Ah......spring break. Such a wonderful time for writing, relaxation, and
it's one hell of a remedy for writer's block. Just a note for you readers;
some of the jokes in here were pulled from a MAD magazine issue where they
did a Harry Potter Parody. So, Yeah. Reviews are welcomed, makes so much
less work for me. Enjoy.
Tom awoke the following morning. He opened his eyes and blinked a few times. Obviously he had been more fatigued than he thought, because he was still in the arm chair in front of the fire, which was now smouldering. (House elves must be falling behind......) Trying to remember why he was here, the note slowly drifted back into his conscience. Looking around wildly, he found it lying on the carpet beside the chair. He reread it carefully. Who was this girl anyway? He didn't have a girlfriend... that he was aware of. Completely baffled, he headed out the stone door and down the hall, forgetting everything else, he was so lost in the note. It wasn't until he bumped into another person that he realized where he was. Looking down, he saw it was (yet another) kid in a black robe, but with a yellow collar, rather than a red or green one.
"Sorry." Tom mumbled, and he gave the kid a hand up. The kid gave him a strange look, as if it wasn't proper for him to go around helping peopole.
"What do you think you're playing at?" The kid said angrily, walking away.
Shaking it off, Tom followed the kid down the ocrridor and some steps into what seemed like a gigantic banquet hall. He watched as the kid sat down at a table with other yellow collared kids, and Tom looked around, despairing, not knowing where to go. Then he recognized that Crabbe guy from before, and walked over.
"Hey!" Crabbe called, hitting Tom on the back. "Where ya been?"
Not being able to answer, Tom sat down. He was vaguely aware that his whole table was full of green collars. He looked down at the extra shirt that had been loaned to him. Yep, green collar. Further thoughts of this were driven from his mind, however, when he heard a yell.
"NOOOOOO! You can't make meeeeeeeee!"
All heads snapped towards the great oak doors to see four Gryffindor girls (or to Tom four girls in black robes with red collars) struggling through, panting, dragging another Gryffindor girl behind them. The one girl was resisting all attempts to go into the banquet hall, and was seemingly trying to take her robe off.
"Sarah!" Tom whispered to himself.
"Come on 'Erm, just leave it on already!" Panted one girl, her voice full of pleading. "I don't understand what's going on......, she's never been like this......" Another girl gasped. "Maybe she's sick." Offered the other, her face red with exertion.
"NO NO NO NO! Am NOT wearing tacky black robe! I WANT MY SIMPLE PLAN HOODIE BACK!"
Outnumbering her four to one, Sarah was eventually dragged to one of the tables with the others girls and forced down. She sat there, arms crossed, lower lip quivering with an anticipated pout. Sarah was NOT a happy bunny today.
"What do you think her problem is?" Whispered a kid with flaming red hair. "Dunno," Said his friend, a boy with jet black hair and breathtakingly green eyes. "Maybe she failed something......"
All pretenses of acting stubborn (and pouting) were forgotten by our lovely captive however when the food arrived. Hey, she may have loved her hoodie, but food was FOOD. And this was good food. Ok, so a lot of it was British, but chocolate trifle was chocolate trifle. Perhaps she'd wait a little longer to contact dear Thomas......
Meanwhile, Tom's mind was racing over at his table. He wasn't touching any of the food in front of him, something his tablemates were noticing.
"Hey what's wrong Dra? Why aren'tcha eating?"
Moving swiftly, Tom got up from the table. He weaved his way through the three other tables and hungry students, finally circling around the table where Sarah was happily feasting away. He stopped where he could see Sarah's face, and waved a bit, not sure how to get her attention. Sarah didn't apparently notice, so Tom waved a little bigger. Feeling quite foolish, he decided to take the direct approach. He briskly walked up to her and tapped her on the shoulder. She turned around and looked at him in shock.
"Thomas!" She squealed, and gave him a big hug.
Immediately all action ceased. Chatter was abandoned, mouths hung open, extra pieces of bacon fell from hungry hands. Most of the staring was coming from the table Tom came from, and of course Sarah's table. The kid with red hair stood up.
"What are you doing?" He asked slowly, voice quivering with anger. Tom was once again lost, and he figured as the kid approached with raised fists that it was time to revert to high kick mode once more. Not necessary, however.
"Ron, chill, I got this." Said the kid with black hair, speaking with excrutiating calm. Red head sat down. Reluctantly unballed his fist. Progress. Raven head walked up to Tom, directly, staring him down. He then snapped his head at Sarah.
"Why?" He asked, voice barely above a whisper.
Sarah cocked an eyebrow.
"Why what?"
"Why are you HUGGING HIM?"
"Er.....Gee..... he's my friend?"
Cue the collective gasps.
"What?"
Both of the astonished teens (yes Ron and Harry for all you mentally challenged out there) took out their wands and pointed them at Tom.
"Ok," Harry began. "What have you done to Hermione?"
Sarah just sighed, blowing up a strand of hair that had fallen in her face, like this didn't concern her.
"Just like boys, both on the verge of puberty to whip out their wands at the first sign of pressure......"
Tom leaned in.
"Sarah, I think we should leave......NOW."
"You're not going anywhere! Gryffindors! Are you with me?"
Cue group cheer.
At that moment Crabbe strode over.
"Fellow Slytherins! We shall not abandon one of own, especially the one who's father pays the salaries of all our parents, will we?"
Cue group cheer, take two.
Tom tugged on Sarah's robe frantically, realizing just how deep in the shit they were now. They both made a break for it, running, just running like......(A/N: oooook, thought I promised not to do that anymore.) Anywho, they ran, and were pursued by a bunch of hormonally driven homicidal teenagers. If that wasn't enough, the yellow and blue? collared kids had decided to help and 'stop' Thomas, by throwing things at him and trying to trip him. Yet Tom ran bravely forward, trying as best he could to deflect the spoonfuls of porridge being chucked at his face. He couldn't understand it; it was like every kid in that school wanted to see his brain beaten into a pulp. Yet he ran. It then took him 4.5 seconds (a record timing) to realize Sarah was no longer striding beside him. He turned his head quickly to look behind him, and noticed through all the murderous faces that a closet door was being shut. (A/N: For all you Lord of the Rings people out there, this is for you. Harry Potter people, I'll leave you a footnote at the end of the story explaining this......)
*(1)Cue the Lord of the Rings scene, with Tom bringing his black belt karate hands to his forhead in blessing as Aragorn did with his sword, then charging stupidly into the herd of Orcs, or rather the herd of homicidal, hormally driven teenagers.
"Aiiiiiiiieeeeee!!!!" He cried, throwing his body into the mash of flesh. He dove down towards the door, turned the handle, and all in one motion dragged himself in, closing (locking!) the door behind him.
THUMP THUMP THUMP! "Come out you pathetic hump of slime!"
*(2)"Go fuck ze goat!" Tom called back through the door.
"Nice."
Tom spun around, remembering the reason for the suicidal leap.
"Ok, what was that about?" Tom asked, gesturing to Sarah, who was bound with ducktape. (It fixes everything doncha know!)
"You got the note, correct?" Crabbe asked, ignoring his question.
"Uh......yes, but could you PLEASE let her go so we can escape here ALIVE?"
Crabbe narrowed his eyes. "If you read the note, then you know what's going on, correct?"
Cue the dumb look. Come on, you know the one.
"We're going to take care of this before she comes back, at least that was the request."
"She.......?"
A raven haired 'Slytherin' sneered. "I'm NOT staying here all day, you hear those Gryffindors! The Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws are probably out there as well! I wouldn't be surprised if Dumbledore gets involved, the fool muggle lover. Let's get this over with!" With that he withdrew his wand, and pointed it at Sarah. Sarah worked her legs loose and kicked out at the kid, catching him low in the gut. Owie.
"WHY YOU FILTHY MUDBLO...."
Tom knew this was turning bad, and switched to high kick mode, but this time actually turning it on.
Cue the pretty lights and comic book 'POW' blurbs.
For the courtesy of those squeamish readers, we'll let that little thing called 'imagination' (A/N: so THAT'S what those rampaging creative demons in my head are called?) dream up the fight scene. But for now, let's move on. Preferably to the part where Sarah and Tom make their grand escape, through the front castle doors and out onto the grounds, now with every secondary character after their blood. Just as they reached the grounds, it began to downpour.
"Oh that's just PERFECT!" Tom called out.
"Oh quit whining and MOVE!" Sarah yelled back, pulling on his sleeve. They both started running towards the forest that was in the background, passing by a hut with an extremely hairy man sitting on the stoop, who was too busy singing "*(3)Ah'm a loomberjack an' Ah'm ook, Ah work all night an' Ah sleep all daaaay......" to notice them running past, or to notice the angry mob pursuing. Not knowing what else to do, they plunged into the heart of the forest, amidst the hurricane that seemed to come out of nowhere. (A/N: Ah ha, told ya El Nino would return!) They reached a clearing in the thick woods, and not hearing any signs of pursuit, sat on a log amist the downpour. Only to be surrounded by spiders. Sarah cocked her head.
"Tom, I don't think we're in *(4)Mirkwood anymore."
"NOT FUNNY Sarah!"
The spiders circled in, and Tom and Sarah probably would have been spider chow, except for the fact that another bolt of lightning shot down from the sky and struck both of our heroes. Another how many volts? traveled down their spines, and everything went all darkish and black.
Both of them woke up, lying in a gutter outside Mike's videos, soaked to the bone. They looked at each other, then around them. They still had the robes on, which were now clinging to their drenched bodies like a second skin. Tom pointed to an overhand on the building across the street, and Sarah nodded. Once under cover, Sarah took her now extremely er, interestingly wet hair and squeezed all the water out of it. Tom looked up at her, fingering the robe.
"You know what I'm thinking?"
Sarah grinned, a wide smile being revealed and michevious eyes lighting up.
"Ebay."
"Exactly."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Footnotes
*(1) This is a scene from Lord of the Rings, Fellowship of the Ring, where the one character Aragorn charges blindly into an army of Orcs (butt ugly goblin monster demon spawn) to battle for the lives of the hobbits.
*(2) This is one of Tom's trademark sayings, which originally is "Fuck me, fuck ze goat." Quite funny, actually.
*(3) yay! The Lumberjack song from Monty Python, a classic.
*(4) Mirkwood is a forest in Lord of the Rings, and in this forest lives deadly spiders who eat people. Is it just me, or is this one heck of a coincedence?
!@#$%^$##WHAT!@##$JUST@!##$$%$%HAPPENED?!@#@#*$&#(*
Epilogue
Two teens were busy in the hallways, walking to their next class. The girl had just come from Potions, likewise the boy. They brushed by each other, one throwing some cruel insult, the other rolling their eyes and continuing. They were just passing by each then when suddenly they weren't there anymore...... They felt themselves floating, floating, then stopping. Everything was dark, and cramped. Too cramped.
"Ah! What happened?" Cried the girl.
"Hey! What is this?" Echoed the boy.
"I can't see......AH I CAN"T MOVE EITHER!"
"It's so cramped in here! AIR! AIR! LOSING AIR!"
Meanwhile, students of the Bellefonte High school passed by in the hallways, not noticing the two fictional Hogwarts teens that were seemingly trapped inside the lockers of Tom and Sarah.
Now, be a happy bunny and leave a review. Also, check out some of my other stories, including a sequel to Switchers.
Tom awoke the following morning. He opened his eyes and blinked a few times. Obviously he had been more fatigued than he thought, because he was still in the arm chair in front of the fire, which was now smouldering. (House elves must be falling behind......) Trying to remember why he was here, the note slowly drifted back into his conscience. Looking around wildly, he found it lying on the carpet beside the chair. He reread it carefully. Who was this girl anyway? He didn't have a girlfriend... that he was aware of. Completely baffled, he headed out the stone door and down the hall, forgetting everything else, he was so lost in the note. It wasn't until he bumped into another person that he realized where he was. Looking down, he saw it was (yet another) kid in a black robe, but with a yellow collar, rather than a red or green one.
"Sorry." Tom mumbled, and he gave the kid a hand up. The kid gave him a strange look, as if it wasn't proper for him to go around helping peopole.
"What do you think you're playing at?" The kid said angrily, walking away.
Shaking it off, Tom followed the kid down the ocrridor and some steps into what seemed like a gigantic banquet hall. He watched as the kid sat down at a table with other yellow collared kids, and Tom looked around, despairing, not knowing where to go. Then he recognized that Crabbe guy from before, and walked over.
"Hey!" Crabbe called, hitting Tom on the back. "Where ya been?"
Not being able to answer, Tom sat down. He was vaguely aware that his whole table was full of green collars. He looked down at the extra shirt that had been loaned to him. Yep, green collar. Further thoughts of this were driven from his mind, however, when he heard a yell.
"NOOOOOO! You can't make meeeeeeeee!"
All heads snapped towards the great oak doors to see four Gryffindor girls (or to Tom four girls in black robes with red collars) struggling through, panting, dragging another Gryffindor girl behind them. The one girl was resisting all attempts to go into the banquet hall, and was seemingly trying to take her robe off.
"Sarah!" Tom whispered to himself.
"Come on 'Erm, just leave it on already!" Panted one girl, her voice full of pleading. "I don't understand what's going on......, she's never been like this......" Another girl gasped. "Maybe she's sick." Offered the other, her face red with exertion.
"NO NO NO NO! Am NOT wearing tacky black robe! I WANT MY SIMPLE PLAN HOODIE BACK!"
Outnumbering her four to one, Sarah was eventually dragged to one of the tables with the others girls and forced down. She sat there, arms crossed, lower lip quivering with an anticipated pout. Sarah was NOT a happy bunny today.
"What do you think her problem is?" Whispered a kid with flaming red hair. "Dunno," Said his friend, a boy with jet black hair and breathtakingly green eyes. "Maybe she failed something......"
All pretenses of acting stubborn (and pouting) were forgotten by our lovely captive however when the food arrived. Hey, she may have loved her hoodie, but food was FOOD. And this was good food. Ok, so a lot of it was British, but chocolate trifle was chocolate trifle. Perhaps she'd wait a little longer to contact dear Thomas......
Meanwhile, Tom's mind was racing over at his table. He wasn't touching any of the food in front of him, something his tablemates were noticing.
"Hey what's wrong Dra? Why aren'tcha eating?"
Moving swiftly, Tom got up from the table. He weaved his way through the three other tables and hungry students, finally circling around the table where Sarah was happily feasting away. He stopped where he could see Sarah's face, and waved a bit, not sure how to get her attention. Sarah didn't apparently notice, so Tom waved a little bigger. Feeling quite foolish, he decided to take the direct approach. He briskly walked up to her and tapped her on the shoulder. She turned around and looked at him in shock.
"Thomas!" She squealed, and gave him a big hug.
Immediately all action ceased. Chatter was abandoned, mouths hung open, extra pieces of bacon fell from hungry hands. Most of the staring was coming from the table Tom came from, and of course Sarah's table. The kid with red hair stood up.
"What are you doing?" He asked slowly, voice quivering with anger. Tom was once again lost, and he figured as the kid approached with raised fists that it was time to revert to high kick mode once more. Not necessary, however.
"Ron, chill, I got this." Said the kid with black hair, speaking with excrutiating calm. Red head sat down. Reluctantly unballed his fist. Progress. Raven head walked up to Tom, directly, staring him down. He then snapped his head at Sarah.
"Why?" He asked, voice barely above a whisper.
Sarah cocked an eyebrow.
"Why what?"
"Why are you HUGGING HIM?"
"Er.....Gee..... he's my friend?"
Cue the collective gasps.
"What?"
Both of the astonished teens (yes Ron and Harry for all you mentally challenged out there) took out their wands and pointed them at Tom.
"Ok," Harry began. "What have you done to Hermione?"
Sarah just sighed, blowing up a strand of hair that had fallen in her face, like this didn't concern her.
"Just like boys, both on the verge of puberty to whip out their wands at the first sign of pressure......"
Tom leaned in.
"Sarah, I think we should leave......NOW."
"You're not going anywhere! Gryffindors! Are you with me?"
Cue group cheer.
At that moment Crabbe strode over.
"Fellow Slytherins! We shall not abandon one of own, especially the one who's father pays the salaries of all our parents, will we?"
Cue group cheer, take two.
Tom tugged on Sarah's robe frantically, realizing just how deep in the shit they were now. They both made a break for it, running, just running like......(A/N: oooook, thought I promised not to do that anymore.) Anywho, they ran, and were pursued by a bunch of hormonally driven homicidal teenagers. If that wasn't enough, the yellow and blue? collared kids had decided to help and 'stop' Thomas, by throwing things at him and trying to trip him. Yet Tom ran bravely forward, trying as best he could to deflect the spoonfuls of porridge being chucked at his face. He couldn't understand it; it was like every kid in that school wanted to see his brain beaten into a pulp. Yet he ran. It then took him 4.5 seconds (a record timing) to realize Sarah was no longer striding beside him. He turned his head quickly to look behind him, and noticed through all the murderous faces that a closet door was being shut. (A/N: For all you Lord of the Rings people out there, this is for you. Harry Potter people, I'll leave you a footnote at the end of the story explaining this......)
*(1)Cue the Lord of the Rings scene, with Tom bringing his black belt karate hands to his forhead in blessing as Aragorn did with his sword, then charging stupidly into the herd of Orcs, or rather the herd of homicidal, hormally driven teenagers.
"Aiiiiiiiieeeeee!!!!" He cried, throwing his body into the mash of flesh. He dove down towards the door, turned the handle, and all in one motion dragged himself in, closing (locking!) the door behind him.
THUMP THUMP THUMP! "Come out you pathetic hump of slime!"
*(2)"Go fuck ze goat!" Tom called back through the door.
"Nice."
Tom spun around, remembering the reason for the suicidal leap.
"Ok, what was that about?" Tom asked, gesturing to Sarah, who was bound with ducktape. (It fixes everything doncha know!)
"You got the note, correct?" Crabbe asked, ignoring his question.
"Uh......yes, but could you PLEASE let her go so we can escape here ALIVE?"
Crabbe narrowed his eyes. "If you read the note, then you know what's going on, correct?"
Cue the dumb look. Come on, you know the one.
"We're going to take care of this before she comes back, at least that was the request."
"She.......?"
A raven haired 'Slytherin' sneered. "I'm NOT staying here all day, you hear those Gryffindors! The Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws are probably out there as well! I wouldn't be surprised if Dumbledore gets involved, the fool muggle lover. Let's get this over with!" With that he withdrew his wand, and pointed it at Sarah. Sarah worked her legs loose and kicked out at the kid, catching him low in the gut. Owie.
"WHY YOU FILTHY MUDBLO...."
Tom knew this was turning bad, and switched to high kick mode, but this time actually turning it on.
Cue the pretty lights and comic book 'POW' blurbs.
For the courtesy of those squeamish readers, we'll let that little thing called 'imagination' (A/N: so THAT'S what those rampaging creative demons in my head are called?) dream up the fight scene. But for now, let's move on. Preferably to the part where Sarah and Tom make their grand escape, through the front castle doors and out onto the grounds, now with every secondary character after their blood. Just as they reached the grounds, it began to downpour.
"Oh that's just PERFECT!" Tom called out.
"Oh quit whining and MOVE!" Sarah yelled back, pulling on his sleeve. They both started running towards the forest that was in the background, passing by a hut with an extremely hairy man sitting on the stoop, who was too busy singing "*(3)Ah'm a loomberjack an' Ah'm ook, Ah work all night an' Ah sleep all daaaay......" to notice them running past, or to notice the angry mob pursuing. Not knowing what else to do, they plunged into the heart of the forest, amidst the hurricane that seemed to come out of nowhere. (A/N: Ah ha, told ya El Nino would return!) They reached a clearing in the thick woods, and not hearing any signs of pursuit, sat on a log amist the downpour. Only to be surrounded by spiders. Sarah cocked her head.
"Tom, I don't think we're in *(4)Mirkwood anymore."
"NOT FUNNY Sarah!"
The spiders circled in, and Tom and Sarah probably would have been spider chow, except for the fact that another bolt of lightning shot down from the sky and struck both of our heroes. Another how many volts? traveled down their spines, and everything went all darkish and black.
Both of them woke up, lying in a gutter outside Mike's videos, soaked to the bone. They looked at each other, then around them. They still had the robes on, which were now clinging to their drenched bodies like a second skin. Tom pointed to an overhand on the building across the street, and Sarah nodded. Once under cover, Sarah took her now extremely er, interestingly wet hair and squeezed all the water out of it. Tom looked up at her, fingering the robe.
"You know what I'm thinking?"
Sarah grinned, a wide smile being revealed and michevious eyes lighting up.
"Ebay."
"Exactly."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Footnotes
*(1) This is a scene from Lord of the Rings, Fellowship of the Ring, where the one character Aragorn charges blindly into an army of Orcs (butt ugly goblin monster demon spawn) to battle for the lives of the hobbits.
*(2) This is one of Tom's trademark sayings, which originally is "Fuck me, fuck ze goat." Quite funny, actually.
*(3) yay! The Lumberjack song from Monty Python, a classic.
*(4) Mirkwood is a forest in Lord of the Rings, and in this forest lives deadly spiders who eat people. Is it just me, or is this one heck of a coincedence?
!@#$%^$##WHAT!@##$JUST@!##$$%$%HAPPENED?!@#@#*$&#(*
Epilogue
Two teens were busy in the hallways, walking to their next class. The girl had just come from Potions, likewise the boy. They brushed by each other, one throwing some cruel insult, the other rolling their eyes and continuing. They were just passing by each then when suddenly they weren't there anymore...... They felt themselves floating, floating, then stopping. Everything was dark, and cramped. Too cramped.
"Ah! What happened?" Cried the girl.
"Hey! What is this?" Echoed the boy.
"I can't see......AH I CAN"T MOVE EITHER!"
"It's so cramped in here! AIR! AIR! LOSING AIR!"
Meanwhile, students of the Bellefonte High school passed by in the hallways, not noticing the two fictional Hogwarts teens that were seemingly trapped inside the lockers of Tom and Sarah.
Now, be a happy bunny and leave a review. Also, check out some of my other stories, including a sequel to Switchers.