Chapter 2 - The Council, Golfing Lessons, Leaving Rivendell and a Great
Need for Reviews!!
Thank you to the one nice person who reviewed. You know, if I get one review per chapter, I'll get a total of about six reviews. WOW!!!
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Ray and Fannie kept falling. Ray kept lecturing. Fannie May kept cursing.
"Ray, you d**m j**k-a*s! You got us taken by that d**m drug addict!"
"So, you see, Fannie," said Ray, "Hallucinations are really just our imaginations at work. But, now, what are imaginations?"
So they went, on and on, until they crashed through a roof, landing on a table with lots of pretty red shingles on them. Ray had his shirt over his face and his beer belly hanging out. Fannie had her skirt over her head and her bladder working quickly to form a puddle around her in the table. Ray, pulling his shirt over his stomach, had a silly grin.
"Look...at...all...the...pretty...elves...and...dwarves...and...men...and... hobbits...and...the...pretty... ring...WAIT! MY RING! MY PRECIOUS! MY DARLING PRECIOUS BABY!!!!!!"
Ray then ran off with the Ring, laughing hysterically. Fannie was looking about her and at her yellow, reeking, wet skirt and wailed. A man walked up cautiously to comfort her - his blue eyes watering from the stench of urine.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
screamed Fannie.
"RAY!! HELP! IT'S THE DRUG ADDICT! HEEELLLLLLPPPP!!"
Ray hurries into the gazebo.
"Sorry, Fannie," he said, "I was just getting in the hot tub with a little fat guy with big feet. Anyhow, did you say something?"
Fannie runs screaming. Ray shrugs and begins to lecture those around him on why the sky is blue, grass green, ashes black, and why men should not be faggots. It took days to make them all understand. Finally, an elf with dark hair stood and spoke.
"I am Elrond - hear me speak. Since you seem to contain so much useless information, you will go to Mordor with the Ring bearer and kill a baker's dozen killer min-pins in the fires of Mount Doom as a peace offering. "
"O.K., but wait - you all need a golfing lesson! Follow me!"
Intermission
Three elves appear and begin to sing the opening song for the Hello Kitty movies:
"Hel-lo Kit-tie, Play with us to-day. Hel-li Kit-tie, It's a bright and sun-nie day..."
and so on, and so on, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Then the Intermission ends, and we find that the Fellowship is not leaving Rivendell, which is filled with unconscious bodies. In order to liven up their march, the Fellowship began to sing one of the new victory songs they had learned during their golfing lesson:
"Now we are on our way to Mordor.
Ear-li-er, we learned to hit balls, sing songs, break dance and yell FORE!
Now we real-ly want to know why ex-act-ly we are go-ing to Mor-dor?
Per-haps it is to destroy a ring Legolas: That tacky ring! Sam: Or perhaps it is just because I am very confused? Aragorn: Or that we want to die? Whatever it is, we will conclude this tune with a joyful shout of FORE!
Thank you to the one nice person who reviewed. You know, if I get one review per chapter, I'll get a total of about six reviews. WOW!!!
&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%
Ray and Fannie kept falling. Ray kept lecturing. Fannie May kept cursing.
"Ray, you d**m j**k-a*s! You got us taken by that d**m drug addict!"
"So, you see, Fannie," said Ray, "Hallucinations are really just our imaginations at work. But, now, what are imaginations?"
So they went, on and on, until they crashed through a roof, landing on a table with lots of pretty red shingles on them. Ray had his shirt over his face and his beer belly hanging out. Fannie had her skirt over her head and her bladder working quickly to form a puddle around her in the table. Ray, pulling his shirt over his stomach, had a silly grin.
"Look...at...all...the...pretty...elves...and...dwarves...and...men...and... hobbits...and...the...pretty... ring...WAIT! MY RING! MY PRECIOUS! MY DARLING PRECIOUS BABY!!!!!!"
Ray then ran off with the Ring, laughing hysterically. Fannie was looking about her and at her yellow, reeking, wet skirt and wailed. A man walked up cautiously to comfort her - his blue eyes watering from the stench of urine.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
screamed Fannie.
"RAY!! HELP! IT'S THE DRUG ADDICT! HEEELLLLLLPPPP!!"
Ray hurries into the gazebo.
"Sorry, Fannie," he said, "I was just getting in the hot tub with a little fat guy with big feet. Anyhow, did you say something?"
Fannie runs screaming. Ray shrugs and begins to lecture those around him on why the sky is blue, grass green, ashes black, and why men should not be faggots. It took days to make them all understand. Finally, an elf with dark hair stood and spoke.
"I am Elrond - hear me speak. Since you seem to contain so much useless information, you will go to Mordor with the Ring bearer and kill a baker's dozen killer min-pins in the fires of Mount Doom as a peace offering. "
"O.K., but wait - you all need a golfing lesson! Follow me!"
Intermission
Three elves appear and begin to sing the opening song for the Hello Kitty movies:
"Hel-lo Kit-tie, Play with us to-day. Hel-li Kit-tie, It's a bright and sun-nie day..."
and so on, and so on, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Then the Intermission ends, and we find that the Fellowship is not leaving Rivendell, which is filled with unconscious bodies. In order to liven up their march, the Fellowship began to sing one of the new victory songs they had learned during their golfing lesson:
"Now we are on our way to Mordor.
Ear-li-er, we learned to hit balls, sing songs, break dance and yell FORE!
Now we real-ly want to know why ex-act-ly we are go-ing to Mor-dor?
Per-haps it is to destroy a ring Legolas: That tacky ring! Sam: Or perhaps it is just because I am very confused? Aragorn: Or that we want to die? Whatever it is, we will conclude this tune with a joyful shout of FORE!