
"Let me see them."
"Don't go out there!"
"I want you all for my own, don't let them look at you."
Don't look at me. How can you say that? Those are only the words that a mother is supposed to say to her son. These words aren't real. How could they be, when the words are said to a cursed cat....
"I love you so much. I love you more than anyone else."
"Always know that your mother loved you best."
Tohru's going to see me! I know it. As I stand here in the pouring rain with Kazuma, I know that she will come out; she's going to find out soon enough. My beads, they're going to be taken, just like how Akito did....
"There's that cursed child again. Where is his mother?"
"Don't go outside again!"
"Your beads..."
"You're my little precious son."
"I love you."
"That smell... it's disgusting."
"Those beads on his wrist..."
Don't look at me! You shouldn't have had to check, you should have trusted me to wear it.
"I love you the most."
This can't be happening.
Session 02 - Kagura - Hold My Hand
When I was young, there was always one person whom I always respected. He was my hero, although he often seemed to be afraid of me. Maybe I was too assertive with him; I was older than he was by two years. But I can't help but wonder what more there was to him.
I was upset; no one had come to help me when I needed it. He understood me when no one else did. Kyou held out his hand to me, and with that small gesture I knew that he would always be special to me.
My hand in his, we walked back to the main house together.
We were both cursed children, of course. The curse always seemed to be the source of our problems, but I still love him with all my heart. I asked him to marry me, and he agreed! ...After a little persuasion from myself, of course. It had nothing to do with the boulder that I held over him, I'll have you know. He was a very important part of the zodiac, even if he didn't truly belong with us; I had no idea at the time.
The beads came off when we were very young, taken away from him by Akito. I could only stare at the form which appeared from Kyou's body. The side of him which I had never seen. It did frighten me at first, but I could still see him for the boy that I loved. So I ran to him, but I wasn't cursed so it didn't help. My acceptance of him didn't seem to make a difference. How could have I helped him more?
The only way that I can help now, is to let him go.
It hurts. But I'll watch him go to Tohru, even if this pain is very real.
I will still have held his hand for all of these years, and that is enough.
Session 03 - Yuki - Tormented
I stand in the house where I live with Shigure, Kyou, and Tohru. The place that I consider a haven. This is my sanctuary, where I am free from Akito's watchful eyes. I am grateful that I was able to escape, even if this is a temporary comfort. To be able to live with family who care for my well-being, it is truly a blessing. Maybe this has all been a dream. I've come to an understanding about the people who are around me; I no longer fear to get closer to people. It was Honda-san who taught me leave the cool shell that I had grown accustomed to over the years, she led me down the path hand-in-hand as the freezing snow melted.
I can only stare out the window into the dark world that lies outside. Master Kazuma is out there with Kyou; I know what is coming, I have seen this side of Kyou before.
The rain pelts the roof. It almost sounds as if it may break through at any moment.
The depressing atmosphere surrounds the house. The air seems tense, and with good reason, too. All I can do is sit and wait, just like when I was young.
I sat in the corner of a dark room, simply waiting for the worst to happen. Those were the days when I couldn't smile, because I knew that I was his. Akito's. His little mouse, who he was free to play with as much as he pleased.
That feeling of knowing that someone terrible was about to occur as I wait at this very moment, it is the very same that I had felt back then. The isolation, it hurts. Maybe if I close my eyes....
No one helped me then, until finally Shigure managed to convince Akito to allow me to live at his home. I still do not know how this happened, but it was such a relief. And now I can smile, because of those around me.
Yes, even the stupid cat, who is out there in the rain tonight. Although I have always hated him, I find myself running out there after him. But more for her, Honda-san. No, that's not right. Tohru-san. Even Kagura is willing to give up the one she loves. I run as fast I can to find where the cat has gone. For wherever he is, Tohru will also be there.
Don't let me be too late.
________________________
Author Notes:
Chapter 1, Sessions 00 - 03; Uploaded June 25th 2003.
I do not own the rights to any of the characters mentioned in this fan fiction.