*****

"…And there's postcards written
I know I'll never send
The moment is gone and won't come again
I ride with souls who find no peace
Still I look to you to find release…"

-Third Eye Blind

Greg manages to avoid everyone for the rest of his shift, catching up on paperwork and recalibrating all the lab equipment during the strange lulls. He winces at the pain in his shoulder as he drops his backpack on the asphalt so he can unlock his car's door.

"Greg. Going home?"

"That's usually what one does when leaving work," Greg answers Sara who approaches with Warrick.

"Any plans?" Warrick questions.

"Sleep. Lots and lots of sleep. I'll catch you guys tomorrow, alright?" Greg tosses his backpack into the car and steps inside. He waits until they walk away before he lights a forbidden cigarette, another of his reawakened habits.

Greg starts his car as he inhales the smoke, desperate to fill the emptiness inside with whatever he can stand. He gave up smoking, drinking and drugs cold turkey years before. He had to prove to himself that he could survive without the vices. He had to prove to himself that he could survive without anything. He did. He survived it all. Greg puts the car in reverse, having to think out everything methodically and not letting himself switch on to automatic mode. Not yet. He's been on automatic all night, walking around, joking and existing while his mind was somewhere else. He has to turn off the autopilot now. He has to face himself.

He is shaking by the time he parks his car outside his apartment. He gathers his things, locks the door and walks into his house. He drops his bag and goes to the kitchen. He needs coffee. Coffee and scotch. Coffee and whiskey. Coffee and beer. He fills the coffeemaker with water and flips it on.

"Greg."

Lila's voice startles him. He doesn't react immediately. He freezes.

"Greg?"

"I heard you. Hey, Lila," Greg breathes, turning around and facing her. She is standing in the edge of the kitchen, looking beautiful and sad.

"I…I just wanted to see you," She whispers, clearly uncomfortably.

"One last time, right?" Greg replies, keeping his voice free of anger.

"Greg…"

He winces involuntarily. The way she says his name with her accent…

"Greg?"

"I'm back, Lila. I'm right here. In the flesh. Do you want to talk to me or did you just need to see me?" Greg asks, his words tumbling out as his tenuous control slips.

Lila steps toward him, quickly, sensing something in his voice. "Greg. Are you alright?"

"I…I don't know if its any of your business anymore…" He says, taking a step back as she reaches out for him.

She gasps. "It shouldn't be this way. Not between us. We should be better than this."

"Somewhere, Lila…I messed this all up. Now we're both in pain and there's no way back," Greg says, quietly. His shaking intensifies.

"Greg. Sit down." Lila disregards his shudder as she touches him and pushes him into a chair.

"Lila. Maybe you should go."

"Maybe I should stop listening to you and start paying attention to you," Lila replies. "You're shaking. You just got back from work where I'm sure your coworkers have been interrogating you senseless. You come home to an empty house to find your devastatingly sexy ex-girlfriend waiting for you," Lila sighs, trying to get him to smile.

Greg looks up at her.

"I'm trying to make it up to you, Greg. We can't go back, but we can start over. Maybe you don't need a girlfriend right now. Maybe you need a friend."

"But, Lila, you're a girl. You can't be my friend and not be my girlfriend," He teases, relaxing slightly. His fingertips find her hand. He laces his fingers with hers. "Will you stay with me? Just a little while?" He whispers.

"Oui."

"We don't have to talk. Just…just sit with me," Greg whispers. She pulls up a chair beside him and sits down, taking his hands and holding them tightly.

"I'm so sorry, baby…I know you're hurting…I just don't know what to do when you won't let me in…" Lila runs a hand down his face.

"I won't let you in because its…I can't Lila…I…" Greg pulls away from her. "Maybe you should go."

"No, Greg, I'm not going to go…" Her face is tight with confusion. "I want…I want you to be okay."

"I am okay," Greg says slowly. He stands up and pours himself a cup of coffee and leans against the counter. "Lila, I need you. When…when I realized how much I'd fucked up with you…I ache when I don't see you…but I never wanted to see the look in your eyes that I see right now. Pity. Concern. You're worried about me, you feel sorry for me."

"I love you, Greg," Lila protests.

"Whatever. I'm strong, Lila. I don't want your pity. I don't need your concern."

Lila sniffles. "Whatever? Okay. Whatever."

"Fuck, I don't know what I'm talking about…" He sighs, running his hands through his hair despite the gel.

"Greg."

He turns away. "I'm sorry. I can't do this right now…"

"Too many walls down? Afraid you might tell someone the truth?" Lila replies, suddenly. "I'm just here to listen. I don't really know you…"

"You do know me, Lila."

"No. I know what you want me to know." She stands up and goes to him. "Look at me, Greg."

He turns his body slightly to meet her gaze.

"I don't care about your past. The only reason I care is because it's eating you up inside…" Lila starts.

"That's why I'm not a whole person?" Greg asks, quietly.

"I didn't mean it the way you're taking it," Lila replies.

"How did you mean it?"

"You only give yourself out in pieces. You let me have a piece and you give the people at your job a piece but nobody gets the whole package…" Lila replies. "If I'm going to be with you then I need all of you. I need the complete package…"

"Okay, Lila."

"What?" She asks, confused.

Greg sighs. "I'm tired. I'm sick of drama. I need some peace so I say okay. Whatever."

Lila is speechless.

"I'm going to bed."