Disclaimer: "I have a head so my ears don't stick together."
A/N: Glad you're enjoying this! I'm enjoying it too. Oh, and there are a few other mutant parodies out there, "Scotties New Groove" by Alison Sky, and "Mutants in Tights" by Todd Fan. go read 'em, they're hilarious! See? These Minds just RUN LOOSE! ACKS!!!!
Okay, on with the show.
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EXT. MUTANTBALL 1 - SPACE
MUTANTBALL 1 passes by at a slow speed. It takes the ship about twenty minutes to pass. At the end of the ship is a bumper sticker that says, WE BRAKE FOR NOBODY.
INT. MUTANTBALL 1 - SPACE
Col. Creed (a VERY drugged up Sabretooth) is standing in the front of the ship.
JAMIE: =shaking= C... Colonel Creed?
COLONEL CREED: What is it, Sergeant Jamie?
JAMIE: =relieved glance at RAVEN PAN= you drugged him?
RAVEN PAN: =nods= Borrowed from Alison Sky.
JAMIE: =sigh of relief= You told me to let you know the moment Planet Bayville was in sight, sir.
COLONEL CREED: So?
JAMIE: =gulps= Planet Bayville is in sight, sir.
COLONEL CREED: You're really a Mutantball. You know that, don't you?
JAMIE: =smiles weakly= Uhm... Thanks?
COLONEL CREED: Have you notified Lord Fire?
JAMIE: Yes, sir. I took the liberty. He's on his way.
PIOTR: Make way for Dark Fire!
COLONEL CREED: All rise in the presence of Dark Fire.
PIOTR: A door opens revealing Pyro, er... Dark Fire, he resembles Darth Vader, though his suit has flames drawn all along the arms and legs and cape.
PIETRO: How cool is that? I want one!
RAVEN PAN: HUSH, or I'll lock you down.
PIETRO: Yes'm.
PIOTR: He is walking toward camera. He stops in front of camera, and is having trouble breathing with the mask down.
PYRO: =pulls mask up= I can't breathe in this thing. Raven!!!
RAVEN PAN: Just read your lines.
COLONEL CREED: We're approaching Planet Bayville, sir.
DARK FIRE: Good. I'll call Mutantball City, and notify President Magsie immediately.
JAMIE: I already called him, sir. He knows everything.
DARK FIRE: What? You went over my helmet?
JAMIE: Well, not exactly over it, sir. More on the side. I'll always call you first. It'll never happen again. Never, ever!
DARK FIRE: (puts on Schwantz ring)
JAMIE: Oh crap! No, no, no, no, no, please, no, no, please, no, not that. =covers his neck=
DARK FIRE: =pulls mask down= Yes. That. =shoots a green ray at Jamie's crotch=
JAMIE: Whaoooooooo! Owwwwwwwwww! RAVEN!!!!!
RAVEN PAN: you'll be fine, dear.
JAMIE: =whimpers pitifully=
DARK FIRE : Take him away.
RANDOM JAMIE CLONES: =grab the original Jamie, and drag him off screen, much to his relief=
DARK FIRE: Col Creed.
Sabretooth: =covers his crotch= Sir?
DARK FIRE: I don't see Planet Bayville. Where is it?
COLONEL CREED: We don't have visual contact yet, sir, but we have it on the radar screen. Shall I punch it up for you?
DARK FIRE: Na, nevermind. I'll do it myself.
PIOTR: Dark Fire and Col Creed walk to the radar screen. Dark Fire stops in front of the coffee maker.
COLONEL CREED: Very good, sir.
DARK FIRE: What's the matter with this thing? What's all that churning and bubbling? You call that a radar screen.
COLONEL CREED: No, sir. We call it, "Mr. Draft." =points at label, "Mr. Draft"= Care for some?
DARK FIRE: Yes! I always have beer when I watch radar. You know that.
COLONEL CREED: Of course I do, sir.
DARK FIRE: Everybody knows that.
EVERYBODY: =covers their crotch= Of course we do, sir.
DARK FIRE: =takes beer= Now that I have my beer, I'm ready to watch radar. Where is it?
COLONEL CREED: =points to label "Mr. Radar"= Right here, sir.
PIETRO: This has GOT to be the STUPIDEST thing I've ever seen! What the heck is a "Mr. Draft" supposed to be? And "Mr. Radar"? That's so degrading! What kind of outfit are they run-
RAVEN PAN: =thwaps Pietro=
PIETRO: =blinks=
RAVEN PAN: Shut up.
PIETRO: =looks hurt=
RAVEN PAN: =motions to Sabretooth and Pyro= Continue.
DARK FIRE: Switch to the viewer thing.
PIOTR: The radar changes to a picture of Planet Bayville.
DARK FIRE: There it is, Planet Bayville, and underneath the air shield, =ignores Pietro's snort of contempt= ten thousand years of fresh air. We must get through that air shield.
COLONEL CREED: We will, sir. Once we kidnap the princess, we will force her father, King Hank the Eighth and a Half, to give us the combination to the air shield. Thereby destroying Planet Bayville and saving Planet Mutantball.
DARK FIRE: Everybody got that. Good! When will the princess be married?
COLONEL CREED; Within the hour, sir.
DARK FIRE: Well, I hope it's a long ceremony, 'cause it's gonna be a short honeymoon. (takes a sip of beer) Mmmmmmm, mmmmmm, mmmmmm.
PIOTR: Sabretooth hits his back. Pyro spits out the beer and his mask falls down.
DARK FIRE: =mask down= NASTY! Too bitter!
PIETRO: =steps on screen= Raven Pan, in her infinite wisdom, has allowed me the part of director, or at least assistant director – in attempt to cut down on my interruptions. =leans closer to the camera= Little does she know that I'll just have more fun now!
RAVEN PAN: =offscreen= Pietro!
ALISON SKY: Don't worry Raven, just give him a casting couch and some groupies and he'll leave you alone.
PIETRO: =stands back again and grins= So review, cause if you don't she may do something horrible to me!!! IEEE!!!!!! =runs offscreen=
A/N: Glad you're enjoying this! I'm enjoying it too. Oh, and there are a few other mutant parodies out there, "Scotties New Groove" by Alison Sky, and "Mutants in Tights" by Todd Fan. go read 'em, they're hilarious! See? These Minds just RUN LOOSE! ACKS!!!!
Okay, on with the show.
------------
EXT. MUTANTBALL 1 - SPACE
MUTANTBALL 1 passes by at a slow speed. It takes the ship about twenty minutes to pass. At the end of the ship is a bumper sticker that says, WE BRAKE FOR NOBODY.
INT. MUTANTBALL 1 - SPACE
Col. Creed (a VERY drugged up Sabretooth) is standing in the front of the ship.
JAMIE: =shaking= C... Colonel Creed?
COLONEL CREED: What is it, Sergeant Jamie?
JAMIE: =relieved glance at RAVEN PAN= you drugged him?
RAVEN PAN: =nods= Borrowed from Alison Sky.
JAMIE: =sigh of relief= You told me to let you know the moment Planet Bayville was in sight, sir.
COLONEL CREED: So?
JAMIE: =gulps= Planet Bayville is in sight, sir.
COLONEL CREED: You're really a Mutantball. You know that, don't you?
JAMIE: =smiles weakly= Uhm... Thanks?
COLONEL CREED: Have you notified Lord Fire?
JAMIE: Yes, sir. I took the liberty. He's on his way.
PIOTR: Make way for Dark Fire!
COLONEL CREED: All rise in the presence of Dark Fire.
PIOTR: A door opens revealing Pyro, er... Dark Fire, he resembles Darth Vader, though his suit has flames drawn all along the arms and legs and cape.
PIETRO: How cool is that? I want one!
RAVEN PAN: HUSH, or I'll lock you down.
PIETRO: Yes'm.
PIOTR: He is walking toward camera. He stops in front of camera, and is having trouble breathing with the mask down.
PYRO: =pulls mask up= I can't breathe in this thing. Raven!!!
RAVEN PAN: Just read your lines.
COLONEL CREED: We're approaching Planet Bayville, sir.
DARK FIRE: Good. I'll call Mutantball City, and notify President Magsie immediately.
JAMIE: I already called him, sir. He knows everything.
DARK FIRE: What? You went over my helmet?
JAMIE: Well, not exactly over it, sir. More on the side. I'll always call you first. It'll never happen again. Never, ever!
DARK FIRE: (puts on Schwantz ring)
JAMIE: Oh crap! No, no, no, no, no, please, no, no, please, no, not that. =covers his neck=
DARK FIRE: =pulls mask down= Yes. That. =shoots a green ray at Jamie's crotch=
JAMIE: Whaoooooooo! Owwwwwwwwww! RAVEN!!!!!
RAVEN PAN: you'll be fine, dear.
JAMIE: =whimpers pitifully=
DARK FIRE : Take him away.
RANDOM JAMIE CLONES: =grab the original Jamie, and drag him off screen, much to his relief=
DARK FIRE: Col Creed.
Sabretooth: =covers his crotch= Sir?
DARK FIRE: I don't see Planet Bayville. Where is it?
COLONEL CREED: We don't have visual contact yet, sir, but we have it on the radar screen. Shall I punch it up for you?
DARK FIRE: Na, nevermind. I'll do it myself.
PIOTR: Dark Fire and Col Creed walk to the radar screen. Dark Fire stops in front of the coffee maker.
COLONEL CREED: Very good, sir.
DARK FIRE: What's the matter with this thing? What's all that churning and bubbling? You call that a radar screen.
COLONEL CREED: No, sir. We call it, "Mr. Draft." =points at label, "Mr. Draft"= Care for some?
DARK FIRE: Yes! I always have beer when I watch radar. You know that.
COLONEL CREED: Of course I do, sir.
DARK FIRE: Everybody knows that.
EVERYBODY: =covers their crotch= Of course we do, sir.
DARK FIRE: =takes beer= Now that I have my beer, I'm ready to watch radar. Where is it?
COLONEL CREED: =points to label "Mr. Radar"= Right here, sir.
PIETRO: This has GOT to be the STUPIDEST thing I've ever seen! What the heck is a "Mr. Draft" supposed to be? And "Mr. Radar"? That's so degrading! What kind of outfit are they run-
RAVEN PAN: =thwaps Pietro=
PIETRO: =blinks=
RAVEN PAN: Shut up.
PIETRO: =looks hurt=
RAVEN PAN: =motions to Sabretooth and Pyro= Continue.
DARK FIRE: Switch to the viewer thing.
PIOTR: The radar changes to a picture of Planet Bayville.
DARK FIRE: There it is, Planet Bayville, and underneath the air shield, =ignores Pietro's snort of contempt= ten thousand years of fresh air. We must get through that air shield.
COLONEL CREED: We will, sir. Once we kidnap the princess, we will force her father, King Hank the Eighth and a Half, to give us the combination to the air shield. Thereby destroying Planet Bayville and saving Planet Mutantball.
DARK FIRE: Everybody got that. Good! When will the princess be married?
COLONEL CREED; Within the hour, sir.
DARK FIRE: Well, I hope it's a long ceremony, 'cause it's gonna be a short honeymoon. (takes a sip of beer) Mmmmmmm, mmmmmm, mmmmmm.
PIOTR: Sabretooth hits his back. Pyro spits out the beer and his mask falls down.
DARK FIRE: =mask down= NASTY! Too bitter!
PIETRO: =steps on screen= Raven Pan, in her infinite wisdom, has allowed me the part of director, or at least assistant director – in attempt to cut down on my interruptions. =leans closer to the camera= Little does she know that I'll just have more fun now!
RAVEN PAN: =offscreen= Pietro!
ALISON SKY: Don't worry Raven, just give him a casting couch and some groupies and he'll leave you alone.
PIETRO: =stands back again and grins= So review, cause if you don't she may do something horrible to me!!! IEEE!!!!!! =runs offscreen=