Horry gets (gasp) INVITED somewhere
Horry's cousin, Dudley, had grown so fat that he had his own climate. So now he was on a diet. Needless to say, Dudley was not pleased, but Aunt Peculiar wasn't having any of it. So, for breakfast, Aunt Peculiar gave Dudley half a grapefruit. She gave Horry an apple core, cos Dudley didn't get as pissy if Horry ate less than him. Suddenly (and for no reason whatsoever) a letter arrived. Uncle Venom went to go get it, and Dudley stole Uncle Venom's bacon. He ate it then suffered a pulmonary embolism because his arteries were so clogged. But who cares? Uncle Venom read the letter. It said:
Dear Mr and Mrs Horry's relatives,
You have no idea who we are, but we're sure you've heard a great deal about Horry from our son Runt. Or is it the other way around? I can never get that right.
Anyhoo, we're going to take your nephew away from you to go watch the QUIDDITCH WORLD CUP, but we thought we should probably let you know. Have Horry write back the NORMAL way, none of this stupid postman crap. Bye!
Mole-y Weasel
P.S. I do hope we've put enough stamps on.
There were no stamps on the envelope, but a million stamps fell out with the letter.
"Well she did put enough stamps on," said Horry. Uncle Vernon kicked Horry in the shins. Horry, seeing that Uncle Vernon was angry, decided to push his luck. As we all know, Horry is a little thick.
"Can I go?" he asked. Uncle Vernon looked constipated. "Don't forget I have an axe wielding maniac for a godfather, who would be perfectly willing to separate your head from your neck if you say no," Horry reminded him, smirking like the obnoxious little shite that he is. So Uncle Vernon let Horry go (after punching him in his stupid face), cos Horry always gets what he wants. Horry Horry Horry.