Title: Back to You-chapter 14
Disclaimer: If you are smart enough to get that I don't own Third Watch,
than I'm not gonna try to explain it.
Author's Note: Well here it is people. The conclusion to this story. Sorry
for the long wait, I have been feeling uninspired lately, but I guess I got
my second wind. Thank you to everyone who encouraged me to continue and a
special thanks to crosserfan for giving me a kick in the ass and telling me
to continue. I'm really flattered that you liked the story so much. I'll
have you know though, that I stayed up all hours to finish this, so any bad
grades I get in school, I blame on you!(
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It had been a night from hell for Kim. She and Alex and dealt with numerous difficult patients, she was worried about Joey and how he would adjust, and she already missed Jimmy. There was no other choice though. Things just could not go on the way they were going. She was already way too confused about her feelings for Jimmy, and if she stayed, it would only get worse.
Kim sat in the dim apartment in front of the television, staring blankly at the screen. She would get over this. She had to. And it's not like she hadn't gone through this similar thought process before. Jimmy would be really sweet and charming and she would be stupid and easy and sleep with him. The next morning, things were awkward, and both looked for a way out. Jimmy would move on to the next girl, leaving Kim to sort out her twisted thoughts. It really wasn't fair. Why couldn't she affect Jimmy nearly as much as he affected her?
A knock at the door caused Kim to jump and pull herself out of her morbid thoughts. Her heart started to race. Fabulous. The first night back in her apartment by herself and someone had to cause her more trauma. Kim walked slowly to the door, debating whether or not to grab a knife from the kitchen, but deciding against it. She had to stay calm. "Who is it?" she asked cautiously.
"It's Jimmy," he answered her. He could hear the worry in her voice.
Kim rolled her eyes and unlocked the multitude of locks on her door. She wrenched the door open and glared at him. "Jimmy, you knew this was the first night in the apartment alone! You could have called first!"
"I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry, Kim." He gave her the puppy dog look to emphasize his apology.
Kim sighed and moved back to let him in the apartment. She closed the door and turned to look at him, crossing her arms in front of her, clearly conveying her annoyance. "Jimmy, it's 1:00 in the morning. What are you doing here?"
Jimmy shrugged noncommittally and walked to the living room. "So, is Joey asleep?" he asked, blatantly avoiding the question.
Kim shook her head in disbelief and followed him into the living room. He was acting like this was completely normal. "Joy has been asleep for many hours. I was just about to go to bed too." Kim hinted, hoping that would move him out the door. He really could not be here with her present mind frame.
Jimmy sat and looked at her irritated stance. He shoved his hands in his jacket pockets so she wouldn't see them shake. "I wasn't really tired tonight and thought I would come by and see if you were all settled," he said with a plastered smile on his face.
Kim dropped the ice woman attitude, sighed, and moved to sit on the coffee table in front of him. "Jimmy. It's really nice of you to worry about me and come make sure I'm o.k., but it's really unnecessary. I'm fine. Joey's fine. We're both going to be fine here."
"Fine," Jimmy relented, looking at floor for direction.
Kim smiled, leaned forward, and tilted her head to look him in the eye, "Why do I get the feeling that there's something else on your mind?"
Jimmy's eyes darted to hers, "Why would you think that?"
"Your mind looks like it's going a mile a minute and your excuse was really lame," Kim smiled.
Jimmy chuckled, "Yeah, I didn't really have time to hone my excuse very much. Kinda just said the first thing that came to mind."
"So, are you planning on telling me what is on your mind sometime tonight? Because, if you wanna think about it some more, I'm gonna go to bed and you can wake me when you think of it," she teased.
Jimmy laughed and sat forward a little. "It's just that I'm not exactly sure how to say what I want to say. I'm not sure you're gonna want to hear it."
"When has that ever stopped you before?" Kim chuckled.
Jimmy looked in her eyes, knowing what she was joking about. He remembered when he sat her down and told her about sleeping with her sister. She definitely hadn't wanted to hear that, but he told her anyway, hoping they would be able to work things out. See how well that had worked.
"Look, Jimmy, just say what's on your mind," Kim smiled softly. "I can handle it."
Jimmy pulled his hands from his pockets and took hers. Kim looked at him in confusion. "You said that you and Joey were fine. Well, I'm not."
Kim looked at him, fear creeping into her eyes, "You're not sick, are you?"
Jimmy laughed, quickly controlling himself when he saw the worry in her features. "No, I'm not sick." Jimmy felt his stomach turn in a tight knot. "I'm not fine because I don't want you to leave."
Kim sighed, "Jimmy, I know you said that you want to take care of me, but I don't want you to have to do that. I need to be able to stand on my own again. For myself and for Joey. Besides, you should be glad that I moved out. Living with your ex-wife and son are probably real turn-offs for your girlfriends," she forced out a smile. She was in no shape to have this conversation.
"Kim, I sat in the station house for two hours, trying to process what you said to me. I sat there and tried to convince myself that you were right. That things were getting complicated and we needed to get on with our lives separately. I should have been ecstatic that you didn't need me anymore, right? That I didn't feel the need to take care of you anymore." Hurt flashed over Kim's expression and Jimmy set out to rectify that. "But I wasn't. All I could think about was how I didn't want to go home because I would miss you too much."
Kim pulled her hands away from Jimmy and leaned away from him. What the hell was he saying. She had given him the perfect way out and he was looking for a way back in? That made absolutely no sense. "Jimmy, you have no idea what you're saying," Kim reasoned, feeling the tears spring to her eyes.
"Yes, I do. For the first time in a long time, I know what I want," Jimmy pleaded with his eyes for her to understand.
"Jimmy, you're confused. You got used to the way things were and I'm sorry. I know I stayed too long. I should have left a long time ago. You only feel the need to take care of me because you feel guilty," Kim choked out, trying to stay cool.
"No. You're wrong. I thought that was why I felt that way too, but it's not. Maybe in the beginning I felt guilty, but that's not why now. Kim, being so close to you these last couple months has made me see how much I missed you."
Kim stood up abruptly and moved away from Jimmy. She moved behind the coffee table, an attempt to put some distance between them. She looked at him, her expression full of hurt. "Stop," she pulled her arms around herself. "I want you to stop right now before you say something stupid."
Jimmy stayed sitting, not wanting her to run away. "Kimmy, I know I've hurt you, but-"
"Your damn right you hurt me!" she yelled. She looked at Joey's door, praying that she hadn't woken him up. She continued in a whisper, "You have hurt me so many times I've lost count! And you know what, it was my fault too, because I let you, but I am not going to let you do this to me. Not again," she whispered harshly.
Jimmy stood and raised his hands in submission, "I know. I know I've hurt you and I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I have to tell you this. Kim, when I didn't know if you were dead or alive that night at the hospital, I nearly lost my mind. I couldn't imagine my life without you in it. I need you in my life."
"Stop it, stop it, stop it!" Kim closed her eyes and covered her ears. "You cannot be saying this to me. I'll not let you say this to me!" Kim moved around the table and grabbed his arm and tried to pull him to the door, "I want you to leave right now! I don't want you here."
Jimmy stood firm and shook off her angry hold easily. She had tears streaming out of her eyes and she was shaking like a leaf. He knew he should go and let her be, but he couldn't do it. Jimmy grabbed her flailing arms and held them tight. "Kim, I love you! I always have! I know I've been stupid and you have every right to hate me, but you have to know I love you. I love you so much," Jimmy choked out through tears.
Kim wrenched herself away from him and pushed him away, almost causing him to lose balance. "No! You have no idea what love is, Jimmy Doherty! If you did, you wouldn't be doing this to me!" Kim finally lost control and slid to the floor in a heap. Through his tears, Jimmy sat next to her and pulled her body to his despite her weak efforts to fend him off. "Why do you always, always do this to me?" she whined pitifully.
Jimmy held her close, feeling her resistance give and listening to her sobs. "I'm sorry, Kimmy, but you had to know," he tried to explain.
Kim pulled away after a few minutes of uncontrollable sobbing. "Why do you do this to me? You decide that you wanna be with me and I'm stupid enough to believe you. You make me fall in love with you, then you decide you don't want me. I can't do this again, Jimmy. I won't do this again," she cried.
"I know I've been a bastard and I know I don't deserve you, but I'm begging you, Kim. Please. Give me another chance. I promise it'll be different this time," Jimmy begged, tears streaming down his face.
"You promised me that before and you went off and married someone else! Remember that, Jimmy? Why should I believe you this time?" Kim asked, trying to regain her composure.
"I need you, Kim. I need you in my life. It's better when you're in it. No one knows me like you do. I'm miserable without you. Please," he begged.
"Jimmy, I'm in your life everyday. I promised you we could still be friends. Can't that be enough? Let's not do this dance again. It always ends the same way," Kim begged, wanting him to take his declaration of love back.
"I don't want to be your friend." Jimmy stopped and closed his eyes, grimacing at the way that sounded. "That's not what I meant. I do want your friendship, but I want more. I always have. I know I had a shitty way of showing it, but it's true. Kim, I always wanted my life to be with you. Always."
Tears streamed from Kim's eyes, but she felt a little more under control. This was insane. How could she actually consider being with him again after everything he had done? Kim dragged her self to the couch and slumped down, Jimmy following behind her. They sat next to each other in silence, Kim closing her eyes, trying to calm herself, Jimmy watching her intently.
Kim opened her eyes and rolled her head to the side to look at him. "Have you already given up on dating and decided that you would just go back to the old safety net, ex-wife?"
Jimmy smiled softly, "No, I haven't given up on dating, but it seems these days that I'm only interested in one woman. Who happens to be my ex- wife," he added quickly.
Kim laughed at the absurdity of this situation, "Jimmy, just give it some time. I promise you, you'll find somebody. That somebody isn't me though."
Jimmy sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly, "Kim, I tried dating. I desperately didn't want to be in love with you. I didn't want to go through this again. But you're the only thing that matters to me."
"Telling a girl that you don't want to be in love with her isn't a very convincing argument," Kim glared at him.
Jimmy laughed, "I meant I didn't want to in the beginning, but I realized it's the only thing that matters."
"What is?," Kim asked carefully.
Jimmy looked down at his hands, but forced himself to look her in the eyes, "Loving you."
Kim's eyes filled again and she buried her face in her hands, "Oh shit! Why did you have to say that?"
Jimmy smiled gently, "Because it's the truth." Jimmy pushed some hair away from her face and pulled her hands away. "Talk to me. Please," he begged.
"I love you too," Kim admitted tearfully.
Jimmy her a victory chant go off in his head. He had to really control himself as to not scream in triumph. Jimmy took a deep breath and tilted her head to look at him. He knew there had to be more she needed to say. "Why didn't you tell me? Why did you leave?" he asked gently.
"For the same reason you didn't say anything to me. I was scared. Things were getting confusing and my feelings for you were getting stronger and I didn't want that to happen again. It was hurting me and it was hurting Joey."
"I don't want to hurt you anymore. If you'll give me a chance, I want to make everything up to you. I can't function without you, Kimmy. I need you." Jimmy cupped her face gently and leaned forward slowly, waiting for her to scream or push him away. All he saw was the doubt in her eyes and he wanted nothing more than to put her fears to rest. "I want to kiss you," he whispered, "but I won't if you don't want me to."
Kim's eyes filled and blurred her vision, "I don't want you to," she whispered.
Kim could she the hurt and pain that overtook his features. "Can you honestly tell me that you don't want to be with me?" he asked. "If you can tell me that, I'll go."
Kim looked at him in fear, her hands wringing nervously in her lap. She knew that if she told him that she didn't want to be with him, it would be the biggest lie she'd ever told. "I'm scared," she forced out through tears.
Jimmy's thumbs caressed her face and he kissed her on the forehead, "That's my fault. I'm sorry," he sighed.
Kim pulled back and looked at him. She had never seen Jimmy this distraught over anything before. This couldn't possibly be just about getting her in to bed. Kim raised her shaky hands to his face and traced his lips. Slowly, she leaned forward and gently put her lips on his. She could feel his body shaking and moved her arms around his shoulders. His hands moved to her back, holding her close to him, but letting her set the pace. Kim pulled away first and looked at him with wide eyes.
"You o.k.?" he asked, afraid of the answer.
Kim looked and him in confusion, still trying to comprehend the whole thing. Her ex-husband, who she had been harboring strong feeling for and trying to keep them a secret, was once again in love with her. "Oh god!" Kim covered her face and leaned back against the couch again.
Jimmy panicked, thinking she had regretted the kiss. "Kim, I'm sorry. I didn't-"
"This is insane! I can't believe I'm doing this to myself again. My head knows how this is gonna end and somehow that doesn't seem to matter to my heart." She looked at Jimmy through her fingers, "Wanna tell me why that is?"
Jimmy smiled, feeling a little hope. He pulled her hands away from her face again and held them. "What is your heart telling you?," he asked.
"Jimmy, I absolutely cannot do this again. There's only so many times a person can handle this," she said.
Jimmy got down on the floor and knelt in front of her. "I promise Kim. If you give me a chance, it'll be different this time," Jimmy promised.
"How do you know that," she asked wearily.
"Because. I can't lose you again," he said. "Please, Kim. Give me a chance," he begged.
Kim leaned forward and kissed his forehead. "I'm gonna regret this. I just know it," she sighed.
Jimmy smiled and looked up at her, "What are you saying?"
"What does it sound like I'm saying?" she smiled softly.
Jimmy sat back on the couch and looked at her closely, "Kim, please don't make me guess. I'd hate to be wrong."
Kim sighed and looked at him, "I love you. I want to try again," she whispered.
Jimmy couldn't help himself. He leaned forward and kissed her hard. His tongue begged entrance into her mouth and she complied. Their hands were all over each, both making sure that this was really happening.
Kim finally pulled back long moments later and looked at his heated expression. "I'm not sleeping with you," she informed him.
Jimmy's eyebrows shot up, "Ever?" he chuckled and kissed the side of her neck.
Kim pushed him away half-heartedly, "Jimmy, I mean it. Not gonna happen," she smiled at his persistence.
Jimmy pulled back and sighed, "Alright, fine. Keep me in a permanent state of frustration," he pouted.
Kim smiled and stood up. She locked eyes with him and leaned over him to kiss him. Jimmy was about to pull her onto his lap when she backed away, took his hand and pulled. "Tease," he smirked.
"Yeah, yeah," she smiled and pulled him to stand. Once up, he pulled her to him and kissed her again. "Mmm.no, no, no," she murmured and pulled him to the door.
"Are you kicking me out?" Jimmy smiled and held her close.
"I wanna do this right for once. You should go before you make me break my rule," she smiled and kissed him.
Jimmy looked at her seriously, "Are you sure you'll be o.k. here by yourself? Maybe you should call your mom or something."
"I'll be fine. If I get scared, I promise I'll call," Kim promised. She opened the door and Jimmy stepped outside. "Remind me why we're doing this?" Kim asked teasingly.
"Well, I would but it would involve breaking the rule," Jimmy leaned against the doorframe and smiled flirtatiously.
Kim rolled her eyes and smiled, "Goodnight, Jimmy."
Jimmy smiled, "See you tomorrow?"
Kim kissed him and smiled, "Can't wait." She closed the door and leaned against it, hearing Jimmy say, "Me either" an walk away. She smiled to herself. Yeah.This was going to be interesting.
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Love it? Good. Hate it? To bad. Want a sequel? Let me know!
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It had been a night from hell for Kim. She and Alex and dealt with numerous difficult patients, she was worried about Joey and how he would adjust, and she already missed Jimmy. There was no other choice though. Things just could not go on the way they were going. She was already way too confused about her feelings for Jimmy, and if she stayed, it would only get worse.
Kim sat in the dim apartment in front of the television, staring blankly at the screen. She would get over this. She had to. And it's not like she hadn't gone through this similar thought process before. Jimmy would be really sweet and charming and she would be stupid and easy and sleep with him. The next morning, things were awkward, and both looked for a way out. Jimmy would move on to the next girl, leaving Kim to sort out her twisted thoughts. It really wasn't fair. Why couldn't she affect Jimmy nearly as much as he affected her?
A knock at the door caused Kim to jump and pull herself out of her morbid thoughts. Her heart started to race. Fabulous. The first night back in her apartment by herself and someone had to cause her more trauma. Kim walked slowly to the door, debating whether or not to grab a knife from the kitchen, but deciding against it. She had to stay calm. "Who is it?" she asked cautiously.
"It's Jimmy," he answered her. He could hear the worry in her voice.
Kim rolled her eyes and unlocked the multitude of locks on her door. She wrenched the door open and glared at him. "Jimmy, you knew this was the first night in the apartment alone! You could have called first!"
"I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry, Kim." He gave her the puppy dog look to emphasize his apology.
Kim sighed and moved back to let him in the apartment. She closed the door and turned to look at him, crossing her arms in front of her, clearly conveying her annoyance. "Jimmy, it's 1:00 in the morning. What are you doing here?"
Jimmy shrugged noncommittally and walked to the living room. "So, is Joey asleep?" he asked, blatantly avoiding the question.
Kim shook her head in disbelief and followed him into the living room. He was acting like this was completely normal. "Joy has been asleep for many hours. I was just about to go to bed too." Kim hinted, hoping that would move him out the door. He really could not be here with her present mind frame.
Jimmy sat and looked at her irritated stance. He shoved his hands in his jacket pockets so she wouldn't see them shake. "I wasn't really tired tonight and thought I would come by and see if you were all settled," he said with a plastered smile on his face.
Kim dropped the ice woman attitude, sighed, and moved to sit on the coffee table in front of him. "Jimmy. It's really nice of you to worry about me and come make sure I'm o.k., but it's really unnecessary. I'm fine. Joey's fine. We're both going to be fine here."
"Fine," Jimmy relented, looking at floor for direction.
Kim smiled, leaned forward, and tilted her head to look him in the eye, "Why do I get the feeling that there's something else on your mind?"
Jimmy's eyes darted to hers, "Why would you think that?"
"Your mind looks like it's going a mile a minute and your excuse was really lame," Kim smiled.
Jimmy chuckled, "Yeah, I didn't really have time to hone my excuse very much. Kinda just said the first thing that came to mind."
"So, are you planning on telling me what is on your mind sometime tonight? Because, if you wanna think about it some more, I'm gonna go to bed and you can wake me when you think of it," she teased.
Jimmy laughed and sat forward a little. "It's just that I'm not exactly sure how to say what I want to say. I'm not sure you're gonna want to hear it."
"When has that ever stopped you before?" Kim chuckled.
Jimmy looked in her eyes, knowing what she was joking about. He remembered when he sat her down and told her about sleeping with her sister. She definitely hadn't wanted to hear that, but he told her anyway, hoping they would be able to work things out. See how well that had worked.
"Look, Jimmy, just say what's on your mind," Kim smiled softly. "I can handle it."
Jimmy pulled his hands from his pockets and took hers. Kim looked at him in confusion. "You said that you and Joey were fine. Well, I'm not."
Kim looked at him, fear creeping into her eyes, "You're not sick, are you?"
Jimmy laughed, quickly controlling himself when he saw the worry in her features. "No, I'm not sick." Jimmy felt his stomach turn in a tight knot. "I'm not fine because I don't want you to leave."
Kim sighed, "Jimmy, I know you said that you want to take care of me, but I don't want you to have to do that. I need to be able to stand on my own again. For myself and for Joey. Besides, you should be glad that I moved out. Living with your ex-wife and son are probably real turn-offs for your girlfriends," she forced out a smile. She was in no shape to have this conversation.
"Kim, I sat in the station house for two hours, trying to process what you said to me. I sat there and tried to convince myself that you were right. That things were getting complicated and we needed to get on with our lives separately. I should have been ecstatic that you didn't need me anymore, right? That I didn't feel the need to take care of you anymore." Hurt flashed over Kim's expression and Jimmy set out to rectify that. "But I wasn't. All I could think about was how I didn't want to go home because I would miss you too much."
Kim pulled her hands away from Jimmy and leaned away from him. What the hell was he saying. She had given him the perfect way out and he was looking for a way back in? That made absolutely no sense. "Jimmy, you have no idea what you're saying," Kim reasoned, feeling the tears spring to her eyes.
"Yes, I do. For the first time in a long time, I know what I want," Jimmy pleaded with his eyes for her to understand.
"Jimmy, you're confused. You got used to the way things were and I'm sorry. I know I stayed too long. I should have left a long time ago. You only feel the need to take care of me because you feel guilty," Kim choked out, trying to stay cool.
"No. You're wrong. I thought that was why I felt that way too, but it's not. Maybe in the beginning I felt guilty, but that's not why now. Kim, being so close to you these last couple months has made me see how much I missed you."
Kim stood up abruptly and moved away from Jimmy. She moved behind the coffee table, an attempt to put some distance between them. She looked at him, her expression full of hurt. "Stop," she pulled her arms around herself. "I want you to stop right now before you say something stupid."
Jimmy stayed sitting, not wanting her to run away. "Kimmy, I know I've hurt you, but-"
"Your damn right you hurt me!" she yelled. She looked at Joey's door, praying that she hadn't woken him up. She continued in a whisper, "You have hurt me so many times I've lost count! And you know what, it was my fault too, because I let you, but I am not going to let you do this to me. Not again," she whispered harshly.
Jimmy stood and raised his hands in submission, "I know. I know I've hurt you and I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I have to tell you this. Kim, when I didn't know if you were dead or alive that night at the hospital, I nearly lost my mind. I couldn't imagine my life without you in it. I need you in my life."
"Stop it, stop it, stop it!" Kim closed her eyes and covered her ears. "You cannot be saying this to me. I'll not let you say this to me!" Kim moved around the table and grabbed his arm and tried to pull him to the door, "I want you to leave right now! I don't want you here."
Jimmy stood firm and shook off her angry hold easily. She had tears streaming out of her eyes and she was shaking like a leaf. He knew he should go and let her be, but he couldn't do it. Jimmy grabbed her flailing arms and held them tight. "Kim, I love you! I always have! I know I've been stupid and you have every right to hate me, but you have to know I love you. I love you so much," Jimmy choked out through tears.
Kim wrenched herself away from him and pushed him away, almost causing him to lose balance. "No! You have no idea what love is, Jimmy Doherty! If you did, you wouldn't be doing this to me!" Kim finally lost control and slid to the floor in a heap. Through his tears, Jimmy sat next to her and pulled her body to his despite her weak efforts to fend him off. "Why do you always, always do this to me?" she whined pitifully.
Jimmy held her close, feeling her resistance give and listening to her sobs. "I'm sorry, Kimmy, but you had to know," he tried to explain.
Kim pulled away after a few minutes of uncontrollable sobbing. "Why do you do this to me? You decide that you wanna be with me and I'm stupid enough to believe you. You make me fall in love with you, then you decide you don't want me. I can't do this again, Jimmy. I won't do this again," she cried.
"I know I've been a bastard and I know I don't deserve you, but I'm begging you, Kim. Please. Give me another chance. I promise it'll be different this time," Jimmy begged, tears streaming down his face.
"You promised me that before and you went off and married someone else! Remember that, Jimmy? Why should I believe you this time?" Kim asked, trying to regain her composure.
"I need you, Kim. I need you in my life. It's better when you're in it. No one knows me like you do. I'm miserable without you. Please," he begged.
"Jimmy, I'm in your life everyday. I promised you we could still be friends. Can't that be enough? Let's not do this dance again. It always ends the same way," Kim begged, wanting him to take his declaration of love back.
"I don't want to be your friend." Jimmy stopped and closed his eyes, grimacing at the way that sounded. "That's not what I meant. I do want your friendship, but I want more. I always have. I know I had a shitty way of showing it, but it's true. Kim, I always wanted my life to be with you. Always."
Tears streamed from Kim's eyes, but she felt a little more under control. This was insane. How could she actually consider being with him again after everything he had done? Kim dragged her self to the couch and slumped down, Jimmy following behind her. They sat next to each other in silence, Kim closing her eyes, trying to calm herself, Jimmy watching her intently.
Kim opened her eyes and rolled her head to the side to look at him. "Have you already given up on dating and decided that you would just go back to the old safety net, ex-wife?"
Jimmy smiled softly, "No, I haven't given up on dating, but it seems these days that I'm only interested in one woman. Who happens to be my ex- wife," he added quickly.
Kim laughed at the absurdity of this situation, "Jimmy, just give it some time. I promise you, you'll find somebody. That somebody isn't me though."
Jimmy sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly, "Kim, I tried dating. I desperately didn't want to be in love with you. I didn't want to go through this again. But you're the only thing that matters to me."
"Telling a girl that you don't want to be in love with her isn't a very convincing argument," Kim glared at him.
Jimmy laughed, "I meant I didn't want to in the beginning, but I realized it's the only thing that matters."
"What is?," Kim asked carefully.
Jimmy looked down at his hands, but forced himself to look her in the eyes, "Loving you."
Kim's eyes filled again and she buried her face in her hands, "Oh shit! Why did you have to say that?"
Jimmy smiled gently, "Because it's the truth." Jimmy pushed some hair away from her face and pulled her hands away. "Talk to me. Please," he begged.
"I love you too," Kim admitted tearfully.
Jimmy her a victory chant go off in his head. He had to really control himself as to not scream in triumph. Jimmy took a deep breath and tilted her head to look at him. He knew there had to be more she needed to say. "Why didn't you tell me? Why did you leave?" he asked gently.
"For the same reason you didn't say anything to me. I was scared. Things were getting confusing and my feelings for you were getting stronger and I didn't want that to happen again. It was hurting me and it was hurting Joey."
"I don't want to hurt you anymore. If you'll give me a chance, I want to make everything up to you. I can't function without you, Kimmy. I need you." Jimmy cupped her face gently and leaned forward slowly, waiting for her to scream or push him away. All he saw was the doubt in her eyes and he wanted nothing more than to put her fears to rest. "I want to kiss you," he whispered, "but I won't if you don't want me to."
Kim's eyes filled and blurred her vision, "I don't want you to," she whispered.
Kim could she the hurt and pain that overtook his features. "Can you honestly tell me that you don't want to be with me?" he asked. "If you can tell me that, I'll go."
Kim looked at him in fear, her hands wringing nervously in her lap. She knew that if she told him that she didn't want to be with him, it would be the biggest lie she'd ever told. "I'm scared," she forced out through tears.
Jimmy's thumbs caressed her face and he kissed her on the forehead, "That's my fault. I'm sorry," he sighed.
Kim pulled back and looked at him. She had never seen Jimmy this distraught over anything before. This couldn't possibly be just about getting her in to bed. Kim raised her shaky hands to his face and traced his lips. Slowly, she leaned forward and gently put her lips on his. She could feel his body shaking and moved her arms around his shoulders. His hands moved to her back, holding her close to him, but letting her set the pace. Kim pulled away first and looked at him with wide eyes.
"You o.k.?" he asked, afraid of the answer.
Kim looked and him in confusion, still trying to comprehend the whole thing. Her ex-husband, who she had been harboring strong feeling for and trying to keep them a secret, was once again in love with her. "Oh god!" Kim covered her face and leaned back against the couch again.
Jimmy panicked, thinking she had regretted the kiss. "Kim, I'm sorry. I didn't-"
"This is insane! I can't believe I'm doing this to myself again. My head knows how this is gonna end and somehow that doesn't seem to matter to my heart." She looked at Jimmy through her fingers, "Wanna tell me why that is?"
Jimmy smiled, feeling a little hope. He pulled her hands away from her face again and held them. "What is your heart telling you?," he asked.
"Jimmy, I absolutely cannot do this again. There's only so many times a person can handle this," she said.
Jimmy got down on the floor and knelt in front of her. "I promise Kim. If you give me a chance, it'll be different this time," Jimmy promised.
"How do you know that," she asked wearily.
"Because. I can't lose you again," he said. "Please, Kim. Give me a chance," he begged.
Kim leaned forward and kissed his forehead. "I'm gonna regret this. I just know it," she sighed.
Jimmy smiled and looked up at her, "What are you saying?"
"What does it sound like I'm saying?" she smiled softly.
Jimmy sat back on the couch and looked at her closely, "Kim, please don't make me guess. I'd hate to be wrong."
Kim sighed and looked at him, "I love you. I want to try again," she whispered.
Jimmy couldn't help himself. He leaned forward and kissed her hard. His tongue begged entrance into her mouth and she complied. Their hands were all over each, both making sure that this was really happening.
Kim finally pulled back long moments later and looked at his heated expression. "I'm not sleeping with you," she informed him.
Jimmy's eyebrows shot up, "Ever?" he chuckled and kissed the side of her neck.
Kim pushed him away half-heartedly, "Jimmy, I mean it. Not gonna happen," she smiled at his persistence.
Jimmy pulled back and sighed, "Alright, fine. Keep me in a permanent state of frustration," he pouted.
Kim smiled and stood up. She locked eyes with him and leaned over him to kiss him. Jimmy was about to pull her onto his lap when she backed away, took his hand and pulled. "Tease," he smirked.
"Yeah, yeah," she smiled and pulled him to stand. Once up, he pulled her to him and kissed her again. "Mmm.no, no, no," she murmured and pulled him to the door.
"Are you kicking me out?" Jimmy smiled and held her close.
"I wanna do this right for once. You should go before you make me break my rule," she smiled and kissed him.
Jimmy looked at her seriously, "Are you sure you'll be o.k. here by yourself? Maybe you should call your mom or something."
"I'll be fine. If I get scared, I promise I'll call," Kim promised. She opened the door and Jimmy stepped outside. "Remind me why we're doing this?" Kim asked teasingly.
"Well, I would but it would involve breaking the rule," Jimmy leaned against the doorframe and smiled flirtatiously.
Kim rolled her eyes and smiled, "Goodnight, Jimmy."
Jimmy smiled, "See you tomorrow?"
Kim kissed him and smiled, "Can't wait." She closed the door and leaned against it, hearing Jimmy say, "Me either" an walk away. She smiled to herself. Yeah.This was going to be interesting.
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Love it? Good. Hate it? To bad. Want a sequel? Let me know!