The Quidditch World Mug
Mr Weasel encouraged Horry, Whorealskdjfalskdfjfui and Runt to hurry up by whipping them repeatedly. They finally reached the top of the stands, which were apparently "prime seats". Horry looked around. They were so high up that the people on the ground looked like tiny little ants.
"These can't be prime seats," he said. "You can't see a thing." Everyone else looked around too. It seemed that Horry was right. Then Whorealksjdflaskjffui realised that the seats were all numbered, and the numbers they were sitting on where all prime numbers. She told them all so, and they all hit Horry for being a stupid little shite.
Suddenly Horry noticed an ugly little…thing sitting on the seat in front of him. He screamed, then began to cry. The little…thing turned to look at him.
"Dobby?" sobbed Horry. "What are you doing here? I got a restraining order against you, you're not allowed within two million kilometres of me!" The little…thing frowned.
"I is not Dobby," it said. "I is Winky, and I has bad grammar."
"House elves are weird," said Runt inanely.
"Dobby was weirder…but not as weird as you," said Horry. Runt grinned. It wasn't very often that he was complimented.
Just then Dragon Malformed came along with his mother NowCeaseher and his father Notlucid. Malformed made fun of the Weasels, then sat down between his parents so Gred and Forge couldn't kill him.
After awhile, the team mascots came out. The I-wish team had lepers, who flew around and threw their limbs at people. Then the Vulgar had skanks, who pranced around and flirted with everyone. Finally it was time to begin.
Neither team was very good. They kept dropping the ball through these goal post things. Horry was horrified.
"What do they think they're doing?" he asked, agape. "That's not how you play Quidditch! You somehow manage to score impossible goals and catch impossible catches!"
"Only if you're in Gryffinwindow," Whoreaslkdfjafui pointed out. "If you're in any other house, you just sit on your broom and wait to lose."
The Vulgar seeker was learning to catch a ball, using a Bugger to practice. He finally managed to catch one, grinned around like an idiot and was smashed in the face by the other Bugger for not watching what he was doing. He bled everywhere, making it impossible for the other players to see what they were doing. Then he caught the Snitch, and that was that.
Bagman presented the I-wish team with the Mug (out of sympathy, it wasn't their fault they couldn't play if their lives depended on it), then had to pay Gred and Forge shiteloads of money because they won the lotto. Or something.