A Lesson in Magic
By Tinderfoot.
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragonlance. I am not making any money through
writing this. Sue me if you want. ...Flying attack monkey.
A bored kender can do many things. He could singlehandedly bring about the downfall of a great nation, unknowingly open a dimensional rift into an untold hell dimension, make shadow puppets, or just wander around in an attempt to find some excitement. Unfortunately, bored kenders aren't rare. They wander the vast countryside of Krynn, terrorizing farmhands and traveling adventurers. Possibly, the only race which can tolerate the kender is the dwarf, though no dwarf would ever admit that to himself or to anyone else without the involvement of some powerful spell of truth (and even there, it is not certain that the dwarf would admit it, as proven by countless studies performed in the Tower of Palanthas by curious mages...).
This particular kender found himself in a tavern in Palanthas. An empty tavern now, as a result of the kender juggling two very, very interesting torches while doing complex gymnastics. The resulting fire was presently confined to a small area behind the bar next to the alcohol. As the now bored again kender walked away (although he had always wondered what death would be like, he could find out at any time, but there were still so many interesting things to see in the world of the living that he hadn't yet witnessed... or burned), and as he did, the fire finally reached the bottles of alcohol, resulting in a sudden burst of warmth and a few shards of glass in the kenders back which would soon become very interesting scars. The line of people with buckets of water was just beginning outside the building as our subject left.
Shoikan Grove was a very interesting place. However, it was also quite frightening. This particular kender thrives in adversity, and as such, had planned for every possibility. He pulled out his magical grappling hook (although, he hadn't quite yet figured out what the magic of it was) and tossed. It came nowhere near the building, and caught in one of the trees. After a few more tries at this, the kender was growing a bit discouraged. He decided to do something he did not often do.
"Uh, hullo? Fitzbin? No... that's not right... uh... Fizban! That's the name! Well, ummm... Mister Fizban-the-Fabulous, I uh... need some help... I would...be...hey look a bird! Oh, sorry...yeah. I will let you look through my pouches if you can get me to the building... HULLO! MISTER FIZBAN! Are you listening?"
No answer came save for the unknown and spooky sounds from the enchanted Grove. He shot his grappling hook one last time. It caught on an other tree. And didn't come off again. "Darn."
****
Inside the Tower, the kender had not gone unnoticed. Mages added their magical strength to the power of the enchantment. So much energy was expanded this night in this way that the gods of magic paid particular attention to their servants, wondering what it was that had them all worked up. A noticeable spike in the power of the enchantment came from the gods of magic when they realized what a kender could do once inside one of their Towers.
Exposure to all of this magical energy all at once was sure to have unpredictable effects on the people of Palanthas. The next day, when the mayor of the Lord City woke up with scales and a strange urge for fish, the mages weren't really surprised, but when their attempts to stop the kender gave him wings and the power to fly, that surprised them. The irony was not lost on the Tower mages, it was just that they were too busy preparing their fireball spells to truly appreciate the irony.
****
The kender was almost as surprised as the mages when he felt the wings sprouting from his back. This'll be a great story to tell Blankball Bramblehugger when I see them again! Thought the kender. He flew high, and loved the feeling of the winds under his feathery wings, giving him lift with which to maneuver his way between the birds of the flock into which he had intruded.
"Thank you Fitzbin!" The joyous kender yelled, "I'll recommend you to all of my friends!" he did a barrel roll and forgot about the Tower. Right now, flying was more interesting.
The kender was wondering what else he could do with his wings when he saw, far below him, a group of dots all around one significantly smaller dot, the large group of bigger dots did not look like happy dots. He descended to see that the dots were not dots, but a group of angry humans around his good friend Blankball! He swooped down further grabbed his friend and soared once more, dropping one of his heavier pouches onto the head of what looked to be the lead human.
"Since when do you have wings?" Inquired the curious kender, "I want wings too! Where did you get them? Can you go faster? Higher? Oh. I don't feel so good..."
****
Dalamar was sitting in his chambers enjoying an ancient tome and bottle of Sylvanesti wine. He had gotten about halfway through the book before being interrupted by an inept noviciate talking about kender trying to get into the tower. After his scrying, and ordering the rest of the mages to do whatever they wanted to stop the kender as long as he was not allowed into the tower, he locked his door and continued reading.
Underestimating a kender was his first mistake.
"Hullo."
"Hul- -!??" Dalamar let his glass of elven wine fall. It fell on his priceless tome. He didn't notice. Didn't care.
"You know your door was locked?" The kender picked up small gold pendant that could destroy an entire city, and put it back, slipping it back into his pouch when Dalamar wasn't paying attention, "I think maybe you locked it accidentally when I was trying to get in earlier, thinking I was someone unwanted here."
Dalamar laughed under his breath, "You see this?" he asked as he flung his robes open, revealing the finger-holes left in his chest by his Shalafi. "This is the punishment that I received from my master. The price I paid for my power. And what power I have! I shall show you some of this great po-"
"I hate to interrupt, but you're not wearing anything under your robes, so I'm seeing a lot more than those holes in your chest which are very, very interesting. You know, an evil wizard has never flashed me before...."
"Silence!" Dalarmar re-fastened his robes, "You will feel pain!" Dalamar had intended to cast some sort of spell, however the second kender who accompanied the winged one, was elsewhere in the tower, perusing the extremely interesting magic books in the extensive Tower library. It appears the kender stumbled upon a powerful spell which changed the entire population of Krynn into spork-fingered rabid heart-shaped armadillos.
Armadillos can't cast spells.
The end.
A bored kender can do many things. He could singlehandedly bring about the downfall of a great nation, unknowingly open a dimensional rift into an untold hell dimension, make shadow puppets, or just wander around in an attempt to find some excitement. Unfortunately, bored kenders aren't rare. They wander the vast countryside of Krynn, terrorizing farmhands and traveling adventurers. Possibly, the only race which can tolerate the kender is the dwarf, though no dwarf would ever admit that to himself or to anyone else without the involvement of some powerful spell of truth (and even there, it is not certain that the dwarf would admit it, as proven by countless studies performed in the Tower of Palanthas by curious mages...).
This particular kender found himself in a tavern in Palanthas. An empty tavern now, as a result of the kender juggling two very, very interesting torches while doing complex gymnastics. The resulting fire was presently confined to a small area behind the bar next to the alcohol. As the now bored again kender walked away (although he had always wondered what death would be like, he could find out at any time, but there were still so many interesting things to see in the world of the living that he hadn't yet witnessed... or burned), and as he did, the fire finally reached the bottles of alcohol, resulting in a sudden burst of warmth and a few shards of glass in the kenders back which would soon become very interesting scars. The line of people with buckets of water was just beginning outside the building as our subject left.
Shoikan Grove was a very interesting place. However, it was also quite frightening. This particular kender thrives in adversity, and as such, had planned for every possibility. He pulled out his magical grappling hook (although, he hadn't quite yet figured out what the magic of it was) and tossed. It came nowhere near the building, and caught in one of the trees. After a few more tries at this, the kender was growing a bit discouraged. He decided to do something he did not often do.
"Uh, hullo? Fitzbin? No... that's not right... uh... Fizban! That's the name! Well, ummm... Mister Fizban-the-Fabulous, I uh... need some help... I would...be...hey look a bird! Oh, sorry...yeah. I will let you look through my pouches if you can get me to the building... HULLO! MISTER FIZBAN! Are you listening?"
No answer came save for the unknown and spooky sounds from the enchanted Grove. He shot his grappling hook one last time. It caught on an other tree. And didn't come off again. "Darn."
****
Inside the Tower, the kender had not gone unnoticed. Mages added their magical strength to the power of the enchantment. So much energy was expanded this night in this way that the gods of magic paid particular attention to their servants, wondering what it was that had them all worked up. A noticeable spike in the power of the enchantment came from the gods of magic when they realized what a kender could do once inside one of their Towers.
Exposure to all of this magical energy all at once was sure to have unpredictable effects on the people of Palanthas. The next day, when the mayor of the Lord City woke up with scales and a strange urge for fish, the mages weren't really surprised, but when their attempts to stop the kender gave him wings and the power to fly, that surprised them. The irony was not lost on the Tower mages, it was just that they were too busy preparing their fireball spells to truly appreciate the irony.
****
The kender was almost as surprised as the mages when he felt the wings sprouting from his back. This'll be a great story to tell Blankball Bramblehugger when I see them again! Thought the kender. He flew high, and loved the feeling of the winds under his feathery wings, giving him lift with which to maneuver his way between the birds of the flock into which he had intruded.
"Thank you Fitzbin!" The joyous kender yelled, "I'll recommend you to all of my friends!" he did a barrel roll and forgot about the Tower. Right now, flying was more interesting.
The kender was wondering what else he could do with his wings when he saw, far below him, a group of dots all around one significantly smaller dot, the large group of bigger dots did not look like happy dots. He descended to see that the dots were not dots, but a group of angry humans around his good friend Blankball! He swooped down further grabbed his friend and soared once more, dropping one of his heavier pouches onto the head of what looked to be the lead human.
"Since when do you have wings?" Inquired the curious kender, "I want wings too! Where did you get them? Can you go faster? Higher? Oh. I don't feel so good..."
****
Dalamar was sitting in his chambers enjoying an ancient tome and bottle of Sylvanesti wine. He had gotten about halfway through the book before being interrupted by an inept noviciate talking about kender trying to get into the tower. After his scrying, and ordering the rest of the mages to do whatever they wanted to stop the kender as long as he was not allowed into the tower, he locked his door and continued reading.
Underestimating a kender was his first mistake.
"Hullo."
"Hul- -!??" Dalamar let his glass of elven wine fall. It fell on his priceless tome. He didn't notice. Didn't care.
"You know your door was locked?" The kender picked up small gold pendant that could destroy an entire city, and put it back, slipping it back into his pouch when Dalamar wasn't paying attention, "I think maybe you locked it accidentally when I was trying to get in earlier, thinking I was someone unwanted here."
Dalamar laughed under his breath, "You see this?" he asked as he flung his robes open, revealing the finger-holes left in his chest by his Shalafi. "This is the punishment that I received from my master. The price I paid for my power. And what power I have! I shall show you some of this great po-"
"I hate to interrupt, but you're not wearing anything under your robes, so I'm seeing a lot more than those holes in your chest which are very, very interesting. You know, an evil wizard has never flashed me before...."
"Silence!" Dalarmar re-fastened his robes, "You will feel pain!" Dalamar had intended to cast some sort of spell, however the second kender who accompanied the winged one, was elsewhere in the tower, perusing the extremely interesting magic books in the extensive Tower library. It appears the kender stumbled upon a powerful spell which changed the entire population of Krynn into spork-fingered rabid heart-shaped armadillos.
Armadillos can't cast spells.
The end.