choosing a new path
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Prelude // Japanese Language Used Within
Tencho-san - Boss
Onee-chan - Sister
Ojii-san - Grandfather
Okaa-san - Mother
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Session 14 - Tohru - The Dream
I was in a daze, I didn't really understand what was going on around me. All I knew was the bitter truth: Okaa-san isn't coming back to help me. I went to visit her to find out where I belong now that Akito has said that I can no longer stay with Shigure and the others. I have to go home, and my family is no longer mine. I suppose we should never have been a family in the first place, but I've grown to love them all.
Even Akito.
But now where is the home that I desire? Oh, Okaa-san.... I tried, I really did, I tried to change myself for this family, but I've brought nothing but a burden to all of them. And to Kyou, he needs me more than ever. I'm scared, I don't know what to do now. Hana told me I should go where I am needed, and I could tell she was suffering too. It's all my fault!
"Thank you, Hana-chan."
I wanted to change things for the better. I took quick steps through the forest, trying as hard as I could to avoid the raised roots that tormented my feet. I needed to find him, Kyou, no matter what he looks like. He needs me to come find him.
I could smell the monster's stench. Kyou's not a monster, he's inside there. Kyou's not a monster. He's not a monster!
I could see him, the massive grotesque form of Kyou. He had two large, brown hands clasped over his eyes, and a grumbling growl came from inside him. I stumbled on the ground of the forest clearing and watched at him look up to me, taking the hands away from his eyes. He growled.
I noticed that Yuki was behind him, watching the scene in front of him. As Kyou made a sudden movement towards me, Yuki bolted from his position and clamped his arms around one of the creature's massive arms. Enraged, he spun his arm, taking Yuki with him. Yuki held his ground, even when Kyou's other hand sliced through Yuki's shirt and into his shoulder. "Honda-san, tell him! Tell him what you feel, hurry!" He begged as his feet slid in the slick mud with the pressure. The rain had stopped, but every surface was still wet.
Still frightened, I walked forward and reached out one of my hands. Kyou seemed to flinch, but Yuki was still holding on to him. I leaned closer and linked my elbow around his, he was slimy to the touch. But I held him.
"You know, you're allowed to tell people what you are feeling and what you want."
"Come on, you suck. I'll help you."
"Don't be such a space-cadet! I don't want you to get kidnapped!"
"Just be yourself."
All I could think of was the Kyou that had taught me so much about life. He would always be special to me. Just like Okaa-san, he gave me lots of advice that I couldn't have lived with out. My Kyou.
"Kyou-kun, please. I want to tell you that I need you to be here with us, with me. I want us to be at home together, eating meals together and talking together. But mostly, I want to listen to what you have to say. I want to care about you, even if I am scared right now. Even thought I'm afraid, I don't want to look away from you. I want to stay with you, always." I tightened my arms around him as my tears started to fall again. I couldn't help it. I closed my eyes, not bothering to wipe away my tears. "Kyou..."
The arm that I held seemed less rough and slimy as time went on, it even began to feel soft. "You...looked at me. Even if you were scared, I know that you saw who I really was." Kyou's normal voice. I opened my eyes to see the form of Kyou that I knew so well. He was looking towards the sky as he spoke.
I couldn't help but smile. He was back. He looked down at me, and brought one hand to my face to wipe away my tears in a fluid motion. He smiled, and before I knew it I found myself enveloped in his arms. A hug. With a familiar cloud of orange dust, I held the soft cat to my body.
He was definitely back.
That night, I dreamed wonderful dreams of living with my family, whom I've grown to love a lot. Okaa-san, please be proud of me.
Session 15 - Akito - Losing Control
The Sohma Family is still within my reach; the mere sight of me makes shivers run down their spines. They owe me their lives, for without me, they would not exist. Yet, I don't seem to have the same hold on them as I used to.
That's why they needed this 'reminder' that they belong to me. That girl, that ugly girl Tohru, she's taking them all away from me. I want to show them that they can never escape, never find happiness. They think that they can be free, but I will show them that she's just like everyone else in this land, a useless outsider!
She was weaker than I thought when I went out there to see her reaction. She was a pathetic fool, I knew a girl like her wouldn't matter. Those little animals have all taken a liking to her in one way or another. She's given them a taste of happiness, and now I get to take their happiness away - nothing is forever.
I received a call from Shigure, one day after the bead incident. He wanted to set up a meeting for me and Tohru. From the call, it seems that the dog has allowed her to remain at his house despite the fact that I made it clear to Tohru that she could never belong with us. They're all turning to her; can't they see that I'm protecting them from the pain that will happen to them outside of this family? Foolish creatures.
Now it's time for her to learn that she will be causing them more harm.
They arrived later in the day for the meeting. I rested in front of the door which led to the large garden outside of my room. I would stand before them when I wanted, not when they wanted.
Tohru knelt on a floor cushion with a determined, calm expression on her face. On either side of her, Yuki and Shigure stood wearing their best clothes. Behind Tohru stood Hatori, who appeared to be lost in thought as he stared at the ceiling.
I stood up, and everyone's attention focussed on me. What a feeling to control the gazes of another. I walked deliberately slow until I was standing not far away from Tohru. I asked her why she wanted to see me, but she only looked at me, seemingly unresponsive. Finally, she said that she didn't know, and that angered me. I tried not to show it. It didn't work.
"Who are you? Who are you to think you can change anything?" I spat out, daring her to speak.
She stared at me. "...Honda Tohru?" Mother told me to always be myself. Kyou did too. I'll do my best for everyone.
That was not the response that I wanted. Letting my instincts take over, my hand left my side and found itself entangled in her hair. She let out a distressed sound. I pulled her head close to mine, bringing her ear close to my lips. I told her in loud whispers that she was useless, that she had no worth when it came to people like us, that she deserved all the pain that was inflicted onto her. If I had the power, I would have cursed her myself for trying to interfere. Her eyes were shut tight, and fear played across her features. I smiled, familiar power running through my veins. Still in control.
Immediately, my body was held back. Shigure and Yuki had run up to me, each holding apart of me - Shigure held me around the middle, and Yuki grabbed one of my arms. Yuki was visibly shaken, but it was different than the fear he used to show me. He would never stand against me, I was losing control over him. I know it's because of her. Damn her. And Shigure, the one I had trusted the most to keep his eyes on Yuki and Kyou in his home, he's betrayed me too. They should be helping me punish this outsider. That's the way it's supposed to be! The way it's been for centuries!
I wouldn't let go so easily. I still had Hatori on my side. He still stood in his standing position on the other side of the room, apparently in shock. "Erase her memories! Leave nothing there but pain and suffering!"
His eyes widened. He stepped a few steps towards her, but stopped.
"Hatori!" I repeated. Still, he made no move towards us.
"Akito...-san...." Tohru's soft and scared voice came from the mound of hair that I held in my free hand. I couldn't see her face. "I'm sorry. I just wanted... I just wanted you to know...that I was thinking about what you told me. About how you bear the full weight of the curse. About how that you will die early...just so that the others can live. I can't pretend that I understand the curse, I know that would be disrespectful to say that I did. But I want to say... that everyone will care about you when you are gone. I thought you would want to know that."
I stared at her, pulling her hair so that I could see the tear-stained face. "Care? No one cares about me, they can't wait for me to die! You're right, you don't understand at all."
"I can't say for certain what they all think, but I know I will always care about you. You were kind to me, letting me stay at Shigure's house when I had no where else to go. I'm scared right now, but I don't mind, because I know that you're kind under your exterior." She closed her eyes again, a tear running down her left cheek. "Thank you."
I kept on staring at the girl kneeling before me. She had thanked me, me of all people, for being myself. What a foolish girl she was, I had caused harm to her, yet she still had that slight smile on her face when she spoke. Surprised at my own actions, the hand that gripped her hair loosened its hold. The pressure on the roots of her hair was lifted, and she looked up to meet my eyes.
I turned my face away, not wanting to see her sitting before me anymore. My captors seemed relieved, and Shigure ceased to hold so tight. I took the chance to break free from their hold, but I did not harm her again. I walked out past my caged birds, through the open sliding doors, and out onto the porch.
Glancing up at the blooming trees that still held the morning's dew, I called back inside the room.
"Honda Tohru-san. Just go back where you belong."
Then I slid the door shut so I could have my privacy until they vacated the premises.
Session 16 - The Sohma Family - To Be Free To Choose
A pure white bird sat on its perch inside a gorgeously delicate cage. Made from the most fine of metals, its wire frame wrapped around it in equal parallel lines until the top, where each circle became smaller to create a dome shape. At its peak, a simple mound of copper had been moulded into the shape of a diamond. Several other birds sat in the white bird's company. With the white bird included, there were fourteen small winged creatures - each one with its own unique variation. All their lives that had wanted to leave, to be free of their master. The white bird truly did not seem belong with the others who were all so special. The cage was decorated to prove that they were too different to be with those other birds that could be seen on the other side of the metal.
Pale but shaky hands opened a clasp on the cage's door, leaving the separate frame open for the white bird to leave. The pallid bird simply stayed on its perch, watching its master with awe. He walked away from the cage, but the bird remained inside. It studied the face on its master again, trying to understand. His dark bangs covered his eyes, clouding his emotions.
Given the opportunity to flee, it remained inside its home. With its beak, it pulled the door closed. Together, the fourteen birds could live in peace.
Because even though it was like a rice ball in a fruits basket, it now belonged.
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Author Notes:
Chapter 5, Sessions 14 - 16; Uploaded June 25th 2003.
Wow, this came out a lot longer than it was originally intended. At first, I was just going to do small perspective pieces for that night by focussing on the thoughts of Tohru, Kyou, Yuki, Kagura, Shigure and Akito. But then inspiration hit for the central Kisa/Haru/Hiro triangle for the middle arc, and the words just came out of my fingers. Whee. I hope that my portrayal of the characters' thoughts were realistic. I did my best to do so. I really hope that you liked this piece of fiction, as it took me a long time to write. This is why there hasn't been an update for my other Fruits Basket fan fic "Seeking Solace" in a while. ^_^;; Eep. Reviews would be greatly appreciated! Thanks for reading! =3
I do not own the rights to any of the characters mentioned in this fan fiction.